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Bah maybe it's just me but I don't think it should even have to go this far... what happens later on when something comes up he doesn't "like" to do but is important to you? I mean if he can't come to his senses about something as simple as cleaning...Quote:
Originally Posted by misombra
Damn LoL you'd think I was tryin to steal misombra from her man or somethin.. haha I'ma stop hatin on your man now :P
this is why people should live together before they get married.
Taking things for granted makes life easier.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tone
Up until what was taken for granted ups and leaves of course.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tone
no, it's true. i wish you would come over and tell him something.
i should add too that i don't think it's that he doesn't want to help, i think he just doesn't know how. i know that sounds lame but i think it's true.
Hey I'm not tryin to say I'm perfect.. the only reason I can talk like this is cause I learned from experience the hard way.
'sombra - I would sit him down and talk to him about it - only make sure it's clear your issue isn't necessarily with him cleaning (even though that's how it started) but it's that he can't do something so very simple for his woman, and that's what bothers you. I do NOT think you should just hire a cleaning lady and say "Oh well I hope we don't have an issue like THAT again" cause again I don't think it relates to cleaning as much as his unwillingness to sacrifice for you, his woman. And if it shows up in cleaning it will show up in other areas.
I disagree with this...I think it's a problem but not something that is that serious...with a few changes she'll make him see that. You guys have to understand that not too many guys out there do this cleaning stuff so it takes awhile to get into this habit and understand how important it is to your partner...we would rather play games, watch tv and so on, it's a big change. I know some girls who want their b/f's out of the house when they're cleaning because they just make things worse so sometimes it depends on the person.Quote:
Bah maybe it's just me but I don't think it should even have to go this far... what happens later on when something comes up he doesn't "like" to do but is important to you? I mean if he can't come to his senses about something as simple as cleaning...
Darlin to me it sounds like he's not even makin an effort. Know how to clean? I mean come on, like I said it's not rocket science. And if he's really that... incompetent he could hang around you while cleaning and ATTEMPT to learn how to clean instead of playing freaking video games while you do all the work.Quote:
Originally Posted by misombra
He may or may not know how, that's not what concerns me, what concerns me is his lack of effort to help/learn.
The difference is, as she stated, they've had many arguements about it and she's made it perfectly clear she doesn't want him out the house while cleaning but wants his help, so I don't think there is any misunderstanding there.Quote:
Originally Posted by Asip4u
i see both of your sides. really. i know that it is beyond cleaning that's bothering me. it's his unwillingness to do what he has to do to keep me happy and ultimately keep me around.
but i also have hope. a house cleaner is a fix for now. at least until feb. we're both learning things about living with another person, neither of us have done it before and the adjustment has been rather easy, with the exception of the cleaning.
i believe in working things out though and not letting things go so quickly. it hasn't even been six months yet, you know?
but yes tone i completely agree with you. and i will sit him down and tell him that it's more than the cleaning and that this is serious.
most people can only learn the hard way, and that's especially true with guysQuote:
Hey I'm not tryin to say I'm perfect.. the only reason I can talk like this is cause I learned from experience the hard way.
Ah not even 6 months yet eh? Wow you guys moved in already? Then again I've never lived with a girlfriend so I'm not sure what the proper time is and all that jazz...
But anyways depending on how experienced he is, he may just have to hear you say all that, about how it's his unwillingness to sacrifice for you, cause he might just be *that* ignorant that he doesn't realize that he is sending you that kind of message.
But again I still play the card that whether he knows it or not, it doesn't take a brain surgeon to realize "Hey this is my girlfriend, and obviously cleaning is important to her, so maybe I should make an effort to help out, not just to live better in a clean environment but because I love her and care about her that I can do this for her" This to me is the most important thing I get out of your situation and what bothers me the most.
Wow, you guys have been busy!
Anyway, Tone makes good points, Sombra. It's not an issue about cleaning, it's an issue of getting up and putting a little bit of effort into doing something to keep you happy..if it's a big deal to you, he can spend a little bit of energy grabbing a Windex and a towel and removing dust from objects. There's nothing to it. The learning curve is very short. He can go from "not knowing how to clean" to "pro" in no time. This "not knowing" is a fictional excuse.
Now..the issue for him may lie in "not wanting" to clean. And if this is a big deal to him, then you have a dilema. You'll have to compromise to work something out.
Big deals should not and cannot be ignored.
tone, we haven't been living together 6 months, we've been together over 2 years.
i know, i definitely feel this way. but what options do i have? aside from leaving. i don't want to leave him just because he doesn't want to clean. and i don't want to be a nagging ***** all the time.
what i really need are some practical options. talking about it (obviously) hasn't helped.
i've had this trouble too so i know how frustrating it can be.
and it seems nothing could cause them to initiate the cleaning without nagging. we tend to get stuck in the whole roles thing.
just give that whole talking thing another try, but this time, add in the fact that it's a big deal to you, and everything else you've said here, although you've probably said it a million times.
Oh, makes more sense.Quote:
Originally Posted by misombra
Like I already told you, you need to stop thinking of it like that and stop letting him think that this is all it's about too. It's about him not making a small step towards making you happy.Quote:
Originally Posted by misombra
Clarification:
I think what Sombra meant was that they have been living together only six months, but have been a couple for over 2 years.
yeah, that's true. we've been living together since feb.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tone
1. The message you have entered is too short. Please lengthen your message to at least 10 characters.
anyway, thanks. i appreciate your listening.
Anytime!
Be sure to let me know what happens por favor
mis... well why not leave all the dishes dirty... leave all his clothes dirty then maybe he'll start to notice.
if he is the type to only wash one set of dishes for the next meal, then break or throw everything away. if he washes his own clothes, dirty them on purpose. maybe he'll catch on if talking to him about it isn't working.
raverboy
i tried talking to him about it again. he said, "i thought we were over this" and then shut down.
uuuuuugh.
That's it, I'ma have to have a talk with this guy huh
So what did you say after that? Don't let him get away with it or back out, gotta put your foot down girl! Get tough!!
Didn't you get the cleaning lady after all?
yeah but i still had to talk to him about his apparent lack of concern for what is ours and me.
we did, i took tone's advice and i got tough. he seemed to listen. i told him that i need him to show that he cares for our house because it's a direct reflection of how much he cares about me. he said he does and that he'll pay for the cleaning lady and he'll show more initiative and blah blah blah. let's see if it works this time.
but yes the cleaning lady is coming but we're not going to always be able to afford her, we is poor.
Good luck let us know how it progresses.
why not move out?? with you can't live with your bf then maybe it's telling you something.
raverboy
Telling you something like....you should go live with Cybog!
oh cy why must you tempt me?
wow... i can see that he's really twisting your arm on this one.
raverboy
Sure thing skippy. I all-ready help people.Quote:
Originally Posted by misombra
I woulkd do a woman kind a favor if it is needed. But as I see the place clean, there is nothing to clean, and besides, I just hate that vacuum cleaner sound. Cat scares it also, let the cat live!
FAVOR? You think YOU cleaning house is you doing her a favor? Sheesh. Too many mama's boys on this thread. Since when is regularly and habitually cleaning up as needed strictly her job that you stoop to do once in awhile just to 'help her out'? Talk about trying to turn someone into a second-class person!
you and my boyfriend should be beaten and made into slaves.Quote:
Originally Posted by boobaa
have you tried to clean naked? Maybe you guys can clean naked
hahaha naked cleaning. i think that would prove too major a distraction for him. good idea though!
yeah it might take you a couple of hours but it could be fun....... its like with kids you have to play pick up time pick up time
you know i've been thinking that when the cleaning lady comes, she'll help me do some of the things that have just been piling up and i can at least get him to maintain. i hope. she's coming tuesday so wish me luck. wish him luck. wish me my sanity.