Questioning morals if you had sex with engaged/married person.

My moral code is an extreme form of individual responsibility. I'm responsible for myself and everything I do, so I think everyone else should be able to handle it too. I'll also give you selfish. No I don't think cheating is right, or I'd still be banging other girls. I never enabling someone to cheat was the 'right' thing to do. Right and wrong, to me, don't exist independent of ones experience, but that's a completely different discussion. Now, I don't think that it is 'right' to enable someone, but I don't think it's morally reprehensible either. Cheating on someone, morally reprehensible. Enabling someone to cheat, taking advantage of an opportunity. There's also the possibility that the enabler actually has feelings for the cheater. Whatever happened to all being fair in love and war?

Now, can you please explain how cheaters are the vulnerable ones?

It depends whether they (the cheater) thinks what they are doing is wrong. When people do something they think is wrong, then they are indeed vulnerable or conflicted in some way.

Take Stungs hot Brazilian. If she thinks cheating is wrong (maybe her husband cheats too and it upsets her), then she is conflicted about the issue. But her best solution isn't to cheat in return but to deal with the real issue, which is her philandering husband. Again, this is only if she thinks its wrong--if they've agreed to an open relationship, then all is well in her universe.

Stung is enabling her to stay in this situation. Sure, he could argue that 'if not me then someone else', but that's like a thief saying 'if I didn't steal it, someone else would have'.

Decide on your moral code, then live it with consistency. Simple in theory, hard in practice. Stung is weak in this regard, probably b/c he is young. As he gets older, he'll (hopefully) realize that its not all about him and we really are interconnected. Tragedy of the Commons.

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Originally Posted by BackUpOrGetStng [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

My moral code is an extreme form of individual responsibility. I'm responsible for myself and everything I do, so I think everyone else should be able to handle it too. I'll also give you selfish. No I don't think cheating is right, or I'd still be banging other girls. I never enabling someone to cheat was the 'right' thing to do. Right and wrong, to me, don't exist independent of ones experience, but that's a completely different discussion. Now, I don't think that it is 'right' to enable someone, but I don't think it's morally reprehensible either. Cheating on someone, morally reprehensible. Enabling someone to cheat, taking advantage of an opportunity. There's also the possibility that the enabler actually has feelings for the cheater. Whatever happened to all being fair in love and war?

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Inconsistent = selfish. Not a true moral code. Sorry.

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Originally Posted by BackUpOrGetStng [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

That I will definitely agree with. I just think human nature should be applied to both genders.

Where is your sense feminism, Smackie? I'm trying to throw out a double standard lol

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I agree women who choose to date married men are no better, but in certain societies being someone's mistress is acceptable. More like a full time prostitute, with the paid apartment, clothes and spending money....what men will do for some pussy. :P

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Originally Posted by BackUpOrGetStng [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't think that's what it comes down to at all. Men are definitely less likely to turn down sex, and while I may feel like a slave to my sexuality, I still have a choice. It's still a matter of responsibility and accountability, no matter what biological factors play in. I have a choice and am responsible for my actions. I also don't have to worry about missed opportunities because there are plenty of women who will oblige me, right around the corner. The married chick I slept with most recently, tries to come over to my place every couple weeks, and has for the last 6 months. She's a smokin' hot Brazilian chick, but I turn her down every time, because I have a girlfriend. See everyone, it's not that hard to keep your word.

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There are always people who have had piss poor childhoods and abuses that lead them to believe that they are worth something if they are having sex with someone. They cheat on their spouse/SO when the spouse/SO doesn't provide the accolades as they once did during the honeymoon period.
Most people, if left to continue on having honeymoon type sex without commitment will, indeed cheat some day because they are addicted to the chemical rush gleaned from sexual unions without the responsibilities of commitment and life-partnership.

If one has no personal boundaries, then they are the most vulnerable to the normal temptations we all encounter and they are more likely then those that do have personal boundaries to stray. It's a fact.

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I also don't have to worry about missed opportunities because there are plenty of women who will oblige me,

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Sadly you are correct.. which goes back to self-respect and those who obviously lack it.

My code is not inconsistent, but it's clear there is no making you see my side, so believe what you want.

Saying they would have ****ed someone else, is not like saying "someone else would have stolen something". If someone is actively looking to cheat, then they are going to, and there's really no denying that. You can deny that an object would be stolen, much more easily. Not even the same class. Theft is an act, against a person. ****ing someone is, well, ****ing someone..a consensual act.

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Originally Posted by Maple1714 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Backup - when you participate in any activity, knowing it could cause emotional pain to another, you are at fault. Period.

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I thought about my statement all night lol. I should revise.

We are responsible for all of our actions. ALWAYS. That is all we can be responsible for. I do think that if you (man or woman) are sexually/emotionally involved with a married person then you are also at fault for causing any emotional pain to that persons spouse. We all have a choice...so make the morally correct choice (what is morally correct has a lot to do with the society/culture you were raised in I think) Unless the couple wants to have a threesome, go find someone else that is not attached to get your "nut" off.

Backup - does your current GF know this Brazilian women comes by your house still? Just curious...

Wakeup, you choose your personal boundaries, just like you choose to give into temptation. Temptation means its something you want to do. This married chick that is still after me, is not tempting at all, because I don't wanther. If someone is willing to have sex with me, then they want me more than their partner, and to me, that's as good as the relationship being over. I'm talking in circles now, and no one is going to agree or even understand what I'm saying, so I'm done. I can't take your bleeding heart arguments anymore.

Backup - I understand what you are saying...my ex told me about a relationship he had with a girl who had a boyfriend. I felt sorry for him...he was being used. She didn't love her BF anymore and was just looking to find emotional validation/sex somewhere else. They were both just cheating themselves.
I do realize that if someone isn't happy with their current husband/BF then the relationship is over and therefore you are not REALLY doing anything "wrong" by sleeping with that person. BUT it's still a sticky situation and someone is hurting and you are inlvoled. Why put yourself in that situation in the first place when we do have choices?? I think it's just more fun in a way....to be involved in an affair.

The Brazilian chick doesn't come over. She calls me, texts me, and IMs me at work, asking if she can come over(this is the one that's mad I don't want a relationship with her). I had(have) zero emotional attachment to this crazy broad, so I'm not cheating myself of anything.

You are right. There is a thrill aspect to it, but to me it is more a of a curiosity; will they actually go through with it? Anyway, no one's mind is going to be changed in either direction, so I suggest we drop it.

I actually do not fully believe that humans should be monogamous in the first place....but I am still wrestling with this whole idea.

BackUp, do you believe that cheating is wrong? If so, then by sleeping with a woman who is in an exclusive relationship, you are allowing something that you personally think is wrong to happen. Therefore *your* behavior is wrong (never mind hers), according to your own moral code. It's like seeing a puppy being kicked to death by teenagers, and not even trying to stop them, because "they'd do it with another dog anyway".

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Originally Posted by searock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

BackUp, do you believe that cheating is wrong? If so, then by sleeping with a woman who is in an exclusive relationship, you are allowing something that you personally think is wrong to happen. Therefore *your* behavior is wrong (never mind hers), according to your own moral code. It's like seeing a puppy being kicked to death by teenagers, and not even trying to stop them, because "they'd do it with another dog anyway".

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Well, his argument is that theft, rape and killing a dog is not consentual. Cheating is. He's got a point. Still thinking about this one. Stung seems pro-choice to the nth degree. But if that's the case, then why hold anyone to any standard regarding sexual faithfulness? Why not just be completely sexually free, with himself and his partners?

Curious, but where is your boundary on this, Stung? Do you think its okay for a drug dealer to provide drugs to minors? When does 'choice' become active for you?

Backup - This Brazilian women is of weak character...or else she wouldn't have cheated. Sooo you had sex with her and now she still bugs you? Is there a part of you that likes the attention? I am sure there is. You chose this type of women to become involved with...and now I bet your current GF knows nothing about her? What if she does show up at your house one night when you GF is there? What if you all 3 get into some stupid fight? Lol. You could have just avoided it all and held out for your current GF...that is where the cheating yourself comes in. When we waste time on people of weak character we are just putting obstacles in our way to finding those that are not of weak character AND we are the company we keep right? I wonder what your current GF is like? Anyway...you usually have an opposite view on things than me, so keeps this forum interesting!

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Originally Posted by Maple1714 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

When we waste time on people of weak character we are just putting obstacles in our way to finding those that are not of weak character.

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This is the selfish gene argument. LOL. I agree, tho, that if Stungs GF doesn't know about this gal, he may pay for it later. Or not (maybe she holds the same values). But isn't that part of the price for the inconsistent code? Without invoking that stupid law, people do tend to attract like.

Here's a question for Stung: if you were dating a gal you really liked who you knew would have an issue with you messing with a married woman, would you lie to her about it?

Assuming here...

I don't think Stung would lie about...I think he would only commit to being with a girl who didn't care...a girl who lives in a city apartment and owns a pet husky.

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Originally Posted by BackUpOrGetStng [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The Brazilian chick doesn't come over. She calls me, texts me, and IMs me at work, asking if she can come over(this is the one that's mad I don't want a relationship with her). I had(have) zero emotional attachment to this crazy broad, so I'm not cheating myself of anything.

You are right. There is a thrill aspect to it, but to me it is more a of a curiosity; will they actually go through with it? Anyway, no one's mind is going to be changed in either direction, so I suggest we drop it.

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Sorry: More "bleeding heart" following:

My question is if you have plenty of woman who will oblige you and you are currently in an exclusive relationship then why to you continue to keep in contact with the Brazilian? Why, particularily do you allow her to continue with her "madness." To me, this too is a form of enabling. As we all know by now, enabling is a symptom of co-dependency. Does she stroke your ego? Does she give you a sense of accomplishment?
Serious question: Why wouldn't you just tell her to quit contacting you and then make it so by blocking and deleting her from being able to reach you? What do you get from her crazy, lack of self-worth, begging?

I think it comes down to the fact that he doesn't think that enabling someone to do something that he personally thinks is wrong, is wrong. Basically his point is that it's their choice, so it's their responsibility, and he does nothing wrong by enabling them. He doesn't think that any particular behavior is right or wrong per se, which is why he has no trouble allowing cheating to happen: it's not the cheating per se that is wrong (otherwise he would feel compelled to stop it from happening), it is the choice of betraying a partner's trust that is wrong, and he does not do it, somebody else does. He *does* enable them to make that wrong choice, but he also believes that the women who end up cheating have made that choice way before meeting a man willing to be their "accomplice".

I'm just trying to understand an otherwise (seemingly, to me at least) inconsistent behavior.

Searock - I agree with you.

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Originally Posted by searock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think it comes down to the fact that he doesn't think that enabling someone to do something that he personally thinks is wrong, is wrong. Basically his point is that it's their choice, so it's their responsibility, and he does nothing wrong by enabling them. He doesn't think that any particular behavior is right or wrong per se, which is why he has no trouble allowing cheating to happen: it's not the cheating per se that is wrong (otherwise he would feel compelled to stop it from happening), it is the choice of betraying a partner's trust that is wrong, and he does not do it, somebody else does. He *does* enable them to make that wrong choice, but he also believes that the women who end up cheating have made that choice way before meeting a man willing to be their "accomplice".

I'm just trying to understand an otherwise (seemingly, to me at least) inconsistent behavior.

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I understand his stance. He's voiced it earlier.\
That's not what I'm asking him. My question is, if he thinks she's crazy and he doesn't want to be with her, then why keep entertaining her? What is he getting out of her persistance?

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I understand his stance. He's voiced it earlier.\
That's not what I'm asking him. My question is, if he thinks she's crazy and he doesn't want to be with her, then why keep entertaining her? What is he getting out of her persistance?

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Ego boost why else?

I love how you guys keep comparing it to things that are completely unrelated, in order to generate a visceral response. It helps me organize my thoughts though.

Since we're using analogies, it's not like watching someone kick a dog, it's like capitalism. If you ever wear Nike shoes, then you are a sweatshop supporter. You're also an accessory to murder if you buy African diamonds, or gasoline from companies that use Middle Eastern oil. Where does it stop?

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Originally Posted by searock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

i think it comes down to the fact that he doesn't think that enabling someone to do something that he personally thinks is wrong, is wrong. Basically his point is that it's their choice, so it's their responsibility, and he does nothing wrong by enabling them. He doesn't think that any particular behavior is right or wrong per se, which is why he has no trouble allowing cheating to happen: It's not the cheating per se that is wrong (otherwise he would feel compelled to stop it from happening), it is the choice of betraying a partner's trust that is wrong, and he does not do it, somebody else does. He *does* enable them to make that wrong choice, but he also believes that the women who end up cheating have made that choice way before meeting a man willing to be their "accomplice".

I'm just trying to understand an otherwise (seemingly, to me at least) inconsistent behavior.

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ding ding ding!

I have many jeweler friends...they buy diamonds from Canada. I ride my bike everywhere and I wear Toms shoes. Am I a hippie? This society is ****ed...so it stops with our own personal actions. Like I wrote before....we can only be responsible for our own actions.

As for keeping contact, we worked together for a while, so we had to keep some contact. She's still a good professional contact of mine. She also doesn't have my main phone number so I only see the calls and texts when I check my gvoice account. I'll admit it is flattering, but also disturbing, and I figured that her being older and married, she wouldn't act like this.

Maple, I forgot you live here in Denver, but you get the point, do you not?

Yes, I get the point. Denver is progressive, but there are a TON of conservative, wealthy, religious people here too...I struggle everyday with my work to get people to use sustainable/US made products. I am an architect.

toshiba,

I am sorry for the lengthly comment, but bear with me.
Side stepping all the rhetoric since your initial post, it's a matter of trust and respect. To either cheat, or be involved in the act of cheating, giver or reciever, this is a matter of not respecting other's relationship status. If a woman/man is in a relationship, it is a relationship period. It does not matter if it's yours, or someone elses, bad or good. There is no reason to cheat.
You have no idea how your GF has had to deal with the emotional repercussions of cheating that may have effectied her own life in the past. This comes from environmental development with every person she has ever known all throughout her life where cheating may have been some issue.
Having strong beliefs of fidelity is a personal choice either by upbringing or experience, just as a religion or a creed or whatever else a person believes.
It all boils down to respect. Whether in a persons own relationship as well as respecting the relationships of others. It's not a "his or her" fault blame poke fest of who is right or wrong. If one cannot respect other's relationships even if there in the toilet and on the brink of destruction, this is to many an indication of lack of respect for any relationship that perhaps is shaky at best.
All relationships deserve the utmost respect whether it's yours or someone elses regardless of the condition of that said relationship. She does see a red flag in the trust department and believe me, I would too. I have been cheated on by several different men in the past. All excuses that ive heard are just some of the same arguements posted here. One man in fact, had cheated on me several times including abandonment issues envolved as well.
A person prone to cheat will find some way to do it. Whether by justification or excuse.
If you want to salvage this, admittance is not wrong, in fact, you did the right thing. It's how you may have explained it. To blame someone else, does not erase your slate (shifting blame for justification for excusal from wrongdoing). This is probably what you should say if you have not already (just an example)...
"Yes, I know it was cheating even though I was single and she was in the relationship. I am to blame for that as much as she is because I let myself get envolved in it. It was absolutely wrong and it has no bearing on how I respect relationships now in my life. I deeply respect all of them and choose to never be in that arena again. Lesson learned. I know this may put your trust in me on shaky ground, but I will show you I respect all relationships no matter what state they are in and breaking up is the last resort. Cheating should never happen at all and I am sorry."

That statement shows acknowledgement of the wrongdoing and knowing that your stance and beliefs are now different and you would not repeat it.
She wants security because she loves you. Trust is everything.

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Originally Posted by BackUpOrGetStng [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

As for keeping contact, we worked together for a while, so we had to keep some contact. She's still a good professional contact of mine. She also doesn't have my main phone number so I only see the calls and texts when I check my gvoice account. I'll admit it is flattering, but also disturbing, and I figured that her being older and married, she wouldn't act like this.

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Thanks for the answer.

Now, for curiosity sake:
Does your girlfriend know that this woman and you are still in contact with one another? I'm just curious if your gf thinks the same way as you and therefore there is no issue or she doesn't think the same way as you and so you hide it???

No need to answer if you don't want, of course.

When I say she's a good professional contact, I mean a reference and could probably get me back in at my old company if I wanted. She's not someone I talk to with any regularity. It's usually just a long winded message from her, with no response from me. On the off occasion that it's a normal, "Hi, how are you?", I'll respond, "Good how are you?", and not respond any further.

My gf doesn't know, but its not something I hide(or even think about). If she did find out, I'd tell her what I just told you and that would be the end of it. As for finding out she's married, my gf would not care. She'd probably say something along the lines of, sucks for him(in a sincere way though).

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Originally Posted by BackUpOrGetStng [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

When I say she's a good professional contact, I mean a reference and could probably get me back in at my old company if I wanted. She's not someone I talk to with any regularity. It's usually just a long winded message from her, with no response from me. On the off occasion that it's a normal, "Hi, how are you?", I'll respond, "Good how are you?", and not respond any further.

My gf doesn't know, but its not something I hide(or even think about). If she did find out, I'd tell her what I just told you and that would be the end of it. As for finding out she's married, my gf would not care. She'd probably say something along the lines of, sucks for him(in a sincere way though).

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So you two are on the same page when it comes to your boundaries. At least we can only assume that you are as she doesn'tactually know your history with Miss Brazil or that you're still in contact with her so you really don't know how she will/would react.

OP and his (ex?) gf do not have the same boundaries. Op; therein lies the rub. Being compatible in morals, integrity and boundaries means a lot when it comes to the success of any relationship. Lying when asked doesn't change your base beliefs if you still believe in them after lying.

Backup, you explained yourself well. You make valid points, no one can step up on a soap box and belittle them. As for the OP, he wasn't seeking out married, engaged or attached women. Single and joining a website for people that want affairs. It was an old flame who wanted to hook up with him for one last time (for whatever reason). They did and both moved on. Sucks for her fiance, but we don't know any of the back story.

If his new girlfriend wanted to break-up over that, I'd say good luck in the future to her.

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If his new girlfriend wanted to break-up over that, I'd say good luck in the future to her.

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If you loved her, I'm thinking you'd say more than good luck. But of course, what else could you do if she dumped you? Best to find out early what each other's deal breakers are, I suppose.

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If you loved her, I'm thinking you'd say more than good luck. But of course, what else could you do if she dumped you? Best to find out early what each other's deal breakers are, I suppose.

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Ya, a deal breaker for me (being forthright about a one-time fling I had with an ex and it became an huge issue). Guess she probably wouldn't have been upset if the guy had told her he had a random one night stand (someone who could've been married, engaged, 6 weeks pregnant) who knows with a one night stand, right?

Well, by good luck, I mean if it ends up being a deal breaker for her, then he shouldn't beat himself up about it. I'm sure she's done things in her past that trump that, but has the savvy not to tell him.

If she is the person that I think she is, and has presented herself as these last six months, then she doesn't care, particularly with stance on marriage. She knows quite a bit about my criminal and sexual past, so I doubt she would have a shred of concern over it. If she did, she would be free to walk without any obstruction from me. I'm not going to stir the pot by just bringing it up for no reason just to see how she feels about it..particularly when it's something I myself don't even think about.

Wakeup, you're usually on point, but its obvious your emotions are getting in the way.

No, sorry to come across as if my emotions are involved, but they are'nt. What you and your gf agree to is not a concern. I was just curious if you were both on the same page. Obviously, if she knows of your past and she's still with you, then she's going in with full disclosure. As I said, you both have similar views on such things.

I don't agree with you on this particular point of course, but that doesn't mean I've emotionally invested in our disagreeing ;) It's more about what makes ya tick.

I simply feel the same way that Op's gf feels and I respect my own boundaries enough to know that I would never consider a man for a life partner who would regularily or routinely have sexual relations with someone who was already involved. We just wouldn't be compatible enough for me to take him seriously. Doesn't mean I'd hate the guy though!

Peace.

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Haxan, I respectfully disagree. She was already engaged when they had that last fling. That means she was seeing her fiance for, I assume, at least a while. People generally don't get engaged to strangers.

Goodbye sex is when *you* are leaving the committed relationship (i.e. no cheating). God, I sound like such a stodgy, stuckup prig, but really, when you commit to marrying someone don't you think you should be faithful? Not the vows yet, but their spirit at least?

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Stop being such a stick in the mud ;) Nah, I see comparisons to enabling addicts, criminal activity etc. If that's the case, then you have to look at intent. If we do that, then the engaged female carries the burden of injuring the victim (fiance). There's no connection or ties between the two males. It's pretty hard to find much intent other than wanting to have a last fling with and old lover for him, isn't it?

If I put us in the shoes of him and his current g/f and reverse it. I wouldn't tie you to the stake for being caught up in that moment. Of course that's knowing that all of the current moments are ours exclusively from here on out :)

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Originally Posted by haxan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

There's no connection or ties between the two males. It's pretty hard to find much intent other than wanting to have a last fling with and old lover for him, isn't it?

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Okay, I'll go for Completely Pedantic, for $800 Alex.

Not if he knew she was engaged to someone else. He doesn't have to know the other male personally for it to still be wrong. Anyway, some of those males make it a point to find out who the other guy is/was. Wouldn't that be a treat? It would be smarter to know the cuckold (there's an anachronism!) is for certain harmless. But yes, I do think being 'caught in a moment' is quite different from the conscious choice to enable cheating, which is Stungs position.

I believe that my moral sphere should extend beyond myself and my loved ones. Certainly, there is more responsibility to those one cares directly about, but really why choose to help someone else betray a trust? I'm fortunate enough in my life to not deliberately harm or take advantage of others.

Stings point? Why not take advantage of another's weakness?

My (equally valid and arguably more socially congruent point): Why not choose *not* to take advantage of another's weakness?

Sting himself said he doesn't lack options, so why make the conscious choice to enable someone else's weakness and, worse, say it okay? Sorry, its just not a position I can accept. Its juvenile and selfish and doesn't do anything to make society better. Ref my point about extrapolating an action.

Telling someone dear to you about your past is a choice. its your choice if you want that person to know what you have been doing before. If I would be on that scenario, I would appreciate he's honesty but I think my respect on him would be affected, worst would be, I will break up with him. Because when you did that acts, its not impossible that you cannot do that again. and for me I would not like to be a victim of "heartbreak". it does not mean that the person could not get a chance anymore,but as for me, I would not choose a person like that. please understand my opinion. :)

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Okay, I'll go for Completely Pedantic, for $800 Alex.

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:lol:

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Not if he knew she was engaged to someone else. He doesn't have to know the other male personally for it to still be wrong. Anyway, some of those males make it a point to find out who the other guy is/was. Wouldn't that be a treat? It would be smarter to know the cuckold (there's an anachronism!) is for certain harmless. But yes, I do think being 'caught in a moment' is quite different from the conscious choice to enable cheating, which is Stungs position.

I believe that my moral sphere should extend beyond myself and my loved ones. Certainly, there is more responsibility to those one cares directly about, but really why choose to help someone else betray a trust? I'm fortunate enough in my life to not deliberately harm or take advantage of others.

Stings point? Why not take advantage of another's weakness?

My (equally valid and arguably more socially congruent point): Why not choose *not* to take advantage of another's weakness?

Sting himself said he doesn't lack options, so why make the conscious choice to enable someone else's weakness and, worse, say it okay? Sorry, its just not a position I can accept. Its juvenile and selfish and doesn't do anything to make society better. Ref my point about extrapolating an action.

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I'm just looking at this from all angles. I thought some of the comparisons to other activity were pretty harsh. To make it all encompassing and immoral? I don't know, it just wouldn't clearly fit it each and every time, to me.

Leaving the fact that yes, the OP does sound like a douche, and probably is, it's not always the crime of the century. Maybe a different set of circumstances with different people. Could he/she/both have gotten caught up in the heat of the moment? A lover that they had particularly intense chemistry with seated inches away, aching to be taken, asking. Perhaps one or both of them hoping that it would change things between them? The last chance to make it work and leave the others behind. I could see it happening. We're human, right?

If a girl I was serious with told me that in her past she had a moment of weakness. That she slept with an ex who had gotten engaged, hoping that it would change things, but didn't. That alone would not make me question her morals or integrity. Like I said before, I'd admire the fact that she was open with me about her life. Nobody is perfect.

I think in a sterile environment, Indi, of course most all of us want to make the right choice. Years ago I hit it off with a girl at the gym. I had just broken up with my g-friend, she still had a b-friend. Eventually our "friendship" (to quote searock) had progressed to the point of no return. She asked me to go to a party at her house on a Saturday night and I told her she had to break it off with her b-friend first. She did, we got together, we dated for a while. When we broke up, she said "g, thanks for making me dump my boyfriend".

So I don't know. Is there a right way? :lol:

As for Stung. Forget the enabling part, I have no idea why he would want the drama. I've seen plenty of jilted guy's willing to sit in jail for getting revenge on someone for fu*king their wife. My advice to him would be to be careful. Never know when some strange guy might meet you in a parking lot and shove a Glock down your throat because he found out you were the other guy. Crazy.

If you have options, got it going on, there's plenty of single women out there who fit the same bill.