touching.

When I dont like how someone touches me and I know their intentions are not to make me feel uncomfortable, I let them know politely that I am not comfortable with the situation. But when they intentionally do shit, I slap them the **** off curse the **** out of them. Ugh just thinking about it is upsetting me all over again. I also when people are too close to me just to hold a conversation. I just step off. And every time they inch towards me after I make it obvious that I am movin away from them, I ask them why they are following me and to give me some space. It gets annoying to me.

awww i guess no massage for you then....

raverboy

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Originally Posted by misombra [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

cause i'm one of those people that wants to be part of the people you know? when in rome, or something. as long as it's not too weird i don't really mind.

............the neck guy often comes up to people and massages their back. it's not just me he does that to. the other guy, well i don't know what he was doing.

it didn't feel bad. it felt, weird. just made me think about it i guess.

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Misombra-----Like you said, it felt weird. I reckon they were just taking liberties with you. Cheap thrill for them.

You make the rules. Next time don't let them get away with it.

this is interesting...i dont generally like being touched, unless I initate it. unless its my family...then its different. but strangers and aquaintences...not a fan.

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Originally Posted by Gribble [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Not me. To hell with culture, tradition and making other people happy.

When people start getting touchy feely I just cross my arms and give them a look. Nothing needs to be said. Nothing needs to be done. No different than a pissed off cat arching its back. Gets the point across with no blood lost.

Christ, I could never do a kumbaya hug. I don't even hug my own mom. Handshakes are another thing that piss me off. Keep your ****ing grubby mitts to yourself. If you want to touch me either grow a pair of tits and a vagina or put on some gloves and take a swing.

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Were you picked on too much in school? The other kids flicked your hears one to many times?

I am guessing that you live in America and not some remote place, void of human habitation, such as the Sahara Desert.

America is a melting pot. So when a Russian guy hugs you and kissses you, that is part of YOUR culture. When a chicano woman touches the back of your hand with her other hand when you shake hands that is part of YOUR culture. Heck when people eat with chopsticks that is part of YOUR culture.

Unless you beleive that the only true culture is that of the original people's. Which I doubt because you are not a Native American living in a Teepee.

Oh, so everybody's rules apply here, all at the same time? No ****ing way. Touching inappropriately is disrespectful, and there are pretty clear regional standards for what's appropriate.

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Originally Posted by Everlovin [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Were you picked on too much in school? The other kids flicked your hears one to many times?

I am guessing that you live in America and not some remote place, void of human habitation, such as the Sahara Desert.

America is a melting pot. So when a Russian guy hugs you and kissses you, that is part of YOUR culture. When a chicano woman touches the back of your hand with her other hand when you shake hands that is part of YOUR culture. Heck when people eat with chopsticks that is part of YOUR culture.

Unless you beleive that the only true culture is that of the original people's. Which I doubt because you are not a Native American living in a Teepee.

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ooh baby, i think i like you.

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Originally Posted by Everlovin [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

America is a melting pot. So when a Russian guy hugs you and kissses you, that is part of YOUR culture. When a chicano woman touches the back of your hand with her other hand when you shake hands that is part of YOUR culture. Heck when people eat with chopsticks that is part of YOUR culture.

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Like I said, I frankly don't give a damn about people's culture. My personal space trumps it. Invade at your own risk. I'm not the one initiating contact. I'm not initiating anything. MY personal "culture" involves no touching. How dare someone else infringe upon it. Eat with all the chopsticks you want, hug and kiss your Russian friends, so on and so forth. That's none of my business and none of my concern. However, do not attempt to force your culture on me. That's where we have a problem.

Furthermore, I would say that America most certainly has developed its own culture. You take people from anywhere in the world, you stick them in the US, give it a couple of generations and the children all start popping out in roughly the same few categories regardless of their ancestor's origins. That's our culture now. It's a homogenized hodepodge of other cultures rolled into one and no particular originating thread (outside religion) is taken too seriously. Which is a good thing. It means we're working toward a country of American citizens. Not a splintered collection of Mexicans, Italians, Chinese and so forth huddled together uneasily on the same soil.

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Originally Posted by Everlovin [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Unless you beleive that the only true culture is that of the original people's. Which I doubt because you are not a Native American living in a Teepee.

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Actually, culture wise it is best to observe the customs of the other person. Thus if in their culture it is not appropriate to touch, you don't touch.

As for "Original People's" culture. That would probably apply if this were say, Mexico. Where the Spanish intermixed with the aborigine people. Versus say, the US where the British basically supplanted the indigenous population.

Or should we accept that if in say, Hispanic culture calling someone a puto is punishable by death, that if they kill you it's OK, because it's part of their culture? When a machete wielding Hutu murders my Tutsi neighbor I should be OK with it, because it's a part of their culture? That when a Sunni woman's vagina is mutilated against her will because it's a part of her family's culture?

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Originally Posted by Lite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Actually, culture wise it is best to observe the customs of the other person. Thus if in their culture it is not appropriate to touch, you don't touch.

As for "Original People's" culture. That would probably apply if this were say, Mexico. Where the Spanish intermixed with the aborigine people. Versus say, the US where the British basically supplanted the indigenous population.

Or should we accept that if in say, Hispanic culture calling someone a puto is punishable by death, that if they kill you it's OK, because it's part of their culture? When a machete wielding Hutu murders my Tutsi neighbor I should be OK with it, because it's a part of their culture? That when a Sunni woman's vagina is mutilated against her will because it's a part of her family's culture?

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why oh why are you such an extremist?

Rationally developed opinions are extreme these days? I guess that isn't terribly surprising.

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Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

why or why are you such an extremist?

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That's why, oh why. And no need to use it to add drama to your statement. It doesn't actually add anything useful to the discussion.

I'm just curious where you draw the line? If a person feels violated by you touching them, are you wrong for touching them, or are are they wrong for not kicking you in the clam for touching them?

Besides, if you don't defend the extremes then eventually the moderate becomes the extreme. It's just part of how our government works. Back in the 50's when people weren't morally strong enough to stand up with people who had communist leanings they were harassed, blackballed, blackmailed, and jailed. During WWII when people weren't morally strong enough to stand up with people of Japanese origin we had them put into internment camps, yet Russians, Italians, and Germans did not experience this treatment even with their involvement in the fighting. (Yes, I know Russia eventually switched sides after the Germans betrayed them.)

I'm just curious. Where do you draw the line? If I came from a society that treated women like objects that I could stone if they showed a bare ankle, saw you in a bikini and started tossing rocks at you. Would you be OK with it in the sense of cultural openness and acceptance?

at this point of the conversaion all i hear is blah blah blah

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Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

at this point of the conversaion all i hear is blah blah blah

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Well, that's a shame. Lite presented a reasonable argument and all you can do is duck and cover.

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Originally Posted by Gribble [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well, that's a shame. Lite presented a reasonable argument and all you can do is duck and cover.

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how does Lite's ass taste, Gribble?

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Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

how does Lite's ass taste, Gribble?

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How does it feel to suffer from delusions of adequacy Dig?

And what is it with you taking other people's threads and turning them into your own personal flaming ground?

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Originally Posted by Lite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

How does it feel to suffer from delusions of adequacy Dig?

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can't complain.

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Originally Posted by Lite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

How does it feel to suffer from delusions of adequacy Dig?

And what is it with you taking other people's threads and turning them into your own personal flaming ground?

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oh yeah, it really takes one person to blame. talk about sexist remarks. i am so tired of males always blaming a woman every chance they get.

It would appear that you are as ignorant as you are cowardly. I'll do us both a favor and overlook your posts in the future. Clearly you aren't capable of intelligent discourse. Either you ignore disagreement or shift the subject.

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Originally Posted by Gribble [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It would appear that you are as ignorant as you are cowardly. I'll do us both a favor and overlook your posts in the future. Clearly you aren't capable of intelligent discourse.

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make sure you do that.

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Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

oh yeah, it really takes one person to blame. talk about sexist remarks. i am so tired of males always blaming a woman every chance they get.

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Out of respect to Misombra I'm not going to participate in this thread further lest you continue to push it to degenerate into another of your ignorance fueled flamewars.

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Originally Posted by Lite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Out of respect to Misombra I'm not going to participate in this thread further lest you continue to push it to degenerate into another of your ignorance fueled flamewars.

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how about you don't participate in any threads at all then?

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Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

at this point of the conversaion all i hear is blah blah blah

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Right there with you babe. ;)

Their just a group of people coming up with every intellectual out they can think of to justify their insecurities.

And that is a "culture" that I do not care to be a part of.

Lets leave this thread and allow them to continue being biggots and racists, since that is so stimulating to them.

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Originally Posted by Everlovin [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Right there with you babe. ;)

Their just a group of people coming up with every intellectual out they can think of to justify their insecurities.

And that is a "culture" that I do not care to be a part of.

Lets leave this thread and allow them to continue being biggots and racists, since that is so stimulating to them.

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That would be "They're just a group of people..."

And how lovely of you to throw out the word bigots along with racists after she throws out sexist. No, actually we're not coming up with intellectual outs. Merely pointing out that integration of culture flows both ways. One cannot demand that your culture be respected if your unable to respect theirs in return.

But, then again we already know that you have a crush on Indignant and will suck up to her in any way you can so mostly your post is amusing

People are racist because they don't want to be touched by almost-strangers? Oh yay, another "uptight Americans" thread.

Not everyone is obliged to enjoy random feel-ups from strangers. Just as people like or dislike different foods, people like or dislike different customs. It's mostly a matter of personal preference.

Remember when Bush gave that impromptu backrub to the German chancellor? Did she shake him off with disgust because she's German? My guess is because the touching was UNWANTED.

Live and let live people.

i touch people all the time like that, i am a tactile person and it has sometimes given some guys the wrong impression but most i find like it and it makes communication easier for both men and women. when i was a senior; i did it all the time with my agents to give them reassurance. people like it.

outside of the workplace i find i flirt with both men and women, i don't fancy women but i copy their mannerisms and touch their arms unknown to myself. it's natural for some people i think.

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Originally Posted by ecojeanne [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

people like it.

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Except for those who don't, and are personally uncomfortable with the contact for whatever reason. Some people are just not comfortable with physical contact from people they are not close with.

wow. i didn't realize people had such strong feelings about this.

lol jaysus i just read the whole of the thread, actually yes i agree with giga, lite and gribble simply coz if it's a new person it should be off limits touching somone and over time you can size up if they will be responsive otherwise one shouldn't go there. it takes time to subconciously know if one likes it or not. btw mis touching the neck was a bit forward imo.

for instance i have a very good male friend whom i have never touched, i can't explain why but i reckon coz i subconciously know that he wouldn't like or could take it as an indication of something it's not, it's about sizing people up first. body language i guess

i think it's true what they say that touching somebody increases their comfort level with you.

maybe that's why some people dislike it so much. because they're afraid of what's at the next level of closeness...

i do think in some ways it's more acceptable for women to do it but for men they would have to be more careful coz it can come across as sleezy, maybe women are better at reading people emotionally, ultimately i don't really know but i find the only time it hasn't worked out is when i have misread friendship from a guy and them wanting more from me and it's very rare.

I think you should start carrying a katana sword at work, Miso. That will keep the casual 'touchers' away from you....at least, they get 2 chances to learn, lol.

Guys, is it okay if i touch myself?

Infatuation of the eyes turns people stupid huh. What does RACE have to do with not wanting to be touched by people in general? Do you think before you speak???

It's pretty boring now with the anti american discussions on here. I mean jeezus, dont you all have anything better to do? And Everlovin...the same dumb ass who comes here and brags about how he spends people's taxes on trips and such like the true attention whore he is is quick to put himself in any place to insult people? Indignant, I pray to God you have better taste than that.

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Originally Posted by LadieNisha4u2nv [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Infatuation of the eyes turns people stupid huh. What does RACE have to do with not wanting to be touched by people in general?

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We had a muslim visitor who refused to shake my hand when entering MY home even tho I was clearly his superior, both socially and professionally. He even added a rather inappropriate comment about my physical attractiveness as being the reason (he was married).

I found it to be in very bad taste, tho of course I didn't say so. When I am in a foreign country, I follow that society's conventions. I expect them to do the same in mine.

I suppose I could have made an issue of it, but his wife worked for my husband, so I decided there was no %age in pursuing the issue. But they never got an invitation to our home again.

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I found it to be in very bad taste, tho of course I didn't say so. When I am in a foreign country, I follow that society's conventions. I expect them to do the same in mine.

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Wouldn't that explain why Muslim countries suck at peace?

But I do not recall anyone in this thread saying anything about not touching or wanting to be touched by someone due to race, which is why I asked the question. He assumed it was a race thing, but I would deny anybody of any race if I am uncomfortable with you.

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The fact they expect ppl to conform to their beliefs w/o themselves conforming to others? I suppose.

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Are you suggesting I *should* have forced him to shake hands, or leave? My husband was actually rather offended at the time, I remember. Also the fact we were compelled to purchase a Halal turkey for them (it was a holiday party). He did put the brakes on at refusing to accomodate them as regards one of his post-docs bringing alcohol. The German fellow was making quite good home-brew beer at the time and my husband refused to say no to him bringing some.

That was an interesting party, now I think of it. LOL.

Nish, babe, this is for you. just wanted to show at what point i got pissed and why. hope you understand. basically i was not projecting my views on anyone, just telling people about my culture:

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Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

it's very common for russians to have some sort of contact. i do too touch people more than neccessary probably. it's just a habit though. our men kiss and hug each other and put hands on each other when they talk, and so do women.

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Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

exactly, my peoples hug and kiss their parents all the time. i spoke to other american moms who have told me that they feel bad for not being able to be that close to their sons.

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and then this is how Lite took it:

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Originally Posted by Lite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Actually, culture wise it is best to observe the customs of the other person. Thus if in their culture it is not appropriate to touch, you don't touch.

As for "Original People's" culture. That would probably apply if this were say, Mexico. Where the Spanish intermixed with the aborigine people. Versus say, the US where the British basically supplanted the indigenous population.

Or should we accept that if in say, Hispanic culture calling someone a puto is punishable by death, that if they kill you it's OK, because it's part of their culture? When a machete wielding Hutu murders my Tutsi neighbor I should be OK with it, because it's a part of their culture? That when a Sunni woman's vagina is mutilated against her will because it's a part of her family's culture?

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and of course i had to ask, since i didn't see how my previous posts could've offended him in such nature as to compare the above statements.

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Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

why oh why are you such an extremist?

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Originally Posted by Lite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

That's why, oh why. And no need to use it to add drama to your statement. It doesn't actually add anything useful to the discussion.

I'm just curious where you draw the line? If a person feels violated by you touching them, are you wrong for touching them, or are are they wrong for not kicking you in the clam for touching them?

Besides, if you don't defend the extremes then eventually the moderate becomes the extreme. It's just part of how our government works. Back in the 50's when people weren't morally strong enough to stand up with people who had communist leanings they were harassed, blackballed, blackmailed, and jailed. During WWII when people weren't morally strong enough to stand up with people of Japanese origin we had them put into internment camps, yet Russians, Italians, and Germans did not experience this treatment even with their involvement in the fighting. (Yes, I know Russia eventually switched sides after the Germans betrayed them.)

I'm just curious. Where do you draw the line? If I came from a society that treated women like objects that I could stone if they showed a bare ankle, saw you in a bikini and started tossing rocks at you. Would you be OK with it in the sense of cultural openness and acceptance?

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i love using the phrase blah blah blah when people talk of out of their ass and make no sense to me, so here it goes:

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Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

at this point of the conversaion all i hear is blah blah blah

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and this is your quote:

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Originally Posted by LadieNisha4u2nv [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Infatuation of the eyes turns people stupid huh. What does RACE have to do with not wanting to be touched by people in general? Do you think before you speak???

It's pretty boring now with the anti american discussions on here. I mean jeezus, dont you all have anything better to do? And Everlovin...the same dumb ass who comes here and brags about how he spends people's taxes on trips and such like the true attention whore he is is quick to put himself in any place to insult people? Indignant, I pray to God you have better taste than that.

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and i won't bring Gribble's persona into this.

Nish, babe? In the interest of improving race relations you have my permission to touch me any time and any place you so choose.

Everlovin's just a troll. I forgot who he was or I never would have responded to him. Just disregard whatever he's got to say. He's here to stir up shit and whenever you respond to him you're just playing into his hand.