There is your answer.Quote:
Originally Posted by lahnnabell [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
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There is your answer.Quote:
Originally Posted by lahnnabell [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
He's pullin that guilt trip over your eyes so he can get some more action.
Who cares what I let him do? He's been a selfish lover in the past (ie unconcerned with my big o). If that doesn't change there's no point in continuing anything.Quote:
Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
This will hit him as a hard lesson. It sucks that you have to lose out as well, but from it sounds like you were losing out to begin with. He never even made a move to provide oral sex?
I will NOT ever date a man that is unwilling to go down on me. Plain and simple. I love getting my man off, and I need him to love getting me off just as much. I'm past the stage in my life where I want to educate a man on manners in the bedroom. Whether that be tongue technique or basic orgasm maintenance is irrelevant. If he lacks the basic sex experience necessary to get things rolling (i.e turn me on effectively), I don't want any part of it.
Laila, if you feel up to it, you could give him another chance. I do like his proactive and personal approach to apologizing. He didn't call you, or text you like a lame teenaged boy would. Take your time, give it some thought. Let him stew for a couple more days. He's obviously into you and a couple more days won't hurt. It will possibly help prove just how truly "into" you he is.
If you do decided to give it another go, be explicit in your instructions again. Even if your pill is working now, tell him he needs to buy condoms and have them handy. Yeah, it's kind of a test, but it'll show if he's really listening to you. He's gotta prove himself again. If the first thing out of his mouth happens to be, "But I thought your pill was working now?", don't flip out. He may just be really bad at thinking before he speaks. It doesn't sound like he was intentionally trying to be selfish, but more that he's a bit clueless. Do you want to teach him? Remembering and buying your favorite movie proves that he CAN pay attention when he wants to.
LailaK,
It appears to me that your boyfriend is selfish. All he wants is to satisfy his needs for sex not love. He will go back to his own irresponsible self after he gets what he wants, so you must not give in. You have to be firm. If he really loves you, he should respect you and have the responsibility to ensure that you will not get pregnant and he should take the necessary precautions to ensure that. At least that's what I did with my girlfriend (then) before we got married.
I am a man and I know what we men are usually up to. When men are craving for sex to satisfy our needs, we will promise the moon but after we get what we want, we forget all the promises until the craving for sex comes back again. It is just the biological nature of men but what differentiates a good man and a bad man is his attitude and responsible behavior.
My advice is stop giving sex to him. Instead, try to develop a relationship of mutual trust and respect. Go out and meet more people. You will find someone that you love who will love you for who you are and not for sex only.
Hope it helps.
Ahh, I didn't see this mentioned on your thread. Did you mention it before?Quote:
Originally Posted by LailaK [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
@ Vashti: I've mentioned that he usually gets a blow job and then leaves me hanging.
@Lahnna: It does bother me that he doesn't seem willing to go down on me. In all fairness, I haven't asked him to, but I've never had to ask other guys before. Usually guys just do it. I think he might just be bad at sex or clueless. I keep flip flopping on whether or not I want to teach him. Outside of the bedroom he's a great guy. In the bedroom he's a little dull and clueless. I'm at a very pivotal point where I'm not invested or attached yet. If I want to get out without any heartache or messiness the time is now.
I'd say if you're flip-flopping than that's a "No". You shouldn't have to settle for anything less than you want, and playing hot and cold is only going to frustrate you both.Quote:
Originally Posted by LailaK [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I remember I dated a 26 year old pure-snow-virgin when I was a 21 year old very-not-virgin. He was absolutely fascinated by everything about my body. He would go down on me and sometimes just look and touch. At first it was amusing. I remember when we had sex for the first time he came pretty quickly. As I was walking him to his car (total role reversal right?) he said, "I can't believe my sperm is inside you right now." I almost died laughing. Eventually I got tired of him "experimenting" with me. He was also far too sensitive, never assertive. I broke his heart, and that was sad.
He's got a point there. It's like telling a kid they cant have the ice cream, but giving it to them anyway. It confuses the crap out of someone.. jus' sayin'Quote:
Originally Posted by LailaK [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I think the bottom line here is that this guy only listens when he wants to (can't remember condoms, but remembers her favorite movie when he tries to patch things up), is unconcerned with LailaK's sexual gratification (doesn't make her orgasm during sex and doesn't go down on her), and doesn't have enough respect to accept "no" as an answer if he's horny. He sounds like a selfish KID. You need to find a respectful, caring MAN. Don't fall for this guys bullshit. You're out now, so don't look back.
Update: I don't know what happened but it's like I'm dating a whole new guy. I asked him to share responsibility for our sexual health and he is. I asked him to be more attentive and sensitive to my sexual needs and he is. Things are going pretty great. I hope it lasts. :)
So how are you meeting the challenge, yourself?
You asked, and so should he ask or eventually ask for the same...
Well,
He get's the condoms and I pop the birth control pills. So 50/50 we're not having babies any time soon (yay!)
I love sex. I've never turned him down for it and as long as it's not illegal, disgustingly unhealthy, or painful I'm pretty much down for whatever he wants to try. I enjoy making my man feel good. I think it's fun. I'm just happy that he's extending me the same courtesy now. :)
Sorry, I'm taken.Quote:
Originally Posted by LailaK [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
with man prong?
There are so many stupid people in the world. Its really sad.
Wait...sorry to be the devil's advocate here, but I would be pissed if my woman forces me to cover up. I hate condoms. I hate opening the wrap, wearing it, and having to pull it off afterwards. I can't believe mankind hasn't been able to improve it much over the last 40 years.
Since you are on the pill, what are you worried about? STDs? Why don't you have him get tested, and then do it with him when he comes back clean? If there is no trust in that area, how would this be a good thing? I guess if you are assuming he has HIV, herpes and all of that stuff,
then it's wise to force the rubber. In all of the relationships I ever had, including my current, I have never used a condom regularly. I get tested every 6 months, always clean..... mainly because I always get to know the woman really well before we go have sex.
I do the porno-ending pull-out every time, and have never knocked up anyone. I use a condom once in a blue moon if I want to finish inside of her....I suppose that's what it's good for...
Sorr Kaius it doesn't matter what the reason, if she want s him to wear a condom she wants him to wear a condom. If he doesn't want to wear one that badly he can leave. I think its selfish for any man to refuse to wear a condom, especially when the reason is to avoid pregnancy. Men don't have to carry a child for nine months and deliver it, women do. I hate condoms too, with a passion, but that's why I got a vasectomy. I totally advocate a vasectomy for any man who doesn't want children and who hates condoms. Most health insurances consider it "preventative care" and will foot most of the bill. My vasectomy cost me a grand total of $50.00, not that it does me much good these days though.
You should read my posts more carefully. I just got back on birth control pills. BC pills need about a month to kick in and start protecting against getting pregnant. During that time you need to use a second form of BC. We've both been tested, we're both clean, after my BC kicks in we can ditch the condoms. Having sex now without a condom means that I risk being pregnant or I have to keep taking the morning after pill which tore me up pretty badly the first (and only) time I've ever taken this. I don't advocate violence but if a guy knew all of this and still wasn't willing to wear a condom I'd not only dump him but I'd punch him in his f**king face. I think I'm a pretty good girlfriend, I don't ask for much and I love to see my man happy. PUT ON A F**KING CONDOM SO WE DON'T HAVE A F**KING KID.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaius [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
That's my stance.
Indi, are you referring to me? I'm curious to know your thoughts.Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I must have told people 1000x: they do NOT routinely test for every single STD you can contract. Some of them aren't diagnosed in the absence of symptoms (such as HPV and herpes, which BTW are amongst the most common, and neither curable), and you can STILL pass it along.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaius [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
That's true. you have to specifically ask for a herpes test. I had to do this when I had unprotected sex with a guy during my divorce freak-out (stupid! stupid! stupid!). I had an IUD at the time, but it was still unprotected sex because I wasn't protected from the many, many versions of crotch cooties he might have had. Thankfully, I didn't catch anything but a case of remorse.Quote:
Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Hi.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaius [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
You're a f*cking idiot.
I second Kaius, I don't use condoms and if i get semen inside of me i take the morning after pill. Never had an STD either. Did have partners tested though.
Well shit, any guy would enjoy using you as a cum dumpster if you let them, so long as you didn't come back asking them to be the father of some random child.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonrisa [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Dudes that bitch about how "uncomfortable" it is enough to risk going unprotected are just a bunch of selfish, idiots.
Oh my GOD, I have to open the wrapper! Then I have to roll it on! And the worst part of it is I have to take it off!
I guess he's never worn socks.
ha ha cum dumpsterQuote:
Originally Posted by Frasbee [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Just let me know when you're ready for a refill.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonrisa [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
The whole situation, actually. Him and you.Quote:
Originally Posted by LailaK [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
But, since you asked: Yes, I think you are making a stupid mistake of the sort that typical young females do. His motives are wrong, he sounds stupid too but not so much he can't emotionally manipulate you. Its what I said about a guy who need to be told to use a seatbelt for his own kids. You gave him an external motivator in the form of an ultimatum and got a response, but not when he was challenged to find an internal motivator. More than that, based on your posts, he still doesn't get it.
Now, if you had posted something along the lines of "LOL, well, I got the response I was looking for and he came begging back with a box of condoms. He still doesn't get it, but I think I'll keep him around for a bit longer b/c this pool boy is good in the sack." (he's not even that, you said) OR "Well, he still doesn't get it, so I'm going to send this fish back to the pond to grow up a bit more.", I think I'd think you had a better grasp of what is really happening.
So, I can only conclude this is some lonely female response. That willingness to overlook significant flaws in a partner b/c they don't really have the strength to dump them and find better. You started off well, but you couldn't follow through.
Again, this^ only b/c you asked. Careful what you ask for.Quote:
I'm curious to know your thoughts.
I've never gone without a condom. I don't trust anyone enough to risk herpes. Maybe if a chick came back fresh from the doctor with papers in hand clearing her of every possible STD and maybe if I personally administered all her birth control pills I'd think about it. Even then, I'm pretty sure I'd want my rubber. I really, really don't want a kid, and I don't think it's right to take any risks where human life is involved. Abortion shouldn't be for fixing mistakes. It should be there for disasters completely out of one's control. '
I have friends who never use condoms. They pull out. They sleep with promiscuous bar sluts. They laugh and call me paranoid. I know that it will catch up to them one of these days and it won't be a laughing matter when they're HIV positive or paying child support. I wonder if all that suffering is really worth the perceived discomfort of using a condom. Actually, I don't wonder. I know it isn't.
OMG, that sounded so gay hihihihihiQuote:
Originally Posted by Frasbee [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Well, this is the only disagreement we've ever had and I decided I was willing to work with him because I like him. That and I like being well f*cked. As far as I'm concerned, he's fixed the things I was bitching about so we're good now. If that makes me stupid in your eyes, I don't care. I'm going to go on being well f*cked and taken care of by my man as long as he doesn't mess it up.Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
LOL. Okay, if you say so. There's no law against being stupid. But don't sweep what I said about him away. Its still true, even if you are choosing to ignore it.Quote:
Originally Posted by LailaK [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I'm not sweeping what you said away. Selfishness and stupidity will still be a huge issue in our relationship if I see it again
It's okay to ignore Indie sometimes.Quote:
Originally Posted by LailaK [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Duh. I spew all kinds of guesses here. Pretty good guesses, most of the time tho. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Frasbee [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
For the record, if this hasn't be covered, the "His responsibility, my responsibility" thing is bullshit.
It's YOUR body, and YOUR job to respect and take care of it.
Well f*cked? Funny, I thought this guy couldn't please you in addition to being irresponsible about condom use. I seriously doubt that if he made a full 180 degree turn like that so quickly that he will keep doing these things. I'd fully expect him to go back to being unconcerned with your sexual satisfaction, insisting on sex when you say no, and "forgetting" the condoms. You should expect this too and be ready to dump him when it happens.Quote:
Originally Posted by LailaK [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
The shear speed of partner swapping is what gets me. I doubt I could toss one guy from the bed to make room for the next in a matter of days or weeks.
Perhaps I'm too old fashioned, but I'd rather screen men in other areas than the groin area -- starting with their brains.
If I don't like the way they think, then I certainly don't want them anywhere near my body.
But I'm just weird like that.
Some would call that weird, but I think its called common sense and decency. It seems those things are in short supply these days. This thread was moreso focused on LailaK's current boyfriend though, not a complaint about a random partner.
I'm interested to see if this guy upholds his end of the bargain... In my experience, it only lasts so long before the guy is right back to exhibiting his childish behavior again. I'm well-past the point where I'm gonna hold someone's hand while they uproot their being and "make changes". If they can't instinctively understand how to be a decent person most of the time, I'm not gonna stick around. That kind of adjustment takes too long and I've got better things to do than play psuedo-therapist.