Just be aware that she's still very much in the picture. I'd be wanting 100% sexual exclusivity when/if it ever gets to the point where you're doing more then looking at words on a telephone. Keep it real is all I'm sayin.
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Just be aware that she's still very much in the picture. I'd be wanting 100% sexual exclusivity when/if it ever gets to the point where you're doing more then looking at words on a telephone. Keep it real is all I'm sayin.
The guy is just caught between two women he really likes lol. He can't help himself, so stop acting like it's a crime. I can see it being bad if he was sleeping with both of them being a player but really nothing has happened except conversations about random things. I doubt he is tying to manipulate, I think he is just being honest and wants to express it....probably hoping it will help him make his decision. So people don't think on the lines of "manipulation, or don't even realize it is what they are doing....he is just following his heart so to speak.
Once he is back, he will just have to deside that is all.....no biggie. I find it quite interesting....let just wait and see how this plays out.
It's not a crime even if he does sleep with the two of them. If she's okay with that then so be it. If she's not okay with that, then she should be aware of what could very well happen if she lets it.Quote:
Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Exactly right yet Name is got all these fantasy thoughts about him being afraid of losing her to some other guy so he's wanting to keep in contact with her. It means NOTHING IMO at this point, they've not even met.Quote:
I can see it being bad if he was sleeping with both of them being a player but really nothing has happened except conversations about random things.
Perhaps. I'm going on what name is saying. She keeps saying that long distance girl is not his girlfriend (which she's not at this point) and trivializes his involvement with her while stoking up his involvement with her (namemyname) Me, I'm old fashioned when it comes to dating many. I didn't do it and if I was going to do it now .. I'd be sure to ask for exclusivity the min we were going to become sexual and if I wasn't given it, then I'd know I wasn't valued the way i would want to be. Just sayin... up to Name what she does.Quote:
I doubt he is tying to manipulate, I think he is just being honest and wants to express it....probably hoping it will help him make his decision.
It's still manipulative even if he doesn't realize that's what he's doing. Its worse if its his game and done just to manipulate.Quote:
So people don't think on the lines of "manipulation, or don't even realize it is what they are doing....he is just following his heart so to speak.
Just trying to keep HER expectations at bay is all. It's clear she is already anticipating something awesome with this guy... who she hasn't even met, never mind spent a holiday with. ;)Quote:
Once he is back, he will just have to deside that is all.....no biggie. I find it quite interesting....let just wait and see how this plays out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Nothing at all - YOU said he was a manipulative douche, not me.
It's funny - I posted this on the guy section, only had two guys respond, and it was for a reason. The women advice like women, and the men are more in tune with the male mindset.
Sorry, but you're really wrong on this - entirely so, actually.
Smackie his actions dont match his words at all
words: im the relationship type, looking for something serious, wana settle down.
Actions: in some stupid ldr with a girl hes prob shagging right now who he apparantly cant make up his mind about whilst making other plans with OP for when he comes home.
If anything in his words were true then he would never even consider long distance for a start and he wouldnt be telling both women what they wana hear
Quote:
Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Ya, thanks, Smackie. I don't know why everyone thinks he's such a pig.
Our conversations where not inappropriate - we weren't sexting, talking about what we'd do to each other, and he never said anything disparaging about this girl.
The situation is exactly as slipsonic detailed. He spoke with her for 2 months, the day he flies there to visit for the first time, he meets me, and we click. Oh, shit. So, here he is, visiting a girl he wanted to explore something with, and then being lured by someone back home that has his interest as well. He's not staying with her, and they aren't seeing each other every day. Its not some big, hot, committed, exclusive, serious relationship, like some here are trying to make out.
Like you said earlier, Smackie, he would prefer a local GF, and I have now presented myself as a (better) option.
Still, he's not an asshole, and he's not going to walk out on her, like Slipsonic said. Similarly, hes not going to come hard at me, because that looks bad, too.
I told him yesterday I didn't want to talk anymore, and he respected that. But, I think the text today was him trying to see if I had closed the door forever, or if theres a chance when he gets home. That's why I said so long as hes there, no talky. I did add later that I wished things were different, as I did want to let him know Im not exactly over the idea of pursuing this.
As my guy friend said, we're putting each other on simmer right now. He HAS to finish out his week there, as he's meeting other people and doing other things besides being with her. But, he also knows Im dating, so Im sure hes thinking he doesn't want to possible lose me while hes there.
Yes, Smackie, all I can do, and will do, is wait to see what happens when he gets home. I think he now knows my boundaries with this, and that he has to come home, tell me hes cut her loose, and then its game on. Or, he might not do that at all (though I seriously doubt it, really).
Yes, And, I still think he is (whether intentional or not). Not sure what your point was, name?Quote:
Originally Posted by namemyname [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
whether from a woman or a man, nothing is 100% accurate unless we all get in his brain and he's truthful. I'm old, I've read and seen it all and I know that most men have a much easier time with non-exclusivity then most woman do.Quote:
It's funny - I posted this on the guy section, only had two guys respond, and it was for a reason. The women advice like women, and the men are more in tune with the male mindset.
Everything I said is how it all comes across to me. We're all... all of us 'wrong' until proven otherwise. Or... we are all right until proven otherwise by his actions and the end result. All of this is speculation, Name. Mines just not adding up the way you hope it will in the end is all.Quote:
Sorry, but you're really wrong on this - entirely so, actually.
I told you I hope it goes your way. I still do. Just go in thinking about everything you've read as being a possibility is all I'm getting at. BTW: I don't think he's a "pig" at all. I said I thought he was a manipulative douche. If I thought he was a pig, i'd have called him that. lol
how do you even know any of that? His words on a screen? See this is why I say what I am saying. You believe before you even know him.Quote:
He's not staying with her, and they aren't seeing each other every day. Its not some big, hot, committed, exclusive, serious relationship, like some here are trying to make out.
As I said two pages back: I think that is a good plan. In the meantime, keep your thoughts on reality. You have had some texts, you don't know him and if you want exclusivity, then I guess you have to make sure he's not still entertaining Miss long distance. That's the jist of it all IMO.Quote:
Yes, Smackie, all I can do, and will do, is wait to see what happens when he gets home. I think he now knows my boundaries with this, and that he has to come home, tell me hes cut her loose, and then its game on.
Lol so coz we are women-we dont have a clue how some guys think and work? Your not looking for advice-your looking for people to tell you what you wana hear and validation that hes not a DB.
Okay if thats all you want-go ahead, text him back, meet up with him, be 1 of 2. Let us know how it goes. Tell the other girl hello from us all here at loveforum-maybe you lot can have a threesome and post it here for us all to read
piece out
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Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
That's what YOU'RE hearing, because it suits your narrative.
His words: I was really, really against the long distance thing, as I'm not built for them as I prefer to be in a relationship with someone I can see someone daily, but I couldn't find anyone locally, so Ill see how it goes. I don't know, though, I really don't see how it can go anywhere with the distance...
Actions - how do YOU know what hes doing??? You have no idea. You don't know if theyre sleeping together, or if hes made up his mind, and hes not making any plans with me. Again, all factual untrue, Michelle.
Seriously, what would you expect him to do?? He has business and other people he's committed to see while he's there. Should he just tell everyone that he's been chatting with a woman back home that he wants to go and meet??
And as for him getting stuck in this...you've NEVER gotten into something that seemed like an OK idea and then wasn't? He just MET her FFS.
Nope. I posted this purposely on the guy forum, as I wanted to hear the MALE mindset. I knew women would respond pretty much like you, which is not helpful.Quote:
Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
*snipped* since you were'nt addressing me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I don't either. lol You said he was a manipulative douche - I was just saying I don't agree.
And I know about the status of their "relationship", because she's been posting the same stuff. About how often they see each other, she's even talked about what they've done on dates, which don't last all day and night, even on the weekend. It's strange because we think since he flew there, it's something hot and heavy, but he's staying in a hotel, and they seem to be treating it like dating if you were in the same city - few times a week, maybe an overnight here and there...
Oh, I agree with LD girl. She's got to be out of the picture entirely before I would date him, but I think I've kinda let him know that.
In many ways, his character will really be revealed on how he handles things going forward.
If I were him, I would try and meet me when he gets home, even casually, platonically. If the chemistry was there, then yeah, I would break it off with the LD girl.
Thing is, since she's been so open about what they're doing on the website, I'm sure I'll know if he ends up breaking it off pretty easily. She, I'm sure, knows nothing of me, so she'd have no reason to not continue to be honest about them dating.
OP, I have been in your position, the guy was on the fence, he eventually made a choice, and I moved on. Simple as that. 6 months later he called me up again, I told him I have met someone new. I have ran into him at a couple of car shows over the years, no hard feelings.
I don't know why everyone is making this into such a serious thing. People run into challenges in life, especially with things relating to the heart. It is what it is.
Name, you seem like a smart woman. You don't jump on the douche bag bandwagon just because the guy has a decision to make which he hasn't had the time or sufficient information to make. I'm 90% sure its all like I described in my other post.
How do I know? I have been there before. When I was 21 I had a LDR. It was just a bit more serious than the guy in your situation. I had been with her for about 4 months and she lived about 3 hours away.
Then I met a friend of a friend who was WAY into me. I didn't know what to do. That's a really hard situation for a guy to be in. A week or so after I met the new girl she tried to get me to cheat (actually asked me) so that settled that. (If cheating WITH her wasn't a big deal she would have done it TO me as well)
The LDR girl is now my ex-wife because she cheated on me lol.
Anyways, if he was just a DB looking for a F*** on the side, I don't think he would have exchanged 900+ texts with you (I think that's how many you said) And definitely not about all the subjects you mentioned, that shows genuine interest. Another thing is if he was trying to have a F*** on the side, he wouldn't be so open telling you about this other woman.
The fact that he said he's not sure about the long distance thing with the other woman just tells me he that he thinks there is a possibility with you, but he also wants to be honest with you. He knows if he lied and said he was 100% available, THEN he would be a douche. Like I said, its a tough situation.
Just from what Ive read here, he sounds like an honest guy.
If I were in his situation, As soon as I got back I would set up a time to meet you. Not a date, but maybe the athletic activity you mentioned. Then i would just be honest. I would say that the long distance thing isn't ideal and that If you wanted to get to know me better I would tell the other woman that the LDR just isn't going to work, which isn't lying to her, but just letting her down easy.
Its been 9 years since I had to make that decision and I have learned to just be honest with people, and I dont think I would have another LDR just because situations like this are bound to arise.
And by the way, someone here said that its easier for a guy to have unemotional sex or someone on the side or whatever. That may be the case for a few uncaring men, but it is definitely NOT the norm.
Let me explain that there certainly are douche bags that will indeed exchange 900+ texts with a girl if they are interested in getting in her pants (not saying thats only what he's trying to do, just telling Name not to think because you didn't do it at the young age of 20 it means he wouldn't do it).Quote:
Anyways, if he was just a DB looking for a F*** on the side, I don't think he would have exchanged 900+ texts
With guys like Name discribed this guy to be e.g. one who needs to be in a relationship... it is very normal for them to secure one while still with another.
Name, you do sound like a smart women so don't forget the shit you don't want to hear. It's just human nature to shuffle stuff to the back of the closet when we want something bad enough so don't ignore any red flags if they surface and, if you want exclusivity, then don't be afraid to ask for it if he actually makes arrangements to meet you when he gets back, when/if the relationship advances to the sexual.
That's a wise thing for ANYONE to be doing if they want a solid relationship of the committed kind.
Smart, you is... :)Quote:
And I know about the status of their "relationship", because she's been posting the same stuff. About how often they see each other, she's even talked about what they've done on dates, which don't last all day and night, even on the weekend. It's strange because we think since he flew there, it's something hot and heavy, but he's staying in a hotel, and they seem to be treating it like dating if you were in the same city - few times a week, maybe an overnight here and there...
Oh, I agree with LD girl. She's got to be out of the picture entirely before I would date him, but I think I've kinda let him know that.
In many ways, his character will really be revealed on how he handles things going forward.
Yep, I totally agree with everything you said. Thank you. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Slipsonic [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I really don't know why people are acting like he's in something serious. He met her a week ago. To me, anything that happens before physically meeting doesn't count, so I couldn't consider two months of talking a "relationship". He always (when he talked about her) referred to her as "the girl he's seeing".
Now, after I wrote him yesterday and told him no more convo while he's there and whatever it is is going on with her, and he dropped off the face of the earth, I'd think yeah, he was looking for side action or was bored. If he thought there was no chance, he'd be done, and go try and work some other action. But, writing today to say it sucked not talking, which of course was his way of testing my boundaries and testing my resolve AND perhaps trying to gauge my interest by my response, shows me he's a little more interested in maybe seeing what happens.
Yes, he has a decision to make. Continue to "date" someone long distance that he likes, clearly, which isn't ideal, or try and pursue the local gal, a better situation, whom he hasn't met.
I'm glad you shared your story about the girl who tried to get you to cheat. Makes me feel better about letting him know I value myself too much to be whatever I'm relegated to right now. Let's him know it's all or nothing. :)
It was 942 messages, actually. lol Not including the initial emails. And we did share a lot of cool info. I mean, I've seen pics of his kids. lol
And I agree about him telling me about her at all. He was always up front about that. It's not like he can now say, "Name, let's be real. I'm totally digging you, even though we haven't met. I don't know WTH I'm doing here, and I so wish we met before I came here, because I'm so not into it now. So, for now, know I'm sucking it up with her, and can't wait to fly home and meet you."
I mean, how seriously douchy is THAT?? Even though it's the truth...
So, for now, we'll see how it goes. Who knows? There's many ways this can wind up.
For now, I think our limited contact is the way to go, until he gets home. If he suggests a meet, of course I'll go. I'm too interested and curious not to. If he doesn't, then oh, well.
Thanks so much. You do have a real perspective, and I appreciate it. :)
No, believe me - my eyes are open. I look for signs, and so far, nothing has not jived or been stinky. Besides the whole situation, that is. lolQuote:
Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
If we meet, and it's game on, yeah, he'll know he needs to clean that up first. He already knows my "rules" of dating and sex, but it would bear repeating, though, from how he presents himself, I wouldn't need to tell him to do this - he'd do it willingly.
Yeah, I kinda stopped reading her stuff on SUN because it was making me too upset. His responses were a lot less "fluffy". Again, it's got to be hard for him, because he's been a member there for 7 years, her for 2, and they both know a lot of these people. They are meeting some this weekend, as a matter of fact. So, now that it's come out they're "dating", it's going to be hard to walk that back in the forum. Particularly if it comes out later that he and I are dating...
It's complicated, but will just need some time to resolve itself...
Exactly! I'm not breaking up a marriage here. He met her a week ago.Quote:
Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Exactly. If he said that then you might wonder if he would just do the same thing to you in a month or two. IMO he's doingQuote:
Originally Posted by namemyname [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
his best to respect both you and her.
No problem. :) Now if I could just learn to apply that perspective to my own life lol :)Quote:
Originally Posted by namemyname [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Exactly. I think he's trying to let me know he's still interested, but he also knows as long as he's there, I'm not playing. And, I give him credit for not throwing her under the bus, and caring about her feelings. Somebody gets hurt in this.Quote:
Originally Posted by Slipsonic [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
If only we all could... ;)
I sort of agree with this and then not... I would definitely think about what he's doing to her because you could easily be her a few weeks from now. Yes the geography is different, any relationship you have with him going forward would be in-person not long distance, but I don't necessarily think that makes a difference, if his character is such that he thinks it's okay to spend 9 hours a day in contact with another woman when he has a girlfriend then chances are he would still think that's okay if someone else who catches his interest comes along when you're the girlfriend.Quote:
Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
That said, I don't think it's right to say you can't trust him, people do change when they meet the 'right' person, or even when they meet the 'right for now' person. You only have to look at someone like Warren Beatty, world renowned for his endless sexual conquests and then he meets Annette Benning and 20 years on they're still married and never even a rumor that he's ever fooled around. That's an extreme example of course, but I think we all know someone who drastically changed their sexual behavior when they met someone they truly connected with. The point I think is that leopards generally don't change their spots and to go into a relationship with someone assuming that they will behave differently with you because 'you're the one who will change them' when historically their behavior suggests they won't is folly. I don't know that this is the case with your guy, I have no idea how his romantic or sexual history reads, but I personally would be a little put-off by the way he's gone about things, just in the sense that if he isn't happy with her or the long distance situation and has half an eye on what could potentially happen with you going forward, he should really have broken off things with her before he started texting you like a maniac.
Just be a bit careful hun, what goes around really does tend to come around, and while I don't think you've really done a whole lot wrong at this point, you are and always have been aware that she existed and were happy to continue the contact with him x 1000 texts regardless - I would just hate to see you posting a thread six months from now that read 'My boyfriend is always texting a woman he met on a sports-related forum...'
Guh. This is getting so exhausting. :(
He met her 9 days ago. They are "dating". They are not seriously involved, engaged, buying a house or buying baby furniture...
It's just stunning how some people think he's some kind of serial cheater who's always looking for the bigger, better deal, and that I'm foolish for getting involved with someone like that. SIGH.
They are "dating". He flew there to meet her, and see how it goes. I don't know why everyone thinks a handful of dates over 9 days means he's bound to a future with her, and he's a dick if he changes his mind and wants out. and that it portends he'll always be "that guy". I can't imagine no one here has ever been dating someone for a few weeks, and then met someone they liked better and jumped ship??
Are you forggetting the fact he called you a FRIEND? He could really like her, he has spent 2 MONTHS chatting to her (likely 90 times a week) and he is spending the WEEK with her now. Just coz you think its not serious coz they "only just met in person a week ago" doesnt mean that he or she feels that way.
I think you are being selfish-me, me, me.. You think you DESERVE him more coz your local and shes not.
The fact "he travels on business" is ANOTHER red flag. Could have a girl in every city... Just saying.
Plus if hes SUCH a catch (like you obviously think he is) and is the "relationship type" then i highly DOUBT he has a hard time finding a good woman in a large city.
I call BULLSHIT but im bored of this thread now so im out.
Good luck
Meant to say likely 900 times a week..
Im not saying hes a "serial cheater" but his behaviour right now IS a red flag. I dont do the "multiple dating" thing. America is different to where im from. But i thought "dating multiple people is supposed to be casual (no sex till committed) and she is supposed to be aware you exist which she isnt..
So she thinks right now shes the only one but hes flying home to meet you next week.. Thats deciet
Michelle - a thread is never complete without your special brand of negativity. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Its not negativity lol. Im being realistic. You met this guy on the internet ffs. Could be anyone. You dont KNOW him and his behaviour right now has got red flags all over it
Plus i was sticking up for the other girl who got there first. Who hes lying to and whos feelings you have not considered. I dont care whether they met yesterday or 5years ago. He flew to another city to spend a week with her. That IS serious-at least more serious than you who he called a friend and shes "the girl hes seeing"
OK, Michelle. You've made your points. :D
Ahhh, I think you know me well enough to know that I only want you to be happy, if you believe he's a good guy who hasn't done anything wrong and his not having broken things off with her before he started bombarding you with attention isn't indicative of dubious judgement or flag-worthy then I defer to your better knowledge, you know him, I don't.Quote:
Originally Posted by namemyname [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
And for the record, I never said I think he's a dick if he changes his mind and wants out - quite the opposite, in fact, if anything I think that's something he should have already communicated to her. Ideally before he decided to spend most of those 9 days texting you. There's absolutely no crime in deciding you met someone you like better and jumping ship, especially not at that early a stage, I guess I just must have missed the part where he actually jumped.
I do, and I know you want me to be happy. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Millie [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
But, what you're doing, and other posters, is make some very lofty assumptions about him, his motives, and what's going on with this girl (or me).
Namely, that they are in some kind of serious, committed relationship. The assumptions that he need break anything off with her before investigating potential with me is crazy. As was Michelle about to blow an o-ring over how this girl will be so hurt, how I'm being selfish, etc.
NONE of us know the nature of their relationship. Since they only met a week ago, they could have been seeing other people during the 2 months of virtual contact. She could be dating someone else. They could have met, decided it wasn't going to work out, but agreed to enjoy their time together nonetheless. They could never have slept together. Who knows. But remember, he's not there solely for her. He's not staying with her, he's not seeing her daily, he's doing business, seeing other friends... When he first went there, yeah, I thought like you did - serious relationship. Until he told me he was getting a hotel room, she wasn't coming to pick him up at the airport, and they weren't rushing to see each other as soon as he landed. Heck, he didn't even meet her until the day after.
Point is, this mindset that he's some kind of a douche and serial cheat or his behavior is "dubious or flag-worthy" is nuts. Or that he needs to be watched carefully because he would do to me what he's doing to her. sigh. You don't know what's going on between them, anymore than I do. But, I do know it will likely resolve one way or another when he gets home.
He's clearly respectful and sensitive enough to her and I to 1) not disparage her in any way to me, 2) not convey feelings and intent for me before actual meeting. Even if he has already told her or decided he doesn't want to date her anymore, he wouldn't tell me that now. THAT would make him look like a douche, imo.
Im a guy. Let me chime in. I can tell you what i do and what i think. Firstly if im talking to a girl that much ie 900 messages a week then yes i wouldnt be doing that for a ****. Boy i must really like her if im investing that much time. Other guys may be different.
but also he has a girl he has flown over to see. Yet again i wouldnt spend 2 months talking to a girl in another state and fly out there if i wasnt really into her let alone spend a week with her. Thats not dating. He must really like her to fly over for a girl trust me on that.
Your a silly girl for getting involved but maybe he does really like you a lot and doesnt just want sex. Like i said every guy is different. All i know is you are in control of your life. You make the decisions in your life. You take the risks and deals with it. Sometimes life isnt fair and you get messed around but you have all the information you have here and if i was a female with tits i.e you i would walk away and meet another guy in real life. Yes it may work out with him and 50 years down the road you still.tigether with kids telling us we go it wrong. But i play by percentages and percentage tells me move on. This isnt the drama you need. Then agaun im not you and maybe you like drama
And michelle aint stupid. You are naive. The other girl has feelings to. You should be backing off. Then again a prt of me wants to stay you guys deserve each other and watch how you get hurtttt
You have some issues. Girls like you are not good gf material thats for sure
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Originally Posted by namemyname [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Ummm, okay well I wasn't aware I'd made any assumptions at all, much less the lofty kind ;) the only thing that could qualify is that I did take it as a given that the girl in question would be somewhat upset if she knew he'd been texting you as frequently as he has been, which is less an assumption and more the impression I got based on our conversation about things before you created this thread. If I got that wrong I apologize.
Oh and again, for the record, I'm not assuming that he need break things off with her before investigating potential with you, I just happen to think that's the right thing to do when you 'care' about someone, especially when it's someone who's blissfully ignorantly posting about their 'dates' on social networking sites.
No we are speculating and telling you how it looks from an outsiders perspective. I wouldnt be stupid enough to spend two months talking to someone online in the first place who lives miles away as I dont do the long distance thing but if I did and I wanted him to fly here to see me-I would be fairly pissed to discover that he has been lining up another girl at home the whole time hes planning to come and f**k me in a hotel room.Quote:
Originally Posted by namemyname [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Exactly. And you told him while he is seeing her-to leave you alone so if he stops seeing her-he will let you know I'm sure.Quote:
Originally Posted by namemyname [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
You mean I didnt tell you what you want to hear? Okay.. No need to be such a b**ch about it. Trying to help here but whateverQuote:
Originally Posted by namemyname [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Michelle: You HAVE made your points and some of them are good one's to consider if she's going to go forward with this guy. You push and you push and you push. Let it go. She knows your views. You push so much that people start to tune you out because of your obsession with making your point.
I agree with a lot of what you've said but what you're saying is no more truth then what Name is saying when she defends him. It's ALL just words to her at this point, without actions. Let her find out on her own while hopfully taking into consideration the things she doesn't want to hear when/if he's showing her that he's just setting her up to be his at home girl while he (travels for business) to where the other girl is.
Most people want to be positive until its PROVEN that your nagativity has warrant.
I'm not trying to push my opinion on her. She responded to me each time so I wrote back. You have just as many posts in this thread as I do. If she wants to go for it, fine.I hope it does work out for her. I'm not trying to be negative here either. I am simply just backing up what I said in my first post and giving reasons why I feel she should be wary of this guy and that she should take the other girls feelings into consideration too. There are red flags here-there is no denying that. I was just explaining what I think they are. And i wouldn't have wrote another post if she didn't respond to me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I stopped pushing when it was quite obvious that she will be taking into consideration what he does with the other girl. Stop denying, it's tiresome. Stop trying to divert what I say back to me... it's immature. How about just once you stop trying to have the last word? You don't know how to end a conversation. You can write another post by summing up and then after you say things like" This thread is boring me now, I'm out." You actually leave. lol She responded to what I said and I had no need to push my own agenda on her any further after advising that she keep her eyes open ... Unlike You.
I think whats truly going on here Namemyname is that the assumptions you're accusing us of, really are more assumptions you have of this guy you're trying to see.
This isn't a situation where you are casually dating a few people and he's casually dating a few people locally.... this is a situation where he's flown out to meet someone and he's going to be there for a good span of time.
You can assume that he's going there just to date, and assume they haven't slept together, and assume its not a relationship, and assume he is going to come back and hang out with you, and assume he isn't just interested in sex, but its all assumptions because you haven't been talking to him all that long, and you have no lasting rapport with him.
You don't know what he's said to this other girl, or what the nature of their relationship will end up being... and you can't even be certain he'd tell you the truth if something did happen between them but he decided to come back and mess around with you too.
People here are giving you advice to what they feel would be the best solution to hurt you in the least... you're fighting it every step of the way. In the end you'll do whatever you want. If you want us to tell you this dude is legit, and he's not going to hurt you with his time away with another woman, which could very well happen often and none of us would be the wiser, I guess we could all forget our instincts and just do that....... you'll do whatever you want to do regardless of what we say anyways.
;) good luck.
Well, of course he liked her enough to go meet her. That's obvious, yes? Doesn't everyone have to have some interest in a person to expend any energy to meet them? I also agree if you spent 2 months interacting with a person, that's sign of a significant interest as well. I would like to think he wasn't the type who flies around the nation meeting women indiscriminantly. I would like to think you're right - that he liked her a lot to fly to meet her. But again, isn't that the point of dating?Quote:
Originally Posted by lamobatsman [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
But, for anyone who has done internet dating or met someone online, the interaction you have before meeting isn't reality. It's quite easy, and common, to get carried away with the fantasy of someone, which, I can say from doing OLD, often doesn't match what you envision in your head (to varying degrees). Who knows what happened when he actually met her. From where I'm sitting, it doesn't seem like it went *that* well (for him). Before her went there, he was pretty gung ho on her, saying she was a great catch, there were lots of good things about her, etc., to not being sure how it was going to go anywhere. I do give him credit for not sharing with me what's going on. I really don't care to know the details, honestly.
But, it bears repeating - it's very possible he met her, and it just didn't click the way he hoped. From both sides - who knows. Wouldn't he be a dick to tell me this? I think so. It's not my business, and I like that he's respectful enough to NOT say anything potentially negative about her.
I think the fact he had to fly to meet her is someone making people think it's more significant. If she were local, they chatted for 2 months, then met, and he was "meh" and then chatting me up, I'm sure people wouldn't be so hard on him (or me). They would say, "oh, he's had a few dates with her, go meet him and see how it goes." Some people travel for a living and fly a good deal - I did for YEARS. It wasn't unusual for me to fly cross-country for a night to have dinner with friends, so I guess to me, flying to stay in a hotel, do business, see some friends, and yes, finally meet and date a girl you've been chatting with and very interested in meeting is not a big deal.