Just want to get it all off my chest!

Hi, just joined here cos split up from my girlfriend on Wednesday and I really need to get the pain off my chest!

We'd been together for 7 months and it had started so well, she was the first girl I ever really loved and now I'm so devestated that it is over.

I think it all went wrong when I got a new job, because it involved night work over the weekend, I'm so gutted I took up the job now.

Usually we used to go out on a Tuesday, Thursday and a Friday, but my job took up the Thursday and Friday so for the past 3 months we were only ever seeing each other once a week on a Tuesday! And we couldn't really go out for a drink or anything cos she had college in the morning.

Two weeks ago she had mentioned on the phone that we needed to sort something out cos we hardly ever saw each other and I feared the worst, how could I expect her to love me and stay interested if we never did anything together, like we did for the first few months. Anyway, she said on Tuesday that she felt it wasn't working out so I went round on the Wednesday and she told me she wanted to be single now, I'm so upset over it. She said she still liked me but no longer loved me.

I think it was work that contributed to her stopping to have such feelings for me, but thinking about it, she never really must have truly loved me because it was hard not seeing her, but I still wanted to be together! If she loved me truly, she would have felt the same I suppose, it just came as a shock.

The irony is that I've just been informed my contract has changed so now I've got the time off but now single! Went out last night with my mates and have got a bad hangover today and the effects of alcohol have made me feel even worse over it.

Even though we hardly saw each other, I felt so happy when I did see her, I miss all the cuddles and kisses and holding hands, I'd come to depend on her and now it is gone I feel so empty and unfullfilled. I keep my phone on me hoping she will text me but she hasn't, I really miss all the texts good night and everything, it's just so unfair!! :sad2:

I've text her a couple of times and her replies have been really blunt like she no longer cares, and that has shocked me cos we knew each other so long and she just cut me off and expects me to turn off my feelings for her like a switch or something. I just need to get her out my head, but its so hard, jeez life is difficult and complicated lol!

One of my mates said just remember the good times you had together, but that just makes it worse for me!

What actually makes me feel better sometimes is thinking about the times when she was moody or something, don't know why but that, well I don't know, I can't really explain it!

I know I should stop texting her and am trying really hard not to, will she text me eventually to see how I am? I hope so, because it would be nice to think at least she cares a bit about me.

Anyway, sorry for such a long post, just wanted to get the stuff off my chest lol! :D

that sucks man. Can't really say anything but hang in there, hope things pick up for you soon.

All I can say is that it does get better after time. Try and keep your self busy, go out with your mates and have some fun. Don't text her it'll make you feel worse trust me, if you keep texting her she'll get pissed off and reply with something nasty and that'll make you feel worse. It'll get better and you'll meet some one else and you'll think I can't belive I was that upset! (That's what happened to me anyway).

Thanks for you replies, much appreciated!

I think I have been texting her too much and I really regret it already. I've just sent her an email apologising for texting her too much, but I said it would be nice to hear from her to let me know that she does at least care for me, that is the least I deserve, even if we are no longer together. Or at least that is what I feel.

Converse, I hope your right mate, I'm 22 now but she was the first real gf I had taken seriously and loved, so I'm not used to these feelings, it sucks bigtime!!

I don't know, I mean I just feel she is being so selfish not texting me to see how I am, cos she knew I was upset when she wanted to end it. Some might say she has to be cruel to be kind, and I could understand that to a point, but a text just to see how I am would make me feel so much better, or at least that is what I am making myself believe!

I'd be interested to hear any girls views here, just to give me an idea of why she ain't texting, or just some advice if I ever want to talk to her or something...

Thanks again for the replies so far, it is nice to know people read your problems and offer advice!

she's not texing you back because she doesn't want to talk to you. back off and give her some time and space.

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Originally Posted by onslow

Thanks for you replies, much appreciated!

I think I have been texting her too much and I really regret it already. I've just sent her an email apologising for texting her too much, but I said it would be nice to hear from her to let me know that she does at least care for me, that is the least I deserve, even if we are no longer together. Or at least that is what I feel.

I don't know, I mean I just feel she is being so selfish not texting me to see how I am, cos she knew I was upset when she wanted to end it.

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Oi, no wonder she doesn't text you. You're waaaay too clingy. You don't deserve anything. If you look at it from her point of view you were the one who let his job jeopardise the relationship, and now you're reaping what you've sowed. Stop this behaviour asap and try to move on. Nothing to be gained from going on the way you are.

She broke it off with you and is not responsible for worrying about how you feel anymore. Misombra is right - you definitely need to back off. The first heartbreak is painful for everyone, but save your dignity and leave her alone. She doesn't want you anymore. You will get over it eventually... everyone else does.

Sorry.

By the way, don't regret your having to work. Things were unlikely to work out anyway, just by virtue of your age, and you are SUPPOSED to be building a career. Unemployed men are NOT attractive. This girl just wasn't "the one".

She's not texting you because she's over you and has moved on. sorry. You should do the same.

Thanks again everyone.

Harsh advice but I suppose you are all right, I need to back off, even though it is so hard to do.

Can I just ask, I've been reading some other threads, is it right that girls plan the end to a relationship before any signs appear on the surface. I mean it was so sudden it took me by surprise bigtime. So it could have been for the last month or so she already considered it over, that was why she didn't even seem upset when she told me she no longer loved me that way.

The signs are always there, but the guy often doesn't recognize them, whether it be by deliberate blindness or plain stupidity.

That's right. The signs are practically always there.

Don't regret taking the job, not one bit. You did what you could to balance a relationship around your job. Frankly, I like guys with jobs and careers much better than one who will be available to me but unemployed!

I'm so sorry this has happened to you and I'm sorry you are sad. It is very hard. The first break up is always the hardest.

Or at least the hardest in terms of coping skills...you haven't learned yet how to cope with the pain of the heartache.

But, trust me.......texting her and emailing her is not a good idea. It is a very bad idea. You are doing damage to yourself and her and it is clearly going nowhere and not showing any results. That will not change.

So...make a decision and stick with it ---- no more emails, no more texts.
RIGHT NOW!

Do whatever you need to do to not contact her. Delete her email address and her phone number.

Good luck with that.

Go out and have some fun, take care!

Thanks again for all your replies.

Haven't text her since posting here, so it is a start!

This is going to sound so silly but I just found a message she had left me on a hetcher sketcher under my bed (never seen it b4!)- I must have been in work that night cos it said hope work goes OK and just think I'll be tucked up in bed while your working lol. Then it was saying stuff like she loved me and I made her so happy and all that jaz. Made me cry actually to think how happy I was with her but think I'm going to be fine as I haven't text her and you guys and girls have made realise everyone encounters it sometimes.

Suppose it is pointless and futile going over old ground but only two weeks ago she had text me saying I was the only one she wanted and she wanted to be with me forever. When we broke up I said how long haven't you loved me for and she said it had only come on suddenly that week! Is that realistic, I would have thought it would have been a gradual process, but I don't understand how girls minds work.

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Originally Posted by onslow

Thanks again for all your replies.

Haven't text her since posting here, so it is a start!

This is going to sound so silly but I just found a message she had left me on a hetcher sketcher under my bed (never seen it b4!)- I must have been in work that night cos it said hope work goes OK and just think I'll be tucked up in bed while your working lol. Then it was saying stuff like she loved me and I made her so happy and all that jaz. Made me cry actually to think how happy I was with her but think I'm going to be fine as I haven't text her and you guys and girls have made realise everyone encounters it sometimes.

Suppose it is pointless and futile going over old ground but only two weeks ago she had text me saying I was the only one she wanted and she wanted to be with me forever. When we broke up I said how long haven't you loved me for and she said it had only come on suddenly that week! Is that realistic, I would have thought it would have been a gradual process, but I don't understand how girls minds work.

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I never understood that either, that's what happened with my ex-boyfriend. It's really painful now, but over time it will get better, it always does. Did you erase that message on the Etch a Scetch? If not do it because it'll upset you again. I'm sorry you're going through this, matey. It ****ing sucks. (Sorry if my advice sucks, I'm not very good at it lol.)

Hang in there dude... It all gets better with time. I recenty got out of a wonderful 3 year relationship with who I thought was "the one". Then suddenly it ended, she "fell out of love" with me, or so went her excuse. But that was a little over a month ago, going on two, and I have been fine ever since I realized the wonderful truth that she WASN'T the one for me. So that means that there will be somebody out there who's BETTER than I could have imagined. And since that thought, I've gotten over her pretty quickly.

"Better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all."

Oooh, how hard finding that etch a sketch note. Erase it!

Also...I don't ever understand how people's feelings can change so quickly either. That isn't how I work. I don't know how people can be so fickle like that.

Soooo, I think you are better off than being with someone whose emotions can switch off and on so freely like that.

And, hey - congratulations! On not texting her anymore. Way to go!

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Originally Posted by onslow

I don't understand how girls minds work.

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We don't understand it all the time either. :upset:

Maybe she wrote (at the time) what she WANTED to be true, or maybe the note was older than you think. Who knows?

Hang in there; it will get better...

Hi,

I just had a really confusing break up, and help or advice that people could give would really be appreciated.

3 weeks ago, my bf of 2 years broke up with me, telling me that we jus didn't have that "spark", so hes not sure if he loves me. He admitted to me that we had a great relationship; we were so close, phsyically very affectionate relationship, great sex, intellectually stimulating, emotionally connected, but he just couldnt put his finger on what was wrong. In light of this, I really find it hard to understand why the break up happened. It would have been easier to understand if we had been fighting or not having sex or cold with each other, but that is the exact opposite of what it was.

I guess an important piece of information is that this was both our first serious relationship (he is 23, im 20), and for him I was only like the fourth person he was ever with phsyically. I think he might want to play the field a bit, still being young.

Any advice that can help me understand would really help out. It would also be good to hear from anyone who has broken up with someone in similar circumstances.

Confusded

gah, meant to post that as a topic, sorry guys

Onslow, thinking about it, there are a few parralels in our break ups. My bf was cuddlin up with me, and then just started talking about breaking up. He had jsut told me the previous nite how much he cared for me, and we had a great time that weekend before it happend.

I also asked him how long he had wanted to break up, when he made the decision, and he said pretty much just then.

I thought, how could you be with me for that long and make a break up decision just like that?

Its hard, to be honest I think it probably in both cases has to do with my bf and ur gf being afraid of commitment and wanting to play the field a little. I hope it works out between you and your gf, I know how hard it is to have been dumped like that.

confusded - it just can't be true that he decided just then on the spur of the moment. its possible he said that to not hurt your feelings. ie if he said, about a week or two, then you would have been thinking things like,

but he said blah blah blah on saturday and he was already having doubts
or but we had fantastic sex on sunday and he knew he was breaking up.

sorry but most blokes will take some time to extract themsleves and only go when they are ready to.

Spencer is right.. ppl don't just make these decisions out of no where. They must have been through a deep thinking stage to make this decision. Trust me i've been there. I once had the thought of breaking up with my bf too because he was so caught up in his work and his sport, that at one point i felt that i was wasting his time and that our relationship was going no where. I only get to see him once a week and sometimes not even. I felt that maybe i wasn't a part of him anymore and had the urge to tell him we need some time apart. He works full time like u and i go to college. It's not her fault and it's not u'r fault either, things just happen. She just choose to end the relationship and as for me i stuck with it because i didn't want to end it just like that. There's nothing u can do now but to move on.

Hey everyone!

Haven't checked the forum for a while just thought I'd post up.

Haven't text the ex for a while and although still thinking about her, I was gradually getting over it!

Till now lol...

Seen her tonight in the pub, sitting with her ex boyfriend and... oh no, it was really harsh, why do we let our minds make us suffer so much!! It is ridiculous. We split up on good terms really, she said she no longer loved me, so I thought if I ever seen her it would be OK, on a friendly level. Went to say hello to her at the bar later in the night and she completely ignored me!

I mean I treated her so well, really well cos I really cared for her and she just ignored me! Later in the night she came like a few feet by me and started hugging other blokes and looking at me then looking away trying to wind me up. I JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY SHE IS LIKE THAT??

Sorry to post all this but have to get it off my chest after getting in, I'm a bit drunk and know i'm gonna feel really bad in the morning over this.

I tried to ignore it best I could to make her think it was not bothering me so I just wanted to get it off my chest now. Loooking at her tonight, she is still good looking but I never knew how much of a bitch she could be, but I still love her. Why I don't know, they say jealousy is a very powerful tool don't they, human nature I suppose!

At least I know by her actions tonight that she is not a nice person at all but I'm not taking comfort in that, truth is I'd take her back now if she wanted, however bad that sounds.

If she had just said hello and given my a hug and let me know everything is cool I would have been OK but she delibaretly tried to mess with my head tonight, and it feels so bad consdiering how close we were and how much I loved her!!

...a very depressed Onslow :(