can it have a nail in it.
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can it have a nail in it.
Don't you actually know whether someone is your boss or not?
Q - you're starting to sound like the ditz that Neo described. You have a child to think of. If you screw up your work situation its not just you that will suffer. Dating at work is always frowned upon. If not by this guy, then someone else at your work will.
Especially given your recent issues with this stalker guy, this could easily make it seem you were somehow leading him on. Does it occur to you that dating someone else from your work could make you look like the company whore?
IndiReloaded says:
"I have never done anything stupid like this. I would never put a man over my career. So your implication its all women is wrong, Neo."
an exception to the rule does not negate the norm.
IndiReloaded says:
"Q - you're starting to sound like the ditz that Neo described. You have a child to think of. If you screw up your work situation its not just you that will suffer. Dating at work is always frowned upon. If not by this guy, then someone else at your work will."
let her learn on her own. Most of the members here already spent 3 pages explaining why it's a bad reason to date your boss. At this point, if she is still undecided, then she's going to do whatever she wants regardless of what you say.
Yes, he's my boss..like i said.Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
*sigh* I am fully aware that i have a son to think of, and it wont compromise my job. (like i said before)
Someone else? I didnt date my 'stalker' in the first place, so dont know where th company whore label would come from.
Okay, Q. Pretty much the entire forum thinks its stupid, but you have already decided what you want to do. The rest is just excuses. You don't really want our advice, which is to not go there. Sadly, you reinforce my opinion of silly young women. The temporary satisfying of hormones won't be worth it, but I guess single moms get lonely and desperate too. Good luck.
EDIT - As for the company whore thing, you don't get it. It doesn't matter what the actual situation is, I am describing appearances. If I knew a girl was having stalker problems with a guy from the company, and then I see she's dating someone else in the company shortly after, I would certainly consider the possibility you did *something* to lead the first guy on. Right or wrong doesn't play into such things, only the fact that there will be fallout from the decision.
According to this AOL study only 1 in 5 women dated or thought about dating their boss. That's hardly the "norm."Quote:
Originally Posted by NeoSeminole [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
"Specifically, 5 percent admit they have crossed that line and slept with the boss, while 12 percent have just thought about it but not acted on the impulse."
[url]http://webcenters.netscape.compuserve.com/pf/package.jsp?name=fte/affairwithboss/affairwithboss[/url]
What has me being a single mum got to do with anything?!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
You have some strange belief that single mums dont get out/have friends/relationships/the same sort of life as 'normal' people!!!
Im not lonely or desperate..if it was that, then i would just go lap up the attention guys try to give me everytime i go out and cling onto that.
I have plenty of options for the kind of thing a desperate or lonely person would want, but i dont take them because im neither.
Ahh well im not gonna let THAT be the thing that makes me decide or not, I know i didnt lead him on and so do the people at my company that matter.Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Plus, he hasnt done anything else and is apparently, getting 'help'.
edit: Your right about me being silly..im a stupid idiot for even considering it, i dont know why i am, but i am.
Plenty. But this is what you need to figure out.Quote:
Originally Posted by qwerty123 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
You don't have the same situation as other people, at least not married ones or single ones w/o children. Its a mistake to act as if your situation is the same. Its not.Quote:
You have some strange belief that single mums dont get out/have friends/relationships/the same sort of life as 'normal' people!!!
This is not how I define desperate. I define it as willing to accept or justify a dodgy situation even when you know it may not be the best thing to do. Its about the thinking processes leading to decision (or lack of), not the actions per se.Quote:
Originally Posted by qwerty123 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Well obviously im not acting like my situation is the same, as i wouldnt be dating if i was married.Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
She's referring to the fact that your child's existence should be the main concern here. As many have observed, you are putting yourself in a precarious situation with your own supervisors (if they were to find out you are dating a higher-up at your place of business). Even though you feel that you have 100% job security, you still don't know what kind of personal/business relations this man has at work. As you said, you don't work directly for him.Quote:
Originally Posted by qwerty123 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
The very fact that you are asking for advice about this situation shows that you are not secure in the decisions you've made. And yet, when we advise you to rethink those decisions, and be careful with future ones, you are the first one to tell us all that we're being ridiculous and overanalyzing the situation.
I'm sure you're enjoying the attention. Are you hoping to build something with this guy?
1)yes and he is, oh..like i said before.Quote:
Originally Posted by lahnnabell [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
2) yes i have job security(me losing my job is not an issue, whatever happens)
3) well obviously, i wasnt denying that, thats why i started the thread.
4)please tell me where i said people were being ridiculous and over analyzing the situation..if you care to read properly, i thanked most for their posts and agreed with them!
5) I dont 'hope' for things like that..what happens, happens.
I said quite clearly, i thought i was an idiot for considering it, my previous posts were more 'think out loud' type.
And i was just making it clear, that i have 100% job security so that is not an issue, i get annoyed when people bring the fact im a mum into this..it wont affect my son at all, so cant see what that has to do with anything.
Anyway ive made the right decision over this now, so end of.
I was a bit of a man-whore at my workplace when I started. There were too many young lawyresses there, and I was the only male under 45 with and without a gut.
It didn't really do me much harm. Just made things a bit awkward for a little while.
Qwerty, I haven't known you very long but in that time I've come to the conclusion that you are capable of a fantastic amount of self-delusion. You have a great big pair of rose-colored glasses on all day long.
Remember how you thought your stalker guy was just a harmless boob with a crush and then it spun out of control? This could easily spin out of control as well.
You'll never see it coming because you don't want to. You want to live in a world where everyone is decent to one another and people take hints. Wake up and smell the coffee, honey. Dating your boss is a TERRIBLE idea. Just because you can't see how this could go off the rails and make you miserable doesn't mean it couldn't happen. You need to learn how to see these things coming!
I think you need to be protected from yourself and your own questionable judgment.
Qwert, baby, I say that you should see where this goes. I was involved with my boss, in college. She was 10 years older than me, but our affair was volcano-hot for a year or so. It ended badly, but that was no fault of ours, but the holier-than-thou administration, who thought that it was "sinful", for an older woman to be with a younger man, so I was forced to resign. If you are certain that it will not affect your job, or his, then the only potential fall-out is emotional. If both of you are aware of this , then what's the issue?
You may not see how this can affect your job now, but things change and this is just the situation that will easily make those changes for you!
I'm not saying it can LOSE you your job, but look at it this way. What if you guys go out for a year or two and everything is great. You break up, get your heart broken or whatever, and now you have to work with your EX whom you are still in love with. That shit makes you want to QUIT your job. There's numerous other possibilities out there that could occur.
Don't do it. The amount of bad things that can and most likely will happen, is endless.
I dated my ex gf that worked for me, and my delusion was "I'm going to marry this chick so its cool, it'll just last forever" Two years later we're broken up and it is THE WORST. Please take it from me, and meet someone outside of work.
Quote:
Originally Posted by qwerty123 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I don't think she wants anymore advice people. LOL!
But anyway... Charlie how many of those women were your boss?
haha yeah, shes made up her mind.. and being equivalent level in the hierarchy and being in a boo-underling relationship is completely different. He may not be able to fire you, but he could probably maker her life hell if he wanted to.. you def hit the nail on the head coco.Quote:
Originally Posted by CocoChanel [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
You better hope that your 'boss' or whatever he is, is more expendable than you. Because if things go sideways and it comes to a choice b/c *either* of your jobs are being affected, you may be surprised to be shown the door.
I'm speaking from experience, Q. I've let a good worker go b/c she was simply too much trouble for the team. Good at her job, better than most actually, but too much drama. Not worth it.
I doubt in this soft job market that your position is so unique that noone else will do it. Even my job isn't 100% secure and I'm pretty qualified relative to most.
How much do you know about your boss's ability to handle drama? I assume your both experienced in relations, but some people only get more bitter with age and it comes out in bad circumstances. What you should be asking yourself is what is your work relationship going to be like after you break up, and are you willing to leave your job and work somewhere else if you have to.Quote:
Originally Posted by qwerty123 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
That doesn't mean your relationship is necessarily headed that route, I've dated coworkers and the aftermath was drama free, but I always understood that I better be prepared for all the risks in advance.
Your stakes are not the same as Querts. You don't have a child to consider and none of your jobs were permanent, since you are still a student.
You won't be dating coworkers if you land a plum job post-MBA. Or you'd be a fool that deserves what happens if you do.
I didn't say my stakes were the same, I said not all work relationships end with drama.
And I'm not a student.
True, but messing around within one's company carries potential consequences that 99% of people probably can't shoulder effectively.Quote:
Originally Posted by MVPlaya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
In a world economy this week, that last thing you want to do is make waves of any kind in the workplace and show up on the company radar.
Anyone who recommends or advises this to be a good idea hasn't been part of, or seen real fallout over workplace romance. You think a screaming break up with shit flying out the front door is bad......
I agree. I often forget tone is hard to read in electronic form.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cbrider [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I'm not advising her to do this. I'm advising her to analyze the risks and plan for them, then choose for herself.
As drama-free as my relations ended, I have never revisited office romances, and for a reason.
Irrelevant. Unless you have a way for her to predict which way hers will end. Do you? Given that you, and everyone else who posted dalliances at work had the same outcome (they didn't last), its not exactly a smart gamble, is it?Quote:
Originally Posted by MVPlaya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
The only thing that is important is the risk/benefit calculation. Simply put, a single person w/o attachments is able to assume more risk b/c of the reasons I said.
See above.
I said i had made the right decision..i didnt actually say that I had chosen to date him...But i did nearly make a stupid and idiotic decision. Though my position at work is secure, I dont need any complications in my life, work is awkward enough when i see the guy with issues over me so I dont need to make things more awkward when he finds out im dating someone from work and if we split then things would be difficult.
I do these things..making bad decisions and having poor judgement is the story of my life(hopefully not this time)
Starting a relationship with someone in the workplace isn't a death knell. I've seen quite a few end in happy marriages. Pretty much all the break-ups I've seen have been amiable and they people were able to work together with no problems too.
In my opinion though, no matter how small the chance, you HAVE to be prepared and have the ability to walk away from your job. If you don't have that option or it isn't a realistic one, it's probably in your best interests to look elsewhere for love. Some people are very marketable and could transition their career elsewhere without too much trouble, some never can.
In the end, workplace romance can be a good thing, but it's a highly individual answer as to whether it's worth pursuing. Generally it's not worth it, but I wouldn't throw away a chance at someone special either if I knew for a fact I would land on my feet.
:emot129:Quote:
Originally Posted by qwerty123 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Yay! Glad to hear it! That's the spirit!
We aren't talking about dating just another co-worker but we are talking about dating someone with an authoritative title, a boss, supervisor or superior. Dating anyone on your job, there's a high risk for drama and compromise than none. Dating your boss is on another level of NO NO.
If anyone is casually dating a coworker (not a superior), I wouldn't say its particularly problematic. If they both want to 'kick it up a notch', and have a more serious relationship, I think one of the two should be ready to find a new job. If it doesn't seem 'worth it', then end the relationship.
i agree.
Co-worker at different department or dont see that much - trouble scale: 2,3
close co-worker - see everyday, work together at the same projects - trouble scale: 7,8
BOSS: trouble scale 10+
Those are on the scale fom 0 to 10
You'd be wrong. Things can blow up like a grenade.Quote:
Originally Posted by all alone [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
blah, are we talking about teenagers here or mature adults? we had people in our company who have dated each other and broke up, and they are still working together.
im 22 and he's 30. But im not going there anyway.
Yes, that CAN happen, but it's a huge risk. I've seen workplaces torn apart by this. All of a sudden it's not just two people and their private business, it's full-scale civil war.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonrisa [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
yeah i dont disagree.. i guess i also didn't emphasize the casualness of it.. meant like going on less then a handful of dates, dont call the other your bf or gf.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
But even at that, as u said.. boom.
We all realize that office romances can go bad. Yes there can be all kinds of fall-out, but it depends mostly on the level of maturity of BOTH participants.