a poem.

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Originally Posted by squirrley [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

oh my gawd im rolling on the floor Vashti! I had written a bad ass poem similar to that a few years ago, I wish I had never taken that off of here.

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Hehehe! I actually laughed out loud (inappropriately) in a class I was taking with a rabbi when I read that by accident while skimming ahead in the book... the author is actually a very famous poet in Israel, and I genuinely DO like that poem (but we were studying his religious poetry so this was a very unexpected and delightful surprise). I really enjoy the contrast between his fury and his passion. Anyway, the rabbi asked if I wanted to read it out loud in front of our class, but of course, I invited him to read it out loud instead (he did). :D

BTW - I taught an elementary school class about Jackson Pollack, and we took paint, brushes, and a giant roll of butcher paper out into the grass and splatter-painted the whole thing. It was glorious, and the kids loved it. THAT was art... who cares what the finished product looked like?

I have to admit, though, miSSleepy, that I sympathize (to some extent) with your position, as I am a bit of a poetry snob, and therefore rarely post on a poetry threads.

Alright, quit it people. This isn't the place to debate bout' what is and what isn't art and the traditional technique of throwing paint.

Thank you.


EDIT: Ignore the above. Paint fight!

::throws paint at kiechi::

:: Pours paint down Vashtis back ::

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Give it up LW, Missy is the sort of person that can't see any viewpoint other than her own. And we haven't been skillful in giving her an 'out' so now her pride is at stake as far as needing to defend her position.

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Gees Indi, 2 things

- you're failing to see my viewpoint as well, so I could say that you're closeminded as well. It works both ways. Just because I won't accept your viewpoint (and why would anyone accept a differing viewpoint if there is not enough conviction?) doesn't imply I'm closeminded.

- if you think I've lost my pride on a FORUM, well, sorry but no.

Gahh, look, my intentions and this thread has been blown out of proportion by everyone including myself.

I never implied that this poem should be publishable and perfect, merely that he use some poetic technique - which does NOT mean that it won't be from the heart.

I can't write when it's not from the heart, but it's still possible to put a bit of craft in there too.

And please, if you're going to say I'm closeminded and whatnot, judge me by ALL of my posts - not posts on a single thread about a single topic.

My pride is intact though, the only thing I've blown is time and effort.

But miSSleepy, most importantly: what did you think of the poem I posted? :D Perhaps something was lost in the translation?

What did I think of it? I liked it, it's potent and comical. Why?


damn edits:
yes, maybe something was lost, maybe something was gained - unless I read and speak the original language I won't know. As it stands, I like it because it drew my attention and I'm still thinking about it

this land
is no farming land

it eats
all them years
the dear seed

and never gives it back

Ooh, an original, indi?

i got a book of poetry that would drive missleepy insane. just check out brian andreas :D

I looked up Brian. He's mostly a storyteller and artist?
Why do you think he'd drive me insane? What's this book of poetry that would drive me insane and why? Please inform me.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Ooh, an original, indi?

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Just wondering what the experts have to say. Whatdya think Vash? I'm open to honest critique. I tried to choose one that is similar in style to the one the OP posted.

It sounds like an allegory for a bad marriage. I like it.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It sounds like an allegory for a bad marriage. I like it.

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That's a *very* interesting take on the poem. Thanks!

lol look what my poem has done!!!!! it has fulfilled its purpose, to ignite peoples emotions and creativity take that, biotch.

keep up the dismal failure of the public school systems.

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Originally Posted by cuddlemonster [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

keep up the dismal failure of the public school systems.

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oo oo ...


no I won't say it, not here.




But in all honesty cuddlemonster, the wrong aspect of your poem ignited this.


Indi:

this land
is no farming land

it eats
all them years
the dear seed

and never gives it back

It feels dismal
I stumbled a bit on the middle because of the srange syntax, but that middle made me read it again, and again.
What i got from it:
literally talking about land and its failure to grow crops
an infertile woman's body
so in essence the poem ends up inadvertantly comparing this women's body to infertile land, without explictly doing so. Don't you think that's very effective? The poem is simple, but more grounded, more tangible, and can lead off into different tangets that all still come back to the same theme.

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Originally Posted by miSSleepy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Indi:

this land
is no farming land

it eats
all them years
the dear seed

and never gives it back

It feels dismal
I stumbled a bit on the middle because of the srange syntax, but that middle made me read it again, and again.
What i got from it:
literally talking about land and its failure to grow crops
an infertile woman's body
so in essence the poem ends up inadvertantly comparing this women's body to infertile land, without explictly doing so. Don't you think that's very effective? The poem is simple, but more grounded, more tangible, and can lead off into different tangets that all still come back to the same theme.

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Thanks Missy. But would you define this as poetry? Would you say it uses tools & technique? Just curious.

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thanks Missy. But would you define this as poetry? Would you say it uses tools & technique? Just curious.

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I'd define it as poetry. I'm sure you could play around with it some more, add things, take away things, restructure it - and one of the end products MAY be better, but may not. As it is now it still offers something.

Tools and techniques? Yes... strong image, enjambment, stanza`structure...

I think John Unrau did a good job ;)

I especially like this one though:

Maggie Tries to Connect

all night she has listened for a voice
not her own
behind the guttering of candles,
riffle of cards,
edges of silence
when radio signals fade

she has worn out her lovers,
abandoned her gurus,
exhausted the Goddess
and the last of the wolves

now under this old oak
she waits in winter light
for a pulse of air
to set the dry leaves whispering again
as once or twice at sixteen

the still small voice
the unheard melodies

^
i once join the public system with the naiveness taht i can turn it around some how, even the slightest, but after several years, it is so evident as to why the public system fails, the words "general, public and education do not belong together".

Good you know how to use Google, Missy.

FYI, I happen to know John. He's a well respected Canadian author based in Toronto & I'm happy to give him a little bit of free advertising over the internet.

It would have meant more tho if you actually critiqued it *before* you looked it up. I have a feeling that biased your comments. Ah well. And yes, 'Maggie Tries to Connect' is a beautiful poem also. But its a bit too many words for my taste. I best like the simple ones that allow more personal interpretation. "Maggie" insists you hear HER story more than 'This Land'. For example, one of your first comments about 'Land' was female barren wombs or something. But I don't think John was really thinking about that. Vash's comment & the obvious farming connection was closest.

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Originally Posted by cuddlemonster [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

^
i once join the public system with the naiveness taht i can turn it around some how, even the slightest, but after several years, it is so evident as to why the public system fails, the words "general, public and education do not belong together".

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Are you a teacher, CM?

BTW, a lot of ppl enjoyed your poem, so I hope this thread doesn't keep you from posting others.

One of *my* graduate professors (a biochemist, for context) he was talking about science, but it applies to arts also, I'm sure, he once told me something I will never forget: it is easy to critique; humans are programmed to see flaws & apply 'rules'. Given enough experience and training, anyone can do it. Its wired into us--a survival trait to recognize when something is wrong. But its much more difficult to create, esp something truly new & different. And b/c its hardwired into us, most of what we create will be criticized as garbage, and it may even be so. But the only way to progress is to keep creating despite what anyone says. Just make sure you're doing it for yourself, b/c noone else will thank you for your efforts.

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Good you know how to use Google, Missy.

FYI, I happen to know John. He's a well respected Canadian author based in Toronto & I'm happy to give him a little bit of free advertising over the internet.

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Well by all means do that - by including his name with his poetry. Your advertising certainly worked though, since I'm glad I got to find out about him.

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It would have meant more tho if you actually critiqued it *before* you looked it up. I have a feeling that biased your comments.

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Note that my critique did come before I looked it up, Indi. Stop jumping to conclusions. I did not know who the poem was by until the post before this one. I had an inkling that the poem was not by you, but I gave it the benefit of the doubt while writing the review. I only looked it up when you asked about tools and techniques because that was a dead give away that it was not your poem and you were conducting some sort of test.

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Ah well. And yes, 'Maggie Tries to Connect' is a beautiful poem also. But its a bit too many words for my taste. I best like the simple ones that allow more personal interpretation.

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True that Maggie Tries to Connect leaves less room for interpretation, but "too many words"? Right.
Both of those poem are simple, Indi. Length and simplicity are not always implicit of each other.

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"Maggie" insists you hear HER story more than 'This Land'. For example, one of your first comments about 'Land' was female barren wombs or something. But I don't think John was really thinking about that. Vash's comment & the obvious farming connection was closest.

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So what's your point? Is my interpretation of a poem open to interpretation wrong because you're so bent on proving me wrong? Wasn't your inention by posting John's poem to see whether I would give it negative feedback so you could say "HAH! See, you have no idea what you're talking about because that one's by a well respected and published writer"?
If not, then why omitt his name?

Indi, I do know a good poem when I see one, regardless of who wrote it.

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Originally Posted by miSSleepy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Wasn't your inention by posting John's poem to see whether I would give it negative feedback so you could say "HAH! See, you have no idea what you're talking about because that one's by a well respected and published writer"?

If not, then why omit his name?

Indi, I do know a good poem when I see one, regardless of who wrote it.

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Yep, I wanted to see what you would say. And how long you would continue this argument for. LOL. Lets just call it my experiment. Thank you for participating.

And John was going to get his credit as an edit once I was done. Thanks for doing it for me.

;)

:D Indi, you continued the argument I believe. If you post something for me to reply to, I will. For several posts now there has been no argument, just discussion of some other poetry etc. Until I found out you tried to corner me with that poem. That's your doing, not mine...but nice try.

I really do think, though, that you're as argumentative and stubborn as I am.

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Originally Posted by miSSleepy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

:D Indi, you continued the argument I believe. If you post something for me to reply to, I will. For several posts now there has been no argument, just discussion of some other poetry etc. Until I found out you tried to corner me with that poem. That's your doing, not mine...but nice try.

I really do think, though, that you're as argumentative and stubborn as I am.

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Sweet, you're miffed b/c you finally caught on that you've been a lab-rat, nothing more. Something to help me understand how certain undergraduates might think. Its the internet & a unique forum to allow me to do this. I couldn't do this type of thing with students I teach. Its been interesting & I've learned lots. I hope you have also.

Carry on posting if you wish, I don't mind. I don't have any exams to study for, lol. Besides, Giga and the others *love* reading this kind of thing. This site is rarely so interesting, esp on a wet, cold Sunday in October.

how's this poem...

roses are red,
violets are blue,
candy is sweet,
and this thread sucks ass.

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Originally Posted by misombra [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

how's this poem...

roses are red,
violets are blue,
candy is sweet,
and this thread sucks ass.

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Hey! Post some pics of your dogs then... I'm bored. :upset:

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Sweet, you're miffed b/c you finally caught on that you've been a lab-rat, nothing more. Something to help me understand how certain undergraduates might think. Its the internet & a unique forum to allow me to do this. I couldn't do this type of thing with students I teach. Its been interesting & I've learned lots. I hope you have also.

Carry on posting if you wish, I don't mind. I don't have any exams to study for, lol. Besides, Giga and the others *love* reading this kind of thing. This site is rarely so interesting, esp on a wet, cold Sunday in October.

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Are you that conceited? Miffed because you posted some poem to see what I would say? And because I critiqued it I'm a lab-rat? Don't flatter yourself. I'd have to do a lot more regarding an experiment to be miffed because I'm a lab rat.
I suspected the poem wasn't yours, and I still reviewed it. WHY i suspected? Because it's too good for someone who apparently isn't that versed in writing. I admit, it's too good for me to write as well, but I can still recognise it.


Exams? Hell...yeah. That time of year again. But I love it, you see. I already have the degree in English, you see, so no undergrad in that regard.

I'll continue posting as long as you continue posting, and you're continuing to post. If you're so superior and more mature - as you think you are because you keep trumpeting on about your degree and the lack of degrees others' possess (not just this thread, right?) - you'll stop posting, because, well, with us rolling around in this mud people won't tell the difference between pigs and people.

....................................

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yeah, why doesn't this forum allow imbedded pictures? No fun...

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what breed are they? if any

irish wolfhound/ st. bernard.

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Originally Posted by misombra [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

irish wolfhound/ st. bernard.

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Beautiful dog.

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sabby and bear-bear, venturing their way into the mysterious cave.

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a bit too simple thinking for my taste