My girlfriend dumped me abruptly..

Yeah. These are all valuable lessons to learn. I just hate knowing that our relationship was more of a learning exercise if you will than everything we thought it would be. I still care for her, and although she is going to go forward making choices that I don't agree with, I know that her and I are similar people otherwise. And it hurts missing out on her future, our future, and our friendship. But I can never think of her as a normal friend, and I think she knows that too and that's why she's so willing to ignore me.

But yes I do feel very confident that I can have a much stronger relationship with the next girl. Its like I've been telling my mom, if this girlfriend was a BAD one, then I can't wait to see what a good one is like!

If you have some spare cash, I suggest you travel around and see the world. It really helped me out before. When I came back home, it wasn't that painful. Another thing you can try is look for a quite time for yourself. Reflections do help, go somewhere quiet and clear your head. No electronic stuff should bother you. Then, when school comes, start dating different girls, just don't be so serious about it. But don't use them either. That's bad. Just take a girl out for coffee, and talk, maybe take another one out for lunch and just talk. Take someone out for Ice cream, a walk through a park. The best way to find out how a girl thinks is to get behind enemy lines. You'll start to feel good about yourself. If she sees you regularly with a different girl each time, she's likely to get curious. She might start to regret what happened and ask you back. Of course, this is a slim chance, and something you shouldn't entertain anyway.

If you bump into her at school, act civilized and don't get all googley eyes. Just act like everything is fine with the world. don't bring up the past. You'll learn better about what makes a girl tick, eventually, you'll find someone else that is more into your lifestyle.

Yeah I definitely need to build myself before going off to school. Luckily summer school ends today and I can have some more me time. I'm great at talking to people, great at talking to girls too, I just never know how or when to "seal the deal" or pick up on if I'm being received as friendly or flirty.

I don't want to go forward doing things with even the slightest bit of hope that she'll change her mind. Obviously I still want her back, but so far if I've started something thinking it might catch her eye, I've given it up and regressed emotionally.

So far when I've bumped into her I've tried to say hi. I'm not doing that anymore.

No sealing the deal till you're over the ex. Rebounds sucks, being the rebound sucks even more.

I hear you. I'm worried that it will be a while before I'm truly over her. The girl before that, oh my god it took me like 6 months.

There's no time limit, it takes everybody at their own pace. If you have to see her and work with her it certainly doesn't help. Try not to concentrate on the amount of time it takes, nor should you sit around waiting for it to "just pass". It takes an effort as most things in life aren't going to just fall in your lap. If they did, I think you would be a little behind the maturity curve like me, who has had every girl and pretty much anything else I can ever ask for with minimal work. But as I've learned, getting the girl isn't the hardest part, it's keeping them. And that takes constant work, and even if you gave it your all, it might still not be enough.

Have a good time, enjoy yourself, use this opportunity to make yourself a better person for those that depend on you and a better boyfriend for the next girl.

Thank you. You are right, and I've been making a better effort to move on. I've felt pretty good today. I have blocked her on Facebook and have fought the urge to try and look again. I work with her tomorrow for 2 hours but will be staying away, and on Monday we have the same shift but I'm trading away from it. I will be ok. Thank you everyone. I hope someone else reads this all and learns from it.

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Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

if you can't stop looking at her facebook delete her

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delete her anyway

I deleted her the day she dumped me. Blocking her was the key.

Hey everyone.. just writing because its late at night and I'm fighting impulses to check her facebook/call/text/message/whine about her. Yeah yeah so sad and pathetic :-/



I'm just wondering.... has anyone here ever waited a while and tried to re approach an ex? and make it work later? I could always try again once we get to university. I dunno...everyone around me seems to think that eventually she'll come back. I am NOT banking on it but its so weird that everyone thinks so. Maybe its because we were so lovey dovey or maybe that happens in situations like this. I dunno. I mean we never did really fight or anything. I dunno.

Anyways if I tried again in a month it would be the type of thing where I start slow and try to rebuild without even talking about relationship at first.

I dunno.

She's 20, and she's in party mode dude. She wants to go get fu*ked up daily, and take it from there. Girls that age don't want commitment, they want to have "FUN". Yes, it's stupid and immature but, most girls that age are. I would start taking necessary steps to get over her, delete her from facebook, change her name in your phone to "LOLDUMBBITCH" or whatever makes you laugh. You're in the beginning stages of the break up, it's understandable you feel like shit and whatnot, but don't try and get back with her, she's not ready and it just won't work.

I know. It seems so difficult to find a girl that is everything I want. My ex definitely wasn't - I would say I lowered my standards to be with her. But I loved her for who she was. Or at least who she said she was. I dunno if my standards are impossibly high or I just need to stay on the fence until the REALLY REALLY right time.

I know it's tempting to want to wait a while and re-approach your ex, but if you think about it, what will any re-approach do to change what has happened. They didn't want to be with you, so they aren't. How will coming to them again change their mind about how they feel? It won't, if they wanted to be with you they would come to you. You will do nothing but solidify it further that they DON'T want to be with you. They know you will be there and it gives them encouragement to find somebody else. There is no time limit but for the hurt to really go away it usually takes dating somebody else and a year plus of time for the hurt to fade. And if that person happens to treat them better than you did, she is never going to look back. That's the reality of the situation and that is why we tell you not to wait for her. No guarentee she would actually come back even if she wanted to and life's too short to take that risk.

I know. Sometimes I feel like I can do this and sometimes I start wanting her again. Yesterday at work it looked like she had been crying. I found out her dog killed her hamster while she slept... we had gotten the hamster together a few months ago and it was a really great experience for us. I was hoping she'd want to talk so I texted her saying I'm sorry about what happened. No response. I'm not surprised.

So after a day of not responding, she wrote back that she appreciates my concern but its over and that I need to stop calling, texting, and to stay away from her. I wasn't surprised, I already knew the situation? It just makes me mad that she waited a whole day to do it. Oh well. Now I'm just mad at her. I don't think we'll ever talk at length again.

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Originally Posted by chiknfingaz [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So after a day of not responding, she wrote back that she appreciates my concern but its over and that I need to stop calling, texting, and to stay away from her. I wasn't surprised, I already knew the situation? It just makes me mad that she waited a whole day to do it. Oh well. Now I'm just mad at her. I don't think we'll ever talk at length again.

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That's a good thing. She gave you closure. Now, you can move on.

Yeah, please leave her be. I think you are trying to convince yourself that you are being this sympathetic guy and really caring about her, but you can't fool us. You are looking for any avenue to start talking to her again because you are hurt, upset, pissed off and don't want to feel this way anymore. We all go through break ups every day and we all have to find a way to deal that doesn't involve them. Spend less time focusing on her and her problems and spend more focusing on your own. She could care less about your issues.

Its true. Just have to finish this week and I don't see her anymore. I got rid of all our pictures on Facebook last night so I don't look at them anymore. Thanks everyone.

dude, get some friends and start hanging out with them a lot more. you not busy enough!

I know. Not looking for a pity party but I didn't go to university with my friends last year so I could stay with her... its been hard to reconnect. I went out last night and will have people over tonight. Gonna drink for my first time but taking it slow