Oh, believe me, we're not sexist around here. The male cheaters get shredded just as much as the females.Quote:
Originally Posted by mmsmith1977 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
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Oh, believe me, we're not sexist around here. The male cheaters get shredded just as much as the females.Quote:
Originally Posted by mmsmith1977 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
You can move on knowing that no matter how hard these people are on you, you are forgiven from the highest power...even if your husband does not. Whether you do or do not believe in God, He forgives you. Lift your chin and if you are truly sorry for your actions, ask for forgiveness and accept the sacrifice Jesus gave up for you for what you already committed and will commit. Everything will be ok.
mmsmith1977,
People all make mistakes and all can be forgiven by God. Your husband, different story. He may or may not forgive. He may forgive but not want to go through the long and difficult journey to recover from an affair. I have been the husband whose wife has had an affair. It happened 5 years ago and it is still difficult. There are some days I don't know if we will make it. It's not just because I have not forgiven completely but that some of the "benefit" of being married has been stripped away probably forever.
However, some advice from a husbands perspective. Tell him everything completely, honestly, and totally. Most will come out anyway. However, telling him upfront will allow him to start to get over it much quicker. I said get over. That may be in or out of marriage. However, it is his choice now. You did the deed, now he has to decide if he wants to stay. That should be his decision and not yours(by trying to withhold info and such). The committment "value" is gone out the marriage. Do not take the "openness, honesty, and integrity" completely out.
Also, don't ever talk to this man ever again if you want a shot at your marriage. Yes, you are confused but you need total and complete separation to start thinking clearly.
I do believe what others have said. This man is not a friend to your husband. Never really was. He also does not truely care about you. If he did, even if there was attraction---he would not have acted on it so easily.
Again, I was advise to just be completely honest. You have said that you take responsibility and it is not your husbands fault. So now, take complete responsibility and be honest. Marriages can be better after an affair but it will be a long road. We all have to protect our hearts and emotions because we are all capable of making mistakes such as an affair that will affect our lives forever.
Many blessings.....
HF
I think you belong the same country where Jihadi terrorists blow off millions of innocent people every day. Where people are covered in spices and then buried in ground so that hungry wild dogs attack them and eat their flesh while they are still conscious? I am so disappointed in this post I seriously never felt so in furious in a long time!Quote:
Originally Posted by shammi [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I completely agree with this post!Quote:
Originally Posted by sookie6 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Dear mmsmith1977,
I am really glad that you see your situation as a problem and want to improve it. You are admitting where you went wrong and that's the first step of correcting anything. I'd just like to mention that infidelity, as I see it, is taken from the word infidel that means one who denies God and disobeys Him. And generally it is so believed that when you cheat you are actually accountable to your partner. However, in actual you are accountable to God only. Even if some one is Atheist, they are not accountable to anyone. The only reason everyone is suggesting you to confide in your husband is the moral obligation of your relationship.
However, I'd suggest you to first cleanse your mind completely. Confessing to him wouldn't mean anything if you are still not ready for working on this marriage. You know what you should do, none of us have felt the amount of loneliness and pain you felt when you went looking for the second guy, none of us had to divide themselves between two men at the same time, and none of us are feeling the emptiness or confused state of mind that you are in right now. So I think, you know whats the BEST for you. You just need to focus on your future life and think what are your feelings for your husband. Of course you love him as you said, but clearly this love is a lot selfish. Don't keep him at your disposal. If you think the *spark* has just died down between the two of you, may be it's time to just move on. And TRUST ME on this one, when one love leaves it's time for another love to come :-)
you'll obviously have to suffer, because nothing goes unrewarded in this world, but if you are genuinely sorry you will feel better again very soon :-)
I was once told by a relationship counsellor that you shouldn't confess to emotional cheating if you want to save a relationship just to unload yourself and to unload the guilt onto them. They said this was because all long term relationships go through stages where one of the partners is more in love with the other, and at the times when one is less in love, maybe through neglect by the other partner, emotional affairs can happen. That said, that doesn't mean that the one who had the emotional affair will not become more in love with their partner in future times and never consider an emotional affair at those times. They said it was because longterm relationships have twists and turns like that, it is not always so black and white that you feel totally in love with your partner all the time.
I'm not necessarily saying that's my point of view, i'm just relating this relationship counsellor's opinion.
i would say that isn't an excuse. if you are married to someone, you should be able to tell them everything and anything that you are feeling. the OP should have approached her husband when she was having her meandering thoughts, BEFORE she acted on them. and if after discussing them, her husband was little concerned or showed little interest in working things out with her, then she should have left. then she would have been free to mess around as she saw fit.Quote:
Originally Posted by fi123 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
cheating is just a selfish and horrible thing to do to someone.
Yes i guess there should have been an effort to sort things out before it got to that stage, and myself, when i have been really really in love in a longterm relationship i haven't ever had any wandering thoughts like that. I might come across someone i find attractive, but it stops there.