Phobia of Sex

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Originally Posted by Tiay [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

that makes as much sense as a poor African child being offered a lifetime supply of nutritious food, but he says "other people are suffering more than me- so it's not worth the effort the effort to get the food."
There's a difference between suffering because you have no choice, and suffering because you've lost confidence in yourself.

'cmon! it IS possible to get over this!

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I can see what you're saying here, but its not quite what I meant. Just meant that life isn't always easy, and its not always a stright forward yes or no in life to get what you want. Sometimes you have to pay a price. Meaning, if I want to share my life with a guy then I'm most likely going to have to have sex with him. Since I've tried for many years now to get over my fear or disapproval in some ways about sex, it seems unlikely I'll recover quickly from this. And my boyfriend may not wait around for that, maybe I should just try the sex. Maybe experiencing it would cure me. Who knows.

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Originally Posted by Zarathu [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Notice the "bf" there? Yeah. It doesn't sound like you're gay.

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I didn't say I was male either.

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Originally Posted by Zarathu [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Counseling, or therapy?

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Um, I'm pretty sure it would be classed as councilling, but I'm not certain of the difference here. Maybe you could explain it? I mainly go for councilling sessions like every other week. Also I've had a course of cognative behaviour theapy, which seemed really stupid. The first task I had to do was ask someone the time. As soon as I finished the councilling session I bumped into someone and asked them. Tasked accomplished. I'm managed all the other equally lame tasks too, but suprise, it didn't cure me.

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Originally Posted by Zarathu [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Hah!

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Ok, I appologise. I take back the "you are probably imature" comment. You're definately way more mature than I, and I salute you!

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Originally Posted by Sooky [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Um, I'm pretty sure it would be classed as councilling, but I'm not certain of the difference here. Maybe you could explain it? I mainly go for councilling sessions like every other week. Also I've had a course of cognative behaviour theapy, which seemed really stupid. The first task I had to do was ask someone the time. As soon as I finished the councilling session I bumped into someone and asked them. Tasked accomplished. I'm managed all the other equally lame tasks too, but suprise, it didn't cure me.

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Therapy, as in, working our your psychological issues to bring you a more "normal" state. Counseling is a joke compared to actual psychotherapy.

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Originally Posted by Sooky

Ok, I appologise. I take back the "you are probably imature" comment. You're definately way more mature than I, and I salute you!

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:surprised

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>.>


<.<




You're right.

ok..
If I said to my bf "well, I fear/hate/dislike sex, but i'll do it for you 'cos otherwise you'd get bored of waiting for me", he'd be turned off and he wouldn't want to have sex. I know there's a stereotype where men just care about the physical, but the type of guy who is in a serious relationship is not in it for just that. He doesn't just want the act of sex, he wants you to want him in that way, to enjoy it, he wants to give you pleasure. If he is a decent guy who is worth staying with, I can guarantee you that he wants those things. I know guys who say that they NEED their partner to be enjoying it, they just can't be turned on if their partner is just 'putting up with it'.

I know this sounds strange coming from a 20 year old virgin who's in a serious 2 year relationship, but sexuality is a big part of any romantic relationship. It's not the physical act that's important- it's the meaningfulness of it.

so, you're neither male nor female? please explain.

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Originally Posted by Zarathu [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Therapy, as in, working our your psychological issues to bring you a more "normal" state. Counseling is a joke compared to actual psychotherapy.

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I disagree. Psychotherapy deals with WHY people act the way they do (was it something that happened in childhood, etc.) whereas cognitive therapy is less focused on WHY, and more focused on changing the resulting behavior. I prefer the cognitive approach because it has an actual goal. Psychotherapy can drag on for years.

BTW Sooky - You mentioned Robert DeNiro, and I want to say that I think he is one of the sexiest men on the planet (at least he was maybe 10 years ago). One of my fantasies is to lick his mole. :D

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Originally Posted by Sooky [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

3. Well my bf is definately a very sexual person and unlike me I confess is very open about his sexual desires. It even creeps me out when he just talks about sex in general, but mention of anal sex in particular really freaks me out.

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Maybe your bf lacks sensitivity. If he's thinking of too much with his dick and less with your emotional feelings I can understand why you feel the way you do. Maybe your bf is not as understanding and sensitive as you think he is????

As for anal sex part. Its fear of penetration and pain (mentioned earlier). Its probably better to leave anal sex out until you have had regular sex for some time.

I'm pretty late on the reply but I have to say, I feel the same way as you do. I'm 19 and have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we still haven't had sex. The first year or so, I believed that it was his own fear that kept us from doing it when my sexual desire for him was as its peak. Now I'm discovering that I really am uncomfortable with even thought of sex and avoid it at all costs. I like cuddling and kissing but anything more sends fear through my body. The things he says to me make me uncomfortable, much like how your boyfriend talking about anal made you. I feel crazy and so alone - as if there is no one else in the world that feels as I do. I used to be the one to initiate the first moves and thought of myself as the dominant one..I still love him to death and want to marry him someday. Unfortunately, I've got this wall up and can't manage to talk to him about it.
My view of sex wasn't always negative, however, so our situations differ a bit. i have had a couple weird incidents happen to me though.
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If anyone feels up to offering me any of their opinions, it'd be much appreciated.

Background:
-Happy childhood and no knowledge of ever being sexually abused or such. however, when i was 4 my neighbor who was 7 put a diaper on me when playing house. my sister told my mom and ever since she has thought my neighbor to be a pervert. i still remember what happened and we were just playing as kids. my mom said a few years ago that my neighbor probably molested little kids. i really don't believe that. she was 7!

-when i was 11 or 12 me and my best friend both had huge crushes on these 2 boys in our grade. we decided that someday when we were teenagers we would date them and have sex. so essentially, we got the idea to have what we called 'practice sex' with each other. it was only kissing but it was really my first experience.

-i've always been really shy and had trouble talking to boys. it takes me a long time to warm up to people in general. usually, i'm pretty scared to take a leap in anything and then once i do i'm quite happy i made the decision to do so. it took me a year to actually say out loud to my boyfriend that i loved him. when i did i literally gasped. talking about the first step - kissing, oral - was always me. he'd always put it into play

-i can't reach an orgasm. even doing it myself. i get excited but then nothing. this makes me frustrated when me and my boyfriend are trying to have sex..which leads to the next thing

-i think my real fear of sex comes from thinking that i'm too tight for him to even enter. i remember reading something online where there is a condition where a male can't enter because of a girl either physically not being able to open wide enough or believing it isn't possible and that ends up making impossible. (as a side note, i do wear tampons and he has fingered me). when it comes to sex though i don't think he can fit inside of me.

i'm a whole mess of emotions. growing up i really didn't have negative views about sex. i think i desired it younger than most people which might be a contributing factor. it's only recently that i fear it...anyway, my first gyno appointment is next week and i hope to talk to my doctor about all of this. i feel like a freak more often than not and would like any input.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I disagree. Psychotherapy deals with WHY people act the way they do (was it something that happened in childhood, etc.) whereas cognitive therapy is less focused on WHY, and more focused on changing the resulting behavior. I prefer the cognitive approach because it has an actual goal. Psychotherapy can drag on for years.

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What kind of psychotherapists have you been seeing? My therapist and I always have what you all a "cognitive approach." Shit gets done quickly.

Anybody remember how I used to act 2 years ago?

Two years later....


I'm God.

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Originally Posted by Zarathu [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm God.

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You should ask your therapist why you are still sufferring from illusions of grandeur.

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Originally Posted by vashti

You should ask your therapist why you are still sufferring from illusions of grandeur.

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You're still suffering from a VERY serious disorder I call "being female."

Funny thing about this disorder: men REALLY seem to want to associate themselves with it.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Funny thing about this disorder: men REALLY seem to want to associate themselves with it.

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It's because they generally don't have brains. They run into all the bullshit associated with the disorder, and they realize, "Shit."

The really intelligent males are gay.

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Originally Posted by Zarathu

The really intelligent males are gay.

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The cute ones, too.

if your scarred of whoopin out ur cock and stickin it in. you dont deserve a penis.

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Originally Posted by lovenoob [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

if your scarred of whoopin out ur cock and stickin it in. you dont deserve a penis.

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Dude, this is the most ****ing ignorant post of the day.

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Originally Posted by Mathias [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Dude, this is the most ****ing ignorant post of the day.

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Ay, caramba!