Am I strange or is this normal behaviour?

This might not be strictly a dating question but here goes...

I work in a supermarket and there's plenty of people to talk to, get to know etc, including some lovely ladies if I don't say so myself. There's been one in particular I've got to know fairly well over the past 2 months and we've been out a couple of times together. Thing is, I've been noticing something about my behaviour which is totally spoiling my relationship with her. Some days when I'm at work I can be really conversational, have lots to say and such like...and then...the next I'm like freakin shy, can't think of anything to say etc. And to cop things off I feel the need to apologise or make up for the fact by sending txts, talkin on MSN for ages!! Am I over emotional, strange, just a up and down kinda person, a total wuss, what??? I'm also not very good at conversation openers. I feel that small talk about the weather and such like bores most people to hell!!!!

Advice?? Feel free to tear me apart, because it's really beginning to depress me!!!

You're not the only one with a problem like this man. I have some form of this problem myself. I know that isn't any help but now you at least know you aren't alone.

I thought you were going out with a 'girl with lots of male friends'?

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Originally Posted by BlueRaven

You're not the only one with a problem like this man. I have some form of this problem myself. I know that isn't any help but now you at least know you aren't alone.

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Nice to know there's someone else that can sympathise with me! Maybe is some small wa knowing that will help me but who knows. I just don't know what to do about it though. Because of it I think she's ignoring me already, how freakin lame is that! How can I speak to her without looking like a total loon now?!?! The old "are you ignoring me line" would never go down well!! Mind you, before we went out, if I walked past her at work without talkin to her she'd always say "you not talking to me!" kinda jokingly. Could it be possbile that she is just as insecure as me?????

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Originally Posted by doll69

I thought you were going out with a 'girl with lots of male friends'?

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Yeah, that's the one. I have many problems to iron out!!

I totally believe that she is as insecure as you. We never see it when we are in a relationship with someone, because we usually put the other person on a bit of a pedestal. ... and in a well balanced relationship, you both probably have the same amount of insecurities !?!?? - which is part of the challenge you must figure out.

I think.

Maybe you should act as if you are talking to one of your friends, instead of her. It helped one of my friends. Perhaps you could try it??

Nothing wrong with sending txts or messages, just don't overdue it.

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Originally Posted by Taranee

Maybe you should act as if you are talking to one of your friends, instead of her. It helped one of my friends. Perhaps you could try it??

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Nothing against that idea, because it's a good one... but that sounds a lot easier than it actually is.

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Originally Posted by clynn

I totally believe that she is as insecure as you. We never see it when we are in a relationship with someone, because we usually put the other person on a bit of a pedestal. ... and in a well balanced relationship, you both probably have the same amount of insecurities !?!?? - which is part of the challenge you must figure out.

I think.

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Do you think then that those insecurities should be brought out in the open?? I've had very few relationships, and somebody told me that they think she hasn't either! Would that make us incompatible because we're too similar in that way???

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Originally Posted by Taranee

Maybe you should act as if you are talking to one of your friends, instead of her. It helped one of my friends. Perhaps you could try it??

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Well, we talked all the time at work, and I would have regarded her as a friend at that time. Although I think there was always some kind of 'spark' there!! Any ideas on how to get back to talkin to her like a friend but talking it further???

well mike, i admit, i went thru the same exact problem. I used to be EXTREMELY verbose with the girl i liked, but then for some reason, when we went out, i could only bring out boring-ass topics that i even hated... and talking with her on the phone is just... aRRRG! awkward silences galore. although she is very shy in public, i know she can be very verbose to her girl-friends. Maybe she's ignoring me or something, but don't matter much anyways. I'm a great conversation-starter, but i've had some problems continuing conversations at times (not just with her). Although if u saw me or knew me in school, u'd call me a "jock" cause i'm extremely outgoing (more than just about anyone else in my classes)

but blah. ur not alone. and its funny how now she and I spend most, if not all, our conversations online. Which is pretty lame in my opinion. but i'm still trying to forget about her(which is very difficult), so i'm not gonna ask her out or anything again.

After a while of getting to know someone, it's hard to keep finding things to say. In the beginning of any kind of relationship, it is usually easy to find interesting things to talk about because you're getting to know someone new.

Don't feel bad about not being able to come up with things to say. A lot of people aren't always funny and entertaining. You could write down a list of topics that are interested and each day, use one of those topics as a conversation starter.

If you want to spend more entertaining time with her, you should go out and do something with her. Being in a supermarket with her after a while isn't very fun.

Just chat mate.

Talk about anything....when you like someone and they like you it really doesn't matter what your talking about....it could be anything.

Talk about your past and past experiences....avoiding anything that might be weird or whatever obviously!

Just talk.....the weather is fine.

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Originally Posted by Pears

After a while of getting to know someone, it's hard to keep finding things to say. In the beginning of any kind of relationship, it is usually easy to find interesting things to talk about because you're getting to know someone new.

Don't feel bad about not being able to come up with things to say. A lot of people aren't always funny and entertaining. You could write down a list of topics that are interested and each day, use one of those topics as a conversation starter.

If you want to spend more entertaining time with her, you should go out and do something with her. Being in a supermarket with her after a while isn't very fun.

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You're very right, being in a supermarket with her after a while is not fun at all, especially when we can never get the same breaks, we're usually in a rush when we pass each other etc. This leads to the conversation being a bit lame and uneventful, and when I want to ask her something the opportunity keeps passing me by and I beat myself up about it afterwards!!
I really want to do something with her ;) but we've got funny shifts and it's rare to get the same day off. She probably thinks I'm avoiding her at work cos I often leave without talking to her when she's on checkouts (I often came to her checkout to buy something just to talk to her!). This is making me really depressed and I'm sure she probably notices I'm down and doesn't particularly want to 'entertain' me when I'm in a mood!! I'm not very good at putting a brave face on it!!! Help??????

Thats really terrible that you only get to see her in supermarket. I only get to see my ex gf(i hope we're getting back together) in school and we have almost nothing to talk about. I know it seems boring, but we still love each other. uhh..i think she loves me. but the point is, thats probably the reason you have nothing to say like it was already said by others. and good luck asking her to go somewhere else with you. Dont let the opportunity pass up, some things, its easier to not think about it. Dont think about it, and just say that you want to go somewhere with her. (But i mean think about forming the sentence right lol) Dont think about consequences on this one. she most likely will say yes.

About work, you're being sort of stubborn. Why are you avoiding her? Go up to her and talk to her.

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Originally Posted by Lynx3

Thats really terrible that you only get to see her in supermarket. I only get to see my ex gf(i hope we're getting back together) in school and we have almost nothing to talk about. I know it seems boring, but we still love each other. uhh..i think she loves me. but the point is, thats probably the reason you have nothing to say like it was already said by others. and good luck asking her to go somewhere else with you. Dont let the opportunity pass up, some things, its easier to not think about it. Dont think about it, and just say that you want to go somewhere with her. (But i mean think about forming the sentence right lol) Dont think about consequences on this one. she most likely will say yes.

About work, you're being sort of stubborn. Why are you avoiding her? Go up to her and talk to her.

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First of all are you really 15?! Cause if you are that's advice beyond your years!!

Oh, she's said she wants to do something a few times but is kinda busy cos her sis is up just now so she's got her hands full. Additionally, I don't have my own car (although I can borrow my mum's in the evening), she lives in an awkward place where public transport is poor, and so on. The barriers really are building up!!