and what sort of education are you putting yourself through? and do you know how many people with education DON'T have higher incomes?Quote:
Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
and what sort of education are you putting yourself through? and do you know how many people with education DON'T have higher incomes?Quote:
Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Precisely. If anyone needs a good look at a situation that involves choosing your potential career or career advancement over love, take a look at my thread on the general Love Forum section. After having decided to return home to the East coast to be closer to my boyfriend and family, I suddenly received the promotion I'd been working toward for months. I love my boyfriend with everything I have, but putting my own goals on hold to start from ground zero again makes no sense right now. It makes this situation suck a lot, but it's time for me to be a big girl.Quote:
Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
On another note culture plays a huge role. Asian families (I'm going to go with Chinese because that's what I know best) tend to keep their kids at home AS LONG AS POSSIBLE. That is the parents goal. The reasons vary by parents though I know my autine (very chinese) wanted her children at home for the longest she could keep them there. They were extremely sheltered though not spoiled (ie not given cars) education is typically paid for becasue chinese value this much, much more than getting out there and getting a job, dating, hanging out and all that jazz. It's all about the marks, all about the grades, all about the education. In order to put such a focus on this parents keep them at home, late 20's is when my cousins moved out, same with my bf.
I don't agree with this notion and my partner and I have devised a plan that satisfies us both with a little compramise from both sides.
Accounting. I'm very aware degrees don't always help you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I'm still very curious on your initial claim my ass is getting dumped in 10 years- care to finally address that point you made?
it seems to happen more than often lately. guys will have girlfriends of any age, but when the time comes to marry and have children, they go for the young ones.Quote:
Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
According to Indignant I'm a "grown up" if I get married and have children early.
That's dumb. I'm 25. I haven't lived with my parents since I was 17. I paid for school all by myself. I send money home to help them pay for their mortgage. I pay my own rent. I pay my own bills. Is that grown up enough for you?
I also recognize that my 20's are a time in my life where I can be selfish. I can live in my own apartment and decorate it however I want. I can spend my money to go on any vacation I want. I can have a job that let's me travel around the world without worrying about who is left behind at home. I can make mistakes like dating men that aren't that great and let the consequences roll off my back. I can make myself feel better with an assortment of flings. I can quit my job and start a new one for a salary increase just because I want to without worrying about the impact on my family.
Basically my twenties are a time when I can do whatever the f*ck I want. That's awesome. Why would I ruin that with a husband and kids? Once you have kids you CAN'T be selfish. Your life should be dedicated mostly to raising your kids correctly. Why the hell would I do that now instead of in my 30's? Not my plan.
If you don't like my lifestyle I think you should be asking yourself why you seem to care so much. There are so many other things to be indignant about.
I am young. He's got 7 years on me. He's not some dumb dickwad who needs a 20 year old gf at 45.Quote:
Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
How old are you? What makes you think you're not screwed (as you're making it seem) when you hit 25, 30, 35 and 50?
This also happens because for years women are taught to accept the behavior of men for what it is. "He's a man" is the typical line we all hear when we catch a guy staring at a woman's breasts, or the reason he didn't proactively wash the dishes. Women need to stop making excuses for immature, selfish behavior and stop characterizing it as typical male modus operandi.Quote:
Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
By nature, women are nurturers. We haven't yet grown used to the task of setting goals and expectations for the men in our lives. We're still allowing ourselves to be dependent upon men for emotional and financial support because that has been deemed the safe, most beneficial option to date. But beneficial for whom? It's detrimental to a woman who wants to grow in other roles besides mom and homemaker. Men will never proactively support the female drive for independence because of the stigma attached to being a woman (i.e. too emotional, bad with finances, women can't drive, not physically strong enough).
how old was your mom when she had you?Quote:
Originally Posted by LailaK [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Also, are you saying I should adjust my goals and lifestyle because some man might not want me if I take this time to get an education and pursue my career?
I'm sorry. I didn't realize that men and their approval was the sole reason for my existence. I'll amend my behavior immediately.
28. And your point?Quote:
Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
can't and still won't say her own age.
yes, that's exactly what she's been saying! you're worthless (to men) when you're old.
so she ruined her life by giving you one?
oh gosh, everyone here who matters know my age.Quote:
Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
That is not what Laila is saying. For Laila and her own personal situation, marrying and/or having children at a younger age is not beneficial or feasible. There is nothing wrong with that viewpoint. She understands that the moment she does decide to marry and have children, she will need to sacrifice and compromise.Quote:
Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Is it possible to have kids and return to school later on? Sure. Is it easy? Hell no. Will you need help? Yes. Most women are finding it much more worthwhile to invest time into their own lives first before relying on anyone else. How many times do we see situations where men thought they wanted one thing, only to run away scared shitless of actually having to make real sacrifice to accommodate another person in their lives. Men develop slower than women do, and women accept this because it seems to be what is normal.
When you really enter into a strong, balanced partnership, both partners push and support the other one. They have expectations and standards that must be met, and this keeps people striving to be better individuals.
Why should it be up to the woman to sacrifice her goals? How about encouraging men to take responsibility at an earlier age and learn to grow up before they hit 30. Maybe relationships would last a lot longer and be more fulfilling if the man really decided to man up. And if a man wants to bail because he's not ready to leave Never Never Land then so be it. NEXT!
At this point your argument here is... at best amusing. I'm interested in what Giga and Indi will offer when they get here.
Who do you think talked me out of getting married to my first boyfriend when I was 22?Quote:
Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
My mother is the most amazing woman I've ever met. She loves me, but she admits that she wasted the majority of her 20's dating and marrying a man who wasn't worth the dirt underneath her shoe. That man was my biological father.
When my mom was 33 she met my adopted father. A man who was a much better choice and she married him as a mature woman who was ready to be a wife and mother. She wasn't prepared to become a divorced single mother when she was 28, but she damn sure had to get ready. Babies don't wait for you to grow the f*ck up.
My mom has always impressed upon me that she wanted me to complete my education, travel the world, make money and do whatever I want to do BEFORE I have kids. I know that there are things she always wanted to do but didn't get to do because she had me. That's the reason I buy her things like trips and massages and treats I know she wouldn't get for herself. I'm grateful that she gave up some of her experiences to raise me.
She would be disappointed if I continued the cycle of delaying my dreams to have kids early. I've never disappointed my mother and I won't start now. My mom is very proud of my accomplishments, including the fact that I'm 25 and childless.
Your argument is still dumb by the way.
btw it's not my argument, it's NY times
I thought so, but you played into it and agreed like no tomorrow.
Damn, you ladies are vicious. Can I have some?
i still do.Quote:
Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
technology or not, older ladies have higher chances of giving birth to sick kids. you can't really expect an old and used vessel to produce a healthy child?
What don't you understand about all 3 of the main ladies posting here in mid 20's saying we would MUCH rather have a long, lively, healthy, educated youth before giving ourselves entirely to a child? Just becasue you want to baby factory yourself at a young age doesn't make us unworthy nor wrong.
I'd rather NOT birth children at all (and adopt) then be stupid and have them young just to have them young.
i totally agree with you on that one. i think it would be better if you adopt kids as well.Quote:
Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Oh please I got a f**k load of healthy child birthing years left in me. I'm twenty freggin' six not 82 for crying out loud. My sole purpose on this earth is not child birthing like you seem to think a woman is. (Thats surely how you're coming across). I have a life- it ain't all about pro create young.
i just said i agree with you, what else do you want?
If there are any 20-something gals around here who want a baby, I can help you out.
no you said I SHOULD adopt- I said I'm 26 that's hardly "older lady" giving birth to sick kids.Quote:
Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I love seeing older people out there shake their heads at the youngins because they're squandering their time, not rushing off into menial labor like they did and squirting out a half dozen whelps. Because, I mean, those baby boomers did such a fine goddamn job after all. Right? What a crock. This world needs more children like I need a hole in my head. Hopefully this trend continues well beyond child-bearing age.
i so wish i could respond to that, but that's be racist...Quote:
Originally Posted by Gribble [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I don't care about younger women racing to have babies. In all truth, they really aren't ready for them.
I do wish that the other identifiable aspects of maturity were being met, though.... self-support, good work ethic, etc.
And please don't rush to tell me you are the exception, that you are mature and support yourself. You all KNOW that there are a great big bunch of you in your 20s that aren't. I don't think sonrisa was attacking anyone in particular when she started this thread, so there is no reason to be defensive.
people think life is supposed to end and nobody has fun when they turn 30. they have to waste their 20's to do it. they'll pay for it later. youth is wasted on the young.
Didn't you get the memo? The 30's are the new 20's!
hell no! my 20's SUCKED. 30's are much more fun. the older you are the more you want your husband to leave you for someone younger. or older. or uglier or prettier, you don't fuking care you just want them gone and/or otherwise occupied.
Then PM me. I'm curious what racist remark you've got brewing.Quote:
Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
i would too. as i'm the same "race" as gerbil.
Mi amigos!
_________
fair enough but my 20's are pretty god damn fun :) so far anyways!Quote:
Originally Posted by misombra [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Indignant is cray cray! Let's just agree on that.
I agree with Vash. The main reason I'm not having kids is because I'm not ready for them. I'm too selfish currently. Personally I think that's a very mature choice for a person in their 20's to make. There is nothing that I hate to see more than someone in their 20's giving birth when they aren't financially stable or emotionally stable enough for the child. That's unfair to the child. Mother's in their 30's have a better chance of being mature enough for motherhood.
I'd rather have a saggy butt wife who's well educated, capable of contributing to the family should the need arise. Aside from that, My saggy butt wife can educate my kids as well if I don't need her help financially. People who's got the mentality that they'd dump a 35yr old highly educated woman for a young dumbass tend to cheat on their wives when they grow old anyways, that is why we see wrinkly ass 60-70yr old males would PAY just to be with a 20yr old dumbass instead of appreciating a contributing wife after all these years of marriage.
As to the title itself: Why are so many people in their 20s taking so long to grow up.
Usually people grow up fast enough just to have sex. Then the growth starts to plateau after that.
I highly doubt that you are going to be less selfish with time. People only get worse with age. Our flaws are only magnified.Quote:
Originally Posted by LailaK [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]