Question for the women at about 30

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12-03-06, 08:52 AM
foolinlove

Question for the women at about 30

Hello all... some of you might've read some of my previous rather long posts about this girl, who's about 7 years older than me, and some of you may not. Backstory isn't really important for this question anyway, but you can search for older threads by me if interested...

This weekend we were partying together and ended up making out, and she told me that she was very fond of me (which really made me happy. I've known this for quite a while, but to hear her say it was great!) . All seemed good, but later when we went to bed (we both slept at a mutual friends place), she brought up our age difference... I told her that it didn't matter at all, but she said that it did to her :(

This is really getting to me, and I hope that I can convince her that it doesn't matter, but I really don't see why she thinks it does (she already told me that she liked me a lot).

The point of this thread is that I hope someone can help me understand why she finds the age gap a problem...
12-03-06, 09:48 AM
misombra

i thought everybody told you what we thought in that other thread?
12-03-06, 12:17 PM
shh!

She's too old for you, and she knows it. At most you might end up as her play toy until a man who is her equal comes along.
13-03-06, 11:12 AM
yellowjasmin

honestly, at age 30, i wouldn't date someone who's 7 yr younger than me. my ex was 4 yrs younger than me, but i didnt' care because I wasn't serious.
And yes, the age gap matters. To me, if I'm dating a guy who's 7 yrs younger, i won't take him serious. I might like him a lot..physically, but wouldnt think of spending my life time with someone who's that much younger than me.
That's just me..
13-03-06, 08:06 PM
Sugarbabe72

Hi, well im 32, female and dated a 22 yr old male for 2 years. I can honestly say the age gap wasnt a problem. We were both on the same level mentally.

I did at times feel a bit funny about the age gap, but I went with what my heart told me. I loved this guy and it felt right, no matter what the age gap.

Funnily enough, I broke it off with him, and then moments later I realised I had made a mistake. If he gave me the chance, he would be the man I spent the rest of my life with, no matter what the age gap is.

I dont care what anyone says. It all depends on the situation..
13-03-06, 10:01 PM
Lloyd95

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sugarbabe72

Funnily enough, I broke it off with him

Funnily??:surprised
13-03-06, 10:18 PM
Sugarbabe72

argh, why should you always be such a smart as* ?

I didnt mean funny as in it was funny, i guess it was just a phrase i used.

I thought u were an older guy lloyd, but sometime your comments are just....immature..
13-03-06, 10:21 PM
Lloyd95

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sugarbabe72

I thought u were an older guy lloyd, but sometime your comments are just....immature..

No, I'm young; not 15 or 16 young, but young.

"Funnily".:D
13-03-06, 10:22 PM
Sugarbabe72

whateva......as long as you are amusing yourself.
13-03-06, 10:24 PM
Sugarbabe72

i have been following these posts for quite awhile now lloyd, and i know your age.... i also know most of the time you dont give constructive advice, most of the time your a smart as*. However, when you ask us about younger women and if you think its creepy that you are going after younger women, u expect us to be all serious.

in my opinion, yes it is creepy.
13-03-06, 10:26 PM
Lloyd95

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sugarbabe72

. However, when you ask us about younger women and if you think its creepy that you are going after younger women, u expect us to be all serious.

For someone who "follows the board closely", you do a lousy job. That thread was a joke, as I later stated. It was slow around here, and I was bored, so I just wanted to get something going. Ok "Babe"?;)
13-03-06, 10:28 PM
Sugarbabe72

sure it was a joke ;)
13-03-06, 11:42 PM
misombra

lloyd has given me some really good advice.
13-03-06, 11:46 PM
Gigabitch

Quote:

Originally Posted by foolinlove

The point of this thread is that I hope someone can help me understand why she finds the age gap a problem...

Maybe she's afraid people will think she's ridiculous. Women dating younger men has a different consequence socially than men dating younger women.
13-03-06, 11:55 PM
Lloyd95

Quote:

Originally Posted by misombra

lloyd has given me some really good advice.

:awe:
Really? If I did, I'm sure it was by accident.:D
14-03-06, 12:27 AM
TAVS

I'm with Lloyd here. There's nothing immature about getting a kick at someone who doesn't grasp the english language and tried to make up words that dont exist. At 32 you should be able to speak without saying things like Funnily.
14-03-06, 12:33 AM
Rosebud

LOL.. Oh my!

Anyways, how about someone not wanting to date someone 7yrs younger than them becasue of the maturity level and becasue they could be at differnet places in there life. I mean twenty something's, for the most part, are still figuring themsleves out. When your in your thirties, for the most part, you should have more of an idea about yourself and are less likely to be experimenting with things!
14-03-06, 12:38 AM
misombra

20 is young. you just got done being a teenager.
14-03-06, 05:33 AM
foolinlove

Quote:

Originally Posted by yellowjasmin

And yes, the age gap matters. To me, if I'm dating a guy who's 7 yrs younger, i won't take him serious. I might like him a lot..physically, but wouldnt think of spending my life time with someone who's that much younger than me.
That's just me..

She already told me that she likes me a lot, but I don't think she means just physically. I'm not ugly, but not one you would classify as a great looking guy either... About average on that point in my own oppinion.
I've known this girl for about 2 years now, and we've spent a lot of time together and we really connect, so I think you're wrong about it only being a physical attraction.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sugarbabe72

Hi, well im 32, female and dated a 22 yr old male for 2 years. I can honestly say the age gap wasnt a problem. We were both on the same level mentally.

I did at times feel a bit funny about the age gap, but I went with what my heart told me. I loved this guy and it felt right, no matter what the age gap.

Funnily enough, I broke it off with him, and then moments later I realised I had made a mistake. If he gave me the chance, he would be the man I spent the rest of my life with, no matter what the age gap is.

I dont care what anyone says. It all depends on the situation..

I think this is a bit like our relationship (except that we haven't been together, although other people have been mistaking us for a couple). She also found another guy on her own age, with whom she's together now, but it's not working out very well.
She told me a little over a month ago, that she actually regretted being with him instead of me and that a lot of people had told her that she wouldn't find anyone better for her than me. When she told me this we had been talking a lot about different stuff and I found out that she wasn't actually happy with the other guy. It was very emotional and she cried a lot in my arms too. I told her that she shouldn't do what other people told her to, but follow her heart and do what SHE wants instead.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch

Maybe she's afraid people will think she's ridiculous. Women dating younger men has a different consequence socially than men dating younger women.

I think you're kinda right about this one, and I hope I'll be able to convince her to don't give a shit about what other people thinks. That's the way she is about almost every other thing she does, so it should be possible to make her look at this the same way...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rosebud

LOL.. Oh my!

Anyways, how about someone not wanting to date someone 7yrs younger than them becasue of the maturity level and becasue they could be at differnet places in there life. I mean twenty something's, for the most part, are still figuring themsleves out. When your in your thirties, for the most part, you should have more of an idea about yourself and are less likely to be experimenting with things!

Maybe you're right. I think she's different though. She married at a young age but was divorced again about 3 years ago. I have the feeling that she did her "experimenting" after her divorce, so in that way she's not that much "older" than myself.
We're definately in different places in our lives though, since she has a kid that she has to think about too (I absolute adore the guy, and we get along great!). I won't ever have a problem with that but I don't know if she realizes this though.

Quote:

Originally Posted by misombra

20 is young. you just got done being a teenager.

Not that I care much about my age, but just for the record (it is afterall relevant in this concern), I'm 23 :)

In spite of the little offtopic-ness this thread took, I feel that I've gotten some good answers and learned some actually pretty obvious things that I just hadn't thought of that I'll think about.
I'll let her sort things out with her current boyfriend without interfering too much though, and then hopefully take it from there...
14-03-06, 05:53 AM
clynn

It seems to me that this the way the current situation is --- is that she has a boyfriend. If she is unhappy with him, she shouldn't be with him. But she is, so that doesn't seem to be the full story there.

I think the fact that she has a boyfriend is a bigger deal than the age gap.
14-03-06, 06:13 AM
foolinlove

Quote:

Originally Posted by clynn

It seems to me that this the way the current situation is --- is that she has a boyfriend. If she is unhappy with him, she shouldn't be with him. But she is, so that doesn't seem to be the full story there.

I think the fact that she has a boyfriend is a bigger deal than the age gap.

I know this fact makes me look kinda bad. But I've known this girl from before she was together with her current boyfriend, and actually thought that I we were gonna be together when all of a sudden she finds this guy...

Sure, it made me kinda mad and disappointed, and I tried to get her out of my head. Us being coworkers made this kinda hard though, but after a while I looked at her as nothing more than a very good friend...
Then a little more than a month ago she made it clear to me that she wasn't happy with him. It did seem kinda rushed in the first place, they started seeing each other 9 months ago and they moved in together after a month or two...
Since that day we started talking more again, but I still kept it friends only although inside I felt my love for her starting to grow again. Even though it hurt I told her to do what she wanted instead of what people told her to do, which was practically to be with me...
Since then we she has told me several times that it isn't going well with her current boyfriend, and this weekend we ended up kissing on her initiative and she told me how much she liked me...

I'm pretty sure it's not going to last much longer between them but as I already said, I'm gonna let her work that out on her own.
14-03-06, 06:36 AM
yellowjasmin

Quote:

Originally Posted by foolinlove

I know this fact makes me look kinda bad. But I've known this girl from before she was together with her current boyfriend, and actually thought that I we were gonna be together when all of a sudden she finds this guy...

Sure, it made me kinda mad and disappointed, and I tried to get her out of my head. Us being coworkers made this kinda hard though, but after a while I looked at her as nothing more than a very good friend...
Then a little more than a month ago she made it clear to me that she wasn't happy with him. It did seem kinda rushed in the first place, they started seeing each other 9 months ago and they moved in together after a month or two...
Since that day we started talking more again, but I still kept it friends only although inside I felt my love for her starting to grow again. Even though it hurt I told her to do what she wanted instead of what people told her to do, which was practically to be with me...
Since then we she has told me several times that it isn't going well with her current boyfriend, and this weekend we ended up kissing on her initiative and she told me how much she liked me...

I'm pretty sure it's not going to last much longer between them but as I already said, I'm gonna let her work that out on her own.

hmm....anyone see something is wrong in this picture..or is it just me? first of, she didn't want you that's why she found someone else when there was you. now, bc she's not happy w. this guy, she turns back to you. sorry dude, but she's spinning you... big time. She might sweet talk you and all those good stuffs..but at her age, this seems like she's playing reserve with you. anyhoo, if i were you, i wouldn't put myself out there for this girl. not worth your love. Either she plays you or she's living her teenage years-indecisive and have no clue what the heck she 's doing, which I'm sure is not the case.
anyhoo, good luck and hope you'll find someone who treasures you.