I think her "fiances" family should find out abouot it too. They deserve to know what piece of trash they are going to have in a family ;) You know... at least to have someone to gossip about :D
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I think her "fiances" family should find out abouot it too. They deserve to know what piece of trash they are going to have in a family ;) You know... at least to have someone to gossip about :D
I toyed with various revenge ideas last night, but finally decided that I will feel better about myself if I just move on.
Yeah of course... It's just a harmless "what if..." :P
Yeah I agree.Quote:
Originally Posted by Petit Papillon [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
The woman who my ex left me for, her parents thought the sun shone out of his arse - they were not aware he walked out of a 10 year marriage and left a daughter behind for their slapper of a daughter. I call her a slapper and because she was also married when she met my ex H and she cheated on her husband, plus she's an accomplice to cheating because she knew about me and knew he was married.
You know something...people like this, don't deserve a happy ever after. They should be 'exposed' for who and what they are.
Guess what? Amy wants to delay our meetup again, just as xxazurexx predicted.
And now for the funny stuff... Amy and Craig are both blowing up my text message inbox with messages right now.
I hate texting. Too much tiny button pushing for too few words. If these two don't knock it off soon, I'm going to turn my phone off for some quiet.
I predict that they will get married. He thinks that a pre-nuptial agreement will be an adequate solution for the situation.
Like I said, she will be filled with an overwhelming guilt, plus she will have no clue how the heck she is going to explain this away. What can she possibly say, that will make this any the better for you.
The fact he's texting you non stop, tells me he's a little worried what the end result will be also.
The fact that they are still living together tells me that they are going to get married. She is delaying in case she needs a Plan B. Since we haven't talked yet, she doesn't understand that I am not Plan B or Plan A or any plan at all. I am history.Quote:
Originally Posted by xxazurexx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
So when she suggested the delay what did you say? Talk strong here is one thing TELL HER.
I think you should cut her off your life ASAP, stop her games trying to delay everything and texting you, just ignore her. You have had enough of it and that bitch doesn't deserve you.
Whaaa-? What the hell does he want?Quote:
Originally Posted by VincenzoG91 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
If they are shacked up together, it would be over and done for me. I wouldn't reply to either of them anymore.
VincenzoG91----That they're both texting you is just weird. I've read all your posts and it looks like you are getting sucked into Amy's drama.Quote:
Originally Posted by VincenzoG91 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Can you time-out for awhile? Maybe go back to your parent's house this weekend. Eat mum's cooking. You should be with people that care about you. Ignore Amy. Just disappear.
Amy wants to meet and talk about what happened and pick up several boxes of her stuff, but she keeps delaying, partly because Craig is paranoid about her coming home late these days. And probably also because she wants to find out if he is dumping her before she talks to me, because that will have a big impact on what she has to say to me. Goodbye, or I'm sorry and please take me back.Quote:
Originally Posted by MerryH [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Craig wants more information about the last 5 years, to understand how badly she cheated on him, and he wants somebody to talk to about all of this without feeling humiliated. He is struggling with a big decision, to go ahead with the marriage or to dump her. Obviously, he should dump her, but they have been more or less together for the last five years, and they had a closer relationship than Amy and I shared. He loves her and maybe she even loves him. She never said "I love you" to me.
They still live together, and every night this week, she has been crying and begging for forgiveness from him. He wants her to suffer for a while. The problem is that everything is up in the air right now, so I can't get closure and move on. I know, I could just throw her stuff out and ignore them both.
But I did that once to my previous ex. I picked Chi up from jail and brought her home, which was actually a condition of her early release, that she stay with me. Within an hour, a friend whisked her off to a party, and she went on a three-day drug binge. On day two, I donated her clothes to charity. That was 10 years ago, and I still feel bad about that incident. So I can't throw Amy's stuff out, it will hurt me for years to come.
A friend of mine is a professional bill collector, and has access to some very comprehensive data bases. Between that and my internet search expertise, I now know Craig's last name and where they live. My friend did this search because he wants me to take Amy's stuff over there and just drop it off. I would rather just give the stuff to Amy and have that final talk, but I can't keep twisting in the wind like this.
You know what would be even better? Craig, Amy and I should all sit down and have a long talk. Get everything out in the open and discussed, and then each of us can make an informed choice about the situation. Hmm. My choice would definitely be to leave this all behind me.
When Craig and I exchanged numbers, my original thought was to push him into dumping her, to punish her for what she did to us both. It would be easy, just tell him everything so that he understood that she is a borderline sociopath.
I have a new plan. I want them to get married and live happily ever after, if possible. Yes, really.
See, I finally understand that I'm an enabler. I plan to get help for that, to start seeing a therapist. But until I get help, it would be an absolute disaster if Amy showed up desperate and homeless on my doorstep. If I take her back, even temporarily, it will destroy my self-esteem, which is already damaged right now. If I turn her away, the guilt will eat away at me for years. I know that it will, because I still feel bad about donating Chi's clothes to charity ten years ago.
So I need them to stay together and get married, so that Amy never comes back to me.
I'm going to change my tone with Craig. I'm going to make myself into the bad guy, a predatory older man who took advantage of a poor, innocent young woman in financial trouble. She treated me badly, but I deserved it because I was an evil and manipulative bastard. Then I'm going to build up Amy, talk about all of her positive qualities, and how I could tell that she never loved me. I will tell him that it will be hard at first, but he needs to trust her, now that I am out of her life. I will tell him that marriage is a sacred institution to her, that she would never betray her husband. And if he still wavers, I will suggest that he get her to sign a prenuptial agreement now, while he has the upper hand in their relationship.
He's probably also pretty uncomfortable with the idea of her coming to your home, for fear she won't go back to him....Quote:
Originally Posted by VincenzoG91 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
The rest of it is true though, what she decides will depend on whether he takes her back. If he doesn't want her, she will undoubtedly run back to you seeking forgiveness
I'd let him wonder as to how badly she cheated over the past 5 years. Regardless of what you say, he won't dump her anyway and because as soon as he allows her back in, she will start with the sweet talking and he will believe her and because he wants desperately to believe her. He will forever live with doubt and in regard to her though, his trust in her has gone.Quote:
Craig wants more information about the last 5 years, to understand how badly she cheated on him, and he wants somebody to talk to about all of this without feeling humiliated. He is struggling with a big decision, to go ahead with the marriage or to dump her. Obviously, he should dump her, but they have been more or less together for the last five years, and they had a closer relationship than Amy and I shared. He loves her and maybe she even loves him. She never said "I love you" to me.
You seem to be handling it pretty well and civilly I have to say. I'd opted for that route also and more so because I knew he had made up his mind about what he wanted.
Waste of time trying to fight and for the affections of someone who no longer wants you and so I'd chosen to bow out gracefully and I left them both to it. I did not request any talks with him or discussions and when he came 3 weeks later to get the rest of his stuff which I'd bagged, he'd said a few words and then left.
And I was left alone to move on with my life and pick up the pieces....which I successfully went on to do and you will too.
Hey, it's your show, but the way you plan things doesn't take into account for variable change: she is too good at switching her disposition just as quickly as youQuote:
Originally Posted by VincenzoG91 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
set things up for a conversation with all 3 parties. She hasn't faced the music for how many years...All of a sudden you think she will just sit down and get this out so that the truth
will be revealed and that you can convince him that once married she won't cheat, as if marriage is the ultimate binding relationship consummation tool for her?
I've been with psycho women all my life so this isn't my first rodeo.
If this makes you feel better, cool, but just dropping off her stuff just to avoid a confrontation because the truth may be too much is a bad idea.
You're also trying to make sense of a non-nonsensical predator who has just all but admitted to using 2 men spanning half a decade or more. Don't.
Taking her back is a bad idea.
Do you really think this would be considered a 2nd chance when she continually cheated, lied and used you? (and him as well)
Always your decision but taking her back, due to a guilt that is misplaced will only sooth your once again attempt at being the hero: it doesn't work, nor has it ever worked (with her)
But it doesn't address the real issue: She breached your trust, disrespected you and destroyed your illusory 2 party relationship...She did this, not you.
You misread my post. I don't want her back. I now understand that I'm an enabler, and I'm going to get therapy. But if she shows up on my doorstep in the near future, homeless and desperate, it's going to mess me up, even if I turn her away.Quote:
Originally Posted by SelflessnHumble [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
So I want them to stay together and get married. She is willing, but he has some obvious concerns. He trusts me right now because we are both victims of the same situation, so I'm going to use that trust to get him to take her back.
I do agree with you that she would never consent to a group discussion between the three of us. That's okay, I don't really need to talk to her anymore. I just need to talk to Craig enough to get him to take her back.
screw them. you know very well he ain't leaving her so just leave them alone. was there arrangements for her to pay you back? tell her goodbye. these two are poison.
that will never happen. she's in his ear with a bunch of bullshit and it will never end. she's weaved her web. the more you try deal with him the more you'll screw yourself up. he knows what it is.Quote:
I just need to talk to Craig enough to get him to take her back.
Why she deserves to get what she gets
When did you ever have time with Amy seriously when
During the first two years of our relationship, before Craig. And during the 2.5 years that we lived together.Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetkissesforu [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
There would have been nothing particularly awful about this situation if she had officially broken up with somebody each time she switched to being with the other guy. The problem is that she always kept one of us on a back burner, with just enough attention to keep both of us in the picture.
I won't realistically get my money back, and trying would prolong my misery. I spent an average of nearly $10,000 per year on her, although half of that happened during the first two years we were together, before Craig was in the picture. She doesn't have $70,000 to pay me back, she has a low-paying part-time job, $30,000 in student loan debt, and at least three more years of school to go before she is ready to start her career as an environmental activist. My money is gone for good.Quote:
Originally Posted by misombra [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Oh, I'm sorry Vince I get what you're saying if she showed up needy, but consider this is a two way street.Quote:
Originally Posted by VincenzoG91 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
She (in exchange for your hero tendencies) gave you a distant, but physical relationship...Man, I wish you lived near me.
I hate it when good people get taken advantage of because they are truly good hearted people. What Craig does is his choice.
I see how you see Amy's methodology working, avoiding you until she knows Craig will accept her and move forward but just in case
he doesn't and she either calls, or shows up with bags in her hands...Please don't do it! You don't deserve this crap man!
Some even say Drama is better than being lonely but I disagree...
You're not only a great guy but great looking and it awesome shape so getting a good woman won't be hard in your case.
Just don't forget to screen these people, not with their SSN, but through simple observation...How they act, treat people, choose things,
avoid certain things, dismiss aspects of their life are all for a reason. There are zero coincidences when it comes to people's behavior.
Well, a gift is a gift: is a gift in the eyes of the law and to your point: it would create a bond indefinitely.Quote:
Originally Posted by VincenzoG91 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I didn't give a certain ex that much money but I basically supported her. She had few options and I knew this going in due to her choice in employment
and her decision to enroll at the UC. She needed a sort of sugar daddy and while I tried to fool myself that she needed me: she needed
money, security and a place to crash and of course sex out of both of our perceived feelings of necessity even though the attraction took a back seat.
Not saying you felt the same but still, when I finally started seeing things (you don't see them when you're in love, nor unsuspecting) but when
things start adding up: I come to find out she was with this much older guy (I was barely 22 at the time) and the dynamic had changed.
Instead of doing what I told you to do: I agreed.
He became the financial institution and shelter in exchange for our cheating due to selfish wants of meaningless but passionate sexual desire...
She even moaned my name while doing him she had told me, and laughed about it. I paid for this dearly with my own sanity...
Don't let it get you down...You've got a ton of support here.
You're still enabling her if you take the fall for this & let her marry that guy. She chose this. She is never going to learn if she can easily slide in and out of peoples lives with no consequences. Sometimes people need to hit rock bottom before any kind of change can be made. This girl needs to hit the pits in order to rise above this.
If Craig hears the truth and he still wants to be with her, then so be it. If he doesn't, it's not your concern. I'm sure it would really hurt if she showed up on your doorstep one day, but you can't be dancing on eggshells in the meantime and setting up a scenario so it doesn't happen. If she doesn't learn her lesson now, then she will most likely repeat this with some other guy while she is still married to Craig in the future. And then what happens 1-2 years from now, when Craig has kicked her out, left her no money by prenup, and then she shows at your door?
I'm not saying set her up for failure, she did that, but just tell the truth- otherwise she just won't learn from this.
Starry Night, you're right. It will be best for everybody if she hits rock bottom and then maybe becomes a better person. If Craig chooses to take her back before that point, he can deal with the consequences. I will just tell the truth, if asked, and let them work it out.
I offered to take off work early and meet with her this afternoon, because I'm anxious to wrap things up and get her stuff out of my place. She texted back, "I'm sorry but I can't today. I'm really very sorry :( "
You're still enabling her by giving her this option to keep tossing her shit on your head.
Dunno why you'd feel bad about "DONATING" that's a GOOD thing. I can't believe you'r still oblivious to how much of a twat she is. Look if I actaully cared a half a shit about someone and he needed just this tiny bit of closure, I'd day a f**King day off. This twat sold you out 3 times now, 3 and you're still all "it okay baby, we'll meet at YOUR convience."
SHOW UP AT HER HOUSE and give your buddy Craig his twats shit back.
This girl is so selfish, if she had any kind of concern for you she would have rushed over to your place to explain the situation, instead she is just dodging bullets & most likely waiting for the shock to wear off. I agree with you, she is probably keeping you waiting in the wings incase things don't work out with Craig. I feel for you, I don't know how you will recover from this, no doubt you probably feel like you won't be able to trust anyone again. It's really heartless of her to keep blowing you off, after all you have done for her, and it's really unsettling that she is making everything on her terms. I would take the ball back into your court. Tell her you tried to make arrangements, she dodged them, and you have no choice but to box up her things and leave them on the porch. I know it sounds mean, but heck, she is just going to delay your healing process, and you shouldn't have to look around your place and be reminded of her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by girl68 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
EXACTLY!
Giving up time from work is money wasted (again)
She needs to make time for YOU, not the other way around!!! C'mon Vince!
What is in order: "Hi Amy, it's me Vince...I will give you 24 hours to come get your personal items."
If by that time she fails to come, and make time? Drive to Craig's house, put all her shit in trash bags and leave them on his lawn.
Done. Closure doesn't require her telling even more BS and lies!
She's revealed who she truly is and expects to get off scott free because YOU are a glutton for punishment and are too nice a guy.
Nice guys get walked on, they get used...Not this time Vince...For once...defend your integrity as the good person you are and be
done with this crap. You are choosing to make these decisions in more attempts to distance yourself from the truth: it's a coping mechanism.
Im sorry to hear you're going through this.
She is a scumbag whore, you are being too nice. Tell her she has until tomorrow to come and get her stuff back or else you are throwing it away. No reasons no excuses, and stick to your guns, if she doesnt turn up then throw it out and see it as throwing her out of your life for good.
She wants to meet up tomorrow afternoon. I'm on a salary, and I told my boss a bit of the situation, so I can take the time. I haven't exactly been focused lately anyway.
Craig finally told her that we've been talking about her these last few days. She asked me to be careful what I tell him, because he is manipulative. Heh.
I have already decided that I'm done talking to Craig, and after tomorrow, I'm done talking to Amy, too.
Yeah right.Quote:
Originally Posted by VincenzoG91 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
(I sincerely hope I'm worng but I doubt I will be).
That's a bit rich coming from her, lolsss - like the frying pan calling the chip pan, 'grimy arse'.Quote:
Originally Posted by VincenzoG91 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Sounds like they may be suited to one another.
Seriously Vincenzo, if she doesn't come through this time to take her shit back & give you her key. Then you go drop the box off at their place right at the front door. Then delete her & Craig's information from you & your life. Call your landlord & have your lock changed, it would be money very well spent. You can have piece of mind that she's totally out of your life & if she by chance made any copies of the key she had, she won't even be able to get in the house.
You need to stop being so nice to this bitch!!
(1) This is what manipulators say when they want you to be a brief and as non-confrontational (about the facts) as possible so she gets off without repercussions.Quote:
Originally Posted by VincenzoG91 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
(2) Saying it is great! Just follow through no matter the lies, the lack of accountability...Your closure stems from
no longer wanting to be a financial toilet where she can come and go as she pleases squatting at will.
Amy and I are meeting at my place in about an hour. She wants to talk about what happened, apologize, get her five boxes of stuff and leave the keys.
I'll be here in 2 hrous, I expect an update.
She's running late of course, but she did warn me in advance that she might be late. She was usually late for everything: work, school, dates, etc. She did get better about it in the last year or so.
Anybody here ever been in a car accident? You know that moment just before impact, when things are quickly sliding out of control and you can't do anything? That scary, giddy sensation? You know that the impact will damage your car and possibly hurt you, but there is still this moment before it hits.
That's how I feel right now.