My horrific break-up situation

okay so this might be a little long....and have a lot of run on sentences...and some things will be misspelled...i am just very emotional right now and my friend told me to come on here and let it all out....okay so here begins the story...

I have been with my boyfriend...well ex...still getting used that one....for almost 2 years....we have lived together the entire time and have shared so many things together....see i am a person with alot of issues...and most people cant deal with the issues...but he was the first person to actually understand me.....and that was the greatest feeling ever....i felt like i could bare my soul to him...and things would be okay.....

i stuck by that man through so much crap....i forgave him the honest mistakes he made....i helped him out when he lost his job.....stayed with him through his depression and not having money....i was by his side day and night when he had his heart surgerey....didnt leave the hospital.....i help him through his recovery....and paid all our bills by myself without even a blink an eye.....he made me feel things i never felt before...i can honestly say i have never been that happy....

he was the kinda guy you rarely find....open all doors for me....and not just in the beginning....he still opens all doors for me....called me beautiful....on our first dated he asked to be excused from the table so he coulc use the restroom....i mean he was such a gentleman....treated me better than i ever knew possible...our relationship was crazily in love....i am talking i was so set....i just knew in my heart he was the one

well ....we have been living together for a year and half....and a week ago he started acting strange...not calling on his breaks....not giving me a kiss when he got home......i knew he was depressed because he has to get his heart looked at again....so to cheer him up i went out and bought his christmas present early....which was a very expensive ipod that plays video....i tried to give it to him and this is what he said...."i cannot accept that because its not christmas and............".....he then just stopped....but i knew...i knew what the rest of that sentence was....my heart shattered....but we talked and he said he wasnt happy...and listed many things that i do wrong....so for the next three days i improved on all those things....and things were looking up.....well the day before my birthday i wrote him a love letter....explaining all the reason i love him so much and all the reason i believe in our relationship.....i got done reading it and asked him what he thought....he looked at me and was like "it was okay"....and then asked me if i honestly thought it would work....and basically told me he hadnt been happy for months...and that we were over.....but hes sorry for hurting me...and sorry for ruinging my life

well lets fast forward to today...my birthday and current situation....so we are still living together....going on night three...he sleeps in the living room..i sleep in the bedroom....i want to move out like now....so i can move on....but i cant bring myself to get out of here....cant let go....its like i am stuck in fantasy land that this is not happening....plus i am taking him to his heart test thing tomorrow...thats gonna be so painful.....i am just hurting soooo bad i cant exlplain...and i cant get over it....i know its only been two days....but....i dont know...happy birthday to myself i suppose.....sorry this was so long.....my friend told me this was a real good place to let it all out....thanks if you took the time to read this

Ouch.

Birthdays suck.

It really sound like he doesnt want to make it work. I know it would be hard for you to really say goodbye to him because i think you truly love him. It it happened too me and my bf i would be really crushed i cant give you the greatest advice. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to you but if he dropping you leave the house you cant live with your bf thats would be too painful.

I know i cant live with him.....the past two days have been killing me....but i have to pack....and now theres a bad snow storm coming...so i at least cant start leaving until friday....god thats three more days...you i think its going to be the hardest to pack up that first box(a special friend helped me with that)....but also the last box will be the worst....oh....i just dont know....this whole situation sucks....

This whole situation is all too familiar to me. They just fall out of love. Wtf is that anyways? Its screwed up but I have been forced to accept it. Its prolly going to be the hardest thing you have gone through to date. The key is seeing your whole life ahead of you, and realizing what it could hold. We don't need them to make us happy. We can be happy on our own. You are not alone and have people who care about you and would do anything for you. You will grieve and you will hurt but you will become stronger and wiser. What you have to do is move out as soon as possible then cut contact completely. Dont look back. One day at a time.

It comes in waves as you already know. At first I would get terrible waves of complete despair and hopelessness. The realization is to much to handle all at once so your mind/heart takes it in small amounts. In time, I promise it will get a little bit easier everyday. And you will be ok. I have been through this before and I am going through it again right now and I am still here.

Possibly write down what you feel then put it aside. Also another thing I wish I would have done when it happened is to make sure NOT to chase after them. Don't try and get them back because more than likely you will only push them away. I hope you find the strength to pull through this and learn something you will use later on in your life. Be strong now more than ever and Always look foward! Like my fortune cookie told me the other day: "Instead of dwelling on the past, move foward constructively." Indeed.

Varulfr-
"Ay, doesn't make much sense does it?

It does happen though, mate. Soemtimes things just... fall apart. Don't take it personally, you have to realize that there are chemicals going on that have a lot to work on this sort of this. Love can die over time...

There's also the whole "In love with being in love" thing...

Frankly, if you've been dumped the only way to deal with it is to keep your head high, stare straight into the wind, and tell Fate to back off before you give em a fat lip.


Good luck, keep your head high, and remember that old saying about fish and all that."

Varulfr's post really helped me through my tough times. I just thought maybe it could help you too.

Heres a few things that I try to keep in mind:

"Think of all the things you have to be happy about, and don't think about the past. We cannot change the past, but we can enjoy today, and look to the future.

Look around you and learn to experience the beauty of nature. Notice the new green leaf, the small flowers, the wide expanse of sky above you.

If everyone was happy all the time, the word "happy" wouldn't even exist. So when you're feeling down, remember that you'd never know what it's like to be happy if you didn't have those moments. "

You've got to get out of there, like SOON. Do you have anywhere to go? Anyone who could come and help you? I totally understand that you're probably so devastated right now that you can't crawl back up out of that hole long enough to even pack a bag and come back for the rest later.

You need help. Zach, help her.

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Originally Posted by glitterballs200 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I know i cant live with him.....the past two days have been killing me....but i have to pack....and now theres a bad snow storm coming...so i at least cant start leaving until friday....god thats three more days...you i think its going to be the hardest to pack up that first box(a special friend helped me with that)....but also the last box will be the worst....oh....i just dont know....this whole situation sucks....

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Well, stop by any time you want. It's not much, but you have us.

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers tonight.

hey babes, don't really know what to say but I feel for you. Hope things get better, and I know its not much but a b'day wish from downunder is still something to die for. really, its no joke. and for you its free. Happy Birthday! and Chin up.

hey Kid,

Do not worry.. Your man wants to be left alone for some time, try to communicate your feelings to him via a cordial talk. Ask him the next time he is around if he is willing to talk to you for 10 minutes.. If he says yes.. be polite.. talk to him about how you feel.. what is the reason for the change.. does he need anything else.. does he want to have a break.. during which he would realize you.. may be now he knows that u love him a lot and he is taking you for granted.. may be when u are not around.. he will feel your absence.. use the time that you have got now to think about the mistakes that you have done.. if you need more advice.. you may send me an PM and i will be able to help you..

He used you as a crutch. And when he was emotionally/financially ready, he threw the crutch away.

Happens at least once to everybody. Chin up and get the hell outta there, it can only go up from here.

That's right! Chin up!! Do not beg for answers, do not even try to understand it cause the more you wanna talk about it, trying to "fix things" the more he'll drift away. I read an article the other day that was written by a guy saying that: Once a guy dumps you, you should just walk away. Do not put up a fight, appearantly he will respects you and well, maby realise at that point that he's making a mestake! Which I completely agree with. Like they say: "If you love something let it go, if it comes back it's yours, if not, it never was yours to have"

So, let him go peacefully, besides there's probably something way better waiting for you anyway.

I wish you all the luck!! :)

I dont think you should try and communicate with him AT ALL! Get out of there and step by step you will recover. I am here for you. We are here for you. Lots of people are here to help you back out of this hole. We care. Keep your chin up and keep moving foward.

Call me, You know Im here to help you with everything. Work till 4:45.

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Originally Posted by Zach [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I dont think you should try and communicate with him AT ALL! Get out of there and step by step you will recover. I am here for you. We are here for you. Lots of people are here to help you back out of this hole. We care. Keep your chin up and keep moving foward.

Call me, You know Im here to help you with everything.

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Good advice.

thank you all for your adivce...and i totally agree with the "i need to get out of this house asap thing".....i mean my mind agrees.....but my heart is not so logical....but i thought i would give you an update on how a sucky situation just got worse....so remember how i said i had to take him to that heart doctor thing today....well....that was the most horrible situation i think i have ever put my heart through....then we got the bad news that his heart surgery he had six months ago didnt work.....they have to totally replace the the vavle this time and another valve isnt working...so they are going to send him to some far away hositpal because i guess this a complicated surgery....because of all the scar tissue and they have to work on two valves.....so not only was my heart breaking....but i just wanted to hold him and tell it was going to be okay....and i told him i would be there for him....even go to cleveland with him if i had.....why do i do this to myself......i just love him so much....regardless of the pain he is putting me through i still care for him and want to be there for him.....its so confusing....but no matter what happens...i told him i am still moving out on friday....so one night down and two to go.....:(

If it is his health you are worried about, if he really has been unhappy these last few months, it might be better for his health once you go.

I think you should get going, sweety. At most, you might call one of his relatives for an update on his health.

Stories like these depress me and bring rational thought and doubt to the forefront of my mind.

Baaaad.

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Originally Posted by Frasbee [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Stories like these depress me and bring rational thought and doubt to the forefront of my mind.

Baaaad.

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What do you mean?

so i have come to realize.....that pain goes away for the majority of the day except for a few waves.....so why is it that at night its a constant pain....and nothing makes me feel better....its not like this is my first break-up....my last relationship was 5 years long....but the pain didnt hurt this bad...and i am sorry if it sounds like i am whining....i am not trying to sound like that at all...but when i write on here i get a sense of relief....i just want this winter storm to start and get done with....because i think the majority of pain is still being in our home we made together....as soon as i get out....i can start to actually grieve and hopefully start the uphill battle.....

It's because during the day I'm assuming you're working?

Your mind is distracted, but not when you're at home.

I used to work to keep my mind clear, but as soon as I'd get home, I'd get depressed.

well i might be old school but i don't believe in living together before marriage! first of you not bound by any means, you just two people with benefits, friends if you will! you see, paying bills, taking care of the guy... it's all wifes job which you were not! i know i sound a little weird and different from majority people on this forum... but it's just me, and you see what happened? you still under the same roof with the person who broke your heart!.this is not good, but there's not much you can do to get rid of him or the situation, i think it's the worst! when you live with someone you still have feelings for and not get anything in return! i'm not trying to be cruel! i just got out of 4 year relationship myself and i know hat it feels like. we never lived togrther, but we were engaged and planing for the wedding. you must get out of there and cut all the contact with him! because from what you telling us, you seem like a good person and you deserve respect! no one is perfect on this sinful planet and we have to learn how to deal wi mistakes of our loved ones, which he never did... i feel almost the same as you doright now, but i know it will get better! and there will be someone else who WILL APPRECIATE MY COMMITMENT AND EFFORT! so just hang in there, this son of a bitch didn't deserve you... you will be happy again!

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Originally Posted by Lionos [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

well i might be old school but i don't believe in living together before marriage! first of you not bound by any means, you just two people with benefits, friends if you will! you see, paying bills, taking care of the guy... it's all wifes job which you were not! i know i sound a little weird and different from majority people on this forum... but it's just me, and you see what happened? you still under the same roof with the person who broke your heart!.this is not good, but there's not much you can do to get rid of him or the situation, i think it's the worst! when you live with someone you still have feelings for and not get anything in return! i'm not trying to be cruel! i just got out of 4 year relationship myself and i know hat it feels like. we never lived togrther, but we were engaged and planing for the wedding. you must get out of there and cut all the contact with him! because from what you telling us, you seem like a good person and you deserve respect! no one is perfect on this sinful planet and we have to learn how to deal wi mistakes of our loved ones, which he never did... i feel almost the same as you doright now, but i know it will get better! and there will be someone else who WILL APPRECIATE MY COMMITMENT AND EFFORT! so just hang in there, this son of a bitch didn't deserve you... you will be happy again!

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Call us when you're sober.

i really need help guys....i am breaking down....he spent all night verbally bashing me and all i am worth....he pointed out all those moments in our relatiioship that i could of saved it but didnt....he pointed out all my faults...and hes right....i never let my walls down...i never let him fully in...i messed up...i failed yet another relationship...and lost yet another man i love.....i cant do this anymore...i cant take the pain...i am drowning in my own tears....he just totally messed with my head....he put it all on my in my most delicate state...i am shaking....i am such a faliure........

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Originally Posted by glitterballs200 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

i really need help guys....i am breaking down....he spent all night verbally bashing me and all i am worth....he pointed out all those moments in our relatiioship that i could of saved it but didnt....he pointed out all my faults...and hes right....i never let my walls down...i never let him fully in...i messed up...i failed yet another relationship...and lost yet another man i love.....i cant do this anymore...i cant take the pain...i am drowning in my own tears....he just totally messed with my head....he put it all on my in my most delicate state...i am shaking....i am such a faliure........

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No.

You're not.

Now shut up with this "it's all my fault" crap.

You can be sad, you can cry, but it ain't all your ****in' fault.

It's not up to one person to sustain a relationship.

**** 'em.

If you ain't together then you ain't responsible for his sorry ass.

Now pull yourself together damn it.

If you know any friends that can let you stay at their place until Friday I highly suggest you do so, if not then go to a hotel and stay there. Take a book and read or better yet your computer and we could coordinate a time for all of us to join a chat room to help you out. Post a time and I bet you a lot of people will be here for you to join a channel on AIM. The best thing for you right now is to GET OUT OF THERE. You could even just have a friend get the rest of your things from the place after you leave. Nothing good can come from you staying around him, and dont trick yourself about him caring for you, because he is not. You should be happy, so dont stay around someone that makes you feel so much pain.

Honey, you're just hitting bottom. It will only improve from here.

He's being evil so he can avoid feeling anything else. He's weak. A better man would hold that shit in. He's being ugly.

You should thank him for making everything so easy to walk away from.


Edit: Okay, now she logged off. I hope she's okay.

I told her that this is obviously about him. Its not about her. Shes really tough, she can make it throught his. I offered to get her out of her place and I told her I thought she should leave for the night. But she says she will stay till friday. (today) Im going to help her move her things. It climaxed last night and now she can geive. She is getting out.

Zach, I hope you really DO know this chick in real life, because if you are getting that involved in an internet pal's life, you need a good smacking.

Yes I know her in real life. I work with her.

Maybe you should threaten her ex with The Clown. Say, "Look, if you don't back the hell off, I'm gonna have to call Ronald, and you don't want to mess with The Clown, man."

Hey, Zach. Try to help her not to rebound. It sounds to me like she's ready to change a pattern, and she can do that if she stays single for a little while and gets back her balance.

Right, Glitter? If nothing else, this can serve as a lesson in what you never want to do again, right?

I have talked to her about this also. She came up with the idea of taking a vow of abstinence. She needs to have some time to herself. When she is healed from all this she can hopefully find a guy who will work best with her instead of screwing her over constantly.

How the hell did you guess man? Ok, i admit... I was... But half of what i said was true! Never put carriage before the horse!

so i was doing a little bit better today....zach helped me get moved in at my dads....and i was feeling okay....and now that i am here...i just feel so wrong...so alone...and i am missing him like crazy and that hurts.....and i feel homesick....but i know this is for the best....because still living with him was killing me...and i know i will be okay....i just need to stay strong through all these rough patches....i just want to thank you guys for all the advice...it really has helped...and it makes me feel better to write me thoughts in here....

Thats what were here for. This is all for the better and I am glad you see it that way. You feel homesick but it will fade. Once you get used to being in your new/old home again it will be more comfy there. Now you can greive and move foward. Take a few deep breaths and sprawl out and relax a bit. Its all quite a bit to take in. Chin up, head high. You got this.

Can you totally dissolve at your dad's house, or do you have to put on a brave face? Both have benefits, I guess. What's it like there? Are you welcome?

yeah...i can totally dissolve here.....when i first got here this morning....i fell into my dads arm and just balled....he said "its okay, i know its hard, its not your fault, you tried, i love you"....it felt so good....my dad raised me by himself when he was young...i am very proud of the person he made me into....i just feel weird coming back home...i mean i am 22 i should be able to do things on my own....it makes me feel like i failed.....but its nice here.....its only my dad and i.....i have internet....and my books....and i am closer to work and my friends....i think i am still getting over the intial shock that its over....part of me is hanging on....but i will get past that....i plan to keep myself busy tomorrow with cleaning and organizing....i know i can make it through this....the rough patches are hard....thank god i had a friend like zach...not many people would help you move in a snow storm....

Just been reading through some of your posts and I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. I experienced my first real relationship break-up only a month ago and initially it hurts like hell, but it does get better. I'm glad you've got Zach to help you out and your dad. I've been relying on family a lot too and I guess it is a little strange, but I don't know how I would have coped without them. Its good to have family around in the rough patches, helps you to smooth things out a little. :)

Remember you’re not alone! Just take every day as it comes and try and keep yourself distracted. I know its not easy but distraction really is the best, its definitely helped me, although I admit I probably do rely on TV a little too much. =P

Never Give Up! Never Surrender!

Lots of message board hugs. :)

Family is the only constant resolve you will have no matter the struggles you face in this life. Be glad and appreciate every moment of it, and know that no matter what you deserve more in this life. There will be someone special in all the ways you hoped for and more. This requires that first however you get better and with time be able to stand on your own two feet again.

Goodluck!
Borealis