Stay or break up?

Basically I really love my boyfriend, and I was really happy with him. Recently, I sent him a text message from my new phone number, saying "Hey sexy, guess who?" and he replied back saying "Is it that girl that I gave my number to at the club?" I was curious, so I replied saying "Yes. Do you have a girlfriend?" and he said Yes, so I said "Why did you give me your number if you have a girlfriend?" and he said "Because I was drunk and wanted to get laid". I was furious about this, so I broke up with him and told him that it was me. Then he was angry at me for trying to set him up (that wasn't my intention). Well, I talked to him yesterday, and he told me that it was ages ago that he gave his number, and that she did actually message him, but he didn't reply. He said that he only said about the "getting laid" because he thought she wouldn't reply and think he's an ******* if he said that. But I'm just not sure whether to believe him or not. Why would he give out his number if he had no intention of meeting her? What if he really did want to get laid by her? Should I forgive him just this once?

well, let's analyze the situation (assuming your bf is telling the truth). He gave his number to the girl a long time ago. How long have you two been dating? Maybe he met her before you? Perhaps he gave his number to her while you two were seeing each other but weren't exclusive yet. If so, I don't see what the problem is. You two weren't dating at the time. But for arguements sake, let's say you two were in a committed relationship when he gave his number to the girl. It's possible he didn't have the same feelings for you back then as he does now.

As far as I know, it was when we were dating. He wasn't specific about when it was, but he said "A few months ago" and we've been dating for 9 months. I wasn't really upset that he gave a girl his phone number, but the fact that he said he wanted to get laid and that's why he gave it. Maybe he was just mucking around when he said it... but what if he wasn't? Maybe he did sleep with her?

i think you should hook up with the girl...that's hot...

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Originally Posted by caramelkiwi

As far as I know, it was when we were dating. He wasn't specific about when it was, but he said "A few months ago" and we've been dating for 9 months. I wasn't really upset that he gave a girl his phone number, but the fact that he said he wanted to get laid and that's why he gave it. Maybe he was just mucking around when he said it... but what if he wasn't? Maybe he did sleep with her?

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it was at a club. you don't give your number to a girl at a club unless you're lookin to hook up...period. cuz you ain't gonna find relationship-worthy girls giving their numbers or taking numbers at a club. you take or give numbers at a club...it's for sex, flat out. deal with it.

so he wanted to **** some other girl. he deserves shit for that. BUT...it sounds like he had the opportunity to (she messaged him before) and as far as you know he didn't. AND...when you pretended to be her...he sounded like he was on his way to turning her down again. so that's gotta count for something.

listen...lots of people get tempted to stray every once in a while during relationships...and just about everyone gets an opportunity to stray while in relationships. the saints try to avoid sitatuations that may put them at risk...but most of aren't saints. the decent ones are decent enough to turn aside temptation and opportunity.

i'd be concerned a little bit. but i think...you know, if you guys have had a good relationship so far, don't let this kill it...

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Originally Posted by caramelkiwi

Should I forgive him just this once?

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Ummm, let's see, what's that word that I'm looking for here

NO

Coincidently, I wonder what the IQ of this guy is :)

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Originally Posted by Mishanya

Ummm, let's see, what's that word that I'm looking for here

NO

Coincidently, I wonder what the IQ of this guy is :)

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why not? he didn't cheat. as far as we know, he didn't kiss her...he didn't see her outside the club...he didn't **** her. he gave her the number at a club (possibly while drunk). the girl messaged him once before...and as far as we know, he turned down her advances. and he was on his way to turning down her advances again when the poster was pretending to be the girl.

this guy ain't so saint...but i think he deserves another shot, albeit with a shorter leash now...

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Originally Posted by funsounds

why not? he didn't cheat. as far as we know, he didn't kiss her...he didn't see her outside the club...he didn't **** her. he gave her the number at a club (possibly while drunk). the girl messaged him once before...and as far as we know, he turned down her advances. and he was on his way to turning down her advances again when the poster was pretending to be the girl.

this guy ain't so saint...but i think he deserves another shot, albeit with a shorter leash now...

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Why not? Is that what you asked?

Because he was going to and was set on doing it while in a relationship (As per his own admition) until the time he got caught red handed. It is possible that after many years of rehabilitation this individual might change, but for now he is out to cheat and the only way he will learn is the hard way.

Personaly I would never give someone who I even thought was promiscious any chances. It would kill me to wonder all the time if I should be trusting that person or not. Everybody deserves to be able to trust their partner 100% without a single hint of doubt and you can't trust a would be cheater. I personaly would not settle for anything less.

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Originally Posted by Mishanya

Because he was going to and was set on doing it while in a relationship (As per his own admition) until the time he got caught red handed. It is possible that after many years of rehabilitation this individual might change, but for now he is out to cheat and the only way he will learn is the hard way.

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he was drunk! and he got caught red handed TURNING THE GIRL DOWN! he turned the girl down once...and he turned the girl down again when it was actually his GF. chronology of events:

-he gives number to girl while intoxicated
-girl calls for sex, he turns her down
-girl friend calls pretending to be girl friend, he turns her down

he ain't no saint, but he did the right thing in the end...

and like i said, everyone is confronted with the opportunity to cheat in relationships. there's NO DOUBT that your husbad/bf has been confronted with just such a situation, where he had the chance to **** some other girl, but hopefully he didn't. and that's all you can ask for...when presented with the opportunity to cheat, do you take it or pass? this guy passed on the chance...twice, as far as he knew...

yah, I mean saying "I wanted to get laid" - is a surefire way to turn just about any girl off.

So he intentionally was turning this fictitious girl right off OR at least blatantly disrespecting her. Kind of classless...but at least it is a way for the guy to get rid of the girl as he didn't want to really stray.

anyhow, I don't blame you for being upset.

It is VERY VERY funny though.

You an probably at least get some mileage from it for a while!

I don't get why he couldn't just say "Sorry I have a g/f so I'm not interested" instead of "I gave you my # cause I wanted to get laid"

Like clynn said, just classless. Even if he TRULY was trying to turn her off to him (which I doubt...)

Well - Tone is a guy. And I'm not. So I'd trust more what he think's this guy's intentions were / are over what I think.

I agree. I mean I think he may ahve been telling the truth about trying to get rid of her by telling her that he just wanted to get laid. But why would he get her number in the first place? Eh, I don't know. I think this one is on you and if you feel you can really trust him, after you found out he likes to give his number out!

At first, I thought he was joking, playing along because he knew she was getting a new number, so was just teasin her sayin "The girl I met at the club?"

But then when she got mad and blew up on him and he told her "I was just sayin that to get rid of her..." got me a little curious.

I agree with RoseB, that I think that he really was trying to get rid of her with the whole "I just wanted to get laid" line, either that or his game is really weak. But I also agree that you should be curious now as to why he gave it out in the first place.

I don't get why everyone thinks people should get away with whatever they want as long as whatever they did at the time was when they were "drunk". Some people here are saying "Oh well he was drunk when he gave her number out".. so? Does that not make him still responsible?

No excuse.

Exactly Tone. I 100% agree. I know even when I'm drunk, I know the difference between right and wrong. And if I'm out with my friends at a club I'm with my friends not talking with a bunch of guys or even putting myself in a position to give or get a phone number. Drinking is never an excuse!

you have to wonder what he was doing giving out his number? i already told you that...he was looking to hook up...flat out.

as for being drunk...it IS an excuse, not a good one, but one nevertheless. i knew a guy that always got us in trouble when he drank...cuz he would always get us into fights. that's just the type of drunk he was. the RESPONSIBLE part is recognizing what you do when you get drunk AND NOT GET DRUNK. that's responsible. so this guy that gave his number out...if he's responsible, he should recognize the way he gets when he's drunk AND NOT GET DRUNK.

Well that's what I'm saying.

If he wants to stay out of trouble, he shouldn't drink over his limit, or drink at all if he can't control himself.

He shouldn't get out of giving his number out just because "he was drunk".

I think he should go to the bars sober; give out his number; and tell his GF Tuff Luck if she's that concerned. A number is a number; it's not cheating.

HA! You can't be serious?

You mean to try to tell me that if YOUR girlfriend went out with her friends, gave her number out to a couple guys... and you two are chillin at her place one night and her phone keeps ringing cause these guys are calling, you would be okay with that????

I mean what do you expect to happen after she gives her number out?

What's wrong with making new friends Tone? I trust my GF not to cheat.

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Originally Posted by funsounds

as for being drunk...it IS an excuse, not a good one, but one nevertheless. i knew a guy that always got us in trouble when he drank...cuz he would always get us into fights. that's just the type of drunk he was. the RESPONSIBLE part is recognizing what you do when you get drunk AND NOT GET DRUNK. that's responsible. so this guy that gave his number out...if he's responsible, he should recognize the way he gets when he's drunk AND NOT GET DRUNK.

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I have a friend that is the same way, but he is a major alcoholic and doesn't know how to handle himself when he's drinking. In this case, I don't think that is the problem. And I still disagree that being drunk is an excuse for what he did. If it was him causing a fight then yes I would say he has a problem and to stop. But giving out a number while he had been drinking is no excuse, he obviously was coherent enough to write down the numbers (correct ones). So he knew what he was doing, and he was trying to hook up with someone else. But again, it's on her to figure out if she can trust him again, after she knows he gives his number out now.

haha you're soooo full of it.

He wasn't trying to make new friends, he said it himself - he was trying to get laid.

So answer the question - your g/f goes out to the club and gives her number out - you're completely cool with that? I mean - what's wrong with making new friends, right?

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Originally Posted by Tone

haha you're soooo full of it.

He wasn't trying to make new friends, he said it himself - he was trying to get laid.

So answer the question - your g/f goes out to the club and gives her number out - you're completely cool with that? I mean - what's wrong with making new friends, right?

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Sure. I said above I trusted her.

you gotta place it to...i mean, like i said in my first post, it was at a club. if you're giving and taking numbers at a club with someone of the opposite sex, there's only ONE purpose...****ING. cuz you ain't gonna find nothing worth keeping at a club that's giving or taking numbers. period.

i give my number out to other people...and my girl gives numbers out to other people. but it's to some person we in class or at work or through a friend...and it's because of something in common and for friendship. and if the number was given to a member of the opposite sex, you can be sure that this person will meet both myself and my gf...not a one-on-one sorta thing.

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Originally Posted by funsounds

he was drunk! and he got caught red handed TURNING THE GIRL DOWN! he turned the girl down once...and he turned the girl down again when it was actually his GF. chronology of events:

-he gives number to girl while intoxicated
-girl calls for sex, he turns her down
-girl friend calls pretending to be girl friend, he turns her down

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No, this is not how I see it

1. He goes out looking for a girl to get laid (Drunk or not, doesnt matter)
2. He finds a girl and gives out his number in hopes of getting laid
3. He recieves a message from unknown female and continues to initiate conversation without rejecting or accepting (Kinda like, go with the flow and see where it goes)
4. When caught out, he immediately goes on defensive, posibly fabricating details such as rejecting the girl in the past, signs of which did not seem very apparent when he recieved the message from his gf

All four above are 100% warning signs of a cheater, I know because I have known quite a few. This is what the cheaters do and how the cheaters act.

TAVS, I think you got the story all wrong. Consider Tone's example with the following details.

1. You find out that your gf was giving out her number to guys in order to get laid by her own admission
2. When confronted she agrees to the part of wanting to get laid, but uses being drunk as an excuse for doing so
3. When asked to explain, she goes on a weak defensive saying that she never really cheated on you and until she cheats on you, you should be okay with her behaviour.

Would you still trust her?

I say dump him because even if he didn't cheat (yet) he is a dumb-@ss.

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Originally Posted by TAVS

Sure. I said above I trusted her.

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Bullshit.

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Originally Posted by funsounds

you gotta place it to...i mean, like i said in my first post, it was at a club. if you're giving and taking numbers at a club with someone of the opposite sex, there's only ONE purpose...****ING. cuz you ain't gonna find nothing worth keeping at a club that's giving or taking numbers. period.

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This is 99% fact. You can't tell me that you wouldn't care if she gave her numbers out to guys who just wanna bang her without questioning why she would give her number out at a club of all places. You'd start to get insecure wondering if she's out looking for something new. Maybe your 12 second orgasm just isn't cutting it anymore? Your mind would be flooded with parinoid thoughts.. maybe you could be good at hiding it (for awhile - it will come out eventually though - probably after the phone calls increase and she starts going out to hang out with these guys without you) but if you can sit here and tell me you would be PERFECLTY FINE with it, because you trust her you either are:

1. Gay.
2. Lying.
3. Not really that into her. (wouldn't care if you broke up)
4. Extremely naive.
5. A lying gay.

You're so easy tone. :)

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Originally Posted by shh!

I say dump him because even if he didn't cheat (yet) he is a dumb-@ss.

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very much so!

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Originally Posted by TAVS

You're so easy tone. :)

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Bullshit.

I don't even kiss on the first date!

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Originally Posted by Tone

Bullshit.

I don't even kiss on the first date!

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Really? For me I find it always varies. I kind of assess the situation and then decide if the kiss is appropriate. ...And what kind of kiss at that (:

I was just messin around with TAVS when he called me "easy".

I'm with you - depends on how things go - what I'm feelin - what she's feelin.

Well so far I've forgiven him. If he messes up again, then it's over. I only give people ONE chance. And I'm going to be a bit more careful about what he says and whether to trust him or not. I agree with some of you... it WAS only a phone number, and he didnt meet up with her. But then again, you don't give your number out to sluts at the club for no reason, or to become friends. And getting drunk is no excuse either. I've been drunk before at clubs, and guys have tried to get onto me, and I never do... no matter how drunk or horny I was.

Well I hope it works out for you! And keep your eyes and ears open!