NOT FAIR..:mad: I wanna participate too...Quote:
Originally Posted by asdfg789 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
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NOT FAIR..:mad: I wanna participate too...Quote:
Originally Posted by asdfg789 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Nope, nothing to look forward to, she's already 35.Quote:
Originally Posted by tremolo [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Yeah... Um.... So maybe many men were imagining the making out, oral sex, and regular sex that stops after a relationship is established. And no you're "not gonna die from it" but that is hardly the point. In fact you brushing it off sounds as if you are either guilty of this yourself or don't see how wrong it is to pretend to be something that you aren't.Quote:
Originally Posted by Way2Roux [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
There's still hope Incognito, lots of women peak at 40 or even during menopause for that matter.Quote:
Originally Posted by Incognito [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Has she gained a lot of weight or is there some reason that she may not be feeling sexy? Something that would keep her self-conscious about her look and therefore unable to get in to mood?
Hell yes. My wife's 47 and has kind of a scary appetite, LOL.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
She hates him and he hates her. Got nothin to do with her drive.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
... Ouch ...
I thought you were referring to teasing.Quote:
Originally Posted by Incognito [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I am completely misunderstanding of the relationship between lack of sex and the need for romance. Doesn't everyone need both? Your woman confuses me. Good luck with that
After reading these, i am honestly scared to hit my 30's!!
My sex drive actually makes me a little miserable at times. Has done ever since i lost my virginity.. Young.
Even if i have had sex 3+ times one day, i will still feel horny that night to the point of horrible frustration. My last relationship we were together 2 years and not one day we were together did we have sex, at least 2 times a day everyday right up until we broke up.
Now i am single, its even worse. I think of sex, all day everyday. The smallest things can turn me on, seeing a couple, seeing a kiss, seeing any random guy FFS!
I am always insanely turned on, the only thing that will hold it off is masturbating, i cant exactly do that every couple of hours through the day. Ugh.
I am not looking forward to it getting worse.
And for Icognito..
Leave her ass, dont think another minute about it. Find a woman who will satisfy your needs and wants. I cant believe you have gone 7 years like this, thats not fair on you at all.
You know what is needed to be done.. Go get laid. :)
Oh man if he ever came to terms with himself and left his woman, the first snatch he got to dive into would feel like freaking wonderland
Yes, I think it would be like the movie (was it American Pie ?) where the woman was on top when he ejaculates and she hits the ceiling driven by the fountain of cum !! :PQuote:
Originally Posted by bloodtippedrose [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
That was from Scary Movie. On American pie she was barely touching him and he came XD
When I said man up...I meant as in sitting her down and having a discussion on your needs not being met and what can be done to change that. Ive met alot of men who claim to have talked about their problems with their spouses, yet shes going merrily about her business as if nothing is wrong. You need to sit down with her and explain what you feel is lacking in your relationship. As far as getting a girlfriend on the side, its an alternative to keep him in his marriage that isnt fulfilling to him sexually. Dan Savage says its not considered cheating if you aint getting it at home.
^^^ The only time its not cheating is if the other half agrees to the arrangement of supplementing. If she doesn't agree then he should replace her. No need to cheat in this day and age of easy, no fault divorce.
Couples counceling might be the order of the day here so there is a mediator to break up the tirade that may ensue.when he tells her that her lack of sexual expression is a problem. I suspect she'll have her own reasons why she's not interested.
Igcognito, I was going to give you advice assuming you were single, but it seems you are married. So you must be talking about your wife.
Anyway, before I even go on a first date with a woman I talk about sex. I tell her straight up that sex is important to me and we will have sex within 2 weeks of our first date, or it's over. No BS, no games, just straight talk. I want to know if she is open-minded, and how high her sex drive is. My method weeds out all the fakers and posers so I don't waste my time with them. It has worked far better than I hoped. Since I started doing this, ALL my date are highly sexual and very open to my advances. Besides, I actually AM looking for a long-term relationship, not one-night stands.
She puts out, or its over. Pure and simple. It did surprise me that, most of the girls I end up dating are actually really nice, stable people. Not crazy nuts.
Being completely honest has more going for it than one might realize.
Anyway, have you tried talking to her? Does she even care about your needs? Is she open to you having a girlfriend? If not, you might consider divorce if things really aren't going to change. You deserve to have your basic needs met, just as women do.
Yeah, she's gained weight over the last few years, but that doesn't matter. I say that for two reasons. One, she had no drive after we got married, even on our honeymoon. Two, I used to tell her how good she looked all the time and she'd literally brush off my compliments or counter with "no I'm not, you need to stop saying that". Eventually I did stop. She has seemed to always have been self conscious of her body and more so after the weight gain. She doesn't like to be nude, for me to see her nude, to see me nude, or for the lights to be on during the few times a year that we have sex. I used to try to figure it out, but I don't anymore.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Yeah, there is a lot of animosity between us two, but yes lack of drive has A LOT to do with it. That lack of drive is probably 70% of what got us where we are. I tried to keep this off of me and mysituation Miso, but here we are because people asked more questions.Quote:
Originally Posted by misombra [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Yeah the subject of my marriage is a sore topic between Misombra and I. I try not to bring it up too often so as not to frustrate her.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
HAHAHAHA!!!!! Yeah you're absolutely right. If she cheats then I really do think that I wouldn't be able to help myself with one of a few women who seem interested in me. "Wonderland", LOL.Quote:
Originally Posted by bloodtippedrose [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Some people just dont have any interest in sex. My Mom is an only child and she said for as long as she could remember, her parents have always had separate rooms. Have you children, if not, does she eventually want children? Maybe shes really not into men? Thats not unheard of, to live an entire life being with one gender only to realize later that you were attracted to the opposite gender. Your in a tough pickle...
So she constantly told you that she distrusted you, distrusted your judgement and called you a liar. Is she upset now that you don't say it anymore?Quote:
Originally Posted by Incognito [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Holy crap... you're a better man than me, Charlie Brown.
LOL @ the Charlie Brown quote, but yeah. I guess I had never really looked at it like that before. I know that some people will deny compliments so that you insist on them, making them a bit more flattering. I think we all do that from time to time, but it was more than that in her case. She wasn't trying to test the sincerity of my compliments or get me to insist on them, she simply didn't believe me.Quote:
Originally Posted by HeartIsAching [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
what if she is completely turned off by you? i don't believe in no drive or low drive, it's all about attraction
That's exactly what it means when you compliment someone and they deny it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Incognito [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
@ Sonrisa: I mean, hey, anything is possible. Don't forget though that her drive seemed to disappear right after we got married (i.e. before there was even a chance to experience marital problems). I can also appreciate if you don't [understand] low sex drive or a lack of sex drive because of your personal experiences, but both exist. Attraction isn't always sexual.
I can say I don't believe in rocks either, doesn't make them hurt less when thrown at me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonrisa [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
any woman with any drive will be turned on by someone whom she is sexually compatible with or attracted to. there are other issues that guys don't tell usQuote:
Originally Posted by HeartIsAching [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
So when a woman says "wow, he's hot, but I'd never sleep with him", you would interpret that, how exactly?
lol ok not every woman is like that, but i get where you are coming from, sometimes you just wanna get straight to it, completely understandable.
I'd interpret that as an aesthetic observation. I can look at a woman that's beautiful and think "Not my cup of tea, but quite pretty."Quote:
Originally Posted by Incognito [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Of course! I should've figure it out! It's all the guy's fault. Thanks for making your position clear.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonrisa [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Yeah, white women are pussies.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonrisa [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Maybe he's a slutQuote:
Originally Posted by Incognito [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
That she wants to sleep with him.Quote:
Originally Posted by Incognito [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Perhaps he looks, or if she knows him, knows that he is rather high maintenance, a player, abusive a conceited twat? Lots of guys will sleep with and tolerate a high maintenance woohoo just because she's hot. Lots of woman WON'T do that just because a guy is hot. ... it's just not worth the drama and or lack of personality.Quote:
So when a woman says "wow, he's hot, but I'd never sleep with him", you would interpret that, how exactly?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Incognito [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
HIA I disagree with your analysis of this situation. Incognito, it seems to me that your wife has self esteem and confidence issues about her body. Did you happen to notice this before you got married? Was she very sexual prior to marriage? From personal experience someone who says the above comments in your post is someone very self conscious of their body and generally not comfortable in their own skin.Quote:
Originally Posted by HeartIsAching [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Cripes, Are you saying that you knew her drive was low but you married her anyway or, are you saying that she was like a wildcat UNTIL you got married?Quote:
Yeah, she's gained weight over the last few years, but that doesn't matter. I say that for two reasons. One, she had no drive after we got married, even on our honeymoon.
If her lack thereof began just after marriage (on the honeymoon) then I have to ask how long you dated before you married because It would have manifested itself prior to tieing the knot wouldn't it? How does one fake being horny for any length of time?
... And I agree with Jen. She doesn't feel sexy. (then or now, apparently)
No, that isn't an interpretation, that's plain fact.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenswaiting [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
If I tell you "That bird is yellow" and you say "No it's not." You're telling me that there's something wrong with my eyes, or that I'm lying to you. Period.
If a partner tells you that you're beautiful, and you say "No, I'm not." that is plain and simple a statement of distrust, whatever your motivation for saying it.
Except, HIA, when a woman is fishing for compliments. OR when she already knows she looks bad in a particular outfit and is actually looking to see if her partner can have the balls to tell her she looks bad. (I have done both, the second was to prove to my hubby that I DO want an honest opinion when I ask him how I look. Since I did that and got him to admit that some days I am too bloated for some outfits I can actually believe him more completely when he tells me I look awesome)
Back on to the lack of libido and the 'lies' about it, when I told my hubby he had released my inner nympho, he had. Maintaining that kind of sex drive is draining. The euphoria of someone new wears off. Life gets in the way. With hubby, pregnancy killed my sex drive and even though our son just turned 7 I still have trouble maintaining a consistent or regular sex drive. With my ex, the monotony of routine and him having kinks I wasn't completely comfortable with killed my sex drive. I have never really had a problem with my body, even if I don't like it too much, I have always enjoyed someone else enjoying it, if that makes sense.
I think expecting someone to maintain a steady sex drive is ridiculous and is an expectation that is bound to bite you in the arse. How would you feel if your wife expected you to perform on demand? Maybe that is another part of the problem. Maybe she feels pressured to be something she's not (an open sexualised being) and doesn't feel like you accept her as she is?
Oh and rather than open broad compliments (you look so sexy. Man you're gorgeous etc etc) maybe try "I love the way that dress shows off your legs" "Man your eyes sparkle like gems when you laugh" "Those jeans make your arse so perky!" "Are you wearing a new bra? The girls are looking great today" These kind of things can't be argued, and if she tries the "no they don't" or "no I'm not" respond with "well from this angle they do. I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true"
Aside from that, your wife could use some counselling to build up some self esteem.
/end ramble
NO.Quote:
Originally Posted by MaidenMinx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Fishing for compliments is a motivation. It's your motivation for calling him a liar, but it's still calling him a liar. Think about THAT the next time your husband says "You're so beautiful" and you say "No I'm not."
Try saying "Wow, thank you." instead. I bet it doesn't slow down.