Okay, I admit that I like it, too. :)
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Okay, I admit that I like it, too. :)
My current ex and I were in that same situation.
Given my family's past, I have extreme anxiety issues about money and family. My father and I are estranged. I've told him what he and I need to do to work toward a healthy relationship, but any time he sees that there is work involved he bails and avoids contacting me. This hurts like a bitch.
My boyfriends have done the same. Occasionally my recent ex would "freak out" over our relationship, wondering if he made the right choice, and "What if it's all wrong?!" type of attitude. In response, I calmly listened and reassured him that this was normal. It's normal to question things and go through moments of insecurity. This only freaked him out more! He wondered how I could be so calm and self-assured. I would ask him, "What good would it do to have both of freaking out over this?" This has more to do with his lack of experience in relationships and my overabundance. I've been through it so many times that I've learned what I need to do to remain sane in relationships. He wasn't ready to be on board with that. So, I moved on. I realized that I couldn't change him; he has to want to change.
You can't change a person that easily. And, at the end of it, all you have done is wasted your own life.
Omg, thats just so me and my ex. We are friends now, but I still see him like a knight. Its because even now when I am in distress i call him to cry and scream. He does everything to cheer me up. On the contrary, after him I met another young man. He was always in trouble. He asked me for help all the time and I was always there for him. In the end, he cheated on me. Relationships are so complicated.
That's just it.Quote:
Originally Posted by cello [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
They're not complicated at all.
People that f*ck them up are generally just insecure about something.
Women are the cause of all evil.
Quote:
Men try to save damsels in distress because it makes them feel powerful, in control and manly.
Unqualified statement. The rest spews forth logically from your handily variable subgroup of all knights.
Gosh people tend to make things complicated.
They have to be nice (nice guy syndrome), they have to please (people pleasers), they have to fix others or take care of others (knight in shining armor syndrome, florence nightingale effect), they have to act like they are the supreme male (macho man syndrome), they think they are god (superiority complex) and so on.
What's wrong with this picture?
Are we all so disconnected from our inner selves and whom we really are that we have to pretend being something else, that we have to fix others to feel good, that we have to please others to feel gratified, that we have to pretend to be divine to have self worth?
BTW: the perfect woman shits gold bricks and pees lemonade.
Is this good or bad?
=?
I like to feel in control though it's just natural
Lol, this looks like my current relationship. She's even called me her 'Knight in Shining Armor' lmfao.
Think I need to fix a few things.
yeap! i totally agree with that!
This is the dumbest, most overdone and boring thread I have ever seen on this subject.
And it just goes to show that you people are stupid.
Don't get upset just because it's beyond your comprehension.Quote:
Originally Posted by MrNiceGuy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
You assume too much.Quote:
Originally Posted by Frasbee [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I see nothing wrong with women in this world who want a strong man. Too many women in our culture have been brought up by alcoholics, users and abusers. Women need to be treated well
Too many women walk in darkness alone in our culture. They are missing something. I don't find anyone who is well adjusted in our culture as sane. Too many women are without love. That is what this forum is about.
That goes for the one above who forgets what his screen name really means!LOL
Or maybe he is just a kike.
Most of you people who posted on this thread prove that you don't believe in love.
Hush baby, hush.Quote:
Originally Posted by MrNiceGuy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Do these men really exist? Never met one.
MNG, can you read? This is not what the article or what this thread is about. You are going off on a tangent that has nothing to do with the topic.Quote:
Originally Posted by MrNiceGuy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Dude, Darkness? LOL. You sound like you've been watching too many PUA vids on youtube.Quote:
Originally Posted by MrNiceGuy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I'm not sure I completely disagree with you about the insanity in our present society. I wonder tho if you would recognize a sane individual if you stumbled on one. Anyway, that was a really funny post.
My reply to that would be: I am willing to accomodate you by covering my penis with chocolate cream (that's about as close as it will get), but the money you'll have to earn yourself by finding and keeping a stable job. And if that's not good enough, there's the door, don't let it hit your ass on your way out.Quote:
Originally Posted by bluesummer [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Great post... I totally agree... I've been in a relationship before where I felt really bad for her... I liked her as a friend but she liked me more than that... I ended up feeling guilty and dating her because I thought I could give her what she was missing... I can honestly tell you from experience that men or woman should "run" from people that are a disaster... Not "walk" but run... They'll end up taking down you with them... You can't fix someone else... Even though you might be blinded and unable to see that at that moment.
That's actually very true, and not just in relationships. I have gone through a number of close friends who were having issues in their life which I tried to help them through. I thought that if I was there for them when they needed me, they would appreciate me enough that they would eventually leave their problems behind and remain close friends with me forever. That's not what happened at all. At some point, it backfires on you and, somewhere in their messed up mind, they decide that YOU are the root of their problems.
All of those friends ended up ditching me or getting into constant fights with me for no reason (which became progressively more frequent and more intense). I've since learned my lesson. :bored:
i think i got this syndrome..
i wanted to protect my ex-girlfriend at all cost that i became like his brother or father...i tried my best so that she success, but i neglected a lot our relationship!! all i did was for her welfare & i forgot our welfare..
all this result in the fact i lost her love & now i guessed she felt guilty for what happened & me i am lost as i don't know what to do anymore....
Jesus christ. Why do you take everything so seriously? There's nothing wrong with being a "knight in shining armor".
I don't like "perfect people", maybe I like dating girls who aren't "perfect people". That doesn't mean I'm flawed in some way.
Yes it does.Quote:
Originally Posted by ridden123 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
yep so everybody has to have a partner with blonde hair and blue eyes.
Exactly.Quote:
Originally Posted by ridden123 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
_______
The Shining Knight Syndrome isn't about dating people who have simple flaws. It's about dating people who have major problems in order to feel somewhat better about yourself (whether you realize this or not).Quote:
Originally Posted by ridden123 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
The whole relationship becomes less about what you need in a partner and more about what you can do to "fix" the other person. You completely forget how to have a healthy relationship in order to try and achieve what the person needs to achieve on his/her own. Often you will become the broken person's resentful crutch, not equal, loving partner.
A person should never become your project.
Ridden
I have been reading up on this for a while, there is nothing wrong with liking to take care of a woman, buying her nice things from time to time, opening doors for them, etc. There is also nothing wrong with helping people to work through their issues when they need a friend.
But if you are never getting anything in return and constantly disappointed in your relationships, and eventually you meet someone else and repeat the same cycle – it is a problem.
I am getting closer and closer to being a balanced rescuer – and my current girlfriend is a lot like me, also very caring and giving and likes to take care of people. We are keeping a positive balance and it is SO GOOD….truly the most healthy relationship I have ever been in.
Keep being a good guy. Keep doing nice things for people and helping them out. But be weary if you fall into a pattern of always trying to save people. People need to be responsible for themselves and need to want to work on their own issues….you cannot be a boyfriend and a shrink at the same time…it is totally unhealthy.
So I fell for someone once who had pretty major issues and I thought that me helping her would make it all better, because she'd call and unload on me. I thought I was a good person for listening to her, that'll never change. But it's just, some people are advantageous and want someone to unload on, maybe because nobody else will, maybe they know it makes you feel empathy for them, I don't know. But there's a point where I think your partner knows that you'll do anything for them, and if they're manipulative, they'll start closing in on ya.
I started reading this and I thought "damn, I have Shining Knight Syndrome". You know, because of that non-girl thing... she had a whole lot of issues, but I didn't care about that and tried to "support her" and "help her overcome them" as much as one can online... to no avail of course. She never even let me see her again.Quote:
Originally Posted by starbuck [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Then I thought a little more and I realized that's not what I have. Simply put, I think only a very flawed woman would want to be with me, so if I get the chance, I can't complain about whatever issues she may have - which is very different.
See this sounds classic Shining Knight to me. People with SKS usually have low self-esteem. Why else wouldn't someone feel he/she deserves better than a person with a million problems?Quote:
Originally Posted by irrelevant_89 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I guess, but self-esteem is the issue, not SKS.
I've always been like that. My Dad got involved with my Mom, 'rescuing' her and then got involved with my step mom who verbally and emotionally and psychologically abused me. With my own mother, I had to sometimes remain calm while she had temper tantrums while visiting and my Dad wouldn't let me 'not visit' her. People who don't have it together are likely not going to get it together on their own and people forget easily, all too easily, that it's okay to walk away from a wreck.Quote:
They have to be nice (nice guy syndrome), they have to please (people pleasers), they have to fix others or take care of others (knight in shining armor syndrome, florence nightingale effect),
I am fed up with paying the price for someone else's rescue complex and I am sick and tired of the dysfunctional getting all the second chances. I was robbed of my childhood, adolescence, teen years, and young adulthood because of my father's decision to rescue both nutzoid women. To make them my mothers no less. There's nothing worse than growing up in a chaotic environment because Daddy Dearest decided to play the Knight Savior of messed up women.
Indeed they do.Quote:
So I fell for someone once who had pretty major issues and I thought that me helping her would make it all better, because she'd call and unload on me. I thought I was a good person for listening to her, that'll never change. But it's just, some people are advantageous and want someone to unload on, maybe because nobody else will, maybe they know it makes you feel empathy for them, I don't know. But there's a point where I think your partner knows that you'll do anything for them, and if they're manipulative, they'll start closing in on ya.
Been there, done that, have the t-shirt; still get the odd random txt from the ex, never going back to that though.
I also suffer from 'Friends Zone Syndrome' and occasionally I get the 'Easily Tricked by Hot women into helping them Syndrome':sad2: fortunately, I've mostly wised up to it now
it reminds me of the last relationship of mine..
EveNyasia,
Do you mind sharing it and if there is any lesson we could learn from you?