Hey glad you could get this resolved!
Hope everything works out for you guys.
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Hey glad you could get this resolved!
Hope everything works out for you guys.
LilMissy:
I hope you will really consider your sexual compatibility, and think about the ramifications of asking your husband to alter his behavior, before you guys tie the knot. It does not sound like you guys are right for each other.
Your sex drive at 23 should NOT be slowing to any great extent, and if you are "far from it" (being a virgin) I have got to wonder about your reasons for having all that sex earlier. I think you might have some serious introspection to do, but that's too much to analyze here.
Masturbating and watching porn is not a bad thing. If he has a sexual drive, he has a sexual drive, and relieving his sexual urges in a harmless way such as that is natural and healthy (unless he is obsessed with sexual activity which would be if he is spending major amounts of his day jerking off, and as a result, missing school or work, or is conducting himself inappropriately in society - in which case he needs a shrink). Asking him to suppress those urges and trying to shut-down this form of release is only going to make him want to satisfy his sexual needs outside the home.
Don't let your own issues of feelings of inadequacy result in shutting down his harmless release, or cause continual fighting.
And why is his masturbating creepy? You should be happy he is not attempting to hide his needs, and the way that he satisfies them. Why should he be more "discreet"? Is he doing it in the living room with the blinds open, in front of the window, where neighbors can see? Maybe you should have asked him to do it more quietly so he does not wake you up, but be more "discreet"? So you are not going to be pissed off if you catch him once in a while..... what is "once in a while"? He is not going to be masturbating any less, I assure you, he is simply going to be hiding it from you. Because of your overbearing disapproval of his actions, it seems you guys may have already taken the first steps toward secrecy and dishonesty ruining a relationship.
If there were definitely not going to be any kids (like if one of you could not have them) I would say fine, learn at the school of hard knocks, but since kids usually come out of marriage, you really should seek a companion with which you are more compatible. Kids deserve better than divorce.
HAHAHAHAHAHAQuote:
Originally Posted by whaywardj
OMG
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
LOL
That just made my day :lol:
Thanks Hayward :)
Let your bf open up to you and tell you what he likes. May be there is something he is afraid to ask you to do for him.
Ok first of all, I know I'm relatively new here, but that doesn't mean I don't know common sense when I see it.
Hugo has common sense, and his posts aren't as far from the truth as most of you are trying to make it seem.
I'm not saying the problem belongs entirely to the poster herself, or to her boyfriend either, but there are lots of things they could both do to improve the situation.
A few questions for the poster:
- does sexual intercourse hurt you in some way?
- does he not please you?
- do you work long hours / come home tired etc and need to go to sleep or rest?
Because if not, I see absolutely no reason why you would find having sex 4 times a week excessive. Sure, he could refrain from doing it every once in a while since he knows it bothers you, and you could also put out more. But those are issues that you actually need to talk eachother about.
You are 23 and should be very sexually active unless your relationship with him has some underlying problems which make sex an unattractive idea.
If however, there are no other problems and it's just you finding having sex 4 times a week as excessive (how many times a week do you do it, anyway?) then I would say that the problem belongs to you and not him.
From personal experience, when you're a virgin and enter a relationship with a sexually active/experienced woman, your sex drives just expands. I'll bet you had a lot more sex when you first got together than you do now. He's just living in the expectations of that past, he wants more sex and his masturbation or porn-watching is something that should only bother you because it constantly reminds you that YOU AREN'T DOING ENOUGH.
It's not like he's watching gay porn and being depressed that he can't suck you off (because you're a woman). You've got all the assets (I assume) so really the thing to do is have more sex.
Even if he hides it from you more, even if he hides it from you FOREVER, that's not at all a good solution. He's 23 now, he's going to masturbate when he's 25, 28 but at one point or another he IS going to look for satisfaction in other places - he can only last for so long. What you need to do is increase the amount of times you have sex, OR increase the intensity/experience of when you do - either of those will give his sexual desires satisfaction.
And he masturbates in bed with you sleeping? Now, I don't know what your views on sex are (but I do know you were active when you were younger and now find lots of sex excessive) but your first reaction should be to jump him and get his mind off of jerking off and on to you.
meh - meet month old thread.
month old thread - meet meh.
There.. now that we have that out the way..
I agree with Ellynn....be extremely glad he isn't doing it online with someone else, or physically doing it with someone else. He doesn't hide it from you either, so you might want to consider taking it as a compliment. And don't worry....your sex drive will increase, just give it time.
I didn't bump this but- Just watch the porn with him, I would!
Hi. First post here. I feel like talking about sex, and I have NO idea where my BF is. So I'll start here:
How often are you guys sleeping together? Doesn't sound very frequent...Quote:
Originally Posted by LilMissy
It's not that you are not enough. At least, that's the way I see it. My BF has brought videos over to my house, and has enjoyed watching it WHILE we're together. Eventually it became, "You are more beautiful than anybody in those videos..." I sometimes pop them in, too. Of course your fiance wants you and not those poor desperate people who do that for money.Quote:
Originally Posted by LilMissy
Well, no, you are entitled to your feelings. He shouldn't feel ashamed about what sounds to me like a normal sex drive (as opposed to being a sex addict). But if I woke up and found my BF self-pleasuring beside me, I'd be all over him with delight. I like watching him do it. He likes to watch me while he does it. It's amazing.Quote:
Originally Posted by LilMissy
[QUOTE=LilMissy]I woke up the other day and he was masterbating while I SLEPT. It's not only hurtful to me, it's downright creepy. QUOTE]
I was engaged once, and at that time I lived with my boyfriend. I never caught him watching porn or masturbating. However the night before that, i dreamed that he was masturbating. The next day I didn't think anything of it. Went to bed at out usual time. In the middle of the night, I woke up. He wasn't in the room with me. So, I guess he was in the living room. I walked in to find him masturbating to porn. Of course, I got mad because I thought he was disrespecting me. Fast forward to a year later, I learned it's actually harmless, and I know it's fantasy, and he wouldn't actually cheat on me. Although, I would never have sex with a guy while he's watching pron. I want the attention and his mind to be on me.