can she expect that from me?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by DanPBG [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Can it be men and women are so different? Are we compatible? I mean, its in the nature of women to nurse, nurture, care. Women are able to love, its in their genes, instincts. We men are hunter. Are we men able to love anyway? I don't know
Are we not all animals?

---

I must defend my wife. Thats what I say and not my wife.

She just said if I would have ever loved her I wouldn't have had emotional affairs with other women. If I would have ever missed her I would have fixed the damage. She said without making clear statements it looks like I want to keep opportunities.
Thats why I was asking myself too if I'm able to love. Deep down inside I know I'm a coward but don't want to admit it. Here on the forum I can be honest. I know I was afraid if I would have done what my wife asked me for (to apologize in front of this woman), this woman wouldn't like me anymore. I can't stand it if someone doesn't like me. It gives me a rush when women consider me being the perfect catch. Is that sick?
I don't have an idea of love. Do men and women love differently?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by DanPBG [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I must defend my wife. Thats what I say and not my wife.

She just said if I would have ever loved her I wouldn't have had emotional affairs with other women. If I would have ever missed her I would have fixed the damage. She said without making clear statements it looks like I want to keep opportunities.
Thats why I was asking myself too if I'm able to love. Deep down inside I know I'm a coward but don't want to admit it. Here on the forum I can be honest. I know I was afraid if I would have done what my wife asked me for (to apologize in front of this woman), this woman wouldn't like me anymore. I can't stand it if someone doesn't like me. It gives me a rush when women consider me being the perfect catch. Is that sick?
I don't have an idea of love. Do men and women love differently?

---

This isn't about the differences between how men and women exhibit love. This has more to do with you choosing to have a woman who is not your wife and your wife. You chose to have the affections of the former. Not even sure if you got anything physical from this 'affair'... but sit and consider if you chose wisely or poorly. Then learn from it.

You need self-control and possibly work out some self-confidence issues. A therapist would help you greatly.

Indi, you think I should try an Asian or British gal?

Don't you think I love my wife?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by DanPBG [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It gives me a rush when women consider me being the perfect catch.

---

You have no idea what you actually look like under the thin veneer of your charm. Believe me, it doesn't take long for most women to see right through that, and when they do, they can see that there's a huge hole where your integrity and good character should be.

It's like you're wearing a Ken doll mask with no face behind it.

Creepy.

what are you doing here? go find yourself a divorce lawyer!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by DanPBG [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Indi, you think I should try an Asian or British gal?

Don't you think I love my wife?

---

I was being somewhat tongue in cheek. Just saying that, for your next partner, you might want to find someone less emotionally needy. In the sense that she can handle your personality.

But, also, I thought your marriage is over. Your wife left you, right? What is the status of things right now?

Not too much to say - she didn't return.
Trust me, I know what it looks like "under the thin veneer of my charm" ... there is a poor wimp. I KNOW THAT! I was married before, I guess I mentioned it. But still, I never left my family's place. Even not after my ex-wife moved to another city for work. We just had a weekend relationship. After I got to know my current wife I finally moved out, first time in my life. It was late, maybe too late. I also know that now.
It seems when I left that's not all I left. The family was like a sanctuary from the outside world and all of it's temptations. Everything that happened in other peoples life's during puberty like dating etc. didn't happen in my life. It was simply missed. This is the problem. I succumbed to these temptations.
I had thoughts that created a rift in my marriage. I started lusting after another woman just weeks after we were married. I kept spiraling downward. I spoke about it before. I can see my mistakes.
I just still have no clue why it isn't enough that I stopped my behavior to make a new start?
My wife wrote this to me "... I don't believe anymore that you love me. I can't settle for less than love. I can't build a house on such a weak foundation.Even the weakest grows wings and gains strength from love. Love is not just an infatuation, its also a learned skill and a power....we all can make mistake but we all can stand up for it once we realized it and regret...Your wish for a new start together with me, without doing active steps to correct past mistakes looks to me like a continuation under the influence of amnesia,to your advantage. You don't want my forgiveness, you want my blessing, my agreement. Its all about agreements. You knew I would have never agreed to what you did, thats why you lied and hid it from me for a long time. That was the biggest mistakes, your sneaky lies. Maybe, a different woman would take your 'slips' as qualities and you don't have to lie there, who knows. If I would be also into carefree episodes we both would get along I guess. My life concept is just different and I don't agree to yours.It was a huge effort to stay with you throughout the years, to take all the lies and still giving you chances you didn't use......."

Why can't she see its not my life concept, its a weakness. I dont know anymore. Is Lite right and its just bullshit that she says to me? Somehow she makes sense to me, I can see her point. But then again was there no other way to express love and fix the damage than to do what she asked for?I don't know

You keep saying I need therapy. I cant effort it. I went to groups before but it didn't help much.The guys just reported their relapses, and I can't talk about my problems in front of people anyway.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by DanPBG [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I just still have no clue why it isn't enough that I stopped my behavior to make a new start?

---

We've told you this over and over and over. There are hundreds of reasons: you couldn't prove your love to her, you couldn't make ANY sacrifice to atone for her suffering, you weren't willing to suffer any embarrassment despite making a fool of her, you aren't willing to accept a reasonable compromise, etc. etc.

Quote:

---

My wife wrote this to me "... I don't believe anymore that you love me. I can't settle for less than love. I can't build a house on such a weak foundation.Even the weakest grows wings and gains strength from love. Love is not just an infatuation, its also a learned skill and a power....we all can make mistake but we all can stand up for it once we realized it and regret...Your wish for a new start together with me, without doing active steps to correct past mistakes looks to me like a continuation under the influence of amnesia,to your advantage. You don't want my forgiveness, you want my blessing, my agreement. Its all about agreements. You knew I would have never agreed to what you did, thats why you lied and hid it from me for a long time. That was the biggest mistakes, your sneaky lies. Maybe, a different woman would take your 'slips' as qualities and you don't have to lie there, who knows. If I would be also into carefree episodes we both would get along I guess. My life concept is just different and I don't agree to yours.It was a huge effort to stay with you throughout the years, to take all the lies and still giving you chances you didn't use......."

---

She sounds wise.

Maybe I'm in denial, I don't know anymore

Welcome to single land.

You reap what you sow.