I got a small prob.

I just want to know what yall think bout this.

As most of you know, my life got flipped upside down a couple months ago and Im still recovering from it. Im doing MUCH better than I was a couple months ago.

My only problem is that I Can't stop thinking about her and him. I am completely focused on getting better but I absolutely cannot stop thinking about them two!!! Its like a paranoy in the back of my mind that wont go away! Its freaking me out and Im becoming obsessed Im afraid. I just cant stop thinking about it, and I dont know what to do... I seriously think about it like every 2 minutes and thats not even joking. Its consuming me and I can't get out of the thought process.

How the hell can I stop thinking about it... is this normal.. cause I dont think it is..?

it is. you'll get over it in time, i know it's hard, but believe me you will.

find something to distract you. get a new hobby or something.

Eh, I hate how our minds work sometimes. We sit there and think about stuff that makes us get all worked up. Sometimes I wish we could control our thoughts and feelings. Life would be so much easier.

You just have to give it more time I guess. I've noticed that when someone else comes along, it tends to take the focus off of the past. Maybe you will have some luck with that this yr. At least I hope so.

Thanks everyone. Im doing my best! Hopefully someone will come along..

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Zach [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thanks everyone. Im doing my best! Hopefully someone will come along..

---

You should ask one of your female friends out.

I would but the only ones that are even worth trying are taken. There isn't any worth while relationships currently available right now.

Is there any recent acquaintances, that you barely know?

Come down to Philly.

Zach, did you ever consider that there might be a finite number of times you're going to think about them, and you're just getting it out of the way?

I think you should delve into it, wallow. Write short stories in which they choke to death, listen to music about what assholes people can be (how about Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds- People Just Ain't No Good.) Dig down deep and get the root of that bitterness dug up.

You're not ready to move on yet. It's too soon. You're feeling less like putting your head in the oven, but anger can last a long, long time, and you have something to be angry about. Call this the winter of your discontent. By summer, you'll be all better.

that's good advice. i like to wallow sometimes. i eventually get sick of it. i guess it's true the more you deny your feelings and try to put them away the longer they stay around. if you just let yourself be totally miserable the feelings just disappear sometimes...

giga, you're back!

Sssoooooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmbrrrrrrrrrraaaaaa aaaaa!

Its all a bit confusing. I think I have truly thought about it quite enough, Im ready to move on. I want to! I admit, I am still quite pissed. I often dream about seeing them together at the mall or some place and i just walk up to them and spit right in their face and walk away. Dear God would that be nice.

Anyways, im sick of feeling like shit and depressed. Im so ready to move on. Its just really hard to move on when you live is such a small town. I hear about them and see them no matter what I want to do. Kinda screwed.

Some people say that when I find myself thinking about them I should get up and stop what Im doing and finding something that is going to take my mind off things. He said that its not avoiding the pain, its just breaking a bad habit now. I think that sounds about right. Ive dwelt on this plenty already its time I break this bad thining habit now though. How to go about that is the problem.

So then I get to thinking if I were to just allow myself to get involved with somebody and take a risk I would finally be able to get her out of my mind for good. I dont know.

Maybe I should just dwell more but I really don't feel like being anymore depressed than I already am. Grr!!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Zach [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So then I get to thinking if I were to just allow myself to get involved with somebody and take a risk I would finally be able to get her out of my mind for good. I dont know.

---

Just be emotionally responsible about it. This will be a rebound. Don't fool yourself, and for God's sake, don't fool her, whoever she turns out to be. You're not completely available for a new relationship- too much of you is still tangled up with The Jerks.

There's nothing wrong with finding someone else, just as long as you're honest with her and with yourself about what you're doing.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Just be emotionally responsible about it. This will be a rebound. Don't fool yourself, and for God's sake, don't fool her, whoever she turns out to be. You're not completely available for a new relationship- too much of you is still tangled up with The Jerks.

There's nothing wrong with finding someone else, just as long as you're honest with her and with yourself about what you're doing.

---

I guess since I can't really give my whole self to someone yet I shouldn't even be getting with anyone at all. Its like a lost cause.

God, why do human emotions and life in general have to be so confusing and frustrating!! lol Damnit!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Zach [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I guess since I can't really give my whole self to someone yet I shouldn't even be getting with anyone at all. Its like a lost cause.

---

Oh, Zach! You are the most incurable romantic in the world!

Look, not every relationship has to be The One. They can't be, can they? You've been through enough of these by now that you should start getting some perspective on what relationships are actually for: preparing you for The One.

It may take 20 years to meet her, Zach. Don't come to her broken and unprepared. Learn that there is love and then there is LOVE. You discount and dismiss everything lower-cased, and it's a mistake, in my opinion. Worse, you try to find your end-all-be-all in people who are just lessons to be learned.

I hope that you come to find that the world is a great big place, full of wonderful people and opportunities for growth. I hope you learn that being disappointed by someone doesn't have to shatter you into a million pieces. Every day, you'll be stronger. Nothing that has ever happened to you has diminished you. Look at you! You're only 20, and already you have more going on inside than a lot of 40-year-olds I know.

Don't let your romanticism get in your own way.

PM me your e-mail address. I want to send you a song.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Oh, Zach! You are the most incurable romantic in the world!

Look, not every relationship has to be The One. They can't be, can they? You've been through enough of these by now that you should start getting some perspective on what relationships are actually for: preparing you for The One.

It may take 20 years to meet her, Zach. Don't come to her broken and unprepared. Learn that there is love and then there is LOVE. You discount and dismiss everything lower-cased, and it's a mistake, in my opinion. Worse, you try to find your end-all-be-all in people who are just lessons to be learned.

I hope that you come to find that the world is a great big place, full of wonderful people and opportunities for growth. I hope you learn that being disappointed by someone doesn't have to shatter you into a million pieces. Every day, you'll be stronger. Nothing that has ever happened to you has diminished you. Look at you! You're only 20, and already you have more going on inside than a lot of 40-year-olds I know.

Don't let your romanticism get in your own way.

PM me your e-mail address. I want to send you a song.

---

Amazing post! I just want to get a few things straightened out here.

Quote:

---

Worse, you try to find your end-all-be-all in people who are just lessons to be learned.

---

Can you elaborate just a little on this statement? I think I know what you mean, but Im not sure.

Quote:

---

Don't let your romanticism get in your own way.

---

I think I may spend my whole life trying to get this one down! lol

The thing is that all the lower case stuff I can't even grasp. I don't know how to not love with everything. I suppose thats another big lesson I have yet to learn. Or maybe Im taking this all wrong. How I see it is, I love hard with everything I got.. I dont know how to go about it any different. Then everytime I get rocked to the core when things screw over. Where is this middle ground?! *falls over helplessly*

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Worse, you try to find your end-all-be-all in people who are just lessons to be learned.

---

By this, I mean you expect too much from mere mortals.

There's this great line from a Bob Dylan song: "I gave you my heart, but you wanted my soul".

You do the opposite. You give your soul, Zach. Don't do that. It's YOUR soul. Not something you should be giving away.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

By this, I mean you expect too much from mere mortals.

There's this great line from a Bob Dylan song: "I gave you my heart, but you wanted my soul".

You do the opposite. You give your soul, Zach. Don't do that. It's YOUR soul. Not something you should be giving away.

---

Do you think you should only give every ounce of yourself to "the one"?

Even your soul? Maybe I should lay off for a while.. lol

Okay, classic rock reference #2: Joni Mitchell sang "Love is touching souls".

What do you think of that?

I think its amazing.

Well, up to this date I have made the mistake of thinking everyone of my girlfriends were "the one". Its hard not to for me because what I feel is so God damn convincing, yet it still fails. I find myself believing so deeply in her and us and everything we have become that I end up really hurting myself deeply when things turn out wrong.

Since I have now made this same mistake three times, Im going to be extremely weary of my next relationship. I plan on taking things REALLY REALLY slow. If its not right, its not. Opening back up again to another like I have previously is going to be hard for me, I can already feel it. I really took it hard this time..

If you feel this much for people who aren't even worth it, just imagine what it will be like when you get into a relationship that is worth your investment. Really changes your whole perspective on the world, in my experience.

Anyway, I like that you're not embittered about love by the fact that it's crashed and burned for you a few times. I don't care how many guys on this forum disagree with you- love is real and you can have it. They'll still be calling you a pussy and wondering why things aren't working out for them when you're blissfully happy. So there.

I absolutely love you! lol

I take their criticism, but I still know my heart and who I am.

I know its out there. Its what makes life so beautiful even though there is so much pain! Being able to look at life and smile humble knowing everything is going to be ok is something I try my best not to take for granted.

Well! Time to go to the movies! Later.

Thanks Giga. -- Zach

You need to take time to heal. Try go out more often to have fun with your friends for example go to a dance club or the gym. Create a busy schedule. Buy a new wardrobe.

Giga's the ****ing bomb.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mathias [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Giga's the ****ing bomb.

---

Listen to Mathias. He knows stuff.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Listen to Mathias. He knows stuff.

---

Listen to Giga. She knows Mathias knows she knows stuff.

How am I supposed to be able to trust someone again? How can you go from knowing someone better than anyone else in the world.. I know all their deepest darkest secrets.. I have spent the last 3 years of my life with this person.. Her alone.

How am I supposed to trust anyone again? How can you go from knowing someone better than anyone else in the world to nothing. To know who they are better than they do. To really know someones heart. Their heart and soul.

How can they do this to me? How can those people I cherished so, care nothing for me at all anymore. Her nor him care at all what so ever about how I feel in my heart. Once she stopped loving me, she doesn't care what happens to me.

Once he has her he doesn't care what I feel. Once he has her he doesn't care about me. Once he has her. Her. Who was once mine.

My heart is breaking again, im sorry. Im sorry guys.

How the **** can I trust someone again? All those memories were a lie! A god damn ****ing ... I dont even know who I am anymore.

I act so strong. I act like nothing wrong. I act.

Im dying inside. Im trying so hard on the outside, but im dying on the inside.

How do I move on? How can I trust someone.. When everything you thought and believed was a lie all along. When all people are is selfish down inside. They only care about themselves. They give no heed to me. It hurts.

People will always run away from their problems.. they will justify what they are doing. When deep inside its because they are all selfish.

I need someone right now. Why so bad right now? Why is it hurting so badly all of a sudden? I feel so lost. Like im screaming out for something or nothing. I dont know.

Im not me anymore. How can I trust someone again? How the ****?! I don't think people can really understand what its like to feel like this unless they have been truly betrayed by someone they loved with all their heart.

All I did was love her. Why do I have to feel like this. This isn't right.

When you love someone so completely.. and trust them so completely.. and know them so completely.. and give your life to them.. so completely.. then they turn around and look you in the eye and say I don't love you. I don't care about you anymore. You mean nothing to me. Nothing.

When you believe something with your soul.. and its a lie after all.. Im finding thats the worst pain I have ever known. I can't seem to escape its grasp. Should I be this angry? Why do I hold so much resentment? Its eating me alive!!!!!! How do I let go!? I can't!! Its killing me.

Something is wrong. Something is so wrong. Help..

Sometimes I don't know. My emotions are like a god damn rollercoaster and last night they hit rock bottom. PIty PaRty!! God speed.

It happens, GB. I went through a couple of those nights.

Just know, it gets better. Then, after a while, you realize you're much better off this way.

Last night his (nathan) sister came over to hang out with my sister and ended up hanging out with me. We got to talking and it brang out all that emotion. She told me stuff that I didn't want to hear about "them" but its the truth and they really are doing this to me. I would have bouts of doubt that maybe I realy am the bad guy here, but I am the one in the right. They ****ed up. They see each other everyday and party and drink and Im sure they have had sex by now or atleast something close to it... and the thought of knowing this is just murdering my heart.

I can't bare to picture them together. ****.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mathias [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It happens, GB. I went through a couple of those nights.

Just know, it gets better. Then, after a while, you realize you're much better off this way.

---

Thanks for the reply. I know I am going to be better off, but I don't see how Im going to be able to trust someone again... agh

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Zach [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thanks for the reply. I know I am going to be better off, but I don't see how Im going to be able to trust someone again... agh

---

You have to look within yourself to find what is true. You know that your feelings were pure. This should tell you that the very concept of purity is not a fantasy. No, Zach, most people won't measure up. You'll be more careful next time.

And someday, you'll find someone who actually deserves what you have to give. Quit depleting it by handing it out to the unworthy. Live your life, have experiences, but reserve yourself until you've used that GOOD JUDGEMENT you're gaining through this painful experience to determine whether or not she's the one.

There must have been some indication of what was coming that you missed, either because you didn't want to see it or because you just didn't know what to look for. Figure out how to see it coming next time and learn how to protect yourself.

Quote:

---

'Cuz, I know everything sucks yeah,
I know, everything sucks whoaaaoaaa
I know, everything sucks yeah,
this is gonna be the last time, you hear me complain-

---

Everything Sucks, by Reel Big Fish.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You have to look within yourself to find what is true. You know that your feelings were pure. This should tell you that the very concept of purity is not a fantasy. No, Zach, most people won't measure up. You'll be more careful next time.

And someday, you'll find someone who actually deserves what you have to give. Quit depleting it by handing it out to the unworthy. Live your life, have experiences, but reserve yourself until you've used that GOOD JUDGEMENT you're gaining through this painful experience to determine whether or not she's the one.

There must have been some indication of what was coming that you missed, either because you didn't want to see it or because you just didn't know what to look for. Figure out how to see it coming next time and learn how to protect yourself.

---

Well you see thats what is making all the trouble for me. The fact that there were no signs that this was heading my way! That is what is so scary about all of this. Call me naive or call me young but I couldn't see this was coming until the day before it happened. She is either a great actor or Im ridiculously naive. I gave my all..yes.. but how am I supposed to be able to do that again knowing in a second this could **** me up out of nowhere like last time all over again. I mean I really don't think I could handle that again. Im strong, but someone can only take so much.

I mean really try to grasp this, she showed NO traits or signs of not loving me anymore. Even the day before she was telling me how there was this guy at school that was eye balling her down and smiling and she was a good girlfriend and was going to be loyal and how she would never do anything like that to me. How she never even looks at guys. She can't even think of them like that while she was with me. How she loved me SO much that she doesn't even have a desire to let her mind in even the least.

Then the next day we went to a dance and we were dancing and she got really sick to her stomach and we sat down. Later on I knew something else was wrong and it was causing her stomach sickness..it was something she was thinking about. And of course it goes on and I find out she doesn't love me like that anymore. And poof everything I knew and loved was gone.

Believe when I say I "truly" with all my heart and soul believed she was the one. I mean with everything I had. I really had that set in my heart. And now she is gone. Now im left feeling something deeper than anything else I have ever known. And its a definitely a deep pain. Something so deep that I barely even cry over it. Its so painful its actually unbelievable and I can't even comprehend how I could bare such a intense emotion.

So when I get to thinking about how or when I fall in love again.. how can I really let myself open up again? How am I going to allow myself to be exposed to that kind of possibility.

I know I will use my good judgement as best as I can, but I have done this before. I had alrady been ****ed over twice badly and Ann was supposed to be the one. But it goes to show that you can't ever really know if the person is the one. You will never know ever. Because people always change and there is always that possibility that they will lose their feeling for you.

You either take the risk of handing out your entire self to someone and get the amazing benefits in return but also take the chance of ruining your whole life over a failed relationship.

What option out weighs the other? I don't know yet.

Zach, ultimately, she didn't take anything from you. I know it feels like she ripped something out that is crucial to the continuation of your very existence, but it's just pain and it will heal. I promise. I've been through this. Betrayal is offensive to you, in a very visceral way- that's a good thing.

You have to get through this, not around it. The feelings are welling up now because you're actually strong enough to handle them. Believe that. Humans are complex and designed to function above all- your psyche wouldn't throw this at you if it was gonna break you.

Just don't dish out so much of yourself like you did before.

That's all.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Zach, ultimately, she didn't take anything from you. I know it feels like she ripped something out that is crucial to the continuation of your very existence, but it's just pain and it will heal. I promise. I've been through this. Betrayal is offensive to you, in a very visceral way- that's a good thing.

You have to get through this, not around it. The feelings are welling up now because you're actually strong enough to handle them. Believe that. Humans are complex and designed to function above all- your psyche wouldn't throw this at you if it was gonna break you.

---

You see.. when it comes down to it.. I know all this, but my emotions cloud what Im thinking. Its like amnesia. Emotions are truly a strange thing.

I really appreciate all your thoughts and advice. Your reassurance is crucial to my mental health I think. lol It brings me back to reality.

Thanks again Giga. ANd Fras!!

--Zach