Was I played?

Every time I've looked at it it says online within 24hrs and active over 2 weeks ago... Which means he is logged on but not been active on the site. He had told me that his subscription ( to read messages there) had expired and he wasn't planing to renew... So he might not get the message if I sent it there.

I do know that he had said he was bothered by an email from work over the weekend so I'm not sure if it's that also. He had also told me that he wouldn't reply his phone or texts if he was preoccupied with stuff.

Geez... The more I think of this the more I see unnecessary drama written all over it!

If he hits you up again, just don't let it become a sex only dynamic. That means the two of you still go out and have fun. Don't allow him to keep it only to inside and alone encounters if you want more that to be just a sexual thing then don't let it be just a sexual thing. It's really that simple. If he's interested in getting to know you and learn about you, your friends and family and you his... he'll keep "dating" you and not just seeing you once in a blue moon to hook up for pleasuring so know what you want and then go for that. Don't settle for less or it will eventually just steal your joy.

GL

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by curiousgirly [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Every time I've looked at it it says online within 24hrs and active over 2 weeks ago... Which means he is logged on but not been active on the site. He had told me that his subscription ( to read messages there) had expired and he wasn't planing to renew... So he might not get the message if I sent it there.

I do know that he had said he was bothered by an email from work over the weekend so I'm not sure if it's that also. He had also told me that he wouldn't reply his phone or texts if he was preoccupied with stuff.

Geez... The more I think of this the more I see unnecessary drama written all over it!

---

I cant stop laughiing...the canucks always make me laugh..they fight till the end *kudos*

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by rafterman [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I cant stop laughiing...the canucks always make me laugh..they fight till the end *kudos*

---

Rafterman.... Who is fighting?!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If he hits you up again, just don't let it become a sex only dynamic. That means the two of you still go out and have fun. Don't allow him to keep it only to inside and alone encounters if you want more that to be just a sexual thing then don't let it be just a sexual thing. It's really that simple. If he's interested in getting to know you and learn about you, your friends and family and you his... he'll keep "dating" you and not just seeing you once in a blue moon to hook up for pleasuring so know what you want and then go for that. Don't settle for less or it will eventually just steal your joy.

GL

---

Thanks very much wakeup.... This is actually great advice!!!!

and i thought guys love it when girls leave hastily

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by curiousgirly [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Rafterman.... Who is fighting?!

---

Me and you, im sorry I should be more serious...please excuse my behaviour.

The guy posters in this thread gives you the best insight to what he is thinking. Guys HATES it when girls leave hastily after being intimate (unless of course he is a player and just wants to get rid of you). Yes, he might be a little sensitive but human beings are sensitive creatures. Try with an apology and tell him you are sorry you left so hastily and tell him the reason why (don't tell us!). If he still don't respond then he is just being an asshole and then you can forget about him. Don't assume he is being a player right away.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sonrisa [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

and i thought guys love it when girls leave hastily

---

:D Yes, if he just wants to use her for sex.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by sadie_genie [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The guy posters in this thread gives you the best insight to what he is thinking. Guys HATES it when girls leave hastily after being intimate (unless of course he is a player and just wants to get rid of you). Yes, he might be a little sensitive but human beings are sensitive creatures. Try with an apology and tell him you are sorry you left so hastily and tell him the reason why (don't tell us!). If he still don't respond then he is just being an asshole and then you can forget about him. Don't assume he is being a player right away.

---

Don't, for christ sake apologize to him. That will make you look desperate. If anyone should be apologizing it's him for not contacting for three days after he pre-maturely ejaculated .. lmao. You don't owe him an apology for leaving when you needed to get home and if NEEDS you to apologize when you've done NOTHING wrong then do you really want to be with a needy noodle like that? Good lord.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Don't, for christ sake apologize to him. That will make you look desperate. If anyone should be apologizing it's him for not contacting for three days after he pre-maturely ejaculated .. lmao. You don't owe him an apology for leaving when you needed to get home and if NEEDS you to apologize when you've done NOTHING wrong then do you really want to be with a needy noodle like that? Good lord.

---

Oh she liked the noodle alright,just not the flavour....Jks :)

Ok... Now I feel terrible because he just texted me with a smilie too!!!

Lookit... you're all a gaga just because he text you a smiley face. WTF? You see why guys do this pull away stuff.. because vulnerable and naive woman fall for it. What good is a smiley face? Where is he, why didn't just text you to see you again? Because he knows a non-committal smiley face will satisfy your seemingly desperate to hear from him ass... that's why.

You better reign yourself in and don't let this guy fk with your head and fears like this. You're going to get your heart broken or your mind fkd if you keep this up. Just relax and enjoy, don't let yourself become a booty call and for gawd sakes don't take a little crumb like a lousy uncommital smiley face make you all a flutter. Take things one day at a time and make sure you're more than booty by not settling to just be booty.

Good luck.

I'll add that your "feeling bad" and being all excited over a smiley face is exactly what I meant in post 13, repeated here :

Quote:

---

Well, this is all conjecture my dear because none of us have actually talked to this man but if he's like so many online he's out to get laid and then he'll back off until you drive yourself nuts with wondering what you did wrong or why he's not falling all over you just because you fkd him. Once you get to the "in a tizzy" stage he'll contact you again and you'll be like all so grateful that you're not a loser that you'll gladly have him back in your (or his) bed.

---

Hopefully when he actually says something mature and of substance, it will be to ask you out to something outside of his or your home. Make a suggestion to do something out in the world if he doesn't.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by rafterman [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thats just like me saying that all sagitatrian women are sluts.....thats how broad your statement is??????

---

FFS, don't comment on something you don't understand.

I didn't say there are no Virgo men who treat sex frivolously, I said I am yet to meet one. All Virgo men I have met so far actually follow their description in all astrology books and that description does not allow for promiscuity. Are there promiscuous Virgos? I'm sure there are (they usually have a rising sign of a passionate nature). Have I personally encountered a Virgo male that has sex without feeling something for the woman? No.

I'm a Leo. What does that say about me?

Quote:

---

Have I personally encountered a Virgo male that has sex without feeling something for the woman? No.

---

Yea but I bet that was before the advent of online dating and the easily distracted.. Oh look another shiney thing... mentality. ;)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by maxmax [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm a Leo. What does that say about me?

---

In the bedroom or in general?

To me that actually explained a lot because I'd been having trouble pin pointing your confidence level, some times you seem to have it oozing from your pores, other times it seems completely absent. That is rather typical Leo. Leos have a tendency to put forth a confident persona in an effort to hide how insecure they actually are.

On the bedroom side of things, Leos are in general passionate and attentive lovers.

(And yes that is a broad statement... Without knowing your time, date and place of birth I can't give you a more personal and detailed analysis)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by maxmax [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm a Leo. What does that say about me?

---

You "lion" your profile?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yea but I bet that was before the advent of online dating and the easily distracted.. Oh look another shiney thing... mentality. ;)

---

Yes and no. Depends on how many supporting signs are in the persons star chart. I still know guys that think that promiscuity is disgusting, and guess what? Half of them are Virgo...

Why oh why do I keep setting myself up to have to explain something seriously to people that have trouble taking it seriously? *sigh*

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MaidenMinx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

In the bedroom or in general?

To me that actually explained a lot because I'd been having trouble pin pointing your confidence level, some times you seem to have it oozing from your pores, other times it seems completely absent. That is rather typical Leo. Leos have a tendency to put forth a confident persona in an effort to hide how insecure they actually are.

On the bedroom side of things, Leos are in general passionate and attentive lovers.

(And yes that is a broad statement... Without knowing your time, date and place of birth I can't give you a more personal and detailed analysis)

---

Bit of truth, although l'd say what comes across as confidence is confidence, although usually a little tongue in cheek, and what comes across as insecurity is insecurity.

I try to be honest about how l portray myself, but this is just the internet, so who knows what it's worth ;o)

Anyhow, you've seen my pictures ... I don't have much of a lion's mane to hide behind!

And yes, l'm an awesomely passionate lover. Hear me roar ...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Don't, for christ sake apologize to him. That will make you look desperate. If anyone should be apologizing it's him for not contacting for three days after he pre-maturely ejaculated .. lmao. You don't owe him an apology for leaving when you needed to get home and if NEEDS you to apologize when you've done NOTHING wrong then do you really want to be with a needy noodle like that? Good lord.

---

He might not know why she left so hastily.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Lookit... you're all a gaga just because he text you a smiley face. WTF? You see why guys do this pull away stuff.. because vulnerable and naive woman fall for it. What good is a smiley face? Where is he, why didn't just text you to see you again? Because he knows a non-committal smiley face will satisfy your seemingly desperate to hear from him ass... that's why.

You better reign yourself in and don't let this guy fk with your head and fears like this. You're going to get your heart broken or your mind fkd if you keep this up. Just relax and enjoy, don't let yourself become a booty call and for gawd sakes don't take a little crumb like a lousy uncommital smiley face make you all a flutter. Take things one day at a time and make sure you're more than booty by not settling to just be booty.

Good luck.

I'll add that your "feeling bad" and being all excited over a smiley face is exactly what I meant in post 13, repeated here : Hopefully when he actually says something mature and of substance, it will be to ask you out to something outside of his or your home. Make a suggestion to do something out in the world if he doesn't.

---

Wakeup, it wasn't only a smiley face. He texted me responding to me... and included a smiley face! I replied with a thanks and smiley face back... and waited a good hour to respond!

Thanks for the advice! Yes, its tempting but I won't become a booty call... ;) He didn't mention anything about seeing him this week, but I think he probably will soon and I'll be sure to make sure it's outside his place...BUT He is a great cook and wine connoisseur so if he suggests that he'll make me dinner at his place it will be sooooo hard to resist ;)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by curiousgirly [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Wakeup, it wasn't only a smiley face. He texted me responding to me... and included a smiley face! I replied with a thanks and smiley face back... and waited a good hour to respond!

Thanks for the advice! Yes, its tempting but I won't become a booty call... ;) He didn't mention anything about seeing him this week, but I think he probably will soon and I'll be sure to make sure it's outside his place...BUT He is a great cook and wine connoisseur so if he suggests that he'll make me dinner at his place it will be sooooo hard to resist ;)

---

Honestly, I don't think the guy is playing you. I think its just your initial fear that was making you feel that way. Good luck.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by sadie_genie [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

He might not know why she left so hastily.

---

Post #21:

Quote:

---

And I had to leave for personal reasons. I had my kid at home (though a teenager and can take care alone) I felt I hadn't told my kid I'd be away overnight. I felt very uncomfortable staying and this was the first time I was doing this in years since my divorce and I just didn't feel comfortable staying and I told him that. I just hadn't planned for it and felt horrible.

---

@ Op: Well you didn't say he said anything other than a smiley face... why would you leave the part out that he said more than a smiley face I wonder? (or did I miss it?) Anyway, you'd do well to keep yourself busy and not here making yourself more angsty with the conjecture and surmising.

If/when he invites you to get together again and asks you to dinner at his place, tell him you'd like to treat him to dinner at a restaurant/to a show/out to a concert in the park/whatever. :0)

Ciao.

Ok, Wakeup. Then, she didn't have to apologize. He might have took it the wrong way then. Regardless, so far, no obvious signs of playing. So, I don't see the need to be anxious about the situation.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Post #21:

@ Op: Well you didn't say he said anything other than a smiley face... why would you leave the part out that he said more than a smiley face I wonder? (or did I miss it?) Anyway, you'd do well to keep yourself busy and not here making yourself more angsty with the conjecture and surmising.

If/when he invites you to get together again and asks you to dinner at his place, tell him you'd like to treat him to dinner at a restaurant/to a show/out to a concert in the park/whatever. :0)

Ciao.

---

I referred to the smiley to explain that maybe he wasn't upset. I plan to take him for dinner in a restaurant far from our homes... just to remove the temptation...

Thanks for all the feedback... it's been really helpful!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MaidenMinx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If I could I'd hit thanks multiple times for that, I would.

OP, I do think these guys have a point. I think if you had explained before the act that you couldn't stay all night, it probably would have been ok. You pretty much did the dine and dash but had more than just a meal.

I don't think waiting til the 5th date would have been part of the problem, and if it was well he was a jerk. Then again, I am yet to meet a Virgo man who treats sex frivolously.

Do try to explain a little more clearly, he may be worth it. I like wake ups idea of contacting him through the site you met on.

---

You are right about Virgo men here. I read the profile and it seems to fit to a tee!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by curiousgirly [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You are right about Virgo men here. I read the profile and it seems to fit to a tee!

---

LOL....your delusional
____________________

Three days to respond...? Did he mention anything about seeing you? A smiley face means absolutely nothing. It is merely a way to placate you as it's taken him 3 days to respond to you. Sorry but no one is that busy that it takes that long to respond. I think he is playing you and I'm speaking from recent texting experience. If he was interested, wanted to see you and had no issues with you leaving so quickly he would have responded quicker.

You may want to read this:
[url=http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hes-Just-That-Into-Understanding/dp/0007198213]He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys: Amazon.co.uk: Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo: Books[/url]
While it is very simplistic, it does put things in perspective, which I think would help you right now.

I'm so disappointed no one is taking the bait on astrology. How can you take that seriously? I have traits that fall under every single sign. You see and believe what you want to believe. Me, I prefer science, astrology is NOT science.
Might as well base your decisions on relationships using this: [url=http://www.lovecalculator.com/]The Love Calculator[/url]

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jenswaiting [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Three days to respond...? Did he mention anything about seeing you? A smiley face means absolutely nothing. It is merely a way to placate you as it's taken him 3 days to respond to you. Sorry but no one is that busy that it takes that long to respond. I think he is playing you and I'm speaking from recent texting experience. If he was interested, wanted to see you and had no issues with you leaving so quickly he would have responded quicker.

You may want to read this:
[url=http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hes-Just-That-Into-Understanding/dp/0007198213]He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys: Amazon.co.uk: Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo: Books[/url]
While it is very simplistic, it does put things in perspective, which I think would help you right now.

I'm so disappointed no one is taking the bait on astrology. How can you take that seriously? I have traits that fall under every single sign. You see and believe what you want to believe. Me, I prefer science, astrology is NOT science.
Might as well base your decisions on relationships using this: [url=http://www.lovecalculator.com/]The Love Calculator[/url]

---

Jenswaiting ,actually, I re-thought the whole chain of events was beginning to think the same thing you just wrote.

Just to clarify this, we left each other in the early hours of Sunday and I sent him a text apologizing...and he sent me a text on Tuesday. So it took him almost 2 days to respond. In his response he neither acknowledged my apology nor referred to what happened. Usually after all our dates he'd actually text me right after or respond to my text right away. This was unusual because he didn't respond and he didn't express his feelings about what happened. He usually does.

My confusion was that everything was great until he couldn't last the second time... I had told him right from the beginning of the night that I wouldn't stay overnight because I hadn't prepared for that.

He told me he was disappointed in his performance and that it was ridiculous that I wasn't staying over.

This leads me to think that he linked his performance to me leaving... which had nothing to do with me leaving!! He probably spent those almost 2 days brooding about it and not wanting to talk about it. He needed space - which is why he didn't respond. He told me in the past that he spends time thinking and analyzing how our date went each time its over and wondering what he could have done better!

On the other hand, he could be completely playing me... but his behavior up until the end of the night did not reflect him as a player. This is why I think he is more disappointed in himself than anything and probably thinks I am too. But i'm not!

My concern is I have to let him understand that it wasn't anything to do with his performance... and now I think of it, I wasn't very clear to him on why I had to leave like that.

To confirm all this, I have decided to either wait and see what his next contact will be or just go ahead and invite him out to talk about this face to face. This way I won't be trying to read his mind!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jenswaiting [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Three days to respond...? Did he mention anything about seeing you? A smiley face means absolutely nothing. It is merely a way to placate you as it's taken him 3 days to respond to you. Sorry but no one is that busy that it takes that long to respond. I think he is playing you and I'm speaking from recent texting experience. If he was interested, wanted to see you and had no issues with you leaving so quickly he would have responded quicker.

You may want to read this:
[url=http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hes-Just-That-Into-Understanding/dp/0007198213]He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys: Amazon.co.uk: Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo: Books[/url]
While it is very simplistic, it does put things in perspective, which I think would help you right now.

---

Quoted for emphasis.^^^

Quote:

---

He told me he was disappointed in his performance and that it was ridiculous that I wasn't staying over.

---

And that is a nice excuse to bale on you as well and make it so it looks like it's your fault and not his plan.

In your situation I think it's best that you err on the side of cynicism and don't start making excuses for his very piss poor behaviour. You had sex, a decent man who was into you would want to make sure that you got home safely and that you were still wanting to have sex with him again soon.


It's too early to tell if he's playing you for sure, but please don't rule it out just because he's a bloody Virgo or because he sent you a smiley face. The longer it takes him to actually call you and invite you OUT or at least have a decent conversation with you the more likely it is that he's priming you to be booty or slowly fading from the picture. Just stay vigilant and don't fall for any scheme(s) is all we're advising.

Quote:

---

On the other hand, he could be completely playing me... but his behavior up until the end of the night did not reflect him as a player.

---

No two players, play alike. It's not like they have a play-book that they all adhere to. If they did that, we woman would always know they were players before they played us instead of after when it finally dawns on us... there are red flags that point to him being one though so be prepared and don't be waiting around for him.

Quote:

---

My concern is I have to let him understand that it wasn't anything to do with his performance... and now I think of it, I wasn't very clear to him on why I had to leave like that.

To confirm all this, I have decided to either wait and see what his next contact will be or just go ahead and invite him out to talk about this face to face. This way I won't be trying to read his mind!

---

Why are you so determined to be with this man who isn't quite so determined to be with you? Don't chase him... Read the book or get the movie Jen recommended. Players want you to chase THEM.

P.S. I hope you made him wear protection. If you didn't get yourself checked out.

I'll add to above that it is well known that players love dating sites because they are filled with newly single divorcees who are naive from coming out of long term relationships and vulnerable. Good prey. I'm not saying he's one, just giving you a heads up if you find yourself back out there fishing once again.

He did use protection - as I had requested and he did ask me several times if I was ok with us having sex. He didn't force me into it or manipulate me into it. I wanted it also. We were two consenting adults.

I have read that book- I found it very simplistic!

Maybe you are right that I was played... This is why I am waiting to see his next move because that would confirm it for sure...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by curiousgirly [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You are right about Virgo men here. I read the profile and it seems to fit to a tee!

---

Horsesh*t, I'm a Virgo and I don't act at all like this guy of yours. Astrology is complete crap and anyone who uses it to make decisions shouldn't be in a position of decision making in the first place.

Quote:

---

Maybe you are right that I was played... This is why I am waiting to see his next move because that would confirm it for sure...

---

I'm not saying you were played. I'm just giving you scenerios that will help you not to be fooled by him if he is indeed being insincere with you. Your gut is telling you something, just trying to educate you not to ignore if and jump up and down with glee because he decides in three weeks that he'll grace you with his presence. Men who are into you don't wait that long after haveing sex with you if they are really interested. They may hold off for a day or two but when they do contact I think it would be much more than just acknowledging your contact with a brief statement and a fking smiley face.

Its too early to tell but if it goes any longer without him contacting you then (at the very least) he doesn't value you much and that's something to pay attention to.

I wish you luck with it but suggest you don't pin all your hopes on him and do not take this on as your fault (if he doesn't call again) just because you didn't spend the night with him or that you didn't somehow make enough of an effort to stroke his two-second-louey- bad self. If he doesn't want to pursue this I'd tell myself it was because he does this kind of thing often and he's an asshole not worth worrying about. There are plenty more where he came from and you can have fun discovering that very fact. ;)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by curiousgirly [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Maybe you are right that I was played... This is why I am waiting to see his next move because that would confirm it for sure...

---

Hang on a minute,Your sex was consentual....It takes two people to play the game. You had every oppurtunity to leave....just food for thought, thats all.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by rafterman [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Hang on a minute,Your sex was consentual....It takes two people to play the game. You had every oppurtunity to leave....just food for thought, thats all.

---

Whether it was consentual or not has nothing to do with whether someone has been played or not.

I'm thinking that all depends on whether or not he's been disingenuous to her prior to having consentual sex. Do you honestly think a guy that lies about his marital status as being single or divorced but he's still married (as an example) doesn't make him a player (or her been played) just because she agreed to **** him while thinking he was available?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Whether it was consentual or not has nothing to do with whether someone has been played or not.

I'm thinking that all depends on whether or not he's been disingenuous to her prior to having consentual sex. Do you honestly think a guy that lies about his marital status as being single or divorced but he's still married (as an example) doesn't make him a player (or her been played) just because she agreed to **** him while thinking he was available?

---

Ok... I just got my confirmation. He is not a player!!

He called me and we had a good talk about what happened. He was upset with himself and wants to make it up to me... He says he felt ignored cos i didnt listen to his pleas for me to stay over. He is taking me out on Friday and wants us to talk more as opposed to texting!

So I take back all the bad things I said!!!

Thanks for the advice!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by curiousgirly [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Ok... I just got my confirmation. He is not a player!!

He called me and we had a good talk about what happened. He was upset with himself and wants to make it up to me... He says he felt ignored cos i didnt listen to his pleas for me to stay over. He is taking me out on Friday and wants us to talk more as opposed to texting!

So I take back all the bad things I said!!!

Thanks for the advice!

---

He sounds needy and insecure. You're in for a ride.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Cerby [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

He sounds needy and insecure. You're in for a ride.

---

Well... That's still better than him being a player...isn't it??