1st Relationship, Worth Investing In?

We all know it's true, the majority of people move past their first relationship.

Advice is usually geared towards:

"You don't know what you're looking for yet."
"First one always hurts the most."
"You're still immature/young."
"Take advantage of being single for as long as you can."
"Why tie yourself to one person so soon?"
"There's plenty of fish in the sea."
"They're really all the same (insert equation here)."

Shit, I knew and took all this advice to heart all of my adolescent and teenage years, and as a result never seriously pursued any relationships.

But now here I am, in my first real relationship.

My logic sometimes nudges me to abandon ship, but I feel like trusting my logic now will only sabotage the relationship to an early end before it has run it's course.

So my question, did or did you not, invest much into your first relationship, how old were you, and do you have any regrets based off of your choices?

I regret getting too serious because I was too young (moved in with my bf at 17). I wasn't smart about it like you're being, Fras.

And you know this isn't a waste of time. This is more than just puppy love- you guys are true friends above and beyond your romantic involvement. Can you imagine ever getting to a point where you just don't give a shit about Amy?

I didn't think so.

Even if you go your separate ways, you'll still be glad she's on the planet in ten years, twenty years...

So, yeah. It's worth investing in.

Then again, your own future is worth investing in as well. If you can do both, great. If you have to choose, always invest in yourself. Always.

I learned a LOT from my first love. I wish I could say that they were positive learning experiences, but they weren't. He was pretty freakin' awful, really. I don't know that I necessarily regret that experience, although I wish I could be as innocent and trusting as I used to be. Meh - maybe that kind of naivety is just a part of being young...

Every relationship is a learning experience whether its the first or the last. It would not do for you to sabatoge this because its your first. Put your all in and see what happens. You never know what the outcome mite be. Maybe it will work out, maybe it wont, but the best you can do is give your all, and then maybe at the end, there wont be the "what if's" about what you could have or should have done.

My first relationship... let's see. I met her during the summer between middle school and high school. We hung out. She called me constantly.

Then I met another cute girl and so I started fooling around with her, too. Mostly just because I thought it made me really cool to have two girlfriends.

Anyway, the first girl called and called... Even when she left for a vacation she would call me every night. Ran up a huge phone bill. I got annoyed with all the calling so I broke up with her. She freaked out. Cried. Told her friends. They called me and threatened to kill me. I got a kick out of that and told all my friends. We laughed.

Meanwhile I kind of forgot the second girl existed and she drifted off.

I didn't get much out of it until I got older and realized that I'd really hurt that poor kid. I didn't take love and relationships seriously then, and I don't take them seriously now. So I try to be open about it. Doesn't help much. But so long as I'm honest I don't feel as guilty when I do something to break a girl's heart.

I know lots of people that have married (and had successful marriages) their first loves.

Giga, sometimes I hate how well you know me.

EDIT: With so many overwhelming negative opinions on "first loves", it's hard to stay optimistic sometimes.

I mean, I feel like I'm doing my best to be sensible about things, trying to strike a balance between what is logical/realistic, while attempting to pursue what feels right.

I mean, what I'd like to know, is just how blinded by "love", am I?

I invested all I had in mine. I couldn't help it; I fell deep, I fell hard, he was fun to be around, a terrific lay, made me feel beautiful, everything. And I cared enough about him to be concerned when he started smoking too much weed, being late for work, etc. Apparently he didn't like the fact that I warned him about doing that too much, being late for work, potentially screwing up his income when he had a brand new car (and its sky-high insurance) to pay for.

So, he left me. He was 20 at the time, I was 18, the girl he took up with was 16. To say I was devastated would be an understatement.

In hindsight, it was a lucky thing that happened because I'm sure he's gone absolutely nowhere, probably smoked half his brain cells away, can't keep a job, etc. But I still don't think I ever really recovered. He was my first love, and even to this day, I still occasionally miss him. Well, who he was before weed and partying became his all-consuming goal in life.

More power to people if their first real relationships can work out. I don't think it happens very often, though. People change and grow way too much during then, unless someone only has his "first" relationship at, like, 30.

I actually have an excel spreadsheet with all love interests listed by line and each one has a dollar figure attached in terms of what I invested in her. Since I have the year listed, I can adjust for inflation and even go ahead and do discounting to determine the opportunity costs of "investing." Forty plus love interests have cost me a five figure amount in direct costs and opportunity costs over the long term.

That 25 dollars I "invested" in my first girlfirend a little over 20 years ago...had I invested that money in the market, earned 12 percent returns, it is something like $299.41 in 2007 dollars (not factoring in taxes...so, let's say it was something like a Ginnie Mae....

Anyway, I don't miss the money or anything...its not like I'd actually sit down and calculate my opportunity costs and expected benefits.....

Give it your all... I know that's easy to say. I hope it works out for you.

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Originally Posted by CAM [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I actually have an excel spreadsheet with all love interests listed by line and each one has a dollar figure attached in terms of what I invested in her. Since I have the year listed, I can adjust for inflation and even go ahead and do discounting to determine the opportunity costs of "investing." Forty plus love interests have cost me a five figure amount in direct costs and opportunity costs over the long term.

That 25 dollars I "invested" in my first girlfirend a little over 20 years ago...had I invested that money in the market, earned 12 percent returns, it is something like $299.41 in 2007 dollars (not factoring in taxes...so, let's say it was something like a Ginnie Mae....
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I think you need a hobby. You have too much time on your hands, my darling.

hahaha @ CAM... Gawd, u think like me!!!

man,do not hold back,it might be your last!just playing hahahaha but seriously man,give it your all its worth it.just be prepared for the consequences of your actions.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I learned a LOT from my first love. I wish I could say that they were positive learning experiences, but they weren't. He was pretty freakin' awful, really. I don't know that I necessarily regret that experience, although I wish I could be as innocent and trusting as I used to be. Meh - maybe that kind of naivety is just a part of being young...

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I'm perceiving this as a sort of reluctance to come out straight with me.

So many of your other posts suggest to me that investing much into the first under the current circumstances is folly.

I'm finding it increasingly difficult to have faith in something that so few other people do. It seems to me that if I continue on the path I'm on, I'm either naive or in denial, and if I bail now, I'm selfish and cold.

Either way points to immaturity.

I should avoid this place, you guys are killin' me.

Are you kidding me? Your relationship is NOTHING like my first one. My first boyfriend was a heavy drinking musician who ran around on me regularly, even with my "friends". Every negative stereotype associated with musicians would apply. I don't think there are ANY similarities at all between what you have going on and my own past.

I think you are smitten, but I am reluctant to tell you to go for it full force because that is a decision for you to make on your own.

I think most people get hung up on relationships when they're a lot younger and much less mature. That's why many of us come down hard on them. You have a sound head on your shoulders. The fact that you're questioning your relationship at all proves it.

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Of course there are exceptions. The only problem is that everyone thinks they ARE...

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To clarify, I understand this was in regards to marriage but I think it's applicable.

I'm still terrified of failure, but my dilemma is that there's no possible way I'll ever know if I don't try.

I just hate the idea of being one of those statistics.

I almost feel like a hypocrite because I'm in the very kind of relationship I would've condemned a year ago.

...

But now it seems I'm projecting my frustrations and insecurities on everybody else. Sorry Vash.

Oi...this can be a mindjob...

Maybe try not to think of it as FAILURE.

Trying something out and going for something and then if the relationship doesn't work doesn't mean that you've failed. Or that she has failed. Or even that the relationship failed. Just that it ended, so that something else could happen.

Not failure.

And...besides...it might not even end!

Why don't you just go with the flow and LEARN from each other. This doesn't have to be a failure even if it doesn't end up happily ever after.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Why don't you just go with the flow and LEARN from each other. This doesn't have to be a failure even if it doesn't end up happily ever after.

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That's what I meant to say!

Vashti articulated it MUCH better!

I think any relationship where both are really involved and actually 'love' each other is worth investing in. The first is not necasarily the last. I know a guy who went on one of those dating sites which I think is ridiculous and he ended up marrying the love of his life after a couple months. Its hard to say sometimes but I think its worthwhile.

I didnt 'invest' enough in my first relationship and thats why its now called my first relationship and not my current one and yes why dont you just go with the FLOW as Vashti said?