Why women need to hear 'I Love You' but men dont want to say it?

I'm not sure this topic already been discuss or not but this thing has been a problem to me lately..silly rite.
My bf n I been together for 3 years now. Everything was fine. He is now finishing his study n me already started working.
The problem is in our earlier years he always says "I love u" "I miss u" all that. but now i can only hear it after we make love.
I asked him once about this and he said all men are like that. They value those words so they only said it when neccessary. BUT for my case the neccessary moment is always after we make love.
Me as a woman need to hear those words often especially when I am far from him. If near, I can see him and feel the love..no need those mushy mushy words.
Why men dont understand that? Are all men refuse to say those words often?

Not all men are like that. Obviously some are, but I've never had that problem with guys.

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Originally Posted by amy83

I'm not sure this topic already been discuss or not but this thing has been a problem to me lately..silly rite.
My bf n I been together for 3 years now. Everything was fine. He is now finishing his study n me already started working.
The problem is in our earlier years he always says "I love u" "I miss u" all that. but now i can only hear it after we make love.
I asked him once about this and he said all men are like that. They value those words so they only said it when neccessary. BUT for my case the neccessary moment is always after we make love.
Me as a woman need to hear those words often especially when I am far from him. If near, I can see him and feel the love..no need those mushy mushy words.
Why men dont understand that? Are all men refuse to say those words often?

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He's just being mentally & emotionally lazy. If it means something to you, then he should say it as a way of fulfilling an emotional need of yours. Because YOU care about it, and HE cares about YOU. People DO this in healthy relationships.

But there are men on this forum that I'm sure will have MUCH more to say on this.

Well, I guess if you have a need to hear it, then he ought to say it, but I ask: don't you know already whether or not he loves you? Does he not show you in the way he acts?

I guess I am an unusual woman. There are plenty of other things I'd rather be upset about.

i always wanted to hear her say it ...

Hussain

He told me he is lazy to say that. He also ask me to understand "More Than Words" lyrics. It is not that I need to hear it everyday. But once in a while like at the end of our phone conversation or good nite sms. This will brighten up my day. and also when you felt down at work..need something like that.

Yes I know he really loves me. I do not doubt that..but the time that he pick to say the words to me makes me think twice. Do he loves me only because what I am or because I give myself to him.

I think for now I can live with the lazy reason. My friend said it is time to move up another level..married. i dont know.

its just words ,isnt there another way to see that he loves you ?

would you prefer him saying it more often and not meaning it , like a chore ?

or him at least still saying it , even if its once in a while , and meaning it?

yea , thats what i thought lady , quit your complaining and be happy he says it at least .

Do y'all not live in the same area?

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Originally Posted by mhussain

i always wanted to hear her say it ...

Hussain

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Yeah, that's me too. At least the first time it's said. I've never been able to say it first.

He's full of sh*t. It's only three words and if you feel that way there should be no reason you can't say them. If he can say "I Love Beer" he can say "I Love You"

That's not to say it's a problem, but I dont think he loves you. He loves having sex.

lol Tavs, that made me think of Anchorman. "I love chair. I love desk."

But yeah, I agree with Tavs. He should be able to say it whenever and not just after sex.

Some men are very uncomfortable expressing emotion. That is why I say it is all in how he treats you.

I agree men say "I love you" when they mean it. Maybe he picks after sex to say those words b/c he feels a closer bond to you. I noticed you said yourself that you two make love. I know... I know, it's a pretty far-fetched idea. Crazy me.

That's a silly idea! Men don't feel love.

Except for their dogs. And beer. And football.

Yeah, I didn't think about those things.

if a man loves you so much that you know he loves you , the sheould or should he not realise that the woman needs to hear it too?

at teh same time, if she knows he loves her, why the need?

ans = insecurity

Hussain

i think when u get used to a partner u forget many things..not just saying "i love you". To say i love you is easy, showing realy what u feel is hard. Especialy after 3 years...i dont say to my gf i love you anymore, cause it sounds cheap and silly after all the time. I rather buy her a pressent, or show her my love in a poem or something she doesnt expect. Something it makes her happy. Thats the way u say "i love you" after a while. U say i love you when u start dating. Then the hard work starts, to keep the rel.chip fresh and tasty..

Yeah but if you really love someone, wouldn't something so easy as to let them know be a reasonable request? I don't get why he would make it such a big deal.

I understand actions speak a lot louder than words.. but if you know she likes to hear "I love you" before goin to bed, if you know that could bring a smile to her face, why not comply with such a simple request?

I agree, Tone. If you really love someone, it's not a big deal to just tell them. Of course, I don't know this guy or how he is used to showing his feelings for someone.

i dont say thats not alright, but as time passes i expect and cherish more than just "i love you" before u got o bed.

I understand what you're saying fear. I've just never been that way in relationships. I do appreciate more than just saying I love you, but I don't think it's something that becomes too hard to do.

I can't imagine not saying "I Love You" to someone when I loved them. Sure, you have to show it as well, but I value hearing and saying those words.

Yeah exactly... and the fact he makes a big deal out of something so easy and simple as that makes me wonder.

your mother pulls trucks on eurosport, that's what makes me wonder.

Whoa, that's a good one, man.

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Originally Posted by mhussain

if a man loves you so much that you know he loves you , the sheould or should he not realise that the woman needs to hear it too?

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I agree ^. And yes to the others, Tone, etc. who say the same thing.

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Originally Posted by mhussain

at teh same time, if she knows he loves her, why the need?

ans = insecurity

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This almost sounds like you think insecurity is a problem. Is it? Why?

Everyone is insecure about something. It's natural.

I don't think it's a problem unless you allow it to become one.

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Originally Posted by Tone

Everyone is insecure about something. It's natural.

I don't think it's a problem unless you allow it to become one.

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I like you Tone. And the way you think.
:D

Wow! Really?

I honestly thought you didn't like me cause I play around too much

>;[

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Originally Posted by Tone

Wow! Really?

I honestly thought you didn't like me cause I play around too much

>;[

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No, that's me remember.

Yeah I already knew that though...

Hey Terry have a good Thanksgiving.

You going to your mom's? Bringin the g/f?

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Originally Posted by Tone

Wow! Really?

I honestly thought you didn't like me cause I play around too much

>;[

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Awww, Tone, I think playing is good... I also play; I just choose to manifest it differently from you, is all.

Regarding the like/don't like thing. There is almost noone that I don't like. Neutral or indifferent, perhaps, but its not really my belief to actively dislike someone. For the record. Sometimes this can be hard to tell if I'm being carefully neutral or factual in a post.
;)

PS. I'm OLD, Tone, so what does your little face thing mean??

We usually have a 20-person gathering but my Aunt/Uncle canceled it this year. Looks like it's going to be Me, Mom, and another Uncle watching the Broncos game. After that, a few of us at work have a tradition of going out drinking so we'll be doing that. Not sure If I'll convince the g/f to come to Mom's for a bit ahead of time or not. Should be a good weekend, got a great concert Friday, and a car show Saturday to attend as well. You have a good Thanksgiving as well.

Go Cowboys! ;)

Looks like I'll have to login to here to Gloat right after I call my dad down there in Lubbock

haha you can if you want, but I won't be on till Monday! I'm goin to Dallas today.

Yay! If I miss you on another thread, Happy Thanksgiving Junsui, and drive safely!

Thanks shh! Happy Thanksgiving to you too! Don't work too hard cooking! :D

No cooking for me this year! I am going to take the kids to an amusement park instead. Yay!! No dishes, no extra cleaning, no leftovers!!