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Do you want to be with another woman (as in a relationship) or just have sex with other women?
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You were passive in the beginning, allowing this relationship to progress even though your feelings weren't and you're being passive now by allowing it to continue when your gut is telling you she's not the one. You made that mistake in the past and look where its got you.
Sometimes breaking up isn't clear-cut and you will feel conflicted. That is normal. However, that doesn't mean it isn't the right thing to do. Your doubt is crippling you and when that happens you need to listen to your gut feeling and just go with it. Do not carry on being passive. You may not have cheated. But I have a feeling that you're only going to be as faithful as your options and that is not fair to your wife. The question is, can you be happy in the relationship you have (there are clearly some good points) or will these feelings come back with renewed force next time a big situation comes up. If deep down you don't want to commit to her and the baby then it's time to leave.
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Thanks Woods, you summed it up nicely.
Bit of an update. It's been about a month, on the surface things have been alright although she hasn't been quite the same. I think we were both making an effort to improve things. Inside my mind i've been pretty low most of the time.
I seem to be stuck in a dream world, keep thinking about the girl who's pictures I got caught downloading before. Don't ask me why, I can't understand it, seem to be fascinated with her. Anyway, she went on holiday and I got busted downloading some bikini shots of her. It sounds mega clumsy to be caught twice, she must have been checking my phone all the time waiting...
She's kind of said that's it, she's going to leave. She's angry but doesn't seem so upset, not been crying or anything. There is nothing I can say, i'm not sorry as I keep doing it, like I said, don't know why.
I'm not sure how to feel about the situation now, by rights I should be happy, afterall it's what I thought I wanted. I'm confused though, the baby is a week off and our live is all set up for it. I wanted to see how things would pan out.
One thing that did upset me, when I was like a pig hunting for truffles -after pictures of this girl, I joined up to a social networking site (orkut) that my wife is on. I knew she's on it, she has 900 photos and I never bothered to look at them. I only signed up to look at someone else's photo's. How bad is that?
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You are looking for an escape. For some reason, you won't allow yourself to be happy in your situation. What are you afraid of?
Have you considered counseling to help you understand yourself and solve your commitment issues?
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That is exactly what is wrong with you OP. Commitment phobic. You should get counselling but let your wife go. You dont deserve her. I hope she and the baby will be okay
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Try to make things as easy as possible for her during her pregnancy - if you're selfish, okay, own that. But try, for the sake of your child, to not mess with her emotions during this time. That could mean not downloading photos of her mate. You're not 13 - bikini photos? Really? Anyway.
If you don't know whether you love her by now, you never will. Some people dream of 'freedom' and imagine all the wonderful things that will happen to the once they're 'free'. Often, it's not what they expected. But if you have any balls, this is a risk you will have to take or you will make everyone miserable and you will eventually cheat with some trashy mole who won't care that you're married/have a child because she's desperate, lonely and fat.
You can't live a lie forever.
