Then maybe i should never have babies.
I thought people were suppose to get wiser with age? I've been told that by the oldies on this forum often enough.
Then maybe i should never have babies.
I thought people were suppose to get wiser with age? I've been told that by the oldies on this forum often enough.
I am not sure if it's really getting wiser. I person must have some sort of intelligence to start off. Not everyone possesses it in the first place. Wise get wiser and vice versa. Others just learn from their mistakes mostly.
I have tons of female friends who never want children.
They are smart, well off, amazing women who just don't want to be mothers. I really respect that they're following what they know is right for them instead of what society tells them to do.
As for me, I want kids someday, but I would never subject a child to the lifestyle I currently live. I also don't want to give up my lifestyle right now, I'm having too much fun, but I know in a couple of years I will mature and grow tired of it. Then, I'll be ready for kids. I also want to wait until I find a stable relationship and a man who could be a good father. I'm still learning about the type of man I want in my life. I probably have a few more years of making mistakes before I get it right.
I was reading an article about Halle Berry recently. She told vogue that she thinks biology is backwards. When you're in your 20's and you aren't ready for kids you're amazingly fertile. As you age and mature and become ready for kids it's harder to have them. Ideally, for the modern woman, biology would be reversed. I agree with her completely.
Modern young people are children longer (teenagers are no longer considered adults). The twenties have become a time for experimentation and making mistakes. There's no reason to bring babies into that tumultuous time.
Indig, working in a reconstructive surgery clinic has ****ed with your head.
i couldn't have said it better.Quote:
Originally Posted by LailaK [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
what are you implying? do you think that i am talking out of my ass here?Quote:
Originally Posted by Lipp [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I will start to try for a baby at around 28.If everything goes well I should have a degree and work at least 2 years,it's long enough to ask for baby break without being afraid of getting replaced at work :) And I still be young momma, I don't wanna have kid after 30, there is so many women that were saying "after i get 30..." and after they say "ok next year, next year" and then they become older and it's getting harder for them to get pregnant,so if they are lucky they get pregnant at 37 or 38 - and this is pretty late for the first baby... Well, that's my point of view , my observations :)
Yes.Quote:
Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
_______
I agree with the notion that people in the west tend to mature a bit slower. In Russia for example it is normal for people to get married in their early 20s and have children into their mid 20s, to finish their degrees by the early 20s and already be in the proccess of progressing their careers in mid 20s. In the western countries this is a lot more delayed. In US the average marrying age is mid to late 20s (late 20s to early 30s for UK, Canada and Australia) and all other progress also goes slower. This is why a lot of immigrants adapt so quickly when they arrive, they genrally come better equiped and better skilled in their age brackett (having spent all of their teenage years putting in the sweat) than their native counterparts.
But I guess the main question is it bad that it's like that? Last I've heard the fertility rate in US and Australia is of the highest in the world, economically these countries are doing much better than others and the standard of living is also pretty good. Whatever age gap or skill shortage is developed quickly get filled by the skilled immigrants from overseas who have children of their own and life goes on.
It's hard to say who's a loser or a winner here. "Everyone has their own truth" is what my 21 year old cousin said (who's marrying at 21), when we had this discussion. The Russians will tell you of the health benefits (for mother and the child) of having children earlier in life and benefits of working harder younger to secure a better future later on and they will be right. The Americans and Aussies will talk of the importance of being mature enough to pick the right person before being married and to establish a solid career before bringing children into this world and they will be completely right as well. It all comes down to personal preference in the end I guess.
Have to agree with your points in the last paragraph. I don't know there is a right and wrong but generally I would say it is better to wait. I was just to be this way though. I remember when I was little my parents saying "look at the birds, they build a nest and then they make the babies"....at the time I didn't really understand but now I do. I was just raised that first you establish yourself and then you start a family.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mishanya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
yeah I love my extended adolescence. It's like going back to school when you're older and you know everything. Why on earth would I marry etc now?? There's so much time for that. Even if I marry at 35 and live till I'm 75 - that's still forty f-cking years of marriage!! Why get married in your early twenties? So you can be married for fifty years, instead of forty??
Also very good post Mish.
Not sure if you have seen this ... it seems physical development is outpacing mental maturity :)Quote:
Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
[url=http://edition.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/08/09/girls.starting.puberty.early/index.html#fbid=xVlhn4ACfrJ&wom=false]Study: More U.S. girls starting puberty early - CNN.com[/url]
Why are people in their 20's taking so long to grow up? Because growing up ain't what it used to be.
The "American Dream" of going to college, buying your own house and starting a family has recently been shown to be a bad freaking gamble. Two generations ago, college cost a fraction of what it costs now, marriages seemed likely to last more often than not and the rule was that real estate NEVER lost it's value.
Where are we now? Some Bizarro World where none of these things are true any more. People in their 20's are taking longer to grow up because there's just no reason why they would want to.
Her initial arugment was my decision to have babies later is unfair to my husband and children because I'm too old oh that and I'm going to be dumped in 10 years.
girl68, Lailak and lahnnabell
I, for one, agree with you that there should be no rush to getting hitch. Experiencing life, getting an education, becoming financially independent are all important.
But, for ladies, marrying and having children late does have disadvantages:
1. if u subscribe to the practice of marrying someone around 5 years older (so that mental age are equal, men being less matured), there will be a significantly smaller pool of eligible men by the time u hit 30
2. for those getting advanced degrees, there are men out there who will not marry up ie they are uncomfortable with a spouse being more qualified academically, so again the pool of eligible men shrinks
3. difficulty conceiving - not everyone is blessed to be able to have kids as and when they want them. i believe 35 is the age after which the risks increases significantly. Say u marry at 30, want to have honeymoon time with husband for another 2 years. u only have 3 years of safe reproductive years left
4. energy to care for children - u can imagine the difference in energy level between a 25 and 35 year old mother
Mish rightly said that everyone has to find what works for them. But it is good to be able to make decisions while fully aware of the pros and cons.
:)
1-I'm set according to your list: I have my life partnerQuote:
Originally Posted by asdfg789 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
2-A man who can't be with me becasue I'm too smart- well maybe truth but I'd rather be smart and successful then stupid and married. Again- I've found my life partner he's trilled I'm in school.
3-I realize the heath risks associated with birth later- that risk is just fine by us. If it don't work adoption is a wonderful, welcomed alternative.
4-I'm a lively, very healthy, active woman- should I maintain myself properly caring for children at 35 won't be an issue.
are there any 35+ ladies who would like to disagree with that statement? or men for that fact?Quote:
Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
eh. 20 somethings think they know everything already. the new teenagers.
everything is simple.
i used to think the same way at that age. adopting children, being forever young and energetic, etc, and look at me now. nothing but an old fart. blah.
LOL- I didn't say that ^
i did :( we are all gonna die eventually
My parents had trouble...mom had trouble carrying. She had 10 miscarriages before she had me. So mom was 30 when she had me. With that said I think my parents did a better job for being older and more responsible. The only problem I ever had with it is like now I wish they were a little younger...I mean mom and dad are like 53-54....not really old but in the same sense I can see them starting to get problems health wise....like mom had to get a knee replacement, dad is losing his eye sight. Stuff like that has me worried. I want them to be around and be healthy for a long time.
this just made me cry on the inside...Quote:
Originally Posted by dewilliams2 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Quote:
Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Nope. I totally agree with that statement. I'm better equipped to take care of an infant now than I was when I had my daughter 12 years ago. It's not all about energy. Work smarter, not harder, right?Quote:
Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I didn't mean that...I'm sorry.Quote:
Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Yeah this sucks. My mum was 35 when she got me , I'm the youngest of all siblings and what if something happens soon? Her parents, both grandma and grandpa died in their early 60's . My mum IS already 56... I hope she will not be the same case as my grandparents because I hate the idea of loosing mum being just 25 or something...
dunno, we'll see about that.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
That's kind of a harsh statement. Indig, I think you should put more energy into being positive and supportive than critical and judgmental. I know that plenty of people on here need to practice that same thing, but the above comment seemed really conniving and spiteful.Quote:
Originally Posted by Indignant [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I've lost sight of what your actual opinions are on this subject because of all the personal attacks. Maybe you never even expressed your precise viewpoint on this, and are just being argumentative for the hell of it.
I'm more concerned with the prospect of finding someone that I'd like to spend the the next couple of decades with than making babies in good time.
I feel sorry for my lady friends in their mid-20's who stress themselves out with trying to find a husband because they've got other friends who are already getting married.
LOL, I didn't get my education b/c I was worried about being dumped. That said, I know a LOT of professional women who can't handle the stress of a career and family. Female faculty, MDs, MBA business execs... all divorced. Seems to me the qualities that make a good spouse and a good professional are sometimes mutually exclusive.Quote:
Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
To me the case for marrying and having children when I'm not too old is quite simple really
The older you are the higher the risk of having children who are not healthy. Having children who are not healthy is a major burden on your life, a burden much heavier than marrying too young or not having the best career. This is it, the rest of your life is tied up in responsibilities to that child (depending on severity of their condition). Imagine having a child that you know will never make it on their own and will require you for permanent assistance? Some people ask what's the difference between 40 or 50 years of marriage? The difference can be between 0 or 40 years of extra maintenance as payback for having that extra time when you are young. How happy would you be to spend your twilight years, the time when you are most vulnerable nursing your children? People who are pushing marriage into their 30s and having children into late 30s or early 40s should really stop and think about the risks involved in those decisions. Because the risks grow by the years and sacrifices they will have to make if those risks eventuate are enormous. Personally I'd like to have children by the early 30s, some of you may think that's too young, but I think it's already pushing it.
^^^should stop and think!!!! lol mish my goodness any woman who wants to have children and is over 30 is wellllll aware of the risks, should they just not bother then?!
I had a career, husband, house and kid by 30. In about that order, its possible. I wouldn't do this sooner than 25 tho, especially if you are in school still.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mishanya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I'm not going to marry or anything until I have every material thing I want, which includes a Cessna Skyhawk.
one thing that i absolutely blame is the economy. it's not easy for a lot of people to get solid paying and steady jobs. so what are their options?? yeah, i think that i'll be a bum today and live off garbage cans. f*ck that, i'll move back home and help out with choirs and try at a better education. what would you choose??
raverboy
welcome back stranger ! :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Sonrisa [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Yeah I also think that baby before 25 is too early , but between 25-30 its the perfect time IMO .My bf said that he took 6 years younger girl ( me :p) so he will not be pushed by a girl in his age to have kids early .And when I will want to have a baby he will be just 34 , for a guy it's fine :) Education is very important but let's not be crazy. Well I want to be a young bride and young mummy :p Not too young but stil 20 (and something) :PQuote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I am thirty, educated, just started in my careera few years ago, and just married. No plans for kids for a few years. That's not just MY choice, it's my husband's too......we like our life the way it is, we like our freedom and the ability to be workaholics to put ourselves in great positions for the future.
Your 20's are not to be taken too seriously, IMHO. You don't really start to figure out who you are until your mid-20's. You need to make mistakes and experience life and have a few relationships. Christ, we live to be over 80 now.....there's no rush to settle down, and there shouldn't be.
Btw, 20 year olds have nothing on 30 year olds except maybe a nicer ass (and not even that somethimes). We have confidence, more money, and a lot more class. To boot, I still look young....most people peg me at 23. Being 30 has been better than all the years of my 20's combined.
Hmmm, Its possible to have children young and them have disabilities. The way medicine has progressed, i really dont think it is that unsafe or risky to have them late 30's.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mishanya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I think I'd prefer to have children sooner than later.
The problem is reality, in trying to get into a stable position to do so.
I'm underemployed at the moment which is making things difficult pretty damn difficult.