hmmm don't think any of it worked unfortunetly oh well live goes on
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hmmm don't think any of it worked unfortunetly oh well live goes on
Damn Brian, we're living parallel lives, almost to the day.Quote:
Originally Posted by BrianK
I've been pretty much blown off by both New Orleans Gal and yes, even Xmas Girl today. Well, not 'blown off' by Xmas Girl as much as realizing that the problems with communication that drove us apart in the first place are still there and even much worse six months later. It ain't gonna fly.
Let New Orleans have her drama, alcohol, pot and cocaine, let Xmas Girl be all inside herself, I'll find somebody new that will appreciate me. As will you, sure as the sun comes up. It's just a matter of time.
Their loss.
PS: And a new personal policy kinda New Orleans Gal specific. NO MORE LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS. They're impossible. I'm sure there's a girl within a 30 mile radius that would love to be with me. Just got to find her.
yeah its bad, the poem etc must have arrived today, shes now at her parents i guess that blew heri mind otherwise she'll be here and i'll be sleeping on sofa and her in the bed
Just the finances so badly need to be sorted tho with mortgage etc it worries me
Would it not be worth it to hire a lawyer to handle it for you so there's no contact with her and you can move on?Quote:
Just the finances so badly need to be sorted tho with mortgage etc it worries me
This is all too much bullshit. I'm wipeing the slate clean and starting fresh. I'll meet somebody new. I'm actually pretty good at that. Sorta.
My wife of 2.5 yrs did the similar thing. Just called it quits about a month ago and moved out to her friend’s house. She hitched up with an ex about 2 weeks before she called it quits. She swears up and down they are just friends and have not being intimate at all. Part of me wants to believe her but the situation just seems weird. Why and the world would you make an effort to contact an ex when you are still married. They only date for like a month as well prior. In reality, she really does not know this guy at all. The unfortunate situation is I feel people make rash decisions based on the emotional situation not realizing how much damage can be occurred. For my situation, her leaving me and hitching up with an ex really tore a strip out of me. How can someone that loved you so much do such a thing? Probably the result of us not discussing our current situation without getting emotional hasty
From day one, she always said I was the one---now she tells me she was unhappy the whole time which I find hard to believe. Yes we did have complications more so in the last 6 months however there was a lack of communication on both parts. If I could rewind the clock half a year I would of done thing differently, unfortunately we sometimes only realize this when too much damage has being done.
My word of advice you should discuss what the real problems where so you can learn from the mistakes and not do it again. In addition, you should discuss what issues you disliked about her. Your next relationship will be that much better and who knows it could be a new relationship with your EX.
Once your emotional roller coaster settles it is quite possible that you may come to the realization that this was all for the better as you don't see yourself ever being with her again.
Hope this helps a bit I know what you are going through.
On another note my wife and I still communicate. Yesterday we went out for breakfast and we talked a little about our relationship. She said she is not really sure what she wants out of life and she needs time to think about stuff and our future. Some what of a progression from a month ago in which she said I don't want to be married to you. I’m just going to give her space now and let her make her mind up when the emotional highs are under control. Regardless of the outcome I will be ok as I know things happen for a reason and I’ve further bettered my self with solitude, counseling and self building knowledge. If you can’t live with yourself one cannot live with others.
it seems similar again to my situation, we still get on really well, and we are discusing things like how it was, we have talked and talked and talked about everything, we ar eboth confused and not sure about anything, she certainly doesn't want a relationship at this moment but we get on so well now.
I told her that she can keep the key to the place as she will move out, and she'll be able to use the computer as normal when she wants and she has many friends as neighbours
we have discussed that we both need space and to figure out what we feel for each other maybe we'll end up great friends or maybe lovers again i don't know
but we know one thing that we really care for each other and don't want to hurt each other. who knows........
i will always look out for her, I think the meeting guy think was a protest and showed an issue with our relationship i dunno
But I still feel upset I must be stronger, she also feels the same. I feel I'll never love quite the sameway again.
I cling onto hope, that after a month or so we fall head over heals again
Hey Brian, just checking in to see how it's going with you.
My situation has become very strange (isn't it always?) Very mixed signals from New Orleans Gal. Seems her mood changes by the hour.
The more I'm in contact with Xmas Girl this week the more I remember the lack of communication factor that caused the problem in the first place and she's gotten worse in the last six months since we've been apart.
I just want joy and peace, no drama. Seems impossible.
We'll see what today brings.
hiya Blackiesharley theres still a lot of confusion here as we getting on really well in our home now, I've got docs to take over mortgage etc. But I feel its still there. the guy that messed our relstionship up is gone (looking more like a blip now) but we still not going out as couple yet, i did a bath with candles for her and said can i kiss her, she said no and still needs space so she is planning to rent somewhere. yet she cuddles me on sofa.
I asked her again if we could have a 2nd chance she said "maybe" god how to turn that to a yes i wish i had the answer, because I realise how much i love her, I'm being supportive and forgiving etc etc> driving her to work etc
Anyone know the answer on how i can change that maybe to a yes please let me know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Man, if had the answer to that I'd be richer than Bill Gates.Quote:
Originally Posted by BrianK
I think the best shot you have is giving her what she asked for: 'Space.' That's never what we want to hear of course, but sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.
That's what I'm forced to do at this point, there's nothing more I can do, I have to let her come to me. Not game playing, but my hands are tied with no further options. Meanwhile, I'm planning on forcing myself to go out this weekend and have a good time (yeah right, like I'm in the mood)
Best of luck to both of us and remember that there's alway's 'next.'
cheers man all the best to you as well
double post for some reason
I can not belive this...you are 34,but still you are not a man.Don't you see she is WALKING ALL OVER YOU ? Don't you see she doesn't respect you one bit ? What is wrong with you ? You know that 2 round things below your penis ? Its called BALLS.You should check to make sure your balls are still there...it seems she has taken them.You want the answer to your question...well you have to do everything opposite,because you are doing everything wrong.I mean she cheated on you ( you belive her when she said she didn't sleep with him ? coz if you do then...really..you need a reality check ), she is contacting a person whom he cheated you with you listening to this shit ? You are driving her around..you are buying her flowers...you are PATHETIC..if she had any love for you..you killed it by beeing her bitch..by beeing litle pathetic cowarldy slave who she can wallk all over when ever she wants..you want her back..start acting LIKE A MAN
Nice, rpg. Very helpful. Should he beat her ass, maybe? Teach her a lesson? Brian is nowhere close to being the biggest pussy here, and he's trying to get her back, not make her pay.
btw, Brian, I do have to admit that things don't seem to be progressing. Are you just stalling until the shock wears off and you can bring yourself to be able to let her go?
You have misunderstood me,I didn't mean he should make her pay or any silly stuff like that.I know he is trying to get her back,I am just pointing out he is doing it wrong way.Any relationship should be base on not just love,but respect also.She doesn't have any respect for him,because she can control him.Thats why probably she went with another guy...its not just that guy...its not because of that guy...she is looking to break up with him,because she saw he is not the man she hoped he would be...she saw she is not man at all ( I am just basing my opinion on what he wrote )
Don't you see the problem here ? She cheated and HE is the one asking "can we have a second chance" Shouldn't it be other way around ?
Hmm yeah man I know what you saying, maybe your right maybe your wrong there's no right or wrong way with this, she just repeatly says she needs space.
So I feel there's no chance, but me being me, I'm not a nasty piece of work so I'll play it out how I see fit as it was our relationship!!!!
I agree with you.Quote:
Originally Posted by rpglord
So May I ask how you guys would play it?:
From this point..
Frankly, I'd move on. You sound like a really good guy, just think about this...Quote:
Originally Posted by BrianK
At this very moment I promise that there's a girl sitting alone somewhere, (who know's she may be within a one-mile radious of your home? crying for a guy like you and will treat you like you deserve to be treated. You just haven't met her yet.
I would walk away from your current situation, yet at the same time don't slam the door completely. Let her initate the contact. No more flowers, no more candlelight baths, no more driving her to work. If you show strength she may show remose and see what she's missed and lost.
And I know while that's easy enough enough to say, it's actually what I'm doing in my current situation. Hurt's like hell, especially on a lonely Sunday afternoon when I should be at the beach with her and the kids but it's all I can do.
One thing that's helped me a bit... As much as the memories hurt, remember this: Yes she was part of those memories, but only 50%. You were the other 50%, meaning, she has to have moments where she thinks about them/you too unless she's totally heartless in which case you don't want her anyway.
It ain't easy....
Yeah true man, I think your right. problem is she don't know what she wants unfortunetly which to me is such a waste
She'll be home again tonight, I've only just come back from friends that don't live locally. Hey on a positive note. I've stopped smoking today, friends think not such good idea. But my idea is to do something for me lol
I couldn't agree more. And the irony of it is that she may realize it when it's too late and you have moved on.Quote:
Originally Posted by BrianK
Be strong when she get's home, don't pull a 'Blackie' and smother her. Just be cool.Quote:
She'll be home again tonight, I've only just come back from friends that don't live locally. Hey on a positive note. I've stopped smoking today, friends think not such good idea. But my idea is to do something for me lol
Good for you for quiting smoking. Your friends are probably right, not a great time to quit but is there ever a right time? No, just do it. More power to you.
Sheessshhh... I was on the phone last night with a old friend from New York from about 9:30 pm to 5am this morning, just bullshitting about old times. I must have smoked an entire pack. (and drank a bottle of wine, ouch) LOL.
Definitelly not a good time to stop smoking.How long have you smoked ? Coz if you are addicted "cold turkey" can bring anxiety and anger for 2-3 weeks,or even more,something you don't want at this time !
And I just have to say what I always say to any nice guy,just go to the club or mall or street or whatever and approach woman and have sex with ten random woman...that may change your perspective on things..before anybody give me shit how that is so shallow and amoral or whatever it really isn't.It really helps guy in situations like this.It also helps you "toughen up" and experience is always priceless in life.
I agree with that totally and thanks for saying it. You can't get over somebody until you get under somebody.Quote:
Originally Posted by rpglord
Screw this 'join a gym, get a hobby, get a new hairstyle, work on yourself, hang out with your friends, take a class, attend church, take time to heal, yada, yada, yada. Bullshit!
Go out and get laid, it's the best medicine. Proven fact, 99.9% effective. Welcome to the real World for those of you who disagree.
Brian,
You are now in that extremely uncomfortable zone in her mind where she thinks she can walk all over you. This will not be fixed by ration, logic, or talking it out.
My advice is to appeal to the more subconscious, primitive part of her mind. Immediately stop contacting her. Pretend that she does not exist in your life anymore, and start persuing other women, lots of other women.
If she gets jealous, you may be able to win her favor back quite quickly (at which time you might decide that you don't want her after all.) Even if she doesn't catch on to what you are doing in time, you will eventually find someone else, and it will be too late for her then.
All's fair in love and war. Be brutal. Be a man. Better yet, be a ****ing caveman.
halis123456789, you said what I was trying to say much better than I did. I agree with every word and that's not just lip-service, that's what I'm doing at the moment, hard and as painfull as it is. I have a big note on my telephone written in bold letters: 'PAWS OFF PHONE!!!' just to remind me.Quote:
Originally Posted by halis123456789
The only problem I see with that is the fact that they jointly own a property which complicates things so he has to have some kind of communication with her.
UPDATE i think there could be some change in situation maybe!
Me too!Quote:
Originally Posted by BrianK
Brian, you and I once again are living identical lives down to the day.
Nice email this morning from New Orleans Gal. Wrote her back. I won't bore you with the details but it (my response) was polite, friendly but very 'lite.'
Two very nice emails from her since then. Have not responded yet but I will.
While you and I both have received good advice on this board, I think the best is the poster who said 'appeal to her primitive brain and forget she exists.'
Now I'm getting my hopes up again...shit. Just when I was accepting the fact that it was over.
EDITED: A thought for each of us... If 'they' are showing us a glimmer of hope and of course that's what we want, we as men MUST show restraint. Otherwise, we're gonna look like doormats and that's NOT what they want. In other words, let's not race to return their emails or calls and when we do let's not grovel and beg. Is it game playing? Yes. But that's the way it is. They can put a carrot on a string and tease us with it but we're not rabbits.
Just something for each of us to keep in mind. Remember the old rule: 'The less we say the less we can **** up.'
Man i think i have become a doormat lol, but there does seem to be some hope now lol
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrianK
Yes you probably have become a doormat. That's NOT a personal put-down as I will be the first to admit that I have too. Love can bring the strongest man to his knees.
But nothing is carved in stone when it comes to ending and/or re-ignighting relationships except act exactly the OPPOSITE of how they expect us to act like and it can be a magic remedy. I've got two more emails from her right now I'm not even reading until tommorow. **** her. Yes, it's game playing but...???
'Your turn girl to sweat!' Cruel? Seems to be what they want...
You guys are the Torture Twins.
Quote:
Originally Posted by blackiesharley
I think u might have a point i think she expected me to go mad throughout all i've done is be calm and supportive it could be the OPPOSITE of the reaction she expected
also she got very jealous of me talking to a girl on msgr and a bit of harmless flirting with it
Excuse me, but where the hell does she get off? I'm glad you're not flipping out for her, because it sounds like she's getting into the idea of just jerking your chain whenever she wants affirmation that you still care.
The fact that you still care should be clearly evident by the fact that you haven't thrown her things out into the yard and set fire to them. You still open the door when she knocks. You still cook for her. This all makes sense if you're expecting that she'll come to her senses and come back to you, but it's starting to sound like she just wants to ride this merry-go-round of drama indefinitely.
She is really starting to piss me off.
This is getting interesting!!
So Brian, what's the update?Quote:
Originally Posted by keeptrying
My situation is in limbo right now, not good, not bad. Planning on going out this weekend and have a good time by myself. Who knows what could happen? Maybe something good.
There will be no update. She buried him in the back yard. Poor BrianK.
Wow that really sucks :( All I can say is good luck! I'm on your side!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gigabitch
Sheeshhh Giga, I'm starting to think you're right. Earth to BrianK, come in please?
As of late yesterday and especially today, my situation has taken a very un-expected and strong turn for the better. (All her doing) Don't have time to go into details right now as I'm meeting a buddy for dinner in awhile but let's just say I'm so happy I could cry. Litteraly.
The hard core fact is that I can deny and lie to myself all I want and sometimes I have to for self-protection, but I have very deep feelings for New Orleans Gal. If there is no drug problem as I have mentioned eariler, (and I'll find out soon) I think we are the perfect couple if we can ever learn (or have the opportunity) to communicate a bit better. After all, close as we have become, we're still getting to know each other.
Seems like we're both trying, just in different ways and speeds.
Uh oh.... 24 hours later and still radio silence from BrianK.
Now I am really worried. I mean, we do have a little mutual support community going on here which is great and that's what the forum is for, but we have to keep in touch, after all, we're real people behind the keyboards.
BrianK??? You out there?
The thing is, my friend, that you cannot do anything to mend the situation. You feel helpless, and the truth is, you are. This is her decision and she must make it herself. If she doesn't believe that it can go on, she will make that decision in her own time.
If this happens, then I am sorry. But I believe that when one door closes, many more open. You do love her, and I can see that, but I doubt you'd want anyone to stay with you if they weren't happy. You have made a big call, and you have done the right thing. Don't let anyone tell you that you haven't.
If it ends, then it ends. In time, she may come to realise what she lost, but do not count on that alone. Be with your friends and family and they will be your support.
I was in her position with my ex. I didn't meet anyone, but I just wasn't in the relationship. But yet, I couldn't be bothered ending it because it was what I got used to. It's a harsh truth, but these things happen.
After a while, I did end it due to being unhappy. She was unhappy to because she could tell I was. It was the best thing for us. Now we're great friends even after near 4 years of being together. She may not be my soulmate, as this one may not be yours, but you must see light at the end of the tunnel.
Things get very difficult ver quickly and you wonder if you can ever live without that person. It's a weird feeling, and you feel so isolated and cold.
After a while, though, it passes and you come to grips with it all. As time passes, the experience gets easier to deal with and you will start coming out of your shell once more.
It's very easy to be caught up with the depression and self pity, but it's not really worth it. The painful truth is that life does go on and doesn't wait for you to heal, and one of the best ways I've healed myself is to get out with friends again and just have a good time. Smiles are infectious and they do wonders for broken hearts.