A love that's worth fighting for...

I recently started dating this girl that i have been after for at least a year, she is everything i could ask for she's the sweetest girlfriend i've ever had! I like her a lot but we are both in our last year of university and after uni she's thinking of going abroard for a year to participate in some voluntary work. This means that we would most definetly break up. We are both really happy with each other and i know that she likes me a lot too. Her voluntary work is not a definite event that's going to happen but she is seriously considering it. I don't want to get in her way at all and want her to do this if it is what she'swants to do in life. My problem is that im finding that i am growing increasingly attached to her and i don't want to get hurt. I like her so much and really want to be with her but i do not want to go through the pain of letting go of so someone so special to me as it would break me down emotionally. On the other hand i feel that i should fight to stay with her because we are so happy when we are together and when were together it's bliss...

Someone please help me what should i do?

Many thanks,
James

James, I'm going to be little to no help to you.. but one thing I never understood in situations like yours.. is you say she's so happy with you and loves you.. but I don't understand why anyone would go away like that? And leave that which they claim to be so fond of?

I understand for your career or whatnot.. but TO ME - none of that matters. A career, exploring the world.. if you don't have that special someone to share it with you. Isn't that what life is all about? I know, to me, that's what life is all about. Would I like to have a nice career? Sure. But would I leave the one I claim to adore so much to pursue it? Never in a million years.

if you're really happy with each other, you shouldn't break up because of her going abroad.
couldn't you go with her? if not, you shouldn't break up either – just wait and see what happens to you during her year abroad.

I'm with you 100% Tone. I've had to argue that point to an Ex once but there was no getting it into their head.

tone- Never did he say that he loved her or she loved him. The word "love" was never used, so who knows how serious the relationship is.

I will say that you don't want her to regret you years down the road. You don't want her thinking "what if...." and blaming (albeit unnecessarily) you.

You are young; let her go, she will eventually come back, and if it was meant to be, she will be your girlfriend when she comes back.

why break up? she'll only be gone a year...i mean, it IS a long time but it's do-able if you both want to. letters...maybe phone calls...maybe internet. and you might wanna see if you can visit wherever she is during her year away.

it can be done...

Unless she is doing missionary work (which I consider immoral and arrogant) I say she ought to go, and you would be selfish to keep her from it. Once she settles down and has kids, she will never have the opportunity to do this again.

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Originally Posted by vashti

Unless she is doing missionary work (which I consider immoral and arrogant) I say she ought to go, and you would be selfish to keep her from it. Once she settles down and has kids, she will never have the opportunity to do this again.

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are you saying he should stop her if she was doing missionary work? cuz that's ridiculous...whether it's missioinary work or not changes nothing. he shouldn't stop her from going...PERIOD.

but i also think that her going does not necessarily mean they have to break up. i ain't sayin it's gonna be easy...and i ain't sayin it'll work...but if you feel strongly about her, i would certainly try to keep it going...

Yes, if she is doing missionary work, I think he should try to stop her. They make all Americans look crazy and arrogant, an image we should be trying to distance ourselves from considering the political situation of the last 6 years....

Anyway, that is my opinion.

Humanitarian aid is good, though.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by vashti

Yes, if she is doing missionary work, I think he should try to stop her. They make all Americans look crazy and arrogant, an image we should be trying to distance ourselves from considering the political situation of the last 6 years....

Anyway, that is my opinion.

Humanitarian aid is good, though.

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well, first off he's from the UK...

secondly, lets pretend it IS missionary work. that would likely mean that she is religious and her beliefs are important to her. so what does that make our poster, james? that makes james the guy that accepts that part of her and loves her. what can a man crazy about this girl do except to encourage her to go on the mission trip? to do otherwise would be selfish. if, on the other hand, the poster has not accepted this part of her...assuming this is intergral to her being, the faith and all...well, then he probably shouldn't be with her in the first place.

that's my take...

i agree with vasthi. missionary workers ought to be stopped.
no matter if they're from america or anywhere else.

Amen alice! I think we could be pals.

you forget: we are one and the same!

Yes, I am quite the narcissist.
:-)

so are we, uhm, am i.

what the heck is going on w/you two? Shh, is this your daughter or something???

(sorry, mean Vashti)

if it is, tell her to choose a different Avatar. "Vash" in French, means "cow" (spelled, vache), FYI, and that s all i can think when I see your posts together, sorry.

i agree with Tone and all the above who agree with Tone also .
a great relationship wich could have potential to be your future marriage or "partner" is worth a million times more than some trip or something of that sort ... seriously , if i had a choice in between a million dollars and to stay with my GF with who i have a great relationship and she might become my wife in the future ... might ... i would take to continue with the girl and screw the million because its not every day that you find someone that you have a great relationship with .

i say try to talk to her and make sense out of this ... if not , as last resort , ultimatum
give her a choice between all you guys have and some trip ...

And getting back to the topic:

I disagree with the ultimatum-thing. He hasn't actually said (I think) WHY shes needing to do this. My husband and I were seperated for a year when we were still dating in college. Distance, for a well-defined time period, is a good opportunity to test the commitment of the relationship, esp if you are considering something more longterm with this lady. If its strong, you'll endure or make arrangements to be together. If not, then you've learned something.

Ultimatums are to be avoided in any relationship. They are an attempt at control of another person. Ask yourself why an ultimatum is necessary. This is a bad experience, both for the one attempting to control and the one resisting that control.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by vashti

Unless she is doing missionary work (which I consider immoral and arrogant) I say she ought to go, and you would be selfish to keep her from it. Once she settles down and has kids, she will never have the opportunity to do this again.

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But I am sure you find the tax system, welfare, and some way to punish the wealthy OK ;)

Commy.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by vashti

Yes, if she is doing missionary work, I think he should try to stop her. They make all Americans look crazy and arrogant, an image we should be trying to distance ourselves from considering the political situation of the last 6 years....

Anyway, that is my opinion.

Humanitarian aid is good, though.

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Sure, any freebie, just like the DNC to take from the working class, and redistribute the wealth.

You know, I have to jab you a tad, I am working OD again, late nights.


;)

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Originally Posted by Bluevetteracer

But I am sure you find the tax system, welfare, and some way to punish the wealthy OK ;)

Commy.

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Nah - I have much better ways in mind to punish the wealthy. I think all the missionaries of the world ought to spend their time relentlessly hounding the soulless wealthy. And yes, they should keep paying their fair share of taxes. And if I were King for a day, they'd pay mine too.

fascist :D


PS - have you come to your senses about Bush yet? Your boys are going down, and I do worry about your frame of mind sometimes...

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Originally Posted by alice

i agree with vasthi.

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Really? Shocker. :bored: