Did I sleep with him too soon?

^The best thing you can do, is to trust him and what he says and until he ever gives you good cause/a definite reason to doubt him. I used to be like you, in that I have an overactive imagination and I'd imagine worse case scenarios in everything he did/said. But then I realised how totally ridiculous I was being in playing out all these scenes in my head which involved him and other women and when I had not one iota of definite proof!!!, lol. And I guess I just learned to adopt the attitude, 'what will be, will be'. Pointless to worry about things that MIGHT happen, things that are beyond our control.

If I have to be honest, I think he likes you as more than a booty call. Just learn to chill and relax and enjoy what you have with him :)

I'm trying. =)

The biggest thing he's said to me (that I forgot about until now) that makes me think this isn't a booty call is this. When we were laying in bed the other night we somehow got on the topic of erectile dysfunction (don't ask me how, he's in his 40's and he says it gets to be an issue). So I responded by saying that he hadn't seemed to have an issue in the times that we had sex. He responded by saying "nothing you would have noticed but I did have an issue the first time". Keep in mind we had sex 5 times the first time. Surely a booty call wouldn't want to draw attention to this right?I figured it was more an adult conversation about something that may come up as the relationship progresses....thoughts men?

He trusts you, so take it as a huge compliment. Men don't share innermost thoughts like that with just anybody and for fear of being judged or ridiculed, nor do they trust easily, so I'm reckoning on you are special to him and for him to share and confide in you, regarding a highly sensitive subject.

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Originally Posted by China [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So I completely pulled back from him and he is still calling and came over yesterday so we could do Christmas...came over after work and cooked dinner and we exchanged gifts...he got me some spa type stuff (neck pillow, eye pillow etc) and a gift certificate to the spa. I just don't get it.

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Well, then start to get it: he is showing interest in you.
There is nothing wrong with doing the same, BUT I would strongly advice to be in control of
your emotions and not allow them to supersede your judgment. You still don't know him.
People who "travel a lot" are usually sales people and are good at selling. Just be cautious not overly analytical.

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Originally Posted by China [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

At time he gives the impression that he legitimately wants to be with me and other times he seems to be distant

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If and when a person "feels" that they aren't receiving what they are giving it is natural to feel this way.

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Originally Posted by China [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Realistically I overthink and overanalyze everything. I have male friends who I am often on the phone with late at night so how can I judge? Today he said he is at a family gathering and watching football with his father tomorrow. I know he is close with his family but should I believe him or continue to imagine the worst.

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Don't be a hypocrite. You aren't a couple and aren't "together." You are talking/gauging interest (testing the waters)
with absolutely zero commitment to hold this ship together so don't act like it. Relax and view this as an experience.
I can see how previous advice can change your opinion or view to feel hesitant but he hasn't lied as far as you know.
So don't judge without knowing what he's done. A person's word begins at 100% -Just don't give ALL of yourself
when you don't truly know him yet.

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Originally Posted by China [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

When we did Christmas, he did not take the gift I gave him (I knew after I bought it that he may not use it) He said he liked it but it was not practical for him. I gave him some options (we could go together and exchange it for something else, he could tell me something he wanted, he could take it himself and exchange it) and he decided that we should go together. Then I had the idea of us going for massages together which he was excited about and we are supposed to do that.

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See, this sounds like he wants what he is giving: attention and taking an interest.
There is nothing wrong with doing so as long as you stay aware and honestly: get to know him.
Your relationship with him lacks intimacy and I don't mean sex either. Intimacy. Get closer to him
and if you are interested show him. At this point if he is talking to girls: so are you...nothing to lose.

One thing: stop over analyzing things!
A guy senses this and denotes instability.

It's such an interesting thread..I think what is lacking overall in this 'relationship' is honesty and openness...at this point I feel that when two people are genuinely interested in one another they should be able to talk about why they want to keep seeing each other...

I'm hoping that if not an official couple you at least respect each other and have friendship for basis...otherwise you would just be 'f...ing buddies'...so as 'friends' you should be able to ask what the other is feeling...you're not asking for undying love but you are entitled to know if he is seeing other women...if he cares for you more than a friend would...You are entitled to know all these things...also ask yourself what you want?

While we were texting yesterday, at one point I told him I missed him and our usual response when one of us says this is I miss you too. His response this time was I want you. I had a reaction but waited a while before I responded. When I did respond I said I feel like I'm becoming a booty call and I don't want to be a booty call. He responded, sorry, not my intent. I told him I just wanted to put it out there and didn't hear back from him. An hour later we spoke on the phone and I asked if I offended him with my statement. He asked what I was talking about and then was like oh wait I never texted you back. So then he said that he doesn't offend easily and that he would rather someone tell him how they feel and put it out there even if he then tells them they're wrong.

I feel like at this point I want to ask him if he is sleeping with other women. Not seeing others because everyone is right we haven't made that sort of commitment but at the same time we've been sleeping together for almost a month, we should at least be exclusive in that regard.

It's funny though cos I feel that he is the one calling the shots between the two of you...you seem afraid to directly ask how he sees the relationship going..and what he hopes out of it...don't be afraid to state what you want...you don't want to be used and you're hoping to know him better because you are aiming for something long term...there...it is said and there is nothing wrong with expecting stable and long term..do not be ashamed or embarassed to have high expectations for yourself...

If the guy is scared off and stop calling you will save yourself a lot of time and disappointment.

Of course, if a little bit of fun and excitement is what you want from now..;then take it easy and don't question it.

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Originally Posted by China [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

While we were texting yesterday, at one point I told him I missed him and our usual response when one of us says this is I miss you too. His response this time was I want you. I had a reaction but waited a while before I responded. When I did respond I said I feel like I'm becoming a booty call and I don't want to be a booty call. He responded, sorry, not my intent. I told him I just wanted to put it out there and didn't hear back from him. An hour later we spoke on the phone and I asked if I offended him with my statement. He asked what I was talking about and then was like oh wait I never texted you back. So then he said that he doesn't offend easily and that he would rather someone tell him how they feel and put it out there even if he then tells them they're wrong.

I feel like at this point I want to ask him if he is sleeping with other women. Not seeing others because everyone is right we haven't made that sort of commitment but at the same time we've been sleeping together for almost a month, we should at least be exclusive in that regard.

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Sorry, this is another very suspicious thing. This line "He asked what I was talking about and then was like oh wait I never texted you back." is bullshit. Riiiiiiight, suddenly he forgot to text you back and it wasn't that he was avoiding the conversation. Also, " He responded, sorry, not my intent" isn't really a good response to that. A more authentic response would be "I'm sorry, I really do like you. We can slow down with sex if that's what you want."

If he tries to guilt you now for calling him out, he's a player. First rule of getting called out as a player, deny and make them feel guilty.

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Originally Posted by China [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I feel like at this point I want to ask him if he is sleeping with other women. Not seeing others because everyone is right we haven't made that sort of commitment but at the same time we've been sleeping together for almost a month, we should at least be exclusive in that regard.

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I think you have a right to know if he's sleeping with other women. This is something I'd want to know and because:

1. I value my health
2. I don't much relish being one of many notches on a mans bedpost.

I couldn't give a shit if we are exclusive or not. If he's putting it about, I want to know. And then I can choose for myself and if I want to remain involved with a man who is not serious about me, in that he's sleeping with others.

Don't give him his cake and allow him to eat it.

I agree with most of comments above. Ask whether he sleeps with someone else and state that you'd like to be exclusive in that. But probably slow down with sex anyway.
I am not convinced about his intentions, to be honest. Don't over-think situation, but if you have reasonable (which they are) doubts or questions - go ahead and talk about it. You already brought it up slightly, so it will not be that difficult. Decide, what you want and see what he can offer.
That's the moment when you need to take care of yourself (physically and emotionally).

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Originally Posted by xxazurexx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think you have a right to know if he's sleeping with other women. This is something I'd want to know and because:

1. I value my health
2. I don't much relish being one of many notches on a mans bedpost.

I couldn't give a shit if we are exclusive or not. If he's putting it about, I want to know. And then I can choose for myself and if I want to remain involved with a man who is not serious about me, in that he's sleeping with others.

Don't give him his cake and allow him to eat it.

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Now that she has allowed this to come to this point: What incentive does he have to be honest with her IF he is sleeping with other women? (NONE)
What incentive does he have to allow this booty call to continue whenever (1) HIS needs deem a meet appropriate
and (2) when he can conveniently LIE about it? (ALL)

This is why you do NOT give it up so easily and on zero terms.
All of this adds up to a convenient lay where zero accountability (on his part) is openly invited.

I'm sorry to say that the OP did this to her self.
The solution isn't to call out someone who is obviously using her.
Even though her communication sucked up until this point she now more than ever needs to confront him OR tell him goodbye and mean it.

OP: Do this:
Text him that you miss him and that you want to see him...
Set up a time and place to meet up, then tell him to text you when he is "on the way..."
Last, about 5 minutes AFTER he texts you this ^^^ Text him and tell him that you cannot have sex, you've just started your period.

See what he does but either way you still should confront him.
Don't let his excuse of "well, I travel a lot" and other BS -these are red flags to come and to go as he pleases: in which you allowed and were O.k. with.
If you are ever uncertain of something ask yourself, "Did my decisions work out?" "Is this what I wanted?"
If the answers are "NO" -then you made poor decisions. Learn from them and have real relationships -not this illusory-

^^

I wasn't implying that she didn't bring it upon herself and I'm always the first to shout from the rooftops that women should not put out and until they are in exclusive relationships.
The dumbest thing a woman can do, is to give it up to a man who has not made his intentions clear and putting out would be the last thing I would do and with a man who had not made intentions clear.

You are right, he doesn't owe her anything - she gave it up freely and without thinking or not caring beforehand, if he was sleeping with other women - she still went ahead and slept with him regardless.

But now she finds herself in this predicament, with a guy she is into, who she slept with before exclusivity and who she would like to pursue things further with. She should sit down and have an honest chat with him about where this is going, if anywhere - and I'd ask if he's seeing/sleeping with any other women. Whether he's obligated to tell me or not, I'd still ask. If I didn't hear what I wanted to hear, I'd be gone.

I'd never find myself in this kinda of situation to start with. I wait for exclusive and before he tasted my goodies. No man gets it freely!!

A woman should always make HER intentions clear from the start - she lets the guy know and in subtle ways, what she is looking for.

She should never assume that sex will ensure exclusivity, nor expect exclusivity and because she gave it up.

Hopefully she may have learned from this experience.

So we had the conversation today about being exclusive with regards to sleeping with one another and he said that he was already doing this. And you're right, I knew before I asked the question that no matter what the truth is, that is what he was going to say. I'm not putting all my hope into this relationship but it will be interesting to see where it goes.

Again OP this is such a valuable experience in a woman's life that whatever happens to this relationship, it was worthwhile.

I've now stopped initiating ANYTHING and he still calls/texts every day. He asked me if he could come over this past Friday night after work because he was working the weekend but I had plans so he said definitely soon.

????

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Originally Posted by China [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

When we did Christmas, he did not take the gift I gave him (I knew after I bought it that he may not use it) He said he liked it but it was not practical for him. I gave him some options (we could go together and exchange it for something else, he could tell me something he wanted, he could take it himself and exchange it) and he decided that we should go together.

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China------Not practical? What kind of answer is that? What a snot and a half. You guys were exchanging gifts. A polite man would accept the gift. Whether he chucks it into the drawer or into the trash behind your back, you won't know that, but right at that moment in front of you, he should accept your gift. Instead he declined it to your face. That's not nice.

That's a pretty good indication of his character.

A very good observation!
I fear she will feel apathetic to your discovery.
But it's her decision. It's always like you can see where someone goes wrong
and you want to do everything in your being to stop them from hurting themselves...yet?
They have to experience this for themselves...Truth: it's self evident a good thing, but can be a hurtful thing.

Update:

We're still together. I've met his brother and we've spent the weekend at each others places. Things seem to be going well. =)

From his perspective, no

I just want to be straight forward and I do not mean to come off as a jerk. The guy played you, he only wanted sex. Find someone better, he is stringing you along. You are JUST a booty call for him, more than likely that is all it will be. I have known to many guys like that and hate guys like that.

Dude, you've been with 30 women

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Originally Posted by DoesntMatter [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Dude, you've been with 30 women

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Yes I know this, that does not mean that I am proud of it though. In all honesty, I am ashamed that I gave in so easily in the past and let these girls use me for whatever reasons they had.

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Originally Posted by iloveyouforever [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

would guys really keep in touch that much if it was a booty call?

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men lead women on for sex dick heads

I guess I don't see what there is to be ashamed of. 30 girls liked you enough to bang you. How would that not feel good?

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Originally Posted by Lisa89 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thats not necessarily true. I slept with someone on the first night (only wanted sex, wasnt looking for a relationship) and we went on to be together for the best part of a year. Im not reccommending always sleeping with someone on the first night, but its not always true that if you do, that's all you get.

But with that said, I agree with most of the guys on here... whenever a guy tells me how much he likes me... thinks im beatiful etc I always assume they just want sex then if it happens, it happens on my terms because I know whats going on.

Do what sookie6 said, tell him where you are in this- if he wants you like he says he does, hell tell you- he might want to take it slow, but hell tell you. If he doesnt, its a lesson learnt and hopefully you would have picked up a few tricks you can use on guys! :P

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probaly why it ended the mystery was not there

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Originally Posted by China [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

While we were texting yesterday, at one point I told him I missed him and our usual response when one of us says this is I miss you too. His response this time was I want you. I had a reaction but waited a while before I responded. When I did respond I said I feel like I'm becoming a booty call and I don't want to be a booty call. He responded, sorry, not my intent. I told him I just wanted to put it out there and didn't hear back from him. An hour later we spoke on the phone and I asked if I offended him with my statement. He asked what I was talking about and then was like oh wait I never texted you back. So then he said that he doesn't offend easily and that he would rather someone tell him how they feel and put it out there even if he then tells them they're wrong.

I feel like at this point I want to ask him if he is sleeping with other women. Not seeing others because everyone is right we haven't made that sort of commitment but at the same time we've been sleeping together for almost a month, we should at least be exclusive in that regard.

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ask him straight up

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Originally Posted by DoesntMatter [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I guess I don't see what there is to be ashamed of. 30 girls liked you enough to bang you. How would that not feel good?

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I was only dating two of them. The rest of the girls generally wanted a one night stand, to make their ex jealous or get back at him for cheating. A couple of the girls were still dating their boyfriends when they slept with me. Just stupid reasons, when I really wanted to find a relationship but let my hormones take over like a fool.

Man if I were single I would totally be banging away. When I first got divorced, I totally imagine my life to be sex and booze....
And then before I got any, I met the woman of my dreams.... so there goes my male-whore plans.