Guys: Explain the mindset behind guys doing this...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Millie [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Ummm, okay well I wasn't aware I'd made any assumptions at all, much less the lofty kind ;) the only thing that could qualify is that I did take it as a given that the girl in question would be somewhat upset if she knew he'd been texting you as frequently as he has been, which is less an assumption and more the impression I got based on our conversation about things before you created this thread. If I got that wrong I apologize.

Oh and again, for the record, I'm not assuming that he need break things off with her before investigating potential with you, I just happen to think that's the right thing to do when you 'care' about someone, especially when it's someone who's blissfully ignorantly posting about their 'dates' on social networking sites.

---

That's because *I* said I wouldn't like it if my BF did that. I have no idea what her boundaries are. Heck, he said she was fine that he and I were meeting for the sport, so perhaps she's not the type to care.

Again, no one knows what's going on with them. It's all pure conjecture, for the most part, besides the little pieces I've been able to suss out over and above what he's told me.

So, what do you think he should have done, then? Flown home a week ago? Again, he has other reasons to be there besides her. And again, no one knows what going on between them, but them. Yep, she's posting about what they're doing, but I can't say her commentary could be construed as romantic, nor platonic. More like, "we went to a movie and had a lot of fun!". Just reporting.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I stopped pushing when it was quite obvious that she will be taking into consideration what he does with the other girl. Stop denying, it's tiresome. Stop trying to divert what I say back to me... it's immature. How about just once you stop trying to have the last word? You don't know how to end a conversation. You can write another post by summing up and then after you say things like" This thread is boring me now, I'm out." You actually leave. lol She responded to what I said and I had no need to push my own agenda on her any further after advising that she keep her eyes open ... Unlike You.

---

Why are you so obsessed with my posts. I don't have any agenda. I am at work with nothing to do, I come on here coz I find this forum interesting and I like talking to people as I am on my own 6 days a week all day. You keep making me feel unwelcome here and everything I say is bloody contradicted. If I find a better forum, I am out of here coz I don't come on here to argue with you and dog and anon and now name. Its ridiculous. I have been on other forums and people don't spend all day and all night arguing with each other on them. You are entitled to your opinion and I am entitled to mine and this is a FORUM. I should be allowed write what I want within reason. Stop psycho analyzing me. I dont care about getting the last word but when someone writes directly to me-I am going to respond.

You can have the last word this time coz I am sick of this.

If so many people are saying the same thing to you, then what does that tell you?

You have lots of good insight but you push. I like to push too, but I know to stop under two conditions:

1) when the Op is a stupid git who ain't gonna learn until the experience what is more then likely going to happen.
2) when the Op has shown that they are not a stupid git and they have a head on their shoulder enough to consider.

Your main goal appears to be to get your own words out there and if they are'nt agreed to, you keep at it until the op or another poster tells you about it.

YOU don't take into consideration anything said to you but you want to Op to take into consideration what you say ad nauseum. That's all I'm saying here.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by namemyname [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

That's because *I* said I wouldn't like it if my BF did that. I have no idea what her boundaries are. Heck, he said she was fine that he and I were meeting for the sport, so perhaps she's not the type to care.

Again, no one knows what's going on with them. It's all pure conjecture, for the most part, besides the little pieces I've been able to suss out over and above what he's told me.

So, what do you think he should have done, then? Flown home a week ago? Again, he has other reasons to be there besides her. And again, no one knows what going on between them, but them. Yep, she's posting about what they're doing, but I can't say her commentary could be construed as romantic, nor platonic. More like, "we went to a movie and had a lot of fun!". Just reporting.

---

Actually no that's not why, but as you wish. Good luck with things :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If so many people are saying the same thing to you, then what does that tell you?

---

Its not the same thing. Its only you who keeps saying what you said above. Dog is literally like a dog with a bone on the whole friendship thing but I will put him on ignore.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Its not the same thing. Its only you who keeps saying what you said above. Dog is literally like a dog with a bone on the whole friendship thing but I will put him on ignore.

---

I added to that post (and, I thought you said *I* could have the last word? :D)

BTW: You are the one that mentioned all the people who are now on your back, not me. It might not be for the same reasons I am on your back about... point is, they are on your back.

Anyway... put me on ignore too... god knows I had you on ignore for awhile until you were being quoted and I couldn't ignore the same things being said to you that I've said in the past.

Just consider that and I'm out....

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by LifeInflux [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think whats truly going on here Namemyname is that the assumptions you're accusing us of, really are more assumptions you have of this guy you're trying to see.

This isn't a situation where you are casually dating a few people and he's casually dating a few people locally.... this is a situation where he's flown out to meet someone and he's going to be there for a good span of time.


You can assume that he's going there just to date, and assume they haven't slept together, and assume its not a relationship, and assume he is going to come back and hang out with you, and assume he isn't just interested in sex, but its all assumptions because you haven't been talking to him all that long, and you have no lasting rapport with him.

You don't know what he's said to this other girl, or what the nature of their relationship will end up being... and you can't even be certain he'd tell you the truth if something did happen between them but he decided to come back and mess around with you too.


People here are giving you advice to what they feel would be the best solution to hurt you in the least... you're fighting it every step of the way. In the end you'll do whatever you want. If you want us to tell you this dude is legit, and he's not going to hurt you with his time away with another woman, which could very well happen often and none of us would be the wiser, I guess we could all forget our instincts and just do that....... you'll do whatever you want to do regardless of what we say anyways.

;) good luck.

---

This is just kinda silly.

All of it, really.

I have said repeatedly, days ago even, that I told him I didn't want to communicate while he was there and with her. Period. He understands my boundaries, and has respected that (minus the text yesterday - lol).

I have no desire nor interest in dating someone who is dating other people. That is why I don't want to engage with him right now.

I have also said, repeatedly, that this will resolve one way or another soon enough. And until then, things are stalled. Maybe they will pick up again, maybe not. Who knows.

What's really disturbing, however, is the amount of drama, assumptions and accusations people have hurled at him, or me. He isn't trying to date me, nor f*ck me. I'm not trying to date him, nor f*ck him. Neither of us is trying to hurt, betray, nor deceive the woman he's visiting/dating/screwing - whatever (and no, I am not in denial about what they *may* be doing. I just know it's not my concern right now).

What has happened is that he went to meet a girl. While meeting said girl, he forged some kind of connection with another girl. Why it happened, what it means, what the future is, no one knows.

For now, he's not a friend, he's not a potential lover nor date. He's not someone I'm communicating with at all. He's just a guy who I clicked with at a REALLY inopportune time, and a guy who I put the brakes on for just such a reason.

I've shelved him, he's shelved me. If things become uncomplicated in his life, then we can see about moving forward and meeting. He also very well could come back to town and tell me he's moving to her city, the connection was that strong, and honestly, I'd be happy for him. He's a good guy. :)

But good Lord, the posts here and just stunning in their magnitude. I don't think 99% of the posters have read what I wrote about where I'm at with this. Perhaps Wakeup, because I posted specifically on TUE to tell her that I had told him there would be no more communicating, as it simply wasn't right. And that's how I left it with HIM. So, everything that has come after that on here, is seriously just crap, because none of it is the reality of what I'm doing with this. Some are acting like he's engaged, and I'm the other woman, and he's coming home to bang me, while he keeps up his relationship with her. It's just insane, it really, truly is.

So no, I don't understand the "advice" given, I really don't, because it's all based on hypotheticals. I'm fighting what, exactly?

I'm sitting tight, living my life, not engaging with him, and open to see what happens down the line.

:)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by namemyname [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

This is just kinda silly.

I'm sitting tight, living my life, not engaging with him, and open to see what happens down the line.

:)

---

Uhm, remember, this is your thread.. if it wasn't a big deal.. this thread wouldn't be here. You're arguing every point, defending him, defending yourself... and still at the end of the day you came here looking for advice.

Unless you just wanted to come tell us all a story. I like stories.... would have been better if you added a dragon and at least one sex scene though.... because I think you lost all of us somewhere down the line. I personally, thought this was an advice thread.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If so many people are saying the same thing to you, then what does that tell you?

You have lots of good insight but you push. I like to push too, but I know to stop under two conditions:

1) when the Op is a stupid git who ain't gonna learn until the experience what is more then likely going to happen.
2) when the Op has shown that they are not a stupid git and they have a head on their shoulder enough to consider.

Your main goal appears to be to get your own words out there and if they are'nt agreed to, you keep at it until the op or another poster tells you about it.

YOU don't take into consideration anything said to you but you want to Op to take into consideration what you say ad nauseum. That's all I'm saying here.

---

Point taken. I will just say that I have learned a lot since I joined here and I too stop when I realize that OP is either a troll or stupid and I too think some people need to learn their lesson the hard way. I respect other peoples opinions on things but sometimes it irritates me when people pick things out of my posts and twist them which is why I keep responding and trying to explain myself (like with crazy and dog) but its stupid and a waste of time coz no matter what I say they find something to use against me to back up their point. We agree on a lot of things WU and I don't want to spend my time here arguing with you. I just want to say that I don't try to irritate or annoy anyone here. I dont come here to argue.

Since very few seem to have actually read what I wrote days ago, and instead wanted to indulge their own scenarios... lol

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by namemyname [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Wake Up - you'll be pleased to know I told him today I didn't want to continue to communicate further while he was seeing someone.

So, now if he winds up single, he'll know how to reach me, and if not, then I hope he is happy. :)

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by namemyname [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well, I put a kibosh on it today, as I told him I didn't think it was right to text while he was there, and not as much as we have been. He understood. I'm sure he doesn't want to come off like a dirtbag. It's just a bad spot to be in all the way around.

I guess now all I can is wait until he gets home, and if he's single, then we can meet. Otherwise... :(

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by namemyname [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

No, I agree - you don't know someone before you meet and get to experience them in reality.

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by LifeInflux [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Uhm, remember, this is your thread.. if it wasn't a big deal.. this thread wouldn't be here. You're arguing every point, defending him, defending yourself... and still at the end of the day you came here looking for advice.

Unless you just wanted to come tell us all a story. I like stories.... would have been better if you added a dragon and at least one sex scene though.... because I think you lost all of us somewhere down the line. I personally, thought this was an advice thread.

---

Yeah, it was my thread. Did you read any of what I wrote? Doesn't look like it. Much like the others... :(

This was all settled two days ago, but again, no one, including you, cared to absorb that.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by namemyname [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Since very few seem to have actually read what I wrote days ago, and instead wanted to indulge their own scenarios... lol

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by namemyname [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yeah, it was my thread. Did you read any of what I wrote? Doesn't look like it. Much like the others... :(

This was all settled two days ago, but again, no one, including you, cared to absorb that.

---

Only because you've still been replying...fervently... and wasn't it just a few of your posts ago that you said you've seen her posts about what they've been doing? And you don't think they're romantic or platonic? That doesn't sound like someone who's just letting thing be. Nonetheless it is what it is... and all I know is what you've told me here.. I have no idea what else might be going on behind the scenes...


* and I still think it needs a dragon.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by LifeInflux [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Only because you've still been replying...fervently... and wasn't it just a few of your posts ago that you said you've seen her posts about what they've been doing? And you don't think they're romantic or platonic? That doesn't sound like someone who's just letting thing be. Nonetheless it is what it is... and all I know is what you've told me here.. I have no idea what else might be going on behind the scenes...


* and I still think it needs a dragon.

---

Yes, I am, and I should stop, because it's truly nutty.

I said says ago I told him we can't communicate anymore, and that was it. Done.

I honestly have NO idea why we needed 4 more pages after that. Yes, I defended him - who wouldn't? The guy was being thrown under the bus and accused of heinous present and future behavior - none of which is actually known. Maybe you guys are entirely right about him. Maybe I'm entirely right. But, at this juncture - NO ONE knows. I was just playing counterpoint to the silly imagined scenarios of what's going actually going on. The responses should have been like Wakeups - to say, "hey, good call on stopping things, see what happens down the road."

Yep, saw what she posted over the weekend, and I said you couldn't tell from those posts if things were romantic nor platonic - they were generic - could be either in reality. What does that signify exactly, though? Honestly, I did it to see if I could corroborate his story. It was a way to verify before trust. :)

lol This is why Im 30 and single. People over analyze the most minute things and jump to conclusions (for better or worse) and then argue over things that are completely unknown and miniscule.
Name, I don't blame you for asking questions and trying to piece together the facts of this situation to get a clearer picture of whats going on. You like him so (if I were in the same situation) it would be impossible not to analyze and possibly over analyze the facts. Of course you're going to be thinking about it.

All you have to do is sit back and wait (which is what you said you are already doing) and he will either contact you or he wont. If he does, meet him. If hes a good guy and he wants to see where it goes with you he will tell you on his own what happened with the other woman, maybe not details, but just that its not going to work out. If he meets you and doesnt mention it, ask him.
Not in a confrontational way, but just a "hey, so how did it go with <other woman>" If he is honest with you either way then you have your answer, but if he downplays it but says he's seeing her again, while remaining interested in you, there's your red flag.
Texting you that much in a week, meeting her in person, and then meeting you in person would be enough for any guy to make a decision. (at least it would be for me) If you meet him but he continues to act unsure, drop him.

More people need to be optimistic and give others the benefit of the doubt. Innocent until proven guilty. I dont mean trust strangers fully, but just remain neutral. If someone has a guilty until proven innocent mentality and are always looking for a reason a guy is a douche, then every guy is automatically a Douche.

Whether he will text when he gets back wanting to meet you is still up in the air....

Male insight...I hope all you want is a **** buddy.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by namemyname [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I honestly have NO idea why we needed 4 more pages after that.... The responses should have been like Wakeups - to say, "hey, good call on stopping things, see what happens down the road."

---

This thread would not be out of place in The Twilight Zone, honestly.

Nevertheless, a couple of points...

Of the 90 odd posts in this thread you wrote 40 of them hun, so, pots and kettles and all that.

Also, would that be WakeUp, the same person who thanked Flux for his initial post... Flux being the person whose post you labelled 'just silly'...

Odd.

Ya I agree there is no need for page after page of negative speculation.

I doubt he will drag this out much longer. Once he is back, and you two get to meet, then he will decide....it's pretty simple. Just keep the communication honest and straight forward and there shouldn't be any problems. Let's just wait and see eh.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Millie [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

This thread would not be out of place in The Twilight Zone, honestly.

Nevertheless, a couple of points...

Of the 90 odd posts in this thread you wrote 40 of them hun, so, pots and kettles and all that.

Also, would that be WakeUp, the same person who thanked Flux for his initial post... Flux being the person whose post you labelled 'just silly'...

Odd.

---

Not odd at all, Millie. He makes good points that Name should keep in mind when she goes forward. So I thought his post was helpful.. Name makes good points that it's all speculation (includes her own). What's silliy, is trying to push on her that he's going to **** her over when none of us know that ... at this point.

Keep us updated, name since we all seem to be so "concerned" for you :D

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Slipsonic [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

lol This is why Im 30 and single. People over analyze the most minute things and jump to conclusions (for better or worse) and then argue over things that are completely unknown and miniscule.
Name, I don't blame you for asking questions and trying to piece together the facts of this situation to get a clearer picture of whats going on. You like him so (if I were in the same situation) it would be impossible not to analyze and possibly over analyze the facts. Of course you're going to be thinking about it.

All you have to do is sit back and wait (which is what you said you are already doing) and he will either contact you or he wont. If he does, meet him. If hes a good guy and he wants to see where it goes with you he will tell you on his own what happened with the other woman, maybe not details, but just that its not going to work out. If he meets you and doesnt mention it, ask him.
Not in a confrontational way, but just a "hey, so how did it go with <other woman>" If he is honest with you either way then you have your answer, but if he downplays it but says he's seeing her again, while remaining interested in you, there's your red flag.
Texting you that much in a week, meeting her in person, and then meeting you in person would be enough for any guy to make a decision. (at least it would be for me) If you meet him but he continues to act unsure, drop him.

More people need to be optimistic and give others the benefit of the doubt. Innocent until proven guilty. I dont mean trust strangers fully, but just remain neutral. If someone has a guilty until proven innocent mentality and are always looking for a reason a guy is a douche, then every guy is automatically a Douche.

Whether he will text when he gets back wanting to meet you is still up in the air....

---

LOl. Seriously. ;)

Why are your comments just so calm and rational? Rather than the hysterical, "OMG, he's going to hurt you, he's a player, run, he just wants to shag you, he's a dirtbag, he has women all over, ad naseum..." yawn.

I agreed with you days ago, and I still do. :) I think you're one of the few who's not only been paying attention, but actually listening, so, thank you again.

I think it's the suppositions, assumptions and attacks made on all of it that is so perplexing. In many ways, it was fascinating to see the histrionic gang mentality at work. Considering none of us know what's going on with him and her, and none of us know what's going on in his mind or heart, it's still amazing how many conclusions were drawn. The only mindset we know has been mine, and I *thought* (though apparently not) I was clear that I liked him, but I didn't like the situation, hence why I disengaged, and said from that point, I was going to hang back and see how it unfolded. I know my boundaries, and he does as well (now). I'm not going to be chatting or dating him if he's seeing someone else. Period.

Not sure why something that was so easy to follow (to some - lol), needed to be so melodramatic and silly.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Ya I agree there is no need for page after page of negative speculation.

I doubt he will drag this out much longer. Once he is back, and you two get to meet, then he will decide....it's pretty simple. Just keep the communication honest and straight forward and there shouldn't be any problems. Let's just wait and see eh.

---

Thank you, Smackie!

I agree, he won't drag this out. Either he's going to further a commitment to her, or he's going to walk it back and perhaps we'll meet. If we do, and the vibe in person is strong, then yeah, he has some house cleaning to do before we move forward. And if there's no connection, then he's lost nothing, and I have a new friend.

I think he's been pretty honest, Smackie, I do. If he was looking to play her and I, he never would have told me about her up front. Nor told her that I existed, either.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Not odd at all, Millie. He makes good points that Name should keep in mind when she goes forward. So I thought his post was helpful.. Name makes good points that it's all speculation (includes her own). What's silliy, is trying to push on her that he's going to **** her over when none of us know that ... at this point.

Keep us updated, name since we all seem to be so "concerned" for you :D

---

Ha! And I feel that, Wakeup! ;)

I think healthy skepticism should exist when dating anyone. No matter how you meet them, and under what circumstances. I'm naturally suspicious of everyone's intentions, to a degree, so I date with a bit of a "watch and see" kind of bent. Not necessarily looking for things, but not ignoring the obvious, either.

It would be just as foolish to assume he's the love of my life, and we'll drive off into the sunset, as much as it is to assume he's a cheating, lying pig. I never said the former was a given, so not sure why the latter became the reality. :(

Any updates? When does he get back? I'm really interested to see what happens!