Am I right to be suspicious? Or am I just being Paranoid?

Dude, you are being way to clingy and suspicious I think, I mean honestly who cares if she is hanging out with other guys? Unless she is cheating on you then it is not much of a problem. Remember if she wanted to dump you she would have done so, and if she wanted to be going out with her ex, then again she wouldn't be going out with you.

Girl's basically seem to do this sort of thing sometimes as a means to make you want her time more, and to try and make you compete for her time. Just relax and let her do it, and leave her by herself sometimes, let her know that she also has to compete for your time. Basically speaking just relax and let her know whos boss, and that you are in control, in my experience woman like men who lead. At the moment it seems that she is leading you.

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Originally Posted by Airborne

Dude, you are being way to clingy and suspicious I think, I mean honestly who cares if she is hanging out with other guys? Unless she is cheating on you then it is not much of a problem. Remember if she wanted to dump you she would have done so, and if she wanted to be going out with her ex, then again she wouldn't be going out with you.

Girl's basically seem to do this sort of thing sometimes as a means to make you want her time more, and to try and make you compete for her time. Just relax and let her do it, and leave her by herself sometimes, let her know that she also has to compete for your time. Basically speaking just relax and let her know whos boss, and that you are in control, in my experience woman like men who lead. At the moment it seems that she is leading you.

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Thanks for the input, I really do appreciate multiple opinions.

The thing with her ex though, he dumped her, and she was "crushed" (her own words) for over a year. Even though he cheated on her then broke up with her she still wanted to be friends with him and would have got back together with him if she could have. The only reason he isn't a problem anymore is that he moved accross the country for a new job.

I don't think I am being too clingy, I need my space just like she does, just 2 weeks ago I went out with "the guys" and ended up passing out on my friends couch, I hang out with my friends a lot. We don't spend every night together.

I am a very laid back guy usually when it comes to guy friends and the like. She is a very social girl and has a lot of friends.

If you were in my shoes, and seeing how things actually are going down, then I think maybe you would understand. If you saw the slight changes in everything she says and such.

You maye be right though, maybe it is all in my head, maybe if I confront her on this I will ruin a good thing. Bottom line though, she is lying to me, and I won't be in a long term relationship with someone that flat lies to me and then 10 seconds later says "I Love You".

word, Don I think you are 100% correct to have your suspicions based on how she's acting.. I don't think you are out of line at all. There's a difference between having guy friends and having a guy friend who calls you as much as your boyfriend, when he does call you leave the room, that you hide from your boyfriend, and lie to your boyfriend about hanging out with.

Let us know how it went last night dude.

Thanks Tone, actually she didn't come by last night, she said she might come by if it was early enough or she would go home and go to bed. So haven't had the chance to talk to her about it, I want to do it in person though.

Bored at work again Don99?

Well talked to her on MSN, she says she fell asleep at Steph's house watching a movie, and left at 2 am, and she is really sorry she didn't stop by.

When I went by Stephs place, all the lights were off and I think there was a faint glow, could have been the TV.

I asked if Stephs boyfriend was there, she said no, however when I went by his truck was there.

So tonight we are going to have a talk, enough is enough.


OV: Yeah I am kinda bored, luckily for me a large part of my job is waiting for something to go wrong with the network, and that doesn't happen very often since we have a lot of talented people here. Great job for a student.

Just say "So did guys just hang out at Steph's all night last night? You guys do anything else?" since you drove there and saw her car NOT there.

Best of luck dude... let us know how it goes.

sorry man. she's being REALLY obvious about it. i can't believe you're still with her and willing to talk. i would've been gone already. cause i'm aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalready gone!

Don, you still haven't sat down and chatted with her yet?

I'm thinking, it's been a while, maybe he's had that talk and yada, yada.. But nowhere, no progress?

You keep saying the next time she does something..

Dude, sit down and talk already.

The faster you get this over with, the faster you can move on...

Don99, u realy dont seem like ur knowing whats going on...Everybody loves her? Jeah, damn right:) Holly heaven, tnx im not going trought this, i would kill her allredy. Doing everything for your love, and she plays with u and doesnt apropriate that....dump her i say!

and i tought my storry "crisis!" was anoying and bad:)

what a way to advertise your story..

now, i must go read... can't resist temptation to check out the thread....

arrrrggghhh

i dont want no more comments about my story, im over with and im done with that. So pls, dont write anyting, cause it drives me mad!:)

i gave up looking for it...

ok, i post it damit...

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/t8980-crisis-need-urgent-help.html[/url]

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Originally Posted by artyemi

Don, you still haven't sat down and chatted with her yet?

I'm thinking, it's been a while, maybe he's had that talk and yada, yada.. But nowhere, no progress?

You keep saying the next time she does something..

Dude, sit down and talk already.

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I am, tonight, I was going to last night but she didn't come over.

When I first came here like a week ago, I was going to talk when I stayed with her, then she got really sick to the point where she couldn't even drive. I didn't want to bring this up while she was that out of it. While she was sick is when I looked at her cellphone and saw all the calls from David.

She is feeling better now and she should come visit me later tonigh, if not I am going to go to her place.

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Originally Posted by Don99

If you were in my shoes, and seeing how things actually are going down, then I think maybe you would understand. If you saw the slight changes in everything she says and such.

You maye be right though, maybe it is all in my head, maybe if I confront her on this I will ruin a good thing. Bottom line though, she is lying to me, and I won't be in a long term relationship with someone that flat lies to me and then 10 seconds later says "I Love You".

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Lol, dude I was in your shoes, and I ended up getting dumped because I was to suspicious and needy, and that indicated to her that I was desperate, and there is no bigger turn off than that!

If she's lying to you it may be because she feels a need to explain her actions to you, because she does not think you are happy with the truth. I think if you just relax it may end up sorting itself out, good luck dude!

I'm actually feeling pretty shit right now for you man. Feels like its my gf who's doing all this crap.

I really hope you can sort it all out with the talk, but from my point of view it's over already.. even if she's not cheating, she's lying to you and just generally acting weird and you're obviously not happy. It should end, unless she has some kind of magic excuse which explains everything.

Hope you don't get hurt too much :(

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Originally Posted by Airborne

Lol, dude I was in your shoes, and I ended up getting dumped because I was to suspicious and needy, and that indicated to her that I was desperate, and there is no bigger turn off than that!

If she's lying to you it may be because she feels a need to explain her actions to you, because she does not think you are happy with the truth. I think if you just relax it may end up sorting itself out, good luck dude!

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Did you actually read his post? Do you see how his g/f is acting? You'd be a real moron to NOT question the reason she is acting the way she is...

Don, update us!

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Originally Posted by Airborne

Lol, dude I was in your shoes, and I ended up getting dumped because I was to suspicious and needy, and that indicated to her that I was desperate, and there is no bigger turn off than that!

If she's lying to you it may be because she feels a need to explain her actions to you, because she does not think you are happy with the truth. I think if you just relax it may end up sorting itself out, good luck dude!

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I understand what you mean, woman hate dependent little men.

Know what though? The whole reason I can't turn a blind eye is because I am not a doormat. If I needed her to get by and was desperate I would just ignore this whole thing and let it go on forever.

What kind of "man" could pretend this didn't exist and still look at himself in the mirror? Even if she isn't cheating, she is lying to me, plain and simple.

We were supposed to talk last night but her brother came into town two days ago and she hung out with him, luckily I have this afternoon off so finally we get to talk. I refuse to talk about this over the phone, I want her to look me in the eye when we talk about this.

I appreciate what you are saying, and I know I may lose her, but I would rather lose her then go on pretending nothing is going on while she is sneaking around.

Now after reading your post, I agree with you Don. You do have a right to know whats going on.

My ex bf (the one who cheated) told me I was being too parnanoid and that I if I wasn't so nosy .......things would be ok... Funny thing is thats when I caught him cheating...... I was still in shock when it was actually going on.....but I felt I had the right to know the truth. I'm glad I did catch him......because otherwise that stuff would have still been going on....and it would have hurt even more.

that's probably the most humiliating thing about somebody cheating on you, being told that you're being too paranoid or being made to feel like you're crazy for feeling the way you do. i'll tell you something don, she is cheating on you. if she wasn't, she'd have nothing to hide. it sounds like she keeps putting you off and putting you off some more so that maybe you'll just forget about it. but if you dump her ass i wouldn't blame you one bit.

So yeah, tonight was the night I was finally gonna sit down and talk to her, right when we meet up she gets a phone call from her student job running a lab at the university and her boss needed her to come in. Then she works her real job from 5-11 and she has to get up at 7 am tommorow so I doubt she will be in the mood to drive over.

LOL It has been impossible for me to be alone with her for any length of time the last few days.

I would almost think she is avoiding you for a reason.......

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Originally Posted by Ellynn

I would almost think she is avoiding you for a reason.......

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The last few days she has been working early and so have I, and her brother being in town complicates things, we hung out for a while today but we weren't alone, then she gets a phone call, bleh.

I don't want to say "We need to sit down and talk" because I don't want her to have time to come up with excuses. Either way she is supposed to stay with me tommorow night since I don't work Friday morning.

surely SOMETHING will come up again. maybe she'll get a private phone call from david.

Wow dude this is getting to be a bit weird... each day you're suppose to talk to her and each day something comes up... the plot thickens...

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Originally Posted by misombra

surely SOMETHING will come up again. maybe she'll get a private phone call from david.

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Yeah, and say it's a call from work and she has to leave.

i don't even see why you have to discuss it. you already know what's going. she's not going to admit to anything.

so, this is where all the grown up talk happens, yeah?

I think you know what to do, you just don't want to admit it. Trust your gut and your instincts. The only reason you should second guess your instincts is if you've always been a jealous-minded person. Otherwise, based on your description of everything that's taken place, if you stay with her, you should expect more of the same. I also predict that she will eventually dump you once she thinks she's found what's she's looking for - which doesn't sound like you.

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Originally Posted by Tone

Yeah, and say it's a call from work and she has to leave.

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Actually though it sounds fishy with things come up to people reading this, we are both really busy and we don't get to see each other every night. Last few nights we have both been working and such, and her brother is always around(leaves sunday).

Her boss actually did call her, I saw the # and heard him on the phone, if it was anything fishy I would be the first one to add it to the list of shit that is bothering me.

I can't have a talk like this when her brother is sitting at her place hanging out, bleh. I am supposed to go over to her place in a few, and then she is going to come stay her supposedly.

I think I will just stop posting till we have our little talk :)

OK finally managed to have our little talk. I am tired but wanted to write something down while it is still fresh in my mind.

Now first I would like to point out something that has been lost in the many pages I think. She really is the nicest person I know, everyone loves her that meets her, she even passed the test of meeting my 3 sisters, the first long term girlfriend I have had that has passed that test.

Basically I hung out at her place till midnight, she didn't want to make the drive back over and stay at my place since she has to be to work at 8 am and it was already midnight.

So I said "Actually I need to talk to you about something"

I pointed out the time that really pissed me off when she said she was going to Jenny's house, but Jenny went to a movie at 8. I also pointed out many other things. I mentioned I dropped by her other friends house a few days ago to say hi and she wasn't there.

I left out the fact that I looked through her cell logs when she was sick, I did mention that she used to talk about David all the time, and never mentions him anymore.

Well at first she was like "Oh I'm sorry if I made you mad" then she thought about it for a bit and clammed up. She was like 'I can't believe you would actually look up movie times, or just drive by my friends house, that is SO creepy and unhealthy"

I agree with that, it is creepy, but given the circumstances I felt I had the right to know what was going on.

Basically she got really pissed off at me, and I left, she told me to call when I got home and let her know I made it(raining)

I got home and call her and she is crying saying she can't believe I don't trust her and such and how she is quiting her summer job anyway and she won't see them, and how she has only hung out with them a couple times. She said the reason she never mentioned hanging out with David the few times she did was because she didn't want me to say "Why haven't I ever met him, blah blah" she pointed out how before we started dating she used to hang out with her friends all the time and now she only does a few days a week and she shouldn't have to explain what she is doing to me every second.

This is true but she also doesn't have to lie.

Basically she said "I don't know, I have so much going on, applying to grad school, all these classes I have to take, my thesis, I don't want to fight about this when I am never going to see these people probably after the next few weeks"

She said "I don't know what I want anymore" the whole time she was crying.

So basically @ 1:30 I said "Lets talk tommorow, go to bed, I love you" she said I love you back and we got off the phone.

I don't really know what to think, we talked for a long time and I didn't write it all down, but if she was lying to me about anything she was doing the best job I have ever heard anyone do, but you can never tell.

Bleh, see what happens tommorow. Time for sleep.

Normally we talk in the morning, I will go see her at lunch and she calls me on her way to work. Haven't heard from her today. Going over to one of my buddies houses, might go out tonight.

interesting story.

She's trying to lay the guilt trip on you man, don't buy it.

Next time you talk just ask her "why did you lie to me?". If she can't come up with a cast iron excuse then kick her out. Maybe all the stuff she said is true but even so it's unfair for her to make you feel like you're in the wrong, when you're just concerned about the relationship. If she was the right person for you she would have calmly discussed it and the situation would be resolved, I think the crying and all the rest of it is bullshit.

But hey what do I know?

By the way the situation you just described when you had a talk with her is almost exactly what my ex was like 2 weeks before she dumped me. I tried to have the talk after being suspicious of her behaviour with a certain friend for a while. She gave me all the "I can't believe you don't trust me! (cry cry cry)" stuff. We carry on like nothing happened, although she becomes more distant than ever. Dumped 2 weeks later. Turns out she'd been seeing her "best friend" for a month or so.

Its a really shitty feeling. I hope this isn't the case for you, and by all means try to work it out but don't put yourself through any more crap than is necessary. If you can't come to an agreement next time you talk, end it.

crying is the oldest trick in the book man.

what's up?