No takers from me. I've approached and been rejected. I lived.Quote:
Originally Posted by mikedoug [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
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No takers from me. I've approached and been rejected. I lived.Quote:
Originally Posted by mikedoug [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
She's only 14. He was 13. It's a learning curveQuote:
Originally Posted by mikedoug [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Taking this a bit further, you commented on my daughter's attempt at dating by saying that good conversation and common interests isn't enough to show that someone is interested in dating us. So, what is the rationale in asking out a stranger who hasn't even noticed us - let alone conversed with us?Quote:
Originally Posted by mikedoug [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
While there are no guarantees in life, I imagine one would have a better chance at success with someone who shows interest in talking with us vs someone who doesn't know we exist. Personally, I want someone who asks me out after talking with me - not someone who asks me out based on my looks alone.
As I said, I have no problem admitting it. When I was 13 I had a huge crush on one of my classmates and I didn't say anything to him for 2 years, because I feared rejection. More recently, about 4 years ago I started having feelings for a male friend of mine and again I didn't say anything for about 6 months. I finally found the courage to confess my feelings (I was no longer a scared 13 year old) to him and we are now in a long-term relationship. So yeah, as I said, both men and women hate being rejected. Both men and women will still ask the other person out, if it's worth the risk.Quote:
Originally Posted by mikedoug [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
As for walking up to strangers on the street, it's not part of my culture - pretty much nobody does it here, male or female. The only guys I've had walking up to me on the street have been foreigners and I was flattered of course, but I would never take them into consideration as dates. I prefer knowing the guy at least a tiny bit (even via friends of friends, or chatting at a party or something) before going on a date with them - it just feels more spontaneous and natural (I'm not saying it's wrong to chat strangers up on the street, just that it's not what I prefer).
Yet lots of adults on this forum would argue that guys aren't friends with girls unless they want to date them. Obviously it's not true in all cases. I'm glad you're not one of the persons who think that way.Quote:
Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I think the concensus is actually that guys have sexual motives for being friends with a girl... "dating" hasn't much to do with it. :)
Yeah, dating, sex, that sort of thing. You guys don't believe it's possible for a guy to be friends with a girl just for the sake of friendship.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
There is a difference between initiating and pursuing or as you put it "chasing." I don't believe Guys get turned off when a girl shows initial interest by asking a guy out. They do get turned off if you continue to be the pursuer.Quote:
Originally Posted by fearoflove [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
What a waste of time to be platonic friends with a guy. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by searock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
*teasing you now*
I prefer my female friends who I can talk dirty with without worrying that they will wana jump me ;)
Speaking as someone who has chased guys he's had feelings for before, I can imagine the woman doesn't want to put herself out there in case he doesn't chase her back... The woman would want it to be equal pursuit- both of them going after one another and never taking the other for granted.
It's a test of manliness. Who wants a guy who sits in a corner whining about how girls don't chase them?
^^^ This.Quote:
Originally Posted by Rowen [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Exactly rightQuote:
Originally Posted by Rowen [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Problem is most women don't feel this way.....they expect the guy to do 100% of the legworkQuote:
Originally Posted by Rowen [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Who wants a woman who shows no effort when a guy is interested in her?Quote:
Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Nope, far from itQuote:
Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Do you personally know "most women"? Because from what you wrote, it appears you do not.Quote:
Originally Posted by mikedoug [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Of course not, but everyone knows most women don't pursue. And because of this she feels she can just sit back and let him do all the workQuote:
Originally Posted by searock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I don't know that most women don't pursue, therefore not everyone knows that most women don't pursue.Quote:
Originally Posted by mikedoug [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
It is not true that most women don't pursue. You can either accept it (and deal with the fact that just because no woman has ever pursued you it doesn't mean that "most women don't pursue guys"), or you can keep living in your nice little sexistly reassuring delusion.
Apparently, a lot of guys.Quote:
Originally Posted by mikedoug [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Give me a break lolQuote:
Originally Posted by searock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
They're either desperate or want sex. No respectable man chases a woman who plays hard to get. A respectable man will want a respectable woman and a respectable woman will not play games. She will pursue him just as much as he pursues her. A respectable man will not fall into the trap of chasing if it's only one way - it's just a preview of things to come later in the relationship.Quote:
Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Delusion it is, I'm not surprised.Quote:
Originally Posted by mikedoug [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
When a guy pees, he does it standing up. When a girl pees, she does it sitting down. What am I getting at? Guys and girls does thing differently. A guy chases in a more direct manner. A girl chases in a more indirect manner. So it is a misconception that a girl does not chase. They just do it differently, usually by dropping tons of hints and being more available to interact with you.
For me, personally, I was brought up in a culture where women who make the first move are looked at as "easy." Thankfully, when I moved to the US, and experienced the rather pleasant "culture shock," this all changed. I'm now back at my home town but I still feel like if I make the first move on a guy, he'll think I'm easy.
Also, fear of rejection and insecurity are also big reasons to not go after what I want. I'm pretty confident but I tend to get a bit awkward when I'm around a guy I really like.
*Some* women pursue men, at least here in America. The majority do not, however. I'm not sure how any reasonable human being who has experienced modern dating culture could disagree with that.
There is a double standard, no doubt about it. How many women on here have gone up to a guy, struck up a conversation, and said "here's my phone, why don't you put your number in it and we'll grab sushi later this week?" And then had the guy turn her down? My bet is not many.
Rejection does not mean having guys not compliment you on your dress at the bar. Rejection does not mean having the cute guy at Starbucks not make eye contact with you. These are silly things women say to try to justify that "we experience rejection just as much as guys."
No, you don't. Women don't pursue because they don't have to. Period. Even women who are below average in intelligence, not well-educated, and with few goals in life will constantly have their egos stroked if they look good in heels.
The dating game heavily favors women. If guys just stopped flattering women, putting them on pedestals, and instead treated them like what they are - one of about 7 billion regular old people who are nothing special - the dating game would shift overnight, and women would actually, you know, have to take some initiative.
Not having to pursue doesn't imply not experiencing rejection (nor vice-versa). I once confessed my feelings to a guy and he told me he didn't feel the same... that was rejection, and it hurt. I know a lot of girls who have done the same thing and were rejected. Open your eyes and you will see...Quote:
Originally Posted by HDBadger [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
You do realize that not all women are considered beautiful by most people? Or do they not count as "women"?Quote:
Even women who are below average in intelligence, not well-educated, and with few goals in life will constantly have their egos stroked if they look good in heels.
I pursued my boyfriend. I was out with my girls and saw him from across the bar, I thought he was handsome so I walked right up to him and started chatting him up. We exchanged numbers and started hanging out a couple days later. When we hung out, I went in for the first kiss and it continued to progress from there :)
It's no use, no matter how many times we provide examples of girls making the first move, there will always be some guys who don't believe it happens. Just because it's never happened to them, hehe.
True story.Quote:
Originally Posted by searock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I also pursued my bf. We had known eachother for years prior mind you, but when I knew I was coming to town to visit, I told him, and told him to meet me at the bar I was going to be at. I practically threw myself at him, intending it to only be a one night thing. We spent the next 2 weeks together and I moved back home and we've been together since.Quote:
Originally Posted by missprisss [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Point out one person in this thread that said no woman, ever, in the history of the world, pursued a man.
I, at least, am saying the *majority* of women don't. Which is a fact.
The vast majority of guys, if they wait for women to initiate things, will never get laid and never have a relationship.
So what? You can bitch and whine about it forever, but that's just the way it is.Quote:
Originally Posted by HDBadger [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Soooo yah. Civil rights gained through blood and suffering and death only so that things stay the same..Way to go, society!
YC, have you even read the thread? Before civil rights movement, if a woman pursued a guy she would have immediately been labeled as a "slut" or worse. Now it happens every day and nobody even notices. See the MAJOR difference?
No one is bitching and whining. I stated a fact that was pertinent to the thread.Quote:
Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
And people saying "it's just the way it is" is why society as a whole takes so long to change for the better.
I'm still baffled why so many women are content to sit back and wait for guys to approach them when they could have so many more options simply by taking on the same actions men are supposed to take.
There are a lot of inequalities between men and women. Do you think women LIKE menstruating, childbirth, "glass ceilings", and double standards regarding sexual activity?
Bunching childbirth and menstruation in with everything else is odd to me because those are biological processes that no one can change.
As for the other stuff, I sure hope women don't like glass ceilings and double standards. I know I don't like them. Which is exactly my point. We should *all* make an effort to erase these things. I'm all for women acting however they want sexually and making just as much as men in the workplace.
And I hope that, in the same vein, women would want the dating playing field to be as even as possible, but I'm not holding my breath for that because, though many women complain about things like inequality in the workplace, many women also *don't* complain about inequality when it works in their favor.
Tell a woman her fiancé isn't getting her an engagement ring because it's unreasonable for a guy to spend that much money on a material possession while she doesn't have to spend a dime and watch the look of horror appear on her face.
Meh, I wouldn't want my bf to spend loads of money on a ring. I prefer heartfelt, not expensive gifts. You are generalizing and stereotyping.
There are women who like being pursued and there are women who like pursuing, and there are women who like both. Get over it.
So there was a time when women didn't approach and another time where women didn't approach? My goodness. It's night and day!Quote:
Originally Posted by searock [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]