Completely Numb Right Now

Oh man, don't even consider going back to her. JUST DON'T , she's a psychopath, nobody sane can do something like this, do you even see yourself with her?? I would be ****ing paranoid for the rest of my life think if she maybe is having someone else on a side. Jesus, it wasn't even normal cheating, she was having a RELATIONSHIP with someone else, she was ****ing engaged to him! Don't make me mad dude, if you even think about taking her back after she did something like this, spare further posts and advices here on LF, cause they wouldn't mean anything good and correct. This bitch should be out of your life forever!

Run, do not walk. Yes, you have invested a lot of time with this woman. But cut your losses and run. She will always be borderline honest at best, she will always be making drama in her life, she will always be a "victim" because that is her life mentality. You will NOT find happiness with this woman-not today and not in 3 months and not in 2 years. Run away and do not look back. Find real happiness with an honest woman who has integrity and a backbone and who owns her life mistakes and foibles. Seriously.

Also, one thing you keep mentioning as an either/or thing just isn't. Craig does NOT have to be an awesome choirboy who your neighbor wants to invite for coffee for Craig's story to be true. Craig could be the vilest slime ever to survive in human form, the type who makes neigbors write down his license number and the sort who lies and cheats just for fun...and still, in this instance, be telling the absolute truth!

Oh I know your in love and even if main parts of her story is true, she still cheated on you. She was still living two lifes. She was getting a kick out of it and she trying keep the game going on!

In the five stages of grief, I am currently in Anger.

Anger is better than denial.

She should be dead to you. You can't resurrect dead people.

Just make sure you don't do anything you regret. God...the things I nearly did and thought about doing...*yikes*

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Originally Posted by Petit Papillon [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

She should be dead to you. You can't resurrect dead people.

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If only it was as easy as that Petit...

Unfortunately feelings can't be switched off, like a lightbulb can :(

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Originally Posted by xxazurexx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If only it was as easy as that Petit...

Unfortunately feelings can't be switched off, like a lightbulb can :(

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That's why he's coming here,so people who look at it from the side can tell him that this girl is no good, you know? He was here long enough to know that we are always right. Why? Cause we aren't sides of those stories, we just give him objective advice . Of course you can't switch off feelings but he knows exactly how it's going to be. There is anybody in this world that could forgive and FORGET such thing. He won't forget it and if he continues this "reletionship aka big freaking joke" ,it's going to fall down anyway. If things are bad and heading down the road, there is no force to stop it, you can just prolong the pain, but is it worth it?

hells yeah i'd be angry too! what the f is her deal?

Actually and when thinking about it Petit, he should have no problem thinking of her as dead, you are right. She .led a double life, engaged to another man and gonna be married and all behind his back. If this was me in that situation, I could think of him as 'dead' no problem. I'd have just cut him off and out of my life.

Of course. This whole relationship was a big farce, why not pretend as well that she's dead?

Post #157 sounds a bit ironic, doesn't it? You make the distinction as to why people stay with abusive people: Yet
you seemingly fail to see SHE has also abused you.

Post #158- was hard for me to read...
She didn't take responsibility for what she CHOSE to do, and sadly...You've also
seemingly put the burden on Craig with:
"Many aspects of our relationship that have troubled me over the years are allegedly related to Craig's interference."

Craig didn't interfere and this isn't 4th grade all over again Vince. Meaning:
She willingly chose to be around him and happily stayed. She never even TRIED to leave him! Action shows intent.

Her actions tell me she intended to LIE to you as long as she needed to without a single regard for your feelings!

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Originally Posted by VincenzoG91 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Conditions... like, she moves out of Craig's place. That's mandatory, nobody should date a person still living with an abusive ex. If her story holds water, then she should get a restraining order against him, and I'd like to see it. Before I have sex with her again, it would be nice to see that she has been tested for STDs, since she insisted on that before we started having sex in 2004. If she objects and finds these conditions burdensome, that's cool, I will date other women instead.

Maybe that's just the anger talking, but even the best possible interpretation of her story means that some jealous rival has been secretly threatening me for years now. Yeah, I still care about her, though maybe I won't in a couple of months. But if I do still care about her months from now, then I would be cautiously willing to give her another chance. If she doesn't think that I'm worth the effort, to hell with her.

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You had previously stated that you would want time to yourself to squeeze in a few meaningless Flings, so
you dating other women was your 1st intent, not dependent on whether Amy meets these conditions, or not?

Of course you care, you'd be inhuman not to...Cognitive Dissonance.
She never thought you were "worth the effort" (before) out of her numerous lies, and inaction.
Even now it's quite clear she doesn't know how to affirm her supposed love for you -this should speak volumes- (to you)

This hasn't to do with a "rival" secretly threatening you...None.
THIS is about a conniving, vicious yet unassuming woman who took you to the cleaners every day of your life,
spitting on your face, and taking a huge, monumental dump of ginormous proportions on your heart because she simply
COULD and was exceedingly efficient at doing it too...

There is nothing wrong with feeling Angry!
However there is something amiss when someone allows that anger to control themselves, and to manifest
in broken inanimate objects/hurting other people. You will never get the actual truth concerning what really
went down because those two are both manipulating cowards, which is why they were able to bond as they
did despite her "story" -We all know who writes "HIS-story" Vince- The one who is more convincing, or
the "winner" between her and Craig (psychologically)

This is the price to pay being with "damaged" people.
At first glance it "feels" great to help those in need, but in the end the mask comes off
and their true intent is revealed for you and all to see...Good luck and stand your ground.

My question is, how much longer would she have continued this lie? If Craig never would have come over his place, he would still have no idea. Have you asked her when she was going to tell you this?

I'm thinking Craig was just as duped. If he was this threatening controlling guy, he easily could have made some anonymous phone calls/emails/letters after enough snooping. I think his whole purpose in showing up at your place was to gauge your reaction and to see if Amy's story matched up.

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Originally Posted by Starry Night [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

My question is, how much longer would she have continued this lie? If Craig never would have come over his place, he would still have no idea. Have you asked her when she was going to tell you this?

I'm thinking Craig was just as duped. If he was this threatening controlling guy, he easily could have made some anonymous phone calls/emails/letters after enough snooping. I think his whole purpose in showing up at your place was to gauge your reaction and to see if Amy's story matched up.

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Already posted be several members, thanks though. :)

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Originally Posted by Starry Night [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

My question is, how much longer would she have continued this lie? If Craig never would have come over his place, he would still have no idea. Have you asked her when she was going to tell you this?

I'm thinking Craig was just as duped. If he was this threatening controlling guy, he easily could have made some anonymous phone calls/emails/letters after enough snooping. I think his whole purpose in showing up at your place was to gauge your reaction and to see if Amy's story matched up.

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Craig isn't innocent. I sent him a final text to tell him that it was over, and I didn't want any further contact with either of them so I could move on. He sent me several more text messages, asking me increasingly invasive details about my final talk with Amy. I said enough, because I have zero time for a control freak like that. By the final message from him, I was on the verge of driving over and punching his face in. And my neighbor has a really bad feeling about Craig, saying that the guy seemed very shady. My neighbor has pestered me all week about getting the locks changed, including the building door, so I finally contacted the landlord and offered to pay for it. And the way he drove all the way across town to "thank" me for taking care of that car repair was dishonest as hell.

I am extremely angry right now.

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Originally Posted by Petit Papillon [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Don't make me mad dude, if you even think about taking her back after she did something like this, spare further posts and advices here on LF, cause they wouldn't mean anything good and correct. This bitch should be out of your life forever!

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Are you threatening me? I don't care if you are a mod here, your post is out of line. If you bounce me out Loveforum because I'm not following specific advice here, you are setting a dangerous precedent that will drive members away.

kinda the same thing happened with my sister. my sister found a piece of paperwork that attached her husband to a rental. she went there, nobody was home, but there was a note on the door from a girl. "(ex husbands name), can't wait to see you again baby see you later honey." or some shit.

ugh, disgusting.

Hey Vince,

Please don't feel I, or anyone else here, is attacking you. I think perhaps we are all just worried about you and the situation.

As I said before... maybe Craig IS a creepy abusive controlling freak. But that doesn't make his story a LIE. He doesn't NEED to be an angel for her to still be a lying, manipulative bitch.

I feel like right now, you're trying to explain away her behavior by placing the blame on him. I'm getting the impression he is becoming The Villain in your mind. You state over and over he's sending you multiple texts, which is PROOF he's controlling... Instead of maybe granting that he's also just had a very serious emotional blow, and isn't in a rational frame of mind. Maybe obsessive texts are his way of coping, not a sign that he's controlling.

After all-you sent your friend out searching for details on HIM. Details that certainly straddle the line of private information. Would it be fair to call you a stalker? Or obsessed with him? No. Yet if someone took JUST that behavior out of context, that might be what it looked like.

I get it. If Craig is controlling, or somehow a horrible guy, then it vindicates Amy. It justifies all the horrible things she did and makes her someone to be saved. If her story is true, then Craig is the problem. If Craig goes away, then no more problems. Then Amy is rescued from the Big Bad Villain, and you don't feel as if you've had the wool pulled over your eyes by someone you love.

But I just don't think the truth is that black and white. Craig MAY be controlling.... but you can't know. No matter how much your neighbor has a "gut" instinct, and no matter how much you think you can discern of his character through one week of text conversation, you cannot really know the "truth" of Amy's accusations.

Stop focusing on Craig. He is not the problem. He's a handy Straw Man, something that Amy threw up that may or may not be the truth as to why she treated you as horribly as she did.

The TRUTH is that she lied to you. The TRUTH is that even if Craig is controlling and abusive, he is NOT your problem. He is AMY'S problem. You cannot rescue her. You cannot allow yourself to see her as the victim so long as she continues to perpetuate the problem. Only she can save herself. That means, for the present, you can only deal with HER. Forget Craig. Forget digging up details on him. Whatever his role, SHE is the one that lied to you. Period.

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Originally Posted by VincenzoG91 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Are you threatening me? I don't care if you are a mod here, your post is out of line. If you bounce me out Loveforum because I'm not following specific advice here, you are setting a dangerous precedent that will drive members away.

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Whatever... I'm not threatening you lol. I just try to talk you out of making a mistake lol, don't make me laugh Vince :)

PS. I will not ban you but I'm sure me and other members, if you go back with this psycho, will stop to threat you and your advices serious, cause going back to so obviously bad person is worse than a stupid mistake. It's what maybe a teenage by would do and not a grown up man. and it's not like you are with such a woman for the first time so you should already know that you have to go away.

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Originally Posted by misombra [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

kinda the same thing happened with my sister. my sister found a piece of paperwork that attached her husband to a rental. she went there, nobody was home, but there was a note on the door from a girl. "(ex husbands name), can't wait to see you again baby see you later honey." or some shit.

ugh, disgusting.

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Eugh, I can't imagine how much you have to be ****ed up in your head to pursue two different lifes with two different partners/families. It's really something worse than cheating, it's sociopathic behaviour.

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Originally Posted by VincenzoG91 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

In the five stages of grief, I am currently in Anger.

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Anger with a good dose of Denial, so far. Oh wait, we also had Bargaining, when you planned to maybe see her again if she drops Craig. What stage is next? You've got Depression and Acceptance left. How exciting! If this sounds condescending, I assure you I don't mean it to be. But if you're going by that five stages thing, then you're almost through, right? In a couple of days/weeks/months, when you have a few meaningless flings under your belt, she won't even mean that much to you. Hopefully.

^Different stages can last longer than others. Plus we can continue to move back and forth between stages....from anger and back to denial, from anger to depression. Acceptance takes a l-o-n-g time to reach and even in acceptance we can still experience anger, bouts of denial.....it's a long drawn out process and not as simple as just moving from one stage to another. Has anyone close to you ever died? The stages are exactly the same, as losing someone to death.

Vince, I just hope that you don't take this girl back.

This whole story that she has a few days to prepare smacks of a bad horror movie, probably is from 1.

I'm with being alpha. She did you soooo wrong, dude. The best thing you can do is take your mind off of her, even if it means deleting her completely. She should not exist to you anymore. Do yourself that favor, would you.

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Originally Posted by VincenzoG91 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Are you threatening me? I don't care if you are a mod here, your post is out of line. If you bounce me out Loveforum because I'm not following specific advice here, you are setting a dangerous precedent that will drive members away.

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Even if PP was threatening you (which she was not) You don't see your machismo take front and center?
You are making this about Craig, then side stepping taking it out on a member who is just as upset as you are (because Amy's a piece of shit)
based on your posts about her! It's true truth is self evident, and the denial is strong with you unfortunately but dude, I've been the victim as well as the perp...

If you did take her back, PP is right. Who in their right mind would follow your advice when you can't even follow it yourself?

This isn't all about Craig, not even partly.
She wasn't a prisoner of war nor love. She willfully stayed with him, she happily LIED to you for years. Outside of $500/month what incentive did she have to stay with you?
This is how psychos negotiate internally if they should stay with someone; not out of love/feelings: out of dollar signs.
Whether he has a gun, a knife is irrelevant...When someone wants out: they get out: basic human instinct: survival supersedes fear.

Kicking his ass-losing your job, your place and your integrity isn't worth it: if anyone deserves their ass beat: it's AMY! and I don't condone/tolerate
that kind of shit even if a woman strikes first, feel me?

VincenzoG91 do you think that maybe he has fabricated this story

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Originally Posted by xxazurexx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

^Different stages can last longer than others. Plus we can continue to move back and forth between stages....from anger and back to denial, from anger to depression. Acceptance takes a l-o-n-g time to reach and even in acceptance we can still experience anger, bouts of denial.....it's a long drawn out process and not as simple as just moving from one stage to another. Has anyone close to you ever died? The stages are exactly the same, as losing someone to death.

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Thanks, Debbie Downer, I know how it works. I was so wrong to encourage him to get over it quickly. It was very helpful of you to correct me on that. Do you have any more bad news you'd like to share?

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Originally Posted by MerryH [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

. It was very helpful of you to correct me on that.

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Cheers and anytime :)

Quote:

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Do you have any more bad news you'd like to share?

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Nah...honesty maybe.

He's a grown man, not a child.

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Originally Posted by xxazurexx [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Has anyone close to you ever died? The stages are exactly the same, as losing someone to death.

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I SO agree with this....it breaks my heart...

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Originally Posted by sookie6 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I SO agree with this....it breaks my heart...

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me too *sigh*

Seriously...go to a counselor. You're going to internalize this and it will affect future relationships and you will self-destruct or sabotage them. Hearts heal. It's going to take some time. Stay busy. Get out as often as you can with friends. DON'T sit at home alone. I've been going through a very minor version of what you have and I'm still trying to breathe. Good luck, bro. You'll be ok...Mmmm, tears at my heart reading your story. Amazing.

Vince,

Skype me and I will talk some sense into you! username: hazzardcounty01

Hmm he's not coming to LF since few days... It could be a bad sign.

It's a shame...

What started out as her *so called* fiance turning up to find out you weren't an ex landlord has turned into both she and he stringing stories along and keeping the ball in the air.

The main thing is, that she has broke your trust. Perhaps with reluctance (from his blackmailing), but then again, perhaps not. You're absolutely right to gather the facts, and it would do no harm whatsoever to listen to your neighbour's concern for safety. Even if he is her fiance after all, he may still be a controlling, paranoid guy. He may assume that if she goes missing, that he can drive to yours to find out if she's there. What else may be worrying is that even if you cut all ties with her, he may still suspect you of being in the picture.

I can offer no indication on if her story is false, or if his is false(or even what parts may be more likely to be true). It would be ideal to get in contact with a close friend or family member of hers to find out, or even better to find out solid facts via research. Personally, I find it iffy that 1- she would take so long to tell the man she wants that there is a controlling blackmailer in her life, 2- that the fiance would try to glee as much info from you as possible after the fact of definitely finding out she cheated (do people really want every gory detail of the lie? Because you don't, you're taking the mature approach and moving on.), and 3-she would take so long between you being visited by the fiance/blackmailer to arrange to, attend to, or try to speak about the situation by phone. It's a rather big issue here that needs/needed dealt with.

There is also the fact that for probably as long as she's been with you, she's been with fiance/blackmailer. If you've been so open with your life, it's likely he's been open about his. She will be able to quote things about him to cover up incidents, as well as assuming you've not suspected the other incidents that she gave either the truth or excuses for already. That may be the reason he's asking questions about what she says/you say, because she could be using you as an excuse while chatting to him about incidents. It's a bit like when I was in highschool, I never forgot about homework I hadn't done for a class- I was always nervous before that class, and always had a lie in my head, even tho the truth was that I couldn't and more often didn't want to motivate myself to do homework at home. The excuse (or the truth, if I had told them) didn't take away the fact that the homework wasn't done, no matter how much more innocent the lie made me look.

Whatever happens, and whatever the truth may be, I hope you realise that this girl may never be able to have a healthy functional relationship (at the very least, if she hasn't totally lied and got 2 fiances, then she's prone to enabling blackmailers). You are being very mature and intellegent in seeking help about your own issues you feel you have, and I really commend you on that. I hope that everything turns out well for you, and that you are no longer dragged down by this unneccessary drama.

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Originally Posted by Petit Papillon [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Hmm he's not coming to LF since few days... It could be a bad sign.

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I hope he didn't get in any trouble..

I think Vincenzo is doing what we should all do on this forum...he has come for advice, received plenty and is now dealing with his 'situation' with th benefits of our opinions but deciding on his own what the best path should be for him now...when he comes back and I hope he will we'll just have to continue to offer support and respect his choices.

An update for all of you:

I have since met with her three more times.

The first time was good, I got to ask a lot more questions, and I think that the answers that I got were honest, given that some of the answers were upsetting to hear. We did get interrupted a couple of times, because there was a locksmith working on changing the locks when we first started talking. I gave her a copy of the official paperwork kicking her off our apartment lease, due to "abandonment of the apartment." I told her that I still loved her, but I also officially broke up with her. I said that I can't have a girlfriend who lives with another man like this, and she said that she understood. She also made it clear that she is definitely leaving this guy, and I said that I would help her when she is ready. We both came up with a plan for how she should leave him, based on the assumption that he is a control freak and stalker. She told me her plan first, and it was similar to mine. Unfortunately, she wants to wait until the end of the semester to move out, which would be in mid-May. The last five minutes that she was at my place, Craig called five times. She left in a hurry, looking a little scared.

The second time was harder, because all I wanted to talk about was the plan to move and also ask some more questions about the past. She was very forthcoming with details, even with really invasive questions. After the first hour, she wanted to lighten things up and just talk about other stuff, and I tried to roll with it, but I was just too obsessed with the situation. And I was troubled when she raised the possibility of couples counseling for her and Craig... not because she wants to fix their relationship, but because she wants a therapist to tell Craig that he is wrong to abuse her. I told her to forget it, he would never agree to counseling. Or if he did go, he would pick up some of the jargon and use it to manipulate her, dragging this mess out for another year. The abuse is mostly verbal, but sometimes he grabs her arm or pushes her or takes away her phone/car keys/purse. By this point, we both suspected that Craig is tracking her movements by GPS, either on her car or phone. He called twice towards the end of our meal, and she wanted us to leave separately in case he was out in the parking lot.

The third time, she called me just before I was going to leave work the other day. I was going to run a couple of errands in the area, and she wanted to tag along, just to hang out. We talked about some serious stuff in the car, but kept it light while in the stores. She is now talking about waiting until August to move out, because she is planning on living on campus next fall and doesn't want to move twice. I told her that I am really stressed out about her situation and it would be really painful to wait that long to get her out of there safely. She backed away from the idea and said that she might move out in May. Now I'm thinking that she has somewhat exaggerated the abuse, or at least the frequency of it, because I can't imagine waiting six months to leave if things were that bad.

She has also been complaining about her cash situation. Craig is punishing her by not helping her with anything. So am I. She says that she doesn't expect me to help her under the circumstances, but without Craig's help, she doesn't know how she is going to get by before the end of the semester. I told her that if she is going to be Craig's little slave, she should ask her master for support. That was kind of brutal, given that she is half Kenyan and it's black history month. But I was serious. Craig might be a control freak, but if he seriously had to support Amy, I think that he would finally lose interest in her. I think that going broke will force her to move up her timetable. Besides, if she doesn't go broke soon, Craig will get suspicious about that, too.

This situation is really hard for me. In the past, I have usually moved on pretty quickly after a breakup, but then I've never before been in a relationship that lasted so many years. Logic be damned, I still love her. I feel like a drug addict lately. When I see her, I'm so happy. And she is so happy to be around me too, even more so than she has been in the months leading up to this. Whatever you might think from reading this thread, Amy is not a subtle manipulator. When she turns on the charm, it is as obvious as hearing a bell ring. In times past, when I asked questions that might have led to discovering Craig, she didn't charm her way out, she tended to change the topic abruptly or give me an unfriendly look and silence, to discourage the question. I decided years ago to pick my battles, but I picked the wrong ones.

I think that she really was planning to leave Craig, but was probably hoping that I would never find out about him. That's why she spent so much more time with me starting last fall, and that's why he felt threatened enough to finally confront me after all these years. Like my neighbor observed, he was very forceful whenever he used the word "fiance," like he was trying to bluff me.

And when a couple of days go by without contact, I start feeling sad and angry again. Every day, I battle the urge to drive over to their house and beat the hell out of Craig. I'm 100% sure now that he's the one who stole my shoes last year when she moved out (look for a really old thread of mine here), and there are some other incidents from the past few years that now make more sense if I assume that Craig was lurking around. But after a long talk with an old friend the other day, I finally realized a bitter truth: I'm sinking down to their level. Amy is still lying and sneaking around, the only thing that has changed is who she is lying to and who she is sneaking around with.

She wanted to get together with me tomorrow. She feels bad that we can't do Valentine's Day together, because Craig has plans for her and will continue to be super-suspicious of her every move. But I already made plans with friends for tomorrow night, and am sticking to those plans. (We're going to a gothic fashion show called Love is the New Black.) Then she asked if I could take a half-day off from work and spend tomorrow afternoon with her, and I said no to that, too. January and February are really busy at work, and I already took a couple of half-days off dealing with this mess. To stay caught up, I've only taken one full day off from work in the last three weeks.

What does she want? She wants to leave Craig and get back together with me, but not yet. I think that it's a combination of fear and her usual procrastination.

What do I want? I actually want the same thing, more or less. I want her to leave Craig. And if she is willing to meet my conditions (restraining order, couples counseling for us, etc), I want to try dating her again. I know, it's clearly a bad idea, but I've still got such strong feelings for her that I at least want to try.

By the way, in an effort to get over all of this, I did make a serious effort to hook up with a woman who posted here some last fall. She and I stayed in touch in a friendly way and talked a lot about meeting up, but she started dating someone new recently, so it's probably not going to happen for us. If you mods have the ability to peek into our private messages here, you will know who I'm talking about.

Otherwise, I really haven't had any enthusiasm for meeting anybody new.

Well, Hello there. And, then: Wow dude. :(

You're dangerously close to being her Master when it comes to emotional support as she leans on him for financial support.

See, SHE doesn't need your help: and you don't really want to help her dude. I know you are using this situation to win
one against Craig but the reality of this is: It's a brow beating contest and you want to win it: so badly that you will
get impatient and even force your own wants onto her while she obviously lied to you about even more things to keep you
at bay while she continues to play the both of you.

How simple is life: She gets abused: She leaves. Simple.
She is actually opening up to you: and your only primary focus is: to get your way: she leaving him
and you are using the abuse card to get her to see your way: and the reason why this doesn't fly is because:

She exaggerated what he was assumed to be doing to her: because she knew you'd put 2 and 2 together.
A controlling jerk would go through great lengths, even tracking or following her.

What does she CHOOSE TO DO? Use you when she's been outed as an untrustworthy liar.
What do you want? You want her to leave Craig. She'd rather take him to counseling just so she can get validation of his
so called abuse...It's your choice: just don't be all that surprised: or hurt NOR yell, argue nor fight with her if she:

-never leaves him
-meets someone else
-never meets your *conditions*

She is who she is: and nothing you do: infer nor imply is going to change that.
Is She wants to change: She will change for herself; not for you based on what YOU want her to do.
If you already know that then you should know she's experiencing cognitive dissonance. The ball is in her court.

Spending a special day (even considering it) with someone like her is a no no dude.
I wish you the best, but you are going down the wrong path for the wrong reasons. It's sad. Been there. Not a good place.