No i say the men i associate with. Family, friends, exes. That doesnt mean theirs no assholes here. Of course there is. I just avoid them
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No i say the men i associate with. Family, friends, exes. That doesnt mean theirs no assholes here. Of course there is. I just avoid them
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You can easily replace
withQuote:
"well men here don't do xxxx they have more integrity and morals than that what a bunch of assholes the rest of the world of men are *insert xenophobic comment about American men here*"
and it changes virtually nothing.Quote:
"well men here that I know don't do xxxx they have more integrity and morals than that what a bunch of assholes the rest of the world of men are *insert xenophobic comment about American men here*"
Sounds to me like most of your friends have skanky mothers. If having a father around for a child was so important to them...and they were unable to figure out contraception, they should have kept their legs crossed till they were married.Quote:
Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Well it doesnt always work that way. We all know plenty of "good" fathers who miraculously forget their kids once the relationship ends. That could be when the kid is 5months, 5 years or 25 years. Lets face it-men can and do walk and leave her holding the baby and they get away with it
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I know a few women who've walked away from their children and left dad holding the baby. What's your point?Quote:
Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
My point was they he shouldnt try to force her to abort coz he can just walk either way. Shes the one whose gonna be taking responsibility
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Once again michelle, here's now things work where OP lives
He can't "just walk either way". He is going to be held responsible one way or another for 18 years. Know who else will be held responsible? We the taxpayers should OP decide that she needs government funding to help raise the child.Quote:
The only way a man gets away without paying child support is if the woman does nothing to pursue it. Otherwise he either pays or goes into debt, loses all of his rights as a human being, and eventually goes to prison.
Besides, even if what you say is true she should've thought about that before she agreed ahead of time to have an abortion should she get pregnant. As it turns out when you give someone your word they have a tendency to hold you to it. But of course, that doesn't matter because what you say is simply not true.
Who's forcing a woman to abort? I'm not seeing any guns held to any woman's head. If she wants the baby, she's free to have it. Women have full reproductive choice these days.
Look, I take responsibility for myself. I have enough brains to know how to use contraception properly. However, if I got pregnant by accident, I'd take full responsibility for that too. I have no time for women who won't take full responsibility for their choices.
......OK lets get back on track here. Bustamove, you want this baby that is your decision, your BF ended your relationship, that is his decision. The man is 40 years old...he doesn't want to spend his time living with a cry baby, changing shitty diapers this late in life. He either has already done it or he just never wanted it. I agree with the others, you are the one that needs to take responsibility for CHANGING your mind and the consequences that go with it. Obviously you never took that first initial conversation with him seriously enough......well now it's come to this.
I said from the start OP needs to accept responsibility and prepare to do this alone. That doesnt mean shes not allowed to feel hurt about it or angry and a little sensitivy wouldnt go astray. She hasnt been back. Shes been scared away by some of you vultures
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She never acted scared or hurt, she acted self entitled, using that baby as leverage.
And I said from the beginning, I'd have sympathy for her if she'd approached the situation in a less entitled manner. It's not her situation which has lost my sympathy, it's her attitude.Quote:
Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I think she's as much as a 'vulture' as any of the responses. What goes around comes around.
Even if you take her shitty attitude out of the equation there's still the fact of the matter that she gave him her word to have an abortion if she got pregnant. Now she's trying to exploit the fact that she has 100% birth rights and he has none in order to go back on her word and force the issue of a fatherhood on him that she has already agreed never to try to force on him.Quote:
Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
No matter what her attitude is about it now, what she did is still indefensible.
That said this is most likely a troll thread - the number of trolls who pretend to be this stupid far outweigh the number of people who are actually this stupid which makes that a safe bet - so I'm out.
And more in defence of the man....
If a man says upfront that under no circumstances does he want a child, a woman does have the choice to tell him that this is not what she wants in a partner and dump him.
OP hasn't been back since the first post...
Verdict: Successful Troll.
Extremely successful. But it's also been an interesting debate
I agree with the gist of that but why the hell wouldn't he get sterilized if he doesn't want children? Why not just shoot blanks and not worry about some chick trapping him or going back on her word?Quote:
Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
In the OP's example, he doesn't want kids NOW. (or possibly hasn't found the right mother for his kids yet)Quote:
Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
People change their minds. I've known guys who were never going to marry....and then they met the girl of their dreams and changed their minds. I was never going to have children, and then I met my now partner and changed my mind.
I'm very grateful that I didn't do anything permanent about my fertility while I was with my ex. This guy may well find a lovely partner in the future and want kids with her - just like I did.
That, to me means that at the age of 40 he does not want kids now due to his age etc. He is 40 is he not?Quote:
We've lived together for a few years and I told him I'd get an abortion if I ever got pregnant. He doesn't want kids now.
Until op comes back, then that is up to interpretation. I have a feeling she won't be back because this was just a set-up to start a dialogue going (good job, op). If my interpretation is correct, and never wants children, then there is absolutely no reason not to get a vasectomy.
BTW it is men that say they don't want them NOW that cause women to do the bait and switch. Most would figure that in time, he will want them and so they continue the relationship hoping that that time will eventually come. So 'NOW' isn't any reason why he should not have taken care of his own sperm and choices.
She's an idiot who has taken things into her own hands, I'm in agreement totally with that but you paint men as totally without responsibility for their own actions or even choices for that matter when that's not so. That's an enabling dialogue. IMO
Bottomline: If he didn't want children WITH HER then he should have made sure (or at least more certain) that it wasn't going to happen by either getting himself fixed or wearing a condom while he was her romantic partner.
Two wrong people. Don't make a right.
My guess... forever. At 40 He'd have had them by now if he was going to have them. I'm sure she agrees, thats why she did the ole bait and switch on him. Had he gotten fixed or worn a condom there would be nothing to debate over.Quote:
Plus he's almost 40! How much longer is he going to wait to have a child??
BTW, OP: (i'm sure you're lurking) How long he waits to have children (if he's even considering it (doubtful) then that would be NONE of your business. You went in knowing that he didn't want them with YOU if he had you agree to an abortion if you got pregnant. So its not like you didn't know he didn't want them. I can't see a man that eventually wanted children would expect an abortion. That alone would make me run from him if I DID want them.