Why can't I get a boyfriend?

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Originally Posted by Illusional [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

forget what everyone else is saying because i'm getting the feeling that it "IS" you. you're too hung up on dating and getting married that you're probably driving these guys away. maybe you come off too strong in the beginning and guys don't really liked to be pushed so hard. maybe you talk about having kids with them after a couple of weeks, i dunno. but if you are seeing a pattern here, you might want to look in the mirror.

raverboy

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I agree with that..

your state of mind could be speaking for itself..

If you have it on your mind, and "marriage, family, husband, wife, children, kids, etc.." come up in a conversation, how do you react? do you react like a woman who has something on her mind?

In fact, a nice little test that guys start running (yes, that's right, guys grow up, and guys run tests) is the:

- I don't know if i'm ready to settle down yet.

Your reaction to this tells him all he needs to know about your intentions and what's on your mind.. You probably fail miserably.. your face probably gets upset, your voice might even show signs of sulking or anger & frustration.. and this is clearly unattractive..

Think of it like a guy trying to get into your pants.. the same way that's a deal-breaker and makes you want to run for the hills.. that's the same way it goes for guys when it comes to marriage..

Don't worry though, it's a very easy thing to get out of.. just change your state of mind.. it's not a race, it may feel like it, but it's not a race.. relax..

Just don't think about marriage; take one step at a time.. meeting, conversation, connection, etc.. and marriage will eventually happen.. don't let it be on your mind.. if you take away your focus from "marriage" and instead focus on "connection" with a guy you meet.. the feelings you both feel for eachother will be more genuine and powerful.. and guess what, that's a powerful motivator for marriage to naturally follow.. :D

I can't believe i'm giving you tips on how to get a guy to marry you.. that's like women giving guys tips on how to get into other women's pants.. this stuff just doesn't happen.. this forum is unreal.. :P

^^^^ yes yes, i know that i rarely give advice, but when i give advice.. you'd better damn well listen because my shit is always gooooooooooooooood.

raverboy

You probably not wanting to hear this and maybe i am far off the mark here but i think you are just meeting the wrong ones who dont have the same intentions as you.

You have to meet all the wrong ones to get to "mr right" if there is such thing!

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Originally Posted by thuthy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You have to meet all the wrong ones to get to "mr right" if there is such thing!

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That's actually also true.. very good point!

I tell my guy friends "there's no such thing as a girl who doesn't want you to get into pants; given that you have that natural connection"

"Similarly" (but not identically!) I tell my girl friends "you're not the only one who wants to get married, guys want to get married too! given, you both need to feel that natural connection first and a sense that it's mutual"

Guy really DO want to get married.. it's not just an exclusively female fantasy.. I'm 23, and I think about it more often than I think about sex.. (and I think about sex quite often; that's right, i'm not going to deny my male desires for sex.. but i'm also not going to deny my male fantasies for marriage either).. now, relax.. i'm not saying this because I want to marry you.. don't get any ideas.. I just offered it as an example.. guys want to find that right person to get married to also..

And, you really DO have to go through a bunch of Mr. Wrongs, before you find a Mr. Right.. (and just because you find him, doesn't mean he'll marry you)..

Mr. Wrong (I actually know someone by the name of Henry Rong, anyway):

- He's not financially ready yet
- He's not psychologically ready yet.. (mature enough; either give him some more time, or "if you're in a hurry" leave and look elsewhere)
- He's not emotionally ready yet (you can't change this, this has nothing to do with you; MAJOR EXCEPTION: divorced guys "they need reassurance and a sense of trust")
- He's not romantically ready yet (you still have some work to do on a mutual connection)

Mr. Right:

- Although he's also looking to get married; and although the two of you are dating/in a relationship; the fact that he hasn't proposed to you yet tells you something..
- He's qualifying & testing you constantly.. Men have major fears when it comes to marriage..

1. he wants to make sure you're the right person, and he's not stuck with the wrong person for the rest of his life (contrary to the feminist mysandry stereotype; guys are actually pretty loyal with respect to the opposite sex) so most guys go into marriage without having any intention of a (plan B) "divorce".. so as far as they are concered, they only have one shot to make it right..
2. he wants to test your loyalty (hence, the powerful weapon women use against eachother "SLUT").. if he feels that you are not loyal, and will cheat on him or leave him, then this goes without saying that it's an obvious deal-breaker..
3. he actually wants to see that you would make a good mother.. for obvious reasons, although men like children and are also family oriented; primal instincts still make him feel the urge to find a good mother "to take care of and raise the children while he is hunting/at war/etc"
4. he wants to feel (not be told) that there is a mutual bond between the two of you, and that your marriage intentions are genuine and not out of pure self-interest.. (nobody likes feeling used; again, there are exceptions.. cough cough.. Donald Trump.. cough cough..).. THIS ONE IS ACTUALLY HUGE! In fact, it's such a big motivator in "proposing".. Think about the natual guy-safety-mechanism (what if she'll say no?).. this fear is the result of more than 8,000 of evolution & social programming.. men are actually unaware that this is a primative subconscious TEST which acts as a last defence towards making sure the person you're going to marry shares a powerful "mutual pair bond".. ALSO! the fear is also caused by fear of "failure to replicate".. when people used to live in tribes; a rejection by ONE family, usually ment a rejection by ALL families.. which ment that your male genes would die with you and not pass on & survive.. (this isn't the case today, and this fear is irrational.. if one woman says "no"; there are millions of others which will say "yes".. but the fear still exists, because that last 200-500 years is nothing in the face of the 7,500+ years before that..)

Thinking deeply about it.. those are the only tests i'm able to feel at the moment when I get in touch with myself in respect to the topic of marriage.. but then again; i'm only 23.. so i'm sure as I get older.. there are many more tests that i'll start to become more aware of.. and i'm sure a lot more elaborate/complex tests exist.. but being the case that I can already feel these 4 from this age should tell you something about the importance (and dominance) of these tests & fears that men have..

I hope this helps.. best of luck!

Grk, I read a couple of your posts, actually I read alot of your posts, and don't take this the wrong way, but after all i've read, I don't want to meet you anymore

At first I thought you hated women, you have a ton of almost algorithm like strategies on how to attract women. Then I read your posts on how to get through guys' barriers and get them to marry you. Basically you feel that all interactions are games for control and power between people. You don't discriminate, which actually makes you more dangerous. Life isn't one big board room or a negotiation table or some courtroom.

People just want to relax and talk, not everyone plays games with people. I'm sure for your age you're probably more aware of things socially than most guys, but you take it too far. You're missing out on life. I feel sorry for you. You must feel very empty inside, trying to help others to feel the joys from life you've desensitized yourself from. Do you even enjoy your interactions with people, or is it all about some game and strategy with everyone?

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People just want to relax and talk, not everyone plays games with people. I'm sure for your age you're probably more aware of things socially than most guys, but you take it too far. You're missing out on life. I feel sorry for you. You must feel very empty inside, trying to help others to feel the joys from life you've desensitized yourself from. Do you even enjoy your interactions with people, or is it all about some game and strategy with everyone?

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Learning how magic or illusions work will often take away a lot of the satisfaction you receive from seeing them performed.

In the same way, learning the "algorithm," or the game, often takes a lot of the magic out of meeting and forming a relationship with a woman.

I had to meet a woman who immediately called my crap, told me I had "potential," and walked away from my "solid game" before I was willing to give it up and just go with my own instincts.

Amazingly, we instantly clicked after I did so, and on a much deeper level. A relationship hadn't satisfied me in such a way in a long time up until that point, and I finally had the realization that I had possessed the ability to attract women of my own accord long before learning the "formula" for doing so.

I have a feeling you will reach that point too, Grk, though in how long and under what circumstances I cannot say.

~Sphinx

OK, i'm still trying to figure out which user created the v0ndutch account, and what everyone is up to.. this is definitely interesting..

On the topic of women, like I said.. I've had my mentors.. I learned what I had to.. and for a large part of HS.. I applied it all.. Some worked, some didn't.. and only through trial-and-error and internalizing/naturalizing what worked did I have consistent success.. At this point, THERE IS NO GAME.. it's all internalized.. it all flows naturally.. that's who I am when I talk to not just women, but to guys aswell.. there's no thought.. there's just action.. it's instinctive, it's instant..

Am I "empty" on the inside? I don't even know what that means.. I'm actually pretty happy with nearly every aspect of my life (I have yet to find Ms. Right, but i'm looking).. I wouldn't call it "empty" so much as "numb".. Do you remember that first time you bit into dark chocolate? How the smell just filled your nose, how the taste just rolled off your tongue and danced on every taste-bud? How your body would melt along with the bar in your mouth? There's always that 1st, and 2nd, and 7th, etc.. time.. but after a while, chocolate just loses that magic..

I agree with Sphinx.. now I can just notice a woman, and can automatically tell if she's interested or not, without her saying a word, completely effortlessly, it's so obvious.. she might as well carry a sign on her that reads "I like you, but i'm trying to not show it".. (now, if she moves, talks, etc, it's just an orgy of give-away information).. but from that alone, it's boring.. I can tell, and most of the time i'm not interested, and there's no incentive to toy around, because it's not even fun.. it's all very predictable.. It's like punching 1+1 into a calculator, you know what's going to happen when you click the "=" sign.. it happens every time..

Guys actually give me a harder time, because i'm so used to indirectly stroking female-ego.. that I forget it doesn't work the same way with guys.. there's a lot of direct ego-stroking, more direct leading, and suggestion is (not less complex) more logical..

I enjoy it in either case, with either sex.. I love to argue, plot, plan, let things slowly & artfully unwind.. each conversation is like a masterpiece.. you can't simply go to the final product, you have to enjoy the process.. you have to savor each brush stroke, each color you pick to use, etc..

As for power/control games.. A friend of mine, Maria, told me that she thought what I was teaching this guy, Sang, was how to manipulate people and "wasn't fair".. To that i'll simply recite what I told her.. When you watch a boxing match, there is a set of rules both people follow (for instance, you can't eye gouge or kick the other person in the nuts).. When both fighters play by the rules, it's a fair fight.. But what if one of the fighters isn't playing by the rules? What if that fighter is the girl? Why should the guy stand there and play by the rules and look like the idiot and lose the fight? If the other person is playing dirty, then it's time to toss the rules aside.. So, when someone is going to waste your time, have you sit there, pay for things, toy around with you, play with your feelings, put on acts, and lead you on for fun.. only to tell you "what are you doing? i'm not attracted to you, let's just be friends, I really like this guy, can you be my emotional tampon; etc" later on.. it's time to bring on a more damaging arsenal of weapons your way, and unleash twice the fury her way..

Basically, what bothered Maria (and what bothers most women when guys talk about this subject).. is that girls like to hold onto that control & power, they want to be able to play outside of the rules and play dirty while the guy is stuck to playing fair "being the gentleman".. Fortunately, I haven't been the victim of such dirty games in my life (g-d help the opposite sex if I had any actual hate behind my motives), but plenty of really great guys I knew/know HAVE been.. and you could feel the genuine pain in these guys, scars dug deep, huge wounds.. (caused by some b*tch).. but to calm your fears.. these wounds/scars didn't heal by being a male-b*tch back to women, or even hurting them.. These wounds healed internally.. some b*tch made them feel like losers, like they deserved to be this way (alone, used, unimportant, unloved) in life.. All I did is prove them wrong.. and AFTER that, I helped make sure these guys wouldn't feel that way again.. (no women where emotionally/physically hurt in the process)..

Think of it like being a white-Hitch who doesn't charge people money, and who also helps out women.. (who also had some jerk come into their life and made them feel like sh*t, usually an ex-bf)

I don't do this to fill some void.. I love helping genuinely good people get what they deserve, and feel how they should feel about themselves.. That's all there is to it..

As for power/control games, I wish I had the moot-court competition on video.. solid argument, but a very hardcore debate.. (power/control games to the max, total frame control, it was like mental rape in front of the whole class)

May be you search Bf in wrong place.If you want BF I would suggest you for one free dating site called vertigosex.com I also got many girls from there. There are lots of boys waiting for you. So let’s enjoy the fun.
Cheers!
:cool::cool:

The reason you're so frustrated is because you're in such a rush to have a plan and for your life to be set out in front of you.
It sounds like you're entering relationships with a plan to make it long term. You should enter relationships with an open mind and be happy that you don't know where it's going to go. As other people have said, you're setting a time limit.
Most people in their early twenties aren't looking for a long term relationship; they want to have fun while they're young, which, in my opinion, is exactly how it should be. If you do happen to meet the right one there isn't alot you can do about it. But you shouldn't go out on a mission to find a partner for the sake of it; it should just come from a natural, mutual compatibility. Think about it: If you intend to have a marriage which lasts for the rest of your life.. you're going to spend a heck of alot of time old and in a relationship than you are young and single. You may as well savour it while you can.

If you are still adamant on getting into a long term relationship I think your best way to deal with it is by pretending to your partners that you do have the same attitude and mindset to them when it comes to relationships. They'll be more attracted to you if you pretend you aren't in it for something serious, that you are a 'see how it goes' person. If you aren't really romantic and soppy right from the start. Alot of men are afraid of commitment.. and if you don't act like you want to be clingy and committed.. I think they're alot more likely to be attracted to you.

You are right that 23 is young for today's standard. May be that is the reason why the guys still don't want to commit. Just let think happen naturally, do not rush into it because you want to marry young. Being single, you have a lot of better things to do. By the way, attractive girls do get a lot of attention from guys but it is not a guarantee to get a partner earlier than the less attractive ones. Ralationship is more than just the outlook of a person:D

You're doing something awfully wrong on your part as a guy; and you aren't making her feel comfortable enough..

maybe it's just not your time, it will come soon. I'm sure you're fine. just enjoy being single at the moment. explore and have the time of your life, because once committed there are certain things u can't do anymore. U will find out when u get there.^^

What is it with people digging up long dead threads?

Date guys in their 30's. They're more marriage minded than the guys in their 20's.