Boyfriend chasing other girl even though he's happy?

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10-01-07, 11:56 AM
romantic

Boyfriend chasing other girl even though he's happy?

Hi everyone,

I am newbe and really wanted some advice from you guys! I have a boyfriend of a year and we get on great, he is lovely, loves me very much, affectionate and friends are constantly saying what a good couple we are, hes bit distant at times but he recently moved in with me and has got a bit better.

One day he said do you think I could move in, I want to spend more time with you etc, and want to see how we live together as he has big plans for the future etc

Anyway he has, and since he moved in, I have been seeing how many phone calls he gets and sometimes he goes outside to answer them. Once he was by me and got a call, he said yeah see you soon dude, and I heard it was a girls voice.

I didn't mention anything at the time, but he said he is going round one of his friends house, he mentioned a guys name....hmmmm

Anyway he doesn't seem like the cheating type, very religous and has morals but a few days ago I confronted him and he confessed (after a lot of probing!) that he still trys to pick up other women to show hes still got it, but doesn't take it further!!!

Anyway, at least he was honest and i respect that but I asked him to stop etc and he saw it as a big joke and said I was being silly its just validation for guys and he loves me and promised he never cheated and never would, now he is a very attractive guy so he would have no problems but do you guys think this is a cause for concern??

Thanks a lot

Jess
10-01-07, 12:11 PM
jurupa

You should be concern because there is a high chance that he will sleep with some chick he picks up or he has already has. The fact that a girl called him and he called her by a guys name and then lied where he was going is a good sign that he is cheating on you. If he is very religious and has morals and what have you he should not be picking up girls just to see if he still has it.
10-01-07, 12:59 PM
vashti

Quote:

Originally Posted by romantic [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

do you guys think this is a cause for concern??

Are you kidding me? YES, you should be concerned.

BTW - religious guys usually don't live with their girlfriends when they aren't married. I believe you know this guy less well than you think.
10-01-07, 01:14 PM
misombra

sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez.
10-01-07, 02:03 PM
Mathias

Yeah, he's cheating on you.
10-01-07, 02:27 PM
Ellynn

Usually if you have a gut feeling something isn't right, it usually isn't. Now you have proof also.

Dump him. He's not worth your time!

Hun, I've been there and no matter what they tell you, they will never change.
10-01-07, 02:36 PM
Gigabitch

Oh, God. You have to wake up, girl. You are that girl everyone feels sorry for. This is not good.
10-01-07, 02:54 PM
The Great OV!!!

Yea, he is cheating on you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Oh, God. You have to wake up, girl. You are that girl everyone feels sorry for. This is not good.

I don't feel sorry for her. Watch, even though we tell her she will still go into denial....buh bu bui ub ubu bububub bu he is so goooood to me....yea, whatever.
11-01-07, 12:01 AM
Zach

He is cheating on you. Get out. Get OUT!! Now!!!!11!1!11
11-01-07, 12:01 AM
syrett

very true! people will never change, they might tone things down a bit but its like having tape over one eye, its ok for a bit but then its annoying and youll have to take it off!!!!!!!
11-01-07, 02:50 AM
michaelmorgan

Okay people,cool off a little bit.
For the bitter ones...
PEOPLE DO CHANGE.
CHANGE IS A PROCESS.
If YOU, as his or her lover want and learn how to support your partner's change, you WILL see miracles.

When all of you above say people never change, I wonder how often have you really supported them to change. I don't say it is easy. I just say SOMETIMES IT'S WORTH IT !!!

Now dear "romantic"..you and him share a great connection. It is normal that you don't understand why he still wants to keep his skills. I don't either.
But perhaps this IS a part of him; a playful and macho part of him. He will not let it go just because you ask him to.
You actually have two options here:
1) The playful way - what if you would go out with him when he wants to pickup other girls...what if you would also innocently flirt with other guys? What if you would point to him hey...that's a hot one...go scare her, tiger...
He will be shocked, I guarantee you. The only problem is if YOU could stand this thing...and I FEEL that you wouldn't. So here's your second option:
2) The deep way - this way is harder, as it goes for his letting go of this "macho" part of him. As I said, you won't do it just asking him to stop or change...eventually you should end up telling him how much it hurts you and if he loves you he should ask for your help to stop doing this thing.

Of course you can mix both options :)

Best wishes!
11-01-07, 07:50 AM
misombra

Quote:

Originally Posted by michaelmorgan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Okay people,cool off a little bit.
For the bitter ones...
PEOPLE DO CHANGE.
CHANGE IS A PROCESS.
If YOU, as his or her lover want and learn how to support your partner's change, you WILL see miracles.

When all of you above say people never change, I wonder how often have you really supported them to change. I don't say it is easy. I just say SOMETIMES IT'S WORTH IT !!!

Now dear "romantic"..you and him share a great connection. It is normal that you don't understand why he still wants to keep his skills. I don't either.
But perhaps this IS a part of him; a playful and macho part of him. He will not let it go just because you ask him to.
You actually have two options here:
1) The playful way - what if you would go out with him when he wants to pickup other girls...what if you would also innocently flirt with other guys? What if you would point to him hey...that's a hot one...go scare her, tiger...
He will be shocked, I guarantee you. The only problem is if YOU could stand this thing...and I FEEL that you wouldn't. So here's your second option:
2) The deep way - this way is harder, as it goes for his letting go of this "macho" part of him. As I said, you won't do it just asking him to stop or change...eventually you should end up telling him how much it hurts you and if he loves you he should ask for your help to stop doing this thing.

Of course you can mix both options :)

Best wishes!

what are you selling? viagra?
11-01-07, 07:59 AM
vashti

Quote:

Originally Posted by michaelmorgan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You actually have two options here

I can certainly think of more options, assuming she wants to cut and run before she is stuck forever.

1) she can literally cut and run (Lorena Bobbit-style)

2) she can skip the cutting and just run. This is my vote.
11-01-07, 05:11 PM
michaelmorgan

Of course the situation isn't actually normal.

But at least her man had the guts to confess and finally admit a truth that can scare away most of the people here.:)

Ask him why did he choose to tell you the truth? Is he really willing to assume what will turn out from this?

It's up to you and him to deal with this in a mature way.
12-01-07, 12:05 AM
vashti

Quote:

Originally Posted by michaelmorgan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Of course the situation isn't actually normal.

But at least her man, when backed into a corner, finally admited a truth that would scare away any person with normal brain function.:)

There, I fixed your post. :D
19-01-07, 05:33 PM
fennimore

He's NOT cheating on you, Romantic... Or, maybe he is!! Ahaha.. Gosh, I do exactly that to my girlfriend, but I still love her very much. The fact that I still do turn my head when there's a beautiful girl passing by, or that I feel my heartbeat drumming like crazy when a stranger is making some flirty eye contacts with me... Well that's just the way men are, isn't it?

So, uh, I'm not cheating on my girlfriend, am I...? Damn, I need advise..
20-01-07, 03:37 AM
Zach

Its not about "touching" that makes cheating cheating. Its all about whats going on up here. (points to head) And in here. (points to heart)

You can cheat on your girlfriend just by thinking. Its up to you on how much self discipline you are going to enforce on yourself. You should also gauge how much self discipline your girlfriend is expecting of you.

--Zach
20-01-07, 04:39 AM
vashti

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zach [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You can cheat on your girlfriend just by thinking.

I'll bet you are a Jimmy Carter fan, aren't you? Anyway, I disagree. Think what you want, but keep it to yourself.
20-01-07, 04:44 AM
Zach

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'll bet you are a Jimmy Carter fan, aren't you? Anyway, I disagree. Think what you want, but keep it to yourself.

No, Im actually not a Jimmy Carter fan. Never even heard him before. I just think that what matters most is what is happening in your heart when your in love with someone. I can lay there and **** you and tell you I love you and be thinking about a totally different girl. Can you honestly say you ok with that?

Its all about your heart.
20-01-07, 04:48 AM
vashti

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zach [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

No, Im actually not a Jimmy Carter fan. Never even heard him before.

Are you kidding? He was a President. He once said that he "sinned in his heart" because he lusted after a woman he wasn't married to.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zach [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I just think that what matters most is what is happening in your heart when your in love with someone. I can lay there and **** you and tell you I love you and be thinking about a totally different girl. Can you honestly say you ok with that?

Yes.
20-01-07, 06:07 AM
Zach

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Are you kidding? He was a President. He once said that he "sinned in his heart" because he lusted after a woman he wasn't married to.

OMG! lol For some reason I thought you were referring to a singer named Jimmy Carter. I guess it didn't click that you were talking about the president. I have no excuse though, ive only been outta high school for 2 years. lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yes.

You must have a 100% completely different perspective on what "love" actually is than me. I wouldn't want my wife to lust after other men while we were having sex, that would be 100% ridiculous to me. If your down with that I guess.. then thats what floats your boat. Not for me.
20-01-07, 06:19 AM
vashti

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zach [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You must have a 100% completely different perspective on what "love" actually is than me. I wouldn't want my wife to lust after other men while we were having sex, that would be 100% ridiculous to me. If your down with that I guess.. then thats what floats your boat. Not for me.

When I was just 2 years out of high school, I would have said the same thing.
20-01-07, 10:57 PM
Zach

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

When I was just 2 years out of high school, I would have said the same thing.

Can you explain to me why and how your perspective changed? Whats caused it to change like that and do you like it better that way or how it used to be?
21-01-07, 12:05 AM
vashti

You will find that romantic love diminishes after two years at most, and if your sex life is tied solely to those romantic feelings, you won't be having any sex. So for me (and virtually all people I know that have been married more than maybe 5 years) your imagination is very helpful. What you should be hoping/looking for is someone who shares your values with regards to where the lines are drawn. I may have fantasized about another man, but I wouldn't move beyond that because I am just not the type.
21-01-07, 04:09 AM
Zach

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You will find that romantic love diminishes after two years at most, and if your sex life is tied solely to those romantic feelings, you won't be having any sex. So for me (and virtually all people I know that have been married more than maybe 5 years) your imagination is very helpful. What you should be hoping/looking for is someone who shares your values with regards to where the lines are drawn. I may have fantasized about another man, but I wouldn't move beyond that because I am just not the type.

So when it comes down to it there is no universal line where once crossed you have officially cheated. Because it is different with each and ever couple. My lines are drawn within the heart and mind, so Im willing to bet that I will have alot harder of a time trying to find someone with likewise values.

You got me, then you got people who want only a sexual relationship on the opposite end. Who knows. Im just rambling now.