Sticky situation....help!

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Originally Posted by Lloyd95

Ok Jeblina, here is what I would want to hear from you if I were your boyfriend:

"I was very happy the other day when you told me you loved, as I feel the same way about you-I love you too. And I care about you a great deal which is why I'm going to say what I'm about to say. I thought I noticed that you were high. If you weren't, fine. Maybe I'm being paranoid about it b/c of my previous addiction. However, because of that addiction, I think I know the signs (list signs here).

Since I care about you, and love you, I want to help you overcome it and get help... we can beat it together; I did, so I know you can too, as you're as strong or stronger than I am/was. Also, you have your beautiful daughter to think about, just as I am constantly reminded by my own daughter, what a good choice I made by being drug free."

On the lines of that.

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Wow....that's really good...because that's pretty close to what I was thinking about saying. I just don't want him to blow up and run off again because he thinks I'm "accusing" him...rather than just asking, or being concerned.

The problem now is how to go about talking to him....I haven't talked to him since the blowup on Saturday night.....I've stopped trying to call him so he could have a "cooling off" period. So what's my next move? Do I wait for him to call me? Can I try calling him again (it's been a day and a half since I tried calling him)? I may have to go up to his work today to buy supplies for my horses (but would really like to avoid that at all costs if he's not speaking to me....I don't want to be smothering)......I just don't know the best thing to do....this is all new to me.......

I would definitely call him. guys don't always like having to make the first move, or initial move like this. We're usually just as unsure as women, if not more so.

Go over and see him (about the horses or whatever); ask him if you can go over to his place after work, it's on his turf and he'll be more comfortable. Then plan on bringing dinner or a hearty appetizer and maybe some wine or beer with you. When he first sees this, he'll be thinking to himself, "Ok, she wants to hangout for awhile, not some quick "I want you to do this and get help with that blahblahblah". Also will show that you assume everything will turn out ok.

Get freshen up before hand (horse stink, yuk) but don't go to a public place ie restaurant, bar. It will place undo strain if things get heated.

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Originally Posted by Lloyd95

I would definitely call him. guys don't always like having to make the first move, or initial move like this. We're usually just as unsure as women, if not more so.

Go over and see him (about the horses or whatever); ask him if you can go over to his place after work, it's on his turf and he'll be more comfortable. Then plan on bringing dinner or a hearty appetizer and maybe some wine or beer with you. When he first sees this, he'll be thinking to himself, "Ok, she wants to hangout for awhile, not some quick "I want you to do this and get help with that blahblahblah". Also will show that you assume everything will turn out ok.

Get freshen up before hand (horse stink, yuk) but don't go to a public place ie restaurant, bar. It will place undo strain if things get heated.

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HAHAHA...horse stink huh? Not your cup of tea? Well he works at the biggest feed store in the area...so he's used to it :) I do think it sounds like a good idea though....going over to his place.....and not showing up empty-handed like I just want to get it over with and be done with it.

So you think that I've let enough time pass, and I should try calling him again? I mean, when I tried calling him almost 2 days ago, he wouldn't answer my calls. And if he doesn't answer my calls today, and I have to go up to his work.... :horror: .....what should I do/say? I feel like I'm walking on eggshells here with him!

Definitely call him; or go to the store. Ask him if he has plans for after work, then say, "No? Good, I'm going to stop by at (insert time here)". give him enough time to go home and change (horsefeed stink, yuk), but not too late where he would have eaten or gone out.

You may want to add in your conversation that this whole experience is new to you; and you're just trying to figure it out as you go. I would like to see a little insecurity in women, as it shows their vulnerable as well. It's sexy, cute, and it helps with a guys ego too. As I'm sure he's a more "macho" type since he works in a feed store etc. Kinda "cowboy studliness".

Oh, and I don't think horses "stink" per se. But I'm not sure if it's a sexy smell on women.

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Originally Posted by Lloyd95

Definitely call him; or go to the store. Ask him if he has plans for after work, then say, "No? Good, I'm going to stop by at (insert time here)". give him enough time to go home and change (horsefeed stink, yuk), but not too late where he would have eaten or gone out.

You may want to add in your conversation that this whole experience is new to you; and you're just trying to figure it out as you go. I would like to see a little insecurity in women, as it shows their vulnerable as well. It's sexy, cute, and it helps with a guys ego too. As I'm sure he's a more "macho" type since he works in a feed store etc. Kinda "cowboy studliness".

Oh, and I don't think horses "stink" per se. But I'm not sure if it's a sexy smell on women.

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Ok......I think I'm going to try calling him right now...he's at work...so he might not answer.....I'm nervous.....LOL

He's not a cowboy by any stretch of the imagination...and sometimes, I think that I have more testosterone than he does (he's a cuddler, and all around really nice guy.....I can be that way SOMETIMES....but not all the time).....but he is a guy's guy :) I've made sure that any time anything was akward or strange, I told him to just ignore it because "I'm new to this".....it always did seem to help the situation...whatever it may have been.

Oh, and it sounds as though you need an invitation to actually SEE if you think that it's a sexy smell on a woman :goofy:

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Originally Posted by Jeblina

Oh, and it sounds as though you need an invitation to actually SEE if you think that it's a sexy smell on a woman :goofy:

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Yes, I'm always up for an invitation; but have to warn 'ya, I think I've made up my mind about the scent "Eau d'Manure" on a woman. :D

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Originally Posted by Lloyd95

Yes, I'm always up for an invitation; but have to warn 'ya, I think I've made up my mind about the scent "Eau d'Manure" on a woman. :D

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JESUS...what do you think I DO? Roll in the shit? HAHAHA.....it's more like the smell of hay and horse and sweat, and whatever perfume I'm wearing that day

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Originally Posted by Jeblina

.it's more like the smell of hay and horse and sweat,

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Oh, my mistake. That's much better!!

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Originally Posted by Lloyd95

Oh, my mistake. That's much better!!

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Awww....cmon...you took that out of context! LOL....I swear....I don't smell bad when I come home (maybe I've just gotten used to it?) :)

Ok. I'm sure you smell divine. I'll leave it at that. ;)

Good luck with your beau today/tonight. Let me know how it goes.

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Originally Posted by Lloyd95

Good luck with your beau today/tonight. Let me know how it goes.

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Well I just tried calling him....he rejected my phone call :( So now what? Keep trying? Crap.....

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Originally Posted by Jeblina

Well I just tried calling him....he rejected my phone call :( So now what? Keep trying? Crap.....

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I'd go over to his work. You needed to go over anyway, right?

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Originally Posted by Lloyd95

I'd go over to his work. You needed to go over anyway, right?

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Yeah...I don't REALLY have to go over until tomorrow....but there are some things that I could use today......but if he's avoiding my phone calls, won't it seem a bit "stalker-ish" to go up there anyway....I mean, he obviously doesn't want to talk to me if he's rejecting my phone calls, right?

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Originally Posted by Jeblina

Yeah...I don't REALLY have to go over until tomorrow....but there are some things that I could use today......but if he's avoiding my phone calls, won't it seem a bit "stalker-ish" to go up there anyway....I mean, he obviously doesn't want to talk to me if he's rejecting my phone calls, right?

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No, not necessarily. Maybe he just doesn't wan to deal now or get into a long conversation, that could get heated while he's at work. I personally don't like get calls from girls when I'm at work, especially if there is a chance there would be drama.

Go over, be nice, tell him you'd like to stop by; almost insist on it without being "stalkerish", if that's possible. He he flat out refuses, well then, we need to rethink Plan B. I highly doubt he will.

Remember, he already put his feelings out to you. He just can't turn them off just lie that, as much as we men would llike to.

Go in with the mind set of "He loves me, he told me so. He may be embarassed, but I have the confidence that he'll want to see me."

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Originally Posted by Lloyd95

Go in with the mind set of "He loves me, he told me so. He may be embarassed, but I have the confidence that he'll want to see me."

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That's the thing I'm worried about....yes, he did say "love"...but then didn't say it for a whole WEEK, and then we had our big blowup thing....and he said that he didn't really MEAN to say it, that it just kinda came out...blah blah blah.....and that he wants to go slow so things don't get screwed up.....I'm concerned that he's not being honest with me, and this is just his "nice" way of saying that he's just not that into me. Am I just being paranoid now?

Personally yes, I think you're being paranoid.

I've been in the situation where I've said "I love you" to a girl before she said it, and i got something like "that's nice" in return.

From a guys standpoint it's humbling and embarassing. My take is he was probably doubting how you felt (remember, youdidn't actually say it back), and acting all cool to cover himself. Meanwhile, he's thinking, "****, why did I say that! stupid, stupid stupid"

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Originally Posted by Lloyd95

Personally yes, I think you're being paranoid.

I've been in the situation where I've said "I love you" to a girl before she said it, and i got something like "that's nice" in return.

From a guys standpoint it's humbling and embarassing. My take is he was probably doubting how you felt (remember, youdidn't actually say it back), and acting all cool to cover himself. Meanwhile, he's thinking, "****, why did I say that! stupid, stupid stupid"

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Yes, but on Saturday, I DID tell him.....because earlier in the day, I had been up at his work, and he was just acting all distant to me, and I got moody and pissed and told him "I don't think I can do this anymore" and he asked me why, and I told him," because every time I think I've figured out how I feel about you, you do something like stand me up and don't call for 2 days!".....I then called him back a few hours later, and told him," I lied to you earlier when I said I was still figuring out how I feel about you....I already KNOW how I feel about you...I love you. Why don't we talk later?" And then when we met later (MUCH later than planned), that's when the whole "situation" went down and I thought he was stoned and he ran off.

I don't know if I ever asked you, do you really love him? Would you have said that to him if he didn't being it up first? Put the whole drug thing aside, like it never happened. do you see yourself with him? And with your daughter?

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Originally Posted by Lloyd95

I don't know if I ever asked you, do you really love him? Would you have said that to him if he didn't being it up first? Put the whole drug thing aside, like it never happened. do you see yourself with him? And with your daughter?

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Absolutely...the only reason I DIDN'T say it first was that I've always been told to let the guy say it first (because they tend to come to "love" feelings slower than women)....if I had said it, I risked rejection. I started thinking that I loved him about a week before he said it.

And yes, I can see myself with him....when I'm with him, I feel great about myself...I feel safe and happy....and my daughter loves him and he's great with her....and I love his daughter....I had already talked to him when we first started dating about my aprehentions about about the relationship...I told him....I'm a little scared because if things get serious, it's kinda an Insta-family. He said he knew...and then asked me if I minded it.....I said....no...assuming things went well....

Alright, you need to bring these things up to him as well. I think every man would like their woman to think that they make you feel secure.

You need to go over there now and let me know how it goes! I leave work by 4:00, especially today since I rode in with a buddy of mine. (trying to save on these new gas prices) Hurry! go go go. And report back here by 3:30. :D

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Originally Posted by Lloyd95

Alright, you need to bring these things up to him as well. I think every man would like their woman to think that they make you feel secure.

You need to go over there now and let me know how it goes! I leave work by 4:00, especially today since I rode in with a buddy of mine. (trying to save on these new gas prices) Hurry! go go go. And report back here by 3:30. :D

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I wish I could...I have to go later because my daughter is still napping and I have to take a shower and get ready (I think I'm required to look "killer" for this meeting right?). I probably won't be leaving my house before 4....probably more like 4:30. It takes me 30 mins to get over there too....and then I have to take care of my horses while I'm over there so I don't waste fuel....I won't be back until late tonight.

Just because you had a problem with weed doesn't mean that he does. You said that he pays child support, works hard, and takes care of his daughter. So wheres the problem?

Try to look at your situation in proportion. He is a good guy and the only time he gets defensive is when you elude to his smoking habit. Why are you so afraid of you daughter becoming attached to someone who smokes weed?

If I was dating a lady and she constantly judged me based on what I smoke, I would think that she is shallow and I would probably disregard her calls too.

I thought you were going to his work first?
Yes, look "killer" for the meeting, but don't "overdo" it. Classy, yet sexy; subtle yet flashy. Skirt and tank top; tank dress or sundress, whatever they call them. Hair in an updo.

Good stuff there!

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Originally Posted by carpflounder

Just because you had a problem with weed doesn't mean that he does. You said that he pays child support, works hard, and takes care of his daughter. So wheres the problem?

Try to look at your situation in proportion. He is a good guy and the only time he gets defensive is when you elude to his smoking habit. Why are you so afraid of you daughter becoming attached to someone who smokes weed?

If I was dating a lady and she constantly judged me based on what I smoke, I would think that she is shallow and I would probably disregard her calls too.

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Are you kidding me? Did you even BOTHER to read my post? I myself am an ex-addict....he and I used to party together...so I DO know that he used to smoke. Yes, he does pay child support and has a great relationship with his daughter...as well as mine. He IS a good guy....but if the reason that he is standing me up and not calling for days is because of drug use (even if it IS just weed), that's a problem...and I want to know before I get in any deeper. I DON'T want my daughter around someone who smokes because, hello...it's ILLEGAL, and it's bad for ya, and if he's getting high and driving, he's at risk of going to jail.

No...I'm not shallow....I'm just concerned for my wellbeing and the wellbeing of my daughter....you're OBVOIUSLY not a parent, correct? If you were, you would understand my perspective.

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Originally Posted by carpflounder

Why are you so afraid of you daughter becoming attached to someone who smokes weed?

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Ok, obviously you don't have a daughter. When and if you do, your perspective will change on this I'm sure. I smoked plenty in college, nor do I think it's too bad of a habit, in moderation of course, however, I would not want my daughter being around it nor seeing me smoke it (which I don't)

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Originally Posted by Lloyd95

I thought you were going to his work first?
Yes, look "killer" for the meeting, but don't "overdo" it. Classy, yet sexy; subtle yet flashy. Skirt and tank top; tank dress or sundress, whatever they call them. Hair in an updo.

Good stuff there!

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Yes, I do have to go to his work first....but I'm not going to drive 30 mins there...talk to him....drive 30 mins home just to report to you.....then drive 30 mins BACK to take care of my horses and then drive 30 mins home....I'd be exhausted...that's two hours of driving...I can't afford that (not at 3.20 a gallon).

I was thinking of a tank top and short shorts (skirt at a feed store is SO out of place)....and my hair is short....so it's gonna have to be what it is.....(there are some pics of me with my short hair in my signature)....

Wow, $3.20/gal. I'm paying $3.69/gal.

And I'm not worth the 30 minute drive? Humph.

So you're going to his work, then your horses, then his house? Does that give him enough time to get home and freshen up? And forgive me for keep going back to this, but won't you smell like horses?

Maybe I'm not sure of the geographical layout of points A, B, C and D.

Is that pictures of him with you on the cruise?

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Originally Posted by Lloyd95

Is that pictures of him with you on the cruise?

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No...that's my daughter's father.....I've gotta take those pics off ::rolls eyes::

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Originally Posted by Lloyd95

Wow, $3.20/gal. I'm paying $3.69/gal.

And I'm not worth the 30 minute drive? Humph.

So you're going to his work, then your horses, then his house? Does that give him enough time to get home and freshen up? And forgive me for keep going back to this, but won't you smell like horses?

Maybe I'm not sure of the geographical layout of points A, B, C and D.

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Ok...here's the geographical layout...

[url]http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/jeblina3/detail?.dir=4f3c&.dnm=adad.jpg&.src=ph[/url]

I'm going to have my daughter tonight (unexpectedly)....so I don't know if I should resolve things tonight...or wait until tomorrow.

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Originally Posted by Jeblina

I was thinking of a tank top and short shorts (skirt at a feed store is SO out of place)....

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Nah, go sundress. I imagine every woman in Floriday is dressed in a tank top and shorts right now. :bored:

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Originally Posted by Lloyd95

Nah, go sundress. I imagine every woman in Floriday is dressed in a tank top and shorts right now. :bored:

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I don't own a dress that fits me.....lol I'll look for a skirt though...but he's going to look at me strange and ask me why the hell I'm wearing a skirt to go to the barn in.....maybe I should tell him I have a date after the barn...with him? LOL

Holy shit, your house must by awesome! On an island and all :astonish:

Aw man, the build up all afternoon, now I have to wait until tomorrow....

C'mon, can't you see this is all about me now; I need you to give it a try now! Tonight! for me?

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Originally Posted by Jeblina

I don't own a dress that fits me.....lol I'll look for a skirt though...but he's going to look at me strange and ask me why the hell I'm wearing a skirt to go to the barn in.....maybe I should tell him I have a date after the barn...with him? LOL

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he'll figure it our after he see's you.

Bring a change of clothes for after the barn?

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Originally Posted by Lloyd95

Holy shit, your house must by awesome! On an island and all :astonish:

Aw man, the build up all afternoon, now I have to wait until tomorrow....

C'mon, can't you see this is all about me now; I need you to give it a try now! Tonight! for me?

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Yeah...my house is pretty cool...it's about a 5 minute walk to the beach....in my backyard is a canal and I have a pool. It's cool until we get hurricanes like last year :horror: .

You don't have a comp at home? That's a shame! The best I can do is try to call him again....but otherwise, I guess you're going to have to wait until tomorrow :)

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Originally Posted by Lloyd95

he'll figure it our after he see's you.

Bring a change of clothes for after the barn?

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There's nowhere to change at the barn....except for my horse's stall...and that's not very much privacy....LOL

No, I'm renting a room or staying in a room at my friends house (I"m going thru a separation/divorce thing) and I use my cell to connect my computer to the internet; but I'm actually heading out tonight for some sushi and drinking. Doubt I'll get on tonight.

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Originally Posted by Jeblina

There's nowhere to change at the barn....except for my horse's stall...and that's not very much privacy....LOL

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You wear underwear, right? It's justs like being in a bathing suit/bikini. I change in my car all the time, and I have a little 2 seater.

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Originally Posted by Lloyd95

No, I'm renting a room or staying in a room at my friends house (I"m going thru a separation/divorce thing) and I use my cell to connect my computer to the internet; but I'm actually heading out tonight for some sushi and drinking. Doubt I'll get on tonight.

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I'm sorry to hear about your separation/divorce....that's gotta be rough. But it sounds like you'll be hearing about it tomorrow then....depending on how it goes, I may not even post about it tonight...I might wait until the morning

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Originally Posted by Lloyd95

You wear underwear, right?

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Sometimes....LOL....I guess you're right.....I'm going to go check my closet for an outfit that will be suitable. ::mumbles to self:: I'm going to look like an idiot wearing a skirt in a feed store...LOL