This makes total, complete sense Cain. Good for you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cain [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
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This makes total, complete sense Cain. Good for you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cain [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Don't get me wrong. I would still love for us to get back together. But like I've said, a few things have to happen before that happened. If she did want me back, it wouldn't be until the distance was fixed and until we had gone to a therapist so the underlying problem could be fixed. I do still love her. I agree that she handled this break up the wrong way, but I do still love her.Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
One thing that someone told me yesterday was that she thinks that my ex might have been scared of the commitment. Not scared about being only with one guy, but scared to be moving like we were. It kind of makes a little sense since she told me that even if we did get back together, we shouldn't move in together because she doesn't think she's ready for that. What irritates me is that instead of talking to me about it, she broke it off, if that's even the reason. And once again, I wasn't the reason for it moving fast. It was both of us.
You are still looking for answers. Stop it.
What else is going on in your life? How is school? How are your patients? Your classmates? Are you enjoying things?
School is out and it's been out for several weeks and it won't be in again for another two. No school, no patients, no classmates.Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Anyways, it's not so much that I'm searching for answers. I have an analytical personality and I tend to analyze whatever is on my mind.
I'm working on trying to get health care coverage so that I can go see a therapist once every week or two. I would like to figure out how to control my dreams because she's in them four or five nights per week. Three in a row as of last night.
Cain, I gotta go soon, but before I do perhaps this will help.
If you have an iPod and access to iTunes, try downloading some lectures to do with NLP. Or search the web (take it all w/a grain of salt, tho).
GrkScorp will have a good laugh to read I'm recommending this. To be clear, I think a lot of their 'people control' stuff is rubbish, but practioners do use some b-mod techniques that are grounded in actual psych research that might help.
You need to do something called 'anchoring', or retraining. There are specific techniques that can help you to get over this obsessive thinking about your ex. I've done this myself & it works.
Do a read about this (it will help w/your pysch nursing training besides) and try some of the simple exercises. If you are consistent, it will work, and it will compliment a therapist once you can afford one. Or, perhaps, make one unnecessary. Tho I think you have some other issues that would make a couple sessions worth your while.
Be happy. :D
Be happy, that's the best advice I have heard all day. ;)
Cain,
I haven't read the whole thread. So forgive me. Listen, Years ago, I met a girl who I took home one night had a great time and did not see her again for 3 years or so.
One night I came accross her at a bar, my friend and I took her and her best friend to our place to "hang out". I find out this chick (my new found hook up) was actually engaged...and said she had to call her fiance to check in. She did it from my bed. This is the shit people do to people who have no respect for their significant others, lye to them in their face.
Not saying that your ex girl is this way, not at all. But if others here think she is a calculating b$tch, I would be really cautious. Don't be a back up for this girl, don't be the guy on the other side of the phone call. You catch my drift? That is why I am taking the high road myself and screw the plan to get back with my ex at a future time...when she tampers with other men...realizes the grass is not always greener...forget it.
Not waiting around....
All I can do is speculate regarding this whole break up. As I've said in an earlier post, I'm definitely pissed that she handled things the way she did and that she didn't communicate any doubts she may have had. I don't, however, think I'm still making myself available as the plan B guy. I've already stated that I'm moving on and that I'm going to live my life. I don't see anything wrong with being willing to talk about things sometime in the future to see if we can figure out what went wrong and what needs to happen to fix it.Quote:
Originally Posted by survivor08 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Maybe I'm not seeing it the way everyone else is. She doesn't have a lot of experience with relationships. She's had a couple that lasted a decent amount of time, but that's it. I've always had trouble staying interested in the women I've date. So maybe it's in our best interest to date around and see what happens. Maybe I'll date around and find out that my feelings for her weren't as strong as I thought. Maybe it'll reinforce my feelings for her. The same for her. Who knows anymore?
Kind of hypocritical of you to say who has no respect, when you allow such a situation to happen.Quote:
Originally Posted by survivor08 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Cain, if you ever get the opportunity to visit her ever again, make sure you take that dildo you molded from the shape of your penis, and load it with icy hot. All her other toys too. Take a shit, TP the bathroom, piss all over the seat, maybe in the sink, and put the seat up and hope she falls in.
Cause that's the first step into more visits, right?Quote:
Originally Posted by anachronistic [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Are you still in the Hatred stage? Just curious on page 14 here. :P
I don't hate her. In fact, I never hated her. The hatred was just with the way that she handled the situation and I still feel it. This whole thing was just handled so incorrectly. All it does it show me that she has a lot to learn about relationships just like I still do.Quote:
Originally Posted by Yacker [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Fucck you Cain
I don't care what anyone says...the human mind is amazing. A GOOD, LONG crying session (yes even from a man) works much better in healing than anger, hatred, and all those other emotions. You are said...cry. You will feel so much better if you let it all out. You will not become depressed in doing so. You can become depressed if you try to suppress it.
Cry and let her go. Realize that you don't need her in your life. Don't analyze anymore.
I disagree. If I don't try to mask things with the anger, my moods last way longer than they should. I have to avoid getting into the mood because if I don't control it, I become a mess for the rest of the day. I lose my appetite and am no longer motivated to really do anything for the rest of the day. I still cry sometimes, but then I control it. Usually, the only time I cry now is when I'm listening to the radio and a song comes on that reminds me of her or is a song about getting over a relationship. But then I immediately start working on controlling it.Quote:
Originally Posted by lesa [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Right now, whenever I get sad, I immediately start thinking that this wasn't my fault. I'm not the one that held the doubts in and handled this break up the way she did. I start thinking that I hope she realizes what she did and that she eventually regrets her decision. I look forward to the day that she calls me and tries to talk after her current relationship (if it even is one... she told me that she doesn't know what they are, yet she listed herself as "in a relationship") fails. Right now it's exciting, fresh, and new. We'll see how she handles it after it turns stale.
I know that I don't need her in my life, but I do want her in my life.Quote:
Originally Posted by lesa [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
And I can't stop analyzing things. It's my personality.
Were you the fiance? JK. Actually, that conversation killed the mood for me. Never talked or saw that exotic looking woman again...:DQuote:
Originally Posted by anachronistic [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Honestly, I still think it was very disrespectful for you to follow through with it. Interfering in a relationship is one thing, but an engagement?Quote:
Originally Posted by survivor08 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
It sounds like your emotions are beyond the issues of breaking up. You have given way more emotionally than she did in the relationship. I think you were too attached to her in an unhealthy way. Sad and disappointed, yes...but cannot function well, no.
I suggest you seek coping skills to help you in a more healthy way.
She doesn't sound so great anyways. It's not completely his fault that she did the things she did. She is the individual with another significant other and she chose to act the way she did. The fiance needs to know so that he can break up with her.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cain [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Cain:
Repeat these words: _____insert your ex's name here______"I am letting you be gone from my life forever."
Repeat that by looking at yourself in the mirror until you can actually believe it.
Then get ready to watch a little Monday Night Football with the friends...
Maybe. I don't know.Quote:
Originally Posted by lesa [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I've said this before... we were very close to marriage. If I had proposed, she'd have said yes. We nearly got married legally and hid it but decided for just one actual wedding ceremony. I don't see anything wrong with having that kind of emotion in the first few weeks of a break up... the realization that the person is lost.
I still functioned, but I lacked motivation. I'm better now.
And at the mention that I gave more emotionally than she did, that's what was one of the things that was confusing to me. She gave just as much as I did into this relationship, but something happened at the end. I don't know when she had doubts or what she is thinking. Like I've said.. I don't think I ever will.
Ike followed as a storm through the states and made it all the way to me up north and knocked out a lot of power. I'm currently without it. I wanted to text her and tell her to be safe, but I was proud of myself when I used restraint and said no. I'm sticking to no contact for a while.
I agree that the fiance should know so he could have broken it off, but I still think it's disrespectful.Quote:
Originally Posted by lesa [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Maybe I'm an idiot, but I don't want her gone from my life forever.Quote:
Originally Posted by survivor08 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I want the relationship we had before things turned out the way they did in the last two months.
And the only way that will happen is if she realizes the mistakes she's made after time away from me with no contact.
In the meantime, I'm going to move on with my life.
You are attached, much like I was.
The difference is I just recently gotten my balls back (hence my signature.) Let her go completely, Only God or herself can change her mind. Let her go, let her be free and see if she boomerangs back to you. Date and have fun in the mean time.
My ex was not the smartest, nor the prittiest, nor the sexiest woman I dated. I now wonder why I was so lost in the idea of being in love with her. Love is irrational sometimes.
You feel that the relationship was very serious and she did not want to go there. A lot of people talk about getting married but unless they are engaged and/or really planning the marriage then you were not very cose to marriage. Those are just words. There were no real plans and planning to live together does not count.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cain [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
No, there is no real way to know whether she gave just as much emotionally unless you ask her. She will probably lie. It appears that she did not. Otherwise she would not be acting the way she is...unless you are saying she is seriously psycho?Quote:
And at the mention that I gave more emotionally than she did, that's what was one of the things that was confusing to me. She gave just as much as I did into this relationship, but something happened at the end.
Keeping the no contact is very difficult but I think it is necessary. You did great.Quote:
Ike followed as a storm through the states and made it all the way to me up north and knocked out a lot of power. I'm currently without it. I wanted to text her and tell her to be safe, but I was proud of myself when I used restraint and said no. I'm sticking to no contact for a while.
Wow, you are out of electricity. That's crazy. Why are we having so many natural disasters now?...or was it always like this and I never noticed? I think it's the latter lol.
Now I have to redirect traffic from this thread.
So move along...nothing else to discuss or read..
Why the hell this thread gets some many replies? What about my postings? why the neglect? lol!!!
I've already said that this is what I'm going to do. I've let her go and only time will tell whether she realizes it was a mistake or not. I'm not just waiting around for her. I'm moving on with my life.Quote:
Originally Posted by survivor08 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
There will always be someone out there that is better than the person you're with. To think otherwise is foolish. The thing about love is that when you fall in love with someone, she doesn't have to be the smartest, or the prettiest, or the sexiest woman around. I was in love with everything about my ex, even though I know there are better out there. I never wanted to look for someone else, though. I wanted her. I still do. But I know that right now, we both need to live our lives and experience things and see if we are attracted back to each other.Quote:
My ex was not the smartest, nor the prittiest, nor the sexiest woman I dated. I now wonder why I was so lost in the idea of being in love with her. Love is irrational sometimes.
Cain, I have to say you sound ALOT better than you did a few weeks ago. ALOT better. You're doing fine.
I know how men work.Quote:
Originally Posted by survivor08 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Was the sex that good???
If it wasn't most men would not feel so bad in a breakup. It's the sex. (I want to say a different phase but I don't want to be so vulgar hehe).
Dah? of course the sex was good. Banging good, in the beginning. Then once the relationship is over, you are stuck thinking how good it used to be in the beginning, while the girl is thinking something else entirely, only thinking in the NOW...no longer what it used to be.Quote:
Originally Posted by lesa [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
So, the fact that we nearly went to the courthouse to get legally married isn't close enough? I'm not saying we were just talking about marriage. I'm saying that it almost happened.Quote:
Originally Posted by lesa [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
She says that everything she felt during the relationship was true at the time. I don't think that she's psycho, but I think that she's emotionally unstable. I'm really not sure about her.Quote:
No, there is no real way to know whether she gave just as much emotionally unless you ask her. She will probably lie. It appears that she did not. Otherwise she would not be acting the way she is...unless you are saying she is seriously psycho?
It's hard. I really don't like it. I do still worry about her and I hope that nothing happened. Luckily, I don't think the storm really touched much of where she lives.Quote:
Keeping the no contact is very difficult but I think it is necessary. You did great.
While I enjoyed the sex with my ex greatly, that is not the reason I miss her like I do. If she all of a sudden told me that she didn't want to have sex anymore before marriage, I'd have accepted it.Quote:
Originally Posted by lesa [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I'm definitely better than I was a few weeks ago... and like I've said, I know why. What she's told me the last time we spoke wasn't the same thing she told me when we broke up. It's not the same thing she told me a week later. Or two weeks later. It was about three after we broke up that things started actually coming out, and once again, that's why my mind was so wrecked over this. I don't know what's real and what isn't.Quote:
Originally Posted by starbuck [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
All I can do now is accept it and see what happens.
Oh I see. Apologies...that is close.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cain [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
You know I originally came to LF for advice on LDRs...not sure why I thought this was a LDR forum but something lead me to think it was at the time. Anyways I never got the advice here but I found that LDRs can cause a bond that can be different from regular local relationships. Because we rely so much on technology and communication more than physical, we tend to hmmm, uh...create a stronger intimacy bond. Hard to explain but other people in serious LDR say something like that. I am trying to NOT get serious but we seem to go that way anyways because of your constant phone communications. I never felt like this in my local relationship and I lived with him for years. We never talked about things like this LDR.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cain [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I don't think anyone here really understood that we were more than just talking about it.Quote:
Originally Posted by lesa [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Yes, it creates something more than just a physical bond. However, if your personality is to crave a person's touch, distance is hard. When you are out with friends and you see others with their bf/gf and see how they can hold each other, you start to crave that and you start to wonder if the relationship you have is really worth not having that touch. At the time, it might not seem so. There's been times where I wished I had a girl that was local, but I was sucking it up. I just wonder if my ex couldn't suck it up anymore and wanted to see if she could get on without me.Quote:
You know I originally came to LF for advice on LDRs...not sure why I thought this was a LDR forum but something lead me to think it was at the time. Anyways I never got the advice here but I found that LDRs can cause a bond that can be different from regular local relationships. Because we rely so much on technology and communication more than physical, we tend to hmmm, uh...create a stronger intimacy bond. Hard to explain but other people in serious LDR say something like that. I am trying to NOT get serious but we seem to go that way anyways because of your constant phone communications. I never felt like this in my local relationship and I lived with him for years. We never talked about things like this LDR.
I think it depends on why we want to be in a relationship. We all have different reasons, but the couple needs to have the same reasons or conflict will occur. For example, if one wanted a serious relationship and the other wanted a casual one then problems will eventually happen. If she wants closeness and constant physical touch then a LDR won't work. However, there was only about 7 months left. She chose to stay in the LDR all this time and when it got closer to becoming a local relationship she gives up???
It's more than that. Whatever these factors were they outweighed her desire to stay. Unfortunately you will probably never know...I wouldn't try to analyze her.
I don't know the reasons. Like I said, all I or anyone else can do is speculate. As time goes by I'll be able to get over her.Quote:
Originally Posted by lesa [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I've thought about attempting to write a book. It would be based on events that happened in my life but still embellished and fiction, and my relationship with my ex would be a focus. I would be able to write an ending to it and hopefully it'd help.