Even if prostitutes don't plan on cumming when they have sex with their clients, they are still people and if the conditions are right they will
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Even if prostitutes don't plan on cumming when they have sex with their clients, they are still people and if the conditions are right they will
I know. You're supposed to work hard, make sacrifices, do this, do that.Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
That's what you do in school. You get a broadened mind and opportunities for your trouble. You move on to a career. More of the same. You get money and security.
What do you get out of a relationship?
I believe humans are selfish by nature. I'm not ashamed to admit that on some level just about everything I do I do for the sake of receiving a reward. Donations, gifts, courageous acts, etc., all done, at least partly, for selfish reasons. What do I get out of a relationship?
I can get sex without one. I can get romance with brief ones. In either case I can experience the joy of giving. I can't think of anything unique that long term commitment brings to the table. I can think of a slew of crap it brings, naturally, but (ignoring anything related to child-rearing) I don't see what a relationship has to offer that I can't find elsewhere and at less cost.
Allegedly the same. You broaden your mind, develop good communication skills and get experience of solving complicated problems that you can use in other areas of your life. Various chances of self reflection and chances of becoming a better person because of it (though doesn't always happen that way)Quote:
Originally Posted by Gribble [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I think a good long term relationship offers a unique opportunity that nothing else out there can offer which is for another person to get to know you even better than you know yourself through extended focus on 3rd person perspective and cast reflective feedback on areas of improvement that you may not be aware of yourself. That's ofcourse in the best case scenario, there are chances it can go the other way as well.
Personally I admit that various relationships I've been through helped me get a better idea and understanding of myself and what I'm capable of. It opened up my eyes to certain negative aspects of my personality and certain positive ones that I wasn't even aware of. Even though they ended, they allowed me a unique opportunity for growth.
That and someone gets closer to you than anyone else ever has, and (hopefully) turns out to be the best friend you'll ever have. < That's kind of rare, though... in what Indi calls this me first society.
I guess that's kinda what I appreciate most from my relationship. I mean, I could fart in front of her and she'd laugh! It doesn't get better than that... nosirree. Someone who would enjoy smelling your flatulence with you.... *sigh*
Someone who is just as committed your your growth and development as you are. Someone who will act as a mirror and show you who you really are. Someone you trust enough to give them your 'buttons' and teach you how to deal with those issues. Someone intelligent to talk to, someone who will argue with you and make you see something differently, someone who will push you to the limits they know you can achieve, someone who will be there when noone else will be, someone who actually, truly gives a shit and is on your side no matter what (within reason). Someone who will give you the straight goods when noone else will. Someone who makes you laugh, cry and FEEL things. Someone to sit on a porch with when you are old. Someone who will miss you when you are gone. Someone you will miss when they are gone & give you memories to cherish.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gribble [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
:surprised
That's b/c she *can't* smell them. Or do you do remote 'scratch n sniff'? :DQuote:
Originally Posted by doppelgaenger [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Oh I am silent but deadly. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I used to blame the dog!
For me, its the feeling of wanting to stay with a person and just him and no one else. Faith in the relationship and in him is what defines love for me. And I want to stay with him because I am in love with him as a person, not solely for money, looks, and other external pressures.
I can't either.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gribble [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
and all the philosophical ideas are phony, how about some really need for someone else? I want a damn good logical reason why I should stay with someone and it better not be taxes cause I make enough for those myself.
Hell no, who told you this crap? I am not working at a relationship, you crazy? the point of one is fun and entertainment. This is natural entertainment for us thanks to evolution and in the process to breed, and it is better than any movie...and people with their.."commitment and responsibilities bah blah blah blah!!!!!" ****ing kill the movie!Quote:
Originally Posted by Gribble [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
That feeling makes my skin crawl. I want the butterflies, I want the big black eyes. I want the breathless feeling and short burst of adrenaline. I want the perfection that it seems to be. I want the temporary eternity. Cause I rather have a relationship for one month that gives me this high than a relationship forever that is this "successful" relationship" that people speak of. I live in the moment, for I know my life is nothing but a moment itself.Quote:
Originally Posted by lastwish [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
So what you're saying is that you don't know what love is, you know what brain chemical induced lust is, and that is what you prefer to have instead.Quote:
Originally Posted by Only-virgins [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
weakQuote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
________________________
If our definitions differ in terminology than fine. I can argue though that what you call lust is love and what I call love is lust to you...for it has not been determined...who is wrong?. So what you are saying is that you don't know what love is and you choose to have attachment, like a dog to a master.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Except that the chemical induced lust wears off over time. Which is why you prefer to hop from person to person rather than worry about whether or not the person will be there when you really actually need someone in your life.Quote:
Originally Posted by Only-virgins [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
The thing is, I know how to recreate that chemical intensity when I want to, so that isn't a problem. The dog/master analogy only works if you assume one person in the relationship wields far more power than the other. Then again a dog can retaliate if wronged as well. It's really in how you view equality.
Oh, and if you'd do your homework you'd know about how your body dumps chemicals into your body in an attempt to get you to attach to someone. That's what the butterflies in your stomach are. Happy reading.
sounds nice, but also sounds like a fantasy. i think people go thru life meeting people who feel that way about them but they don't feel the same and vice versa. i do think it's rare to find both people feeling the same way at the same time forever. reality doesn't work that way imoQuote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
That's because you are like the typical person who believes that you FIND someone like this. That, I agree, is not how it works.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I don't care, really, I don't at all. I don't care for superficial human made emotions for one another and fake ideas. In your worlds there is no such thing as love than, nothing but many attachments and things put together. I don't care for a business arrangement with a woman. I really don't, I know how the body works as far as any scientist knows now when it comes to love, I already read on it. Specially did more when Indi recommend some other things. What you should do though is shut the **** up more or teach me how to recreate these feelings...or create them...that sounds like a good idea to me. F everything else. I believe the original point is the meaning of the word love and if you read especially old literature it is pretty obvious it is referring to the feeling you call lust and I call love. That feeling makes me happy and who are you to tell me that love should not make me happy?
oh and you are both dogs, what you call love is the master.
In any relationship at least one person is in a state of change and growth. What you can look for is a person who is as committed to personal growth and exploration as you are, and work to develop a way in which the two of you can grow together and closer.Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
But, that's the tricky part.
indi tbh i don't know what to believe. i do think that we all need people to use and we all need people to use us, whether it's with the same person forever, well i don't think it's possible, we all get sick of things after a while
Yet animals considered far less sentient than humans show compassion, empathy, devotion, and many other traits associated with love. So, love, lasting love, is a real thing.Quote:
Originally Posted by Only-virgins [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
The trick to creating, or recreating those feelings is to constantly be pushing yourself and your partner. Finding new ways to connect, new things to explore, new ways to force your body to dump more chemicals into your brain. For some people that's simply allowing their partner to tie them down or blindfold them. Trust that they will please you instead of hurt you. Reward you instead of punish you.
Well, my work here is done. Eco, thanks...that nailed that coffin shut.Quote:
Originally Posted by ecojeanne [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Why the **** aren't you guys researching this shit instead of wasting your time arguing on here?
....wtf? Not only will that not keep that feeling it won't even originally stimulate it at all. Great sex though...Quote:
Originally Posted by Lite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Oh and I didn't mean literal like the animal dog. Just the bond to the master. Are you really that stupid?
What is there to research? I know what I want and I know what love is. I don't need to research anything. I already did my research. Infact I am using this research to argue. Heh heh how do you like them apples?Quote:
Originally Posted by doppelgaenger [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Then if you know what love is, why are you arguing the meaning of it?Quote:
Originally Posted by Only-virgins [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Or, you could simply accept that some of us are wired for monogamy, some polyamory, others aren't wired for long-term relationships.Quote:
Originally Posted by ecojeanne [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
All three of these can be signs of personality disorders, emotional issues, or personal experiences that are unresolved in regards to how it affects your 'wiring'. I know some very happy people who are in open relationships, I know some people who are very happy in closed ones. I do not know any very happy people who are either poly or afraid of long-term commitment.
The latter group tends to have something in their past that prevents them from being able to be happy in a general sense. Whether that be chemical imbalance, or just a really bad childhood, or maybe they hate the color yellow.
Because he gets off on being eternally contrary to everyone else here.Quote:
Originally Posted by doppelgaenger [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Hey OV, or anyone in the science department, what does the evolution theory have to do with this? If life evolved over so many years, could that mean 'disorders' and preference are a matter of genetic mutation?Quote:
Originally Posted by Lite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I'm not OV.Quote:
Originally Posted by doppelgaenger [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
What's interesting is if you observe people who are truly damaged and have issues that stem from their childhood, you can usually figure out about what age the trauma occurred by watching as they regress.
Did OV have something bad happen to him about the age of 14 or so? Pretty much he's contrary to everyone, insulting, and espouses deep fear of anything resembling commitment. General state of jokes and commentary as far as what should "gross" someone out...
All I really know with any certainty is I'm with someone who makes me feel happy and good about myself... their effect on me is positive... my life is much better for it... and they feel the same effects too. Out of this I am satisfied emotionally, mentally, and physically/sexually. On the flip-side... I want to make them feel happy and good about themselves too... I want to please them emotionally, mentally, and physically/sexually...
We get along well, grow used to one anothers company... and genuinely care about each other, as well as want to listen to what the other has to say...
Call it a mere bio-chemical result.. biology... or some mythical unknown... but the simple facts are this... nobody really knows with absolute certainty how this occurs... or else we'd all be in agreement about the definitions and the causes.
Maybe it's good to have some mysteries in life... it seems to kill the boredom...
but lite don't you think that divorce rates are a sign too that it's not neccessarily about personality disorders which btw gets thrown around a lot when people hear what might be the reality of life, i'm only surmising, but half of all marraiges fail right? the other half left are they truly happy? and the rest who don't get married they also have personality disorders? c'mon you're reaching for something that sounds like a fantasy to me. don't get me wrong, like i said, it sounds nice what indi said but it also sounds like a fairytale
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Yes... very true, and if you happen to be the one that's damaged... it's very difficult to moderate the effects such trauma can have on your behavior. I tend to regress at times, especially when I am stressed... much to my dismay.
Well, there's a combination of issues at hand. Women are no longer doormats to men like they were in the past. Sure they're still yet overcoming patriarchial issues, but that's to be expected for a while yet. Which is just one aspect. Look at highschool in the US for example. Life skills classes are no longer required curriculum. No classes on money management, bill paying, cooking, cleaning, etc are required at this time. The biggest stress on any marriage is typically finances.Quote:
Originally Posted by ecojeanne [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Not to mention that nobody seems to really understand what a marriage really is when they enter into it. They have this fairytale pipedream of what an amazing time it is going to be, but they're not prepared at all for the work and sacrifice that goes into making a relationship work.
We're also now taught that conflict is bad, and that compromise is key. You know what's worse than having a winner and loser in an argument? Two losers with a half-assed compromise that makes NOBODY happy. When two people have a disagreement there does need to be a winner, and there does need to be a loser, and you need to be OK with occasionally being one or the other. There's not gratification in a compromise. People will disagree, fight, have problems. You need to find a way to work through that in a manner that is constructive for both of you. For some couples that's screaming, for other's it's rational discourse. It's a dynamic that needs to be established by the couple.
Why would I argue something I know that I don't know :surprised?Quote:
Originally Posted by doppelgaenger [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Quote:
Originally Posted by ecojeanne [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
People tend to breed despite having family histories of genetic problems... some people are awful parents and raise children who are 'damaged,' and then the offspring of such situations grow up and raise children that are genetically damaged... abused in some way while being raised... or both.
I sometimes wonder if the concept of 'normal' is really the fantasy and we are all just different levels of damaged or defective... some more functional than others?
Well first of, your problem is that you are assuming that he is right...and he isn't. Neither of those are "disorders" , they are cultural norms..this is the realm of anthropology and sociology. How does he know who is happy and isn't? Some cultures had only one alpha male even.Quote:
Originally Posted by doppelgaenger [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
It is good that you pointed that out, I think he maybe would have had trouble figuring that out.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Because you're secretly infatuated with Haddaway?Quote:
Originally Posted by Only-virgins [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nsCXZczTQXo"]YouTube - Haddaway-What is Love?[/ame]
I don't think I said they were disorders. Just different views on relationship dynamics. Many of the people who espouse these relationship dynamics have disorders, but the views themselves are not to blame for the disorders.Quote:
Originally Posted by Only-virgins [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Normal is a relative term. If you're used to living in a household with alcoholic parents, then that's 'normal' for you. I look at my wife's parents and shake my head trying to imagine the hell that her childhood was and I can't do it. It's not only incredibly painful for me to imagine, but I can't see my own parents doing such things.Quote:
Originally Posted by Aeradalia [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
My parents aren't saints, nor perfect, but my view of normal causes my wife to shake her head about my family's dynamic of interacting with each other. It's kind of amusing for us to exchange details back and forth about it.
Because smart people don't argue about statements which have already been proven to be true.Quote:
Originally Posted by Only-virgins [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]