How important is engagement?

It's funny everyone thinks this is a short relationship. We've been together almost a year and a half - and LD means nothing. How can that not count?? I have been married before and I know what it's about. Believe me, I know more now about this marriage than I did about the last one. I'm 30 with a 7 yr old son. I haven't made any rash decisions. No one can put a label on a relationship based on the time you've been together. I have friends that have been dating for years and years and still are just that - dating, and not living together. And I have friends that dated a couple of months, got married, had kids and are still together. Some marriages fail and some don't. It's not based on the time spent together.

You're right. Though second marriages have a greater chance of failing than the first.

Who are you trying to convince? Us, or yourself? And why?

OK, well then talk to him again about all this and go with the flow. From what you said he does want to talk about it, so it can't hurt to talk more. If this is such a big deal to you that he does this the right way express that to him.

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Originally Posted by shh!

Who are you trying to convince? Us, or yourself? And why?

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Oh.... you get her, darlin!

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Originally Posted by shh!

Who are you trying to convince? Us, or yourself? And why?

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hmmm i guess you guys?? i don't need to convince myself of anything....

Here's how it do:

The long distance part of your relationship counts in my book. Its not like you can't feel love and every other emotion there is during that, and chances are you're going to have a pretty good idea about the person's personality in a philosophical and emotional sense. But, when you start living together, its now time to find out everything else (although if you've been able to see each other so much, I'm not even sure how that's long distance). I agree that its damn time you were living together, and you certainly want to do that before getting married. But you have to remember that a few months into living together is still in infatuation mode. Give both of yourselve's time to get truly settled. Once you're married, things change and you're going to be spending a long ass time together. Just wait a little longer, and don't rush it. If the guy cares about you and what you want, he'll propose, when the time is right for him. Marriage isn't just about you. Plus... I hope you'd want it to be SOMEWHAT of a surprise.

Why should you feel the need to convince us then? I ask this question sincerely, because I think a small part of you may suspect we are right. Just some food for thought.

I hope this all works out for you the way it is supposed to.

'bunkt buddy, question:

When are you moving to Portland again?

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Originally Posted by shh!

Why should you feel the need to convince us then? I ask this question sincerely, because I think a small part of you may suspect we are right. Just some food for thought.

I hope this all works out for you the way it is supposed to.

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I don't feel a NEED to convince any of you of anything. I just had to give enough facts for you to know what's going on to be able to give advice/suggestions. And when you say I suspect you guys are right - you've all had different opinions.

OK, so clearly you have already got your own mind made up. No need to be defensive. Live and be well.

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Originally Posted by Tone

'bunkt buddy, question:

When are you moving to Portland again?

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June, we're planning. My current lease is up in May, and we still have to organize living arrangements, employment, and school.

Cool man, let me know if you need help movin!

that's just an excuse to meet my girlfriend! ;)

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Originally Posted by ohmy

like the traditional engagement - man pays attention to what his girl would like, buys it, talks to mom and dad about it, gets their blessing, plans a proposal, surprises girl with ring,HAPPY EVER AFTER! :)

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Well, not exactly on the minute of a level, but somewhat on that track, yes.

The book and my opinion are not to judge you or critique your life, or your choices, but to offer some advice on how to deal with just this situation.

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Originally Posted by ohmy

It's funny everyone thinks this is a short relationship. We've been together almost a year and a half - and LD means nothing. How can that not count?? I have been married before and I know what it's about. Believe me, I know more now about this marriage than I did about the last one. I'm 30 with a 7 yr old son. I haven't made any rash decisions. No one can put a label on a relationship based on the time you've been together. I have friends that have been dating for years and years and still are just that - dating, and not living together. And I have friends that dated a couple of months, got married, had kids and are still together. Some marriages fail and some don't. It's not based on the time spent together.

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You've got it back-asswards. It's not the time people are counting. It's the LACK of time. It's not yet proven either of you have coping skills sufficient to get through day-to-day being together, in each other's faces, OVER time.

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Originally Posted by Debunkt

that's just an excuse to meet my girlfriend! ;)

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*looks innocent*

Even as guy, Engagement is very crucial in the Marriage process. No matter what the situation is, every guy should propose and every girl should be proposed to, when the time is right. Perhaps the problem is the timing in this case. Engagement ring should not be a deterrent to getting engaged. Depending on what he can afford, an engagement ring is a must. (I personally got my fiance a Platinum engagement ring because its a once in a lifetime opportunity to give something of significance to the one you love. I worked hard for it, but in the end it was all worth it..)

Hey, OHMY I have the similar situation and still 'waiting'. So I am not sure how to advise you. Men generally don't want to get married. But if you drop hints such as how happy it will make you if he propose or you guys get married, then he might do so. As men like to make their women happy. I wish you all the best!

Hopefully the OP is married by now. :surprised For the record, there is no better feeling than for a man to propose all on his own free will and his own idea. I would never hint to a man that I want to get married to him. That doesn't sound like fun.