he treated me like i'm not a human being but i...

I've been seeing this guy on and off for almost two years now. I was going through a really rough time in my life, my dad past away, then i got abused by a person that i call uncle, then i met him. I was at the bottom of my life and he was there. It was great the first month or so but right after we move together for about a week or two. He started to smoke weed and hanging out with his friends or having them stayed at our place almost everynight. I go to school at 9 and after school i work with him until 10pm. After a long day all i wanted was to come home and enjoy the rest of the night with him but it never happen most of the time. We'll be home with his friends, they would play video game, smoke weed, and i'll be cooking and cleaning. I never slept much and started to lose weight. I used to weight about 100pounds but after a month or two with him i weight about 88pounds. I started to skiped school because i couldn't focus with not able to sleep at night and things he does or said to me everyday.


He would constainly call out other girls on the street who's sexy but i was right beside him and i'm not a bad looking person either. Then came home and watch porn to jerk off and i'll be right there beside him. I told him several times that it hurt me because i have feelings and it hurt when he did that but he never stop. I help him with his work, never get pay for it and we all be working and he would constainly left me alone going door to door at night. Three times, he left me walking home from a sttreet known for hookers street in the middle of the night. When it comes to food i can't eat what i want, we go to grocery store together and i would pick out a chicken wings and he would put it away and get something else that he wanted. He would get mad if i refused to pay it myself. I would normaly eat about 15$ aday and he would eat up to 100$ a day and that was ok with him.


One time his friends walk on us having sex, instead of getting mad at them and ask them to leave he just laugh even though his freinds asked to tap or stay there to watch. After a while he started to become physically abusive. it started with my mp3, then my cell phone, then my clothes, then started to push me around, then he slaps, then the strangles, etc. it was going on and on and on for over 8 months or even a years the physical abusive.

Then he want to break up and i said ok, i left and i met someone else on the bus. then we went out for over 2 months but he always baged me to go back to him. I never told him that i was going out with someone else either. Finally i gave him another chance but it turns out to be another drama. he treated me good for like a month then it was worse then ever.


this time he didnt' consstainly just call out other girls on the street, he started to talk to other girls on msn. Everynight he came to bed with me and told me how great those girls were. I went to worked all day and he went out on a date with one of the girl. He wanted me to hang around with him until wednesday because this girl will go on a date with him on wednesday but it was friday and he has no one to hang out with.


I read his chat logs and everyone of them, he told them he has no girlfreind although i was sleeping beside me holding him on the same bed and he kept telling me how much he would love to have sex with those girls, i ask him why do you still want me here then? he said because i was lonely and he wanted to use me for sex and he want to stay with me until he find a new girlfriend. I'm pragnent, i told him about it but he said he doesn't care and ihave to take care of that myself.... what did i do to deserver a life like this? Why did he hurt me so much? I've done almost everything i posibly could to help him since he has no money no place to stay until he got everything. And now he just threw me away like i'm a garbage. He kill my heart agian and agian and agian...but why? wat should i do..why cant' i get rid of him

I refuse to believe you. How any human being could stay with a person who treats them like you just described is unfathomable.

(Neo - it does happen. Certain personality types are magnets for this type of abuse.)

To the poster, dyni: (this will be long....)

Your problem is this: You don't have enough respect for yourself or self esteem to get rid of him. It's a s simple as that and I hope you realize this, because HE does. He hurts you because you let him, and because he know you won't do anything to stop it. He knows you are weak and will put up with his horrible behaviour.....and so he will continue to do it, until he indeed finds someone else.

Your mistake was accepting this behaviour from him in the beginning. When he turned out to be trouble for you, you should have been firm with him, and then left when he didn't change. Why are you letting him use and abuse you like this? Do you not care about yourself? Do you not think you deserve better?

This person does not love you. If you love him, then you are not only foolish, but are choosing to put yourself through more heartache. You are going to ruin the rest of your life if you do not let him go and REFUSE to let him back in your life. If you really ARE pregnant, it does not mean he is going to change and want to be in your life, or your child's life. In fact, I think both you and your child need to stay away from him. He is going to do nothing but cause you both pain.

It's time for you to grow up and have some self worth. Get rid of him - and don't say you CAN'T, because you CAN if you really want to. I just don't think you WANT to. GET AWAY FROM THIS RELATIONSHIP.

I could really go on all night about this, but I'd rather hear other people's thoughts.

I fully agree with BlueSummer

You don't deserve this treatment. It is so obvious to me that you have to leave, and should never have put up with his shit in the first place.

However, I understand that it's not your fault. You have been sucked into this cycle of abuse, and it's very hard to get out of that. For me, it is very easy to say "just leave him!" but this is much harder from where you're standing. Saying that to you just implies that it's all your fault that you're being treated this way. And it's not. It's HIS fault.

It's the same thing as saying "oh, you just need to get out more!" to a depressed person; it implied that their depression is their fault and they wont do anything about it, but they feel that they CAN"T do anything, so they just get more depressed.

it's the same here. If I just yell "GET AWAY FROM HIM!" at you, you'll feel that you can't, and then you'll think that it's your fault or that you somehow deserve this treatment. But it's not your fault and you don't deserve it.

1. abuse relationships never get better. They never end happily. He will never change. Please realize that he's not ever going to get better.

2. protect yourself (and your unborn infant?). go to a doctor if you're injured, and tell him how it happened. Tell your classmates. Tell your co-workers, tell family you trust, tell the police. There is no reason to be ashamed. You will need a place to stay, and many people will take you in if they know your situation. (edit; though make sure you don't jump from bad to worse; that is, stay with trusted family who wont hurt you, or at a battered women's shelter. that is, do not stay with some guy you don't really know)

3. the law is on your side. if he hits you, you can call the police. Don't make excuses for him or yourself; he hit you, end of story. You can press charges. do not listen to his pleas for sympathy; he doesn't deserve your sympathy. You already gave him a second chance and he messed it up.

4. you can file a restraining order. The police can help you fill it out. If he gets too close to wherever you're staying, you can call the police.

further reading: [url]http://www.couplescompany.com/advice/Tina/abuse2.htm[/url]

The abuse hotline in the USA is 1-800-799-7233, though there are other hotlines for other countries.

edit2: if you are pregnant, you need proper nutrition, or your child will suffer. Poor thing hasn't done anything to anybody and already it is being hurt- that isn't fair, and it's an extra reason why you should try to get out of this situation as soon as you can. I believe that people who haven't been in your situation themselves don't truly know how hard it is to break free. I don't mean this to sound discouraging- I just mean to acknowledge that you're in a tough spot- which you can with effort escape from.

see my dad just past away, then about a couple months later i got abuse by this person whom i call uncle, then he went on and told my family that i was a striper and somewhat my family believe part of it. I didn't have any freinds at school because they didn't know how to deal with me when i'm going through problems like that, it was always me being there for them when they needed. A lot of stress and thats why he come it. Basically my family didnt know that i got abuse at the other house and they weren't aprove for me to move out but he said doesn' matter what happen with myfamily or doesnt' matter if i dont have any money he still want me to move in with him and he'llpay and he did what he said. this one of the reason why i can't get over him and always let him come back...

main reason why i'm posting this because i dont want to go back, i'm scare that i willl which is why i need other help that i possibly could get...i want to step up for myself but its hard especially with the little one in my stomach. i dont know what to tell him/her about his/her father, i'm scare that he/she will get hurt by it. I want to get an abortion but wat kind of a mother that will make me? i dont want to kill my own child for the second time.....

Because you are pregnant you should now not only think of yourself but of your unborn child. If you were to go back to an abusive relationship that odds are the kid will be abused as well. The best solution is to not go back, get an abortion if you have to, and get your life back on track. This is all ofcourse eiseir said from my prospective then done on your end but nothing worth doing is ever easy, nothing worth having ever comes for free. Right now you have a choice, freedom or slavery, if you go back you will be treated like dirt and so will any child you have will suffer the same fate. If you leave him though you will have to stuggle though life on your own, and its not an easy road to travle, but considering what youve already gone through odds are it cant be a much tougher one. You sound like a very hard working person and people like that have plenty of oppertunites out there. Honestly right now though you arent ready to be a mother, I would strongly advocate either abortion or giving the child up for adoption when you have him/her. You need to get your life togheter before you have a kid, as doing so with a kid is a lot harder.

whether or not you have an abortion is up to you and your values. I am pro-choice myself, so I think the choice is totally yours. I tend to agree with blacksun though- if you are going to bring life into the world, do it only when the little one has a fair chance at a normal life.
I'm having a little trouble understanding you. Are you saying nobody in your family will let you stay ?! Apart from not trusting or believing you, they wont even offer you a roof over your head? There are shelters out there for abused women, but this depends where you live...
anyway, i'm a bit confused.. where are you staying now? I had assumed it was with him. What's your financial situation-- can you afford to stay somewhere for a while? You say you work and go to school? man, that's busy. How old are you? how old is he?..

This is more than a living nightmare, more than HELL can cherished!

It's really hard for me to believe you too, Dyni!

However I can't just forget this posting, in case it's true to you or somebody else.

This is what I think, get counselling. Period.

If you're afraid of counselling, then I don't think anyone in this forum can help you.

Don't abort the baby, it's not the baby's fault -- He/she deserves as much life to live as you. And you deserve more to be treated like a human being. The baby will turn your life around, give you hope, joy, happiness and good health. Don't throw these away now.

My suggestion is to move away. Move to another city...as far as you can go, far away from the @%^%@#%$@ beast.

Move out now! Take care of yourself. I love you!

anhmaimaiyeuvn- does the baby also deserve to be born into a situation where she can't take care of it? I don't know if a baby is born "already" malnourished if the mom is 88pounds to begin with. But it would certainly have a bad effect on it unless she takes care of her body- and right now she's with a guy who wont let her eat (!) and it might take a while to get back to a state where she can fully take care of herself. Does the baby deserve to be punished for that?

the baby is about 2 months old and my health hasn't been good lately i dont know may be because i'm not eating enough or may be it just the pragnency period. i've an abortion before and until today i still feel bad about it but i knew keeping this baby isn't gona do anything good for him/her. I want my child to have proper place to live and a loving father to take care of. My family does allow me to stay with them, but because what happen in the past i can't seem to open to talk to them nor getting along with them good. When i was at the place where the guy asulted me, he told my family that i was a striper and doing drugs and stuff, and my family had doubt me about it plus after my dad past away in a really shocking way i never wanted to bother my family, i dont want them to worry about me in anyway, and if you understand what i mean after keeping secrets for a long time you kinda get used to not telling others around you... Also when i told my family what happen, they seem to think it was my fault, like i got assulted and instead of making me feel better about myself they turn it around and said it was my mistake, i was too easy, i wear too sexy clothes and gave him bad image...wat kind of clothes do i wear? jeans about 99% and t-shirts 80%...i've never wear mini skirt, no tanktop, no strapless top when i was living there.
so even now they still dont know that i've been abuse nor pragnent...


About working i wish i work more than right now cause its not enough for me to even move to another city or live on my own. Everything i got was with him, i helped him since he has no place to stay, i paid for everything and now i got nothing left for myself. i work with him so all the money would actually goes to his name and i have no prove that i did work with him beside those people that i work with whom scare about losing their job to even speak to me and everytime i got money he would find away to spend them all, its like money was my power and he doesn't want me to have that.


im trying to work as much as i could but i just got my job two, three weeks ago and its like 6$/hour because i dont speak good french. Now the abortion is already cost me a month rent plus i've been feeling sick a lot and its hard to do heavy work as i am working in the restuarent. I dont know if i'll be able to even keep the baby long enough, its a lot of stress and heavy work...i'm scare that the baby will die in my stomach...there is a lot of pain in my stomach lately and i'm hoping that is normal during pragnency's period, also i dont eat much lately either, its like all the food i used to like i can't even smell them anymore and i have no graving for anything at all....i used to have eating disorder when my dad past away and now i'm just worry that its coming back, if it is there is no way i could keep the baby or the is no way this baby will stay..........

Suck it up and go back to your family. It's not their job to make you feel better, it's their job to help you out of the messed up situation you've gotten yourself into. If there's a price to be paid for that, pay it. You must refuse to go anywhere near the abusive "uncle", though.

Look, you're about as down as anyone I've ever heard of. You have no business making comments like "I don't want my family to worry". It's too late for that.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Tiay

anhmaimaiyeuvn- does the baby also deserve to be born into a situation where she can't take care of it? I don't know if a baby is born "already" malnourished if the mom is 88pounds to begin with. But it would certainly have a bad effect on it unless she takes care of her body- and right now she's with a guy who wont let her eat (!) and it might take a while to get back to a state where she can fully take care of herself. Does the baby deserve to be punished for that?

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First of all, no baby deserve that punishment but
talking about malnutrition...

Tiay, I don't know which country Dyni's from but I can guarantee that she's not in AFRICA!

Even within the poorest places in Africa, people thrive to survive through harshest and vicious environment. Mothers raising more than 1 child without a father. What kind of food do they have over there to keep them alive?

You tell me: beef, pork, rice, bread, milk, fruits and vegetables...name them for me?

Tell me about malnutrition?

Please don't give me excuses about abusive and how the boyfriend treated her.

Com'on now Tiay:
If Dyni's in Canada/USA, and if you are telling this situation to the people around the world particularly to people who wanted to come here...do you know what they will think and say?
Stupidity!

We have something that most country don't have: social welfare, social assistance, social workers, counseling, medical, housing...etc

If Dyni wanted help she can get it, anytime!

Dyni, you got to change your thinking and have feelings for the people, especially for the mothers who try to feed their many children in poorer country than yours.
Sometimes, we humans are so narrow minded that we only think and see ourselves and not other people around and beyond us.

If you're feeling humble, it's a very good sign otherwise it will be difficult for you
Dyni.

I know you came from an abusive uncle and a beasty boyfriend...you have to say to yourself you didn't know any better, so it's ignorance that pays the price and not you and your baby.

Dyni, you JUST HAVE TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF and HAVE PRIDE IN YOURSELF.
Take care of yourself and your baby, seek counseling.

"love those who love you and leave those who try to bring you down"

Ha ha ha......malnutrition isn't just a problem in AFRICA. Holy crap. It occurs right here, even with our access to social ssistance.....there are still people on the street, poor, starving, abused.........

I am NOT an advocate of abortion, but it is a very very risky thing to have a child born to a mother who is going through such severe psychological issues. These things require more than just 'believing in yourself'. And keep in mind.....if she can't solve her problems after this child is born, she could end up psychologically damaging the child, or even have the child taken away by social services.

These are the things that need to be taken into consideration.

and that's why the infant mortality rate in africa - or rather, certain countries in africa and the third world in particular specifically - are so high. I don't care if infants suffer because they're born in a poor country, or if they suffer because their father is a bastard- they shouldn't suffer at all.

anhmaimaiyeuvn, we simply have a different philosophy on this I think; You believe that the sanctity of all human life is the important bit, I believe that quality of life is more important. But that does not matter. What matters is what Dyni believes, for it is her choice and we have all muddled with her mind enough on this- Dyni, whether you chose to have an abortion because you're not ready yet, or if you choose to accept responsibility for bringing life into the world, you have to make up your own mind about it because anybody you ask is going to have strong opinions for or against abortion that influence their judgement.

Yes, in developed countries we have a better system for taking care of people- but this is not something you can throw at people like Dyni- at least, not if you're trying to improve her self-esteem. To do that, you must acknowledge her problems first, not shout "ooo, it's your fault for not doing anything about it and other people have it so much worse and.." etc. that does not help, it only places (untrue) blame, which lowers self-esteem. Telling someone "be confident, NOW!" is no good. doesn't work.
This is also why those suicide-hotlines DON'T suggest solutions to people's problems- to do that would be an insult to the person who's considering suicide over that same problem.

In rich countries, we just have a totally difference perspective. I mean think of it this way, anhmaimaiyeuvn; I will assume that you live in a developed country, and yet you have probably done stuff like not gone to a doctor because you were embarrassed. I could yell at you "aaa!!! people in africa HAVE TO WALK FOR DAYS to get to a doctor! How dare you wait?". Or maybe you've moaned about your boss at work, I could tell you "unemployed people in poor countries would kill to get a job, ANY job!!"
And don't tell me you haven't done those things. Everybody who lives in a reasonably well-off country takes those blessing for granted in one way or another.

Dyni -

I'm not quite suited to respond to this. But I do want to say one thing.

The people who have posted thus far, are very good people. Listen and learn from what they have to say.

I'm an 90% average student, i'm probably the most smartest person in class, probably the niceist freinds to have but i left my family to study when i was 15. I was alone, so my self esteem is kinda gone through out the year. And when u were in an abusive relationship like me you would understand that those people make us lose our self esteem. I"m smart, i'm pretty and i had my life set up for me but when everyday the person i loved call me stupid, used ur brain, why are you so dumb, oh god did u damage ur brain, hey ugly, oh **** i wish you were hot like her, why can't you be like her, etc....it bring me down, i hate to admit it but it did. As much as i want to build my self esteem i dont even know where to start...as saying right now i dont even know what it is anymore.....

i used to have eating disorder, i almost die one because of it that happen when my dad past away and i got asult the...so everytime when i'm stress eating is the last thing on my list, i dont want to eat, i dont want to sleep, id ont want to do anything...

Almost everyday now, my stomach hurt, i dont know if it is from not eting enough or from stressing out or working to hard. (i'm 5' and 88 pounds or may be less i dont know). The fact that i'm still waiting for my health card i have to pay for everything still, which mean it gona cost me a lot just to visit a doctor and i can't afford that.

and yes you are right i should look at people in africa, but i wasn't born there, i came here to have a better life, just like anyone else who come here and those who goes on vocation every year or those that threw their food out, they also knew better justlike me but still making mistake......

i needed help, everytime i wanted to call the help line it was seem to be useless for me, they liten but there is no advice to it...i need is a solution that i can't come up with myself which is why i need anyone of you to help me to at least come up with something that i could call me considering the option....... its come to the point where i can't make my own decision and i'm scare to make one...so please instead of telling me to grow up, tell me HOW to grow up, what should i do? direct me, walk me there....please

Dyni

As much as we feel for your situation and want to help you, we can't tell you how best to solve your problem. We can only make suggestions based on our very limited knowledge of your type of situation, and you personally.

The best basic suggestion I can give you (given the severity of your situation) is to seek professional help.......a counsellor, a psychologist, something. We can't pretend to have any idea how to solve an issue as complicated as yours, which sounds like it is rooted in a lot of experiences that have affected you psychologically. We can't tell you HOW to grow up. We can't tell you how to think, or feel.

You realize you have a problem, and you want to get help for it, which is a start. But now you need to find some strength within to choose the right path for yourself. My personal opinion is that is would be destructive to yourself to go back to this person, and I think you know that too.

Dyni, if you're in school, there is help for you right there. Unless you're in freaking Afganistan or something, there is some women's organization in existence within walking distance that exists solely to help people like you. What is stopping you from finding them?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by dyni

i needed help, everytime i wanted to call the help line it was seem to be useless for me, they liten but there is no advice to it...i need is a solution that i can't come up with myself which is why i need anyone of you to help me to at least come up with something that i could call me considering the option....... its come to the point where i can't make my own decision and i'm scare to make one...so please instead of telling me to grow up, tell me HOW to grow up, what should i do? direct me, walk me there....please

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Dyni, I'm not going to compete with other people's opinions in this forum about your problems --- because we're only going to side track things.

If you're afraid to talk to or go to one of the counseling --- psychologists, doctors or Phd, then I suggest you make a printout of all our postings (stable them) and give it to one of their receptionists, put a cover page with a phone number and a nickname where they can reach you.

They will understand.

I'm sure anyone reads this will want to help you.

Mind you, these doctors have a network of other doctors and specialists in their communities and colleges. Their society will have experts who have a great amount of knowledge and experience in your case, and more than likely they can help you solve your problems. At least their will be some improvements, I can assure you if you go seek help from the.

The problems you have requires a long-term thing, it's not a one shot answer or suggestion from us or other people that will help you, and you can't do it alone. You need to sit down with one or more of these experts, work with them, and tell them about your problems. Don't be afraid!

I agree- we aren't professional therapists here, and it looks like you need one. I hope that you have that available to you at your school.
congrats on your grades by the way!

Yeah, just like everyone else here i think you need profesional help. There should be plenty of resources avalible wherever you are studying. Ask a counsoler or someone else and youll be sure to get the help you need. You've already achived the first step in admiting you have a problem now you have to follow through and get help. I dont think anyone here is trained to help you and even if they were its an important step for you to go out and seek help.

one problem after another. I had four different emails addresses, unfortunately one of them i rarely use, i only use it for my school, or important contact...even my friends and family doesn't know about it. The day i left him, i must of forgot to sign out from his computer and now i can't log on....he wanted me to give back things that i dont have, things like his tv tuner that he probably lost somewhere around the house. he wanted me to pay him 45$ for the quebec trip that he wanted me to go and i said its only fair if you pay me back 30$ for the late movies that he rent and he said no i have to pay him the 45$ plus his other stuff that i dont have or even have a clue where they are........why can't this guy leave me the **** alone....i dont want to be anywhere near him, why can't he just let me go and move with my life....what does he want from me? he doesn't even want his own kid....why does he want to deal with me? why me? i was fine...i wanted to move on and do better things and now i felt like shit agian....im never gona able to get away from this hell........