Another String Along? - Help Please

I think she may have kissed him too ... if he really wanted to sabotage the relationship he could have said worse right???

Bottom line she is confused and un-commited thats for sure ...

Im trying hard by saying "lets take salsa classes" she got excited and now as of next week we are commited to going 2 times per week plus we spend weekends together where is the time for the other guy should he still exist?

If she doesn't introduce me to her parents by 2nd week of December i have to end it to protect myself or in-turn string her along because this is getting bad.

It hurt alot this last few weeks but I am starting to concentrate on myself and im showing her I care and Im getting positive reactions she calls and emails alot more.

But the commitment part is what I want ... back off or stay focused on getting her?

Just go dancing for now, you know? It doesn't have to be one or the other. You're in holding pattern right now- so hold!

The parents- she may be iffy about introducing you right now because of the phone call the other guy made. Lucky for you he did that- what an asenine thing for him to do, crossing a huge boundary of hers and most likely taking himself out of the game completely. You didn't have to do a thing. Convenient. You should thank him the next time you see him.

Wait, she lied? About something that serious?

Game over for me, dude. Too many women out there.

Hi Giga,

Ur right ... what an assenine thing for him to do. He is showing clear signs of desperation yet she is giving me the time of the day ie. Friday, Saturday and whenever I call her during the week but making him the doormat. I should thank him. I have a date set in my mind and I am going to be strong till then and continue beyond that.

If I dont see initiative on meeting her parents by mid Dec then peace out have a nice life and stay truthful to that so she feels the pain.

Let her run into the arms of another guy she is just gonna miss me more right? ... not like it matters but its always good to know u have the upper hand :-) ... thats human behaviour ....

Im building a thick skin ... while I started self medicating with alcohol and cigarettes with the first two weeks now I am emersed in my friends and life ! ...

Hopefully I stick on this path ...

Having not read any of the replies because i'm lazy, I shall leave with this;


From what i've learned from my friends who are of the female pursuasion, the following can be identified as "fact"


1. Women are evil. All my female friends agree with this.

2. A woman will lie to keep from hurting your feelings. This does not necessarily mean she has alternative motives, she's just trying to protect you because she thinks the issue might be damaging if brought to light. In the scientific world, this is called a "White Lie".


Don't worry, mate, give her a chance and some trust, but make certain that she knows she can trust you to not freak out if she wants to have coffee with an ex. It's coffee, man, not a gang bang. You guys need to have that trust, then she'll tell you things and not have to worry about hurting you and you'll be able to trust her not to slink behind your back.

As to the parent thing? Meh, who cares? Perhaps they're embarassing, perhaps there really just hasn't been a good time. Worrying about it isn't going to get you anywhere, so either ask her front up or let it go, it's really not important.

Luck, mate!

**Update**

So I have been spending time with her but at the same time pushing this "meeting ur parents" not because I want to put a ring on her finger but to not be blocked out from her life family/friends etc.

She cancelled on my for my christmas party in which I won a award from the company because she had to "babysit her little 2 year old brother" this she was being honest about. Its situations like this that are frustrating and im 26 and my girlfriend cant come out because her parents need her.

I opened up everything and perhaps exposed insecurities and how bad I want this and she keeps telling me "let me show you" ... "give me till december 10th" and the moment she says that she tries to think of an excuse to get out of it. She constantly changes her home situation first her dad was the be worked on then her mom blah blah blah. She can look me in the eyes and tell me this junk only when I force it out of her and she cries and says "I want this" ... "I don't want to loose you".

Anyone agree she wants her cake and eat it too? ... I'm thinkin maybe just be normal don't mention anything go out have fun and see what happens but if nothing happens by December 10th (I think partially cause of pressure and there must be something about me she is afraid to introduce to her parents). I suppose I gotta just walk away otherwise I will be a doormat.

Any thoughts on how this situation should be handled will be appreciated.

Thanks!

God, so much stress! Well, either you guys are going to make it or you won't. At least in a couple of weeks, you'll have an answer.

I'll bet this whole family situation of hers is pretty complicated. Just the fact that she has a two-year-old brother at her age is indicative of an unusual circumstance, and the way she's entangled with them just feels a little.... off somehow to me. I wonder what your reaction will be when you finally meet these people. I hope you post about it. I'm curious to know.

Some thoughts:

- Exposing insecurities is not necessarily a bad thing, and can be worked to your advantage in relationships. I don't want to tell you to be manipulative, necessarily, but to be aware of the emotional effect such action could produce, like the surge of protectiveness and love that many women feel if their man trusts them enough to do this.

- If she says she doesn't want to lose you, just believe her. The girl is clearly being pulled in at least two directions at this point. She's got some really weird family stuff to deal with, I think, and maybe you'll find out what it is pretty soon. You'll be there for her if she needs you, right?

- I notice you didn't even mention that other guy. Is he out of the picture now?

Hey Giga,

That other guy may or may not be in the picture im not 100% sure I think they still talk for sure but unless she just hooks up with him on weekdays but where is that going to go ....

Perhaps he may be there ... so what ... I can tell u the way he acted and the premise if a relationship does begin between them is obviously not going to work given she was in a relationship and dated him (hypothetical) and he wants her so desperatley. She will do the same thing ....

Yea I'll hang tight ... December 10th will come and go ... I dont wanna hear excuses from her about her parents anymore I think its something about me she doesnt want in her future.

Oh, not necessarily. Maybe she just doesn't want the pressure. How's the salsa dancing going?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Oh, not necessarily. Maybe she just doesn't want the pressure. How's the salsa dancing going?

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Salsa dancing is non existent.

First she says her friend can do it and it would be fine the next week her friend apparently moved recently so give it a couple weeks to happen. No initiative on her part .... kinda BS.

Strangely enough ... if she was string along why is she payin most of the time .... kinda wierd ...

Im proceedin with caution ...

**Update**

So I met her parents on December 10th after persisting the situation and I can tell she was pressured it did not come from within.
Her parents looked like they did not even want to be there and they seemed to know we had been arguing (already a bad start). However I was polite and answered questions and the night ended after a quick dinner at a casual restaurant.
After this I thought they would want to get to know me but they told me that "We will not consider marriage until she is done school" ... I agreed to that and said I feel the same.

I expected her to give me some feedback she gave me none until weeks later she showed no interest in having me come over then after probing (seems the only way I get info these days) she said that her parents thought I was confused about my career and I wasnt "tall" enough for her ... Im sure there was more but I thought this was a low blow and cheap. In the end all parents want the best but she needs to show them this is what she wants and by the lack of effort its disappointing. Despite she tells me every other day im talking to them ... making them realize this is what I want ... I don't know what to believe.

Throughout the hurt of knowing she talked to another guy maybe more I lost alot of self respect cause I was emotional , angry said hurtful things ... but she always wanted to repair our status quo relationship saying "I want this to work, you are my world" ... We still spend weekends and weeknights together probably more than ever before which gives me re-assurance not much else is going on.

She has seen my insecurities and I blame myself for that because once u expose that a person starts to think and feel pitty.

Sometimes her words are so sweet and actions (such as paying for dinners recently or driving the distance to come and see me etc) is really sweet. She is confused no doubt ... do confused people know they are confused? .. who knows ....

Part of me realizes its harder to walk away for me than for her ... she seems so hard as a stone that its a matter of trying the next ...

Im confused whether to trust her and keep things the way they are or is it better to cut it all off and make her realize she cant have me for now and without the intent for the future.

your feedback is appreciated ..

- Powered

I think you're spending your time and energy on something that will, ultimately, go nowhere. There are other women in the world, and one of them is just perfect for you. I don't think it's this girl. Nothing happens with her without a huge struggle. It's a sign.