insecurity, jealousy, or trust issues?

from my last relationship, i suffer from some kind of insecurities, i become jealous easy, and i have problems trusting people.

here's your example:

saturday my girlfriend and i met up with some acquaintances at a football game. there were guys and girls in the group, but she didn't talk much to the girls. i felt like she was hitting on the guys. i started getting disappointed after a while because she was ignoring me and talking to them.

she asked if she could take a sip out of one of their drinks, and that really teed me off. she noticed that i was tipped off and asked what was wrong, i was really embarrassed to say, but after a while i told her, and she kept saying things like "oh my god, that's so ridiculous!" after a little while, she apologized, but i was very angry.

she was invited to the party by them (they didn't invite me) and then she turned to me and told me i didn't have to go if i didn't want to. i took that as a "i don't want you to come" and at the 3rd quarter i ditched her.

i went to mcdonalds with a friend and then i came back and sat by myself studying for a few hours. as i was getting ready to go to bed at like 2 in the morning she drunk dialed me and asked if she could come over... she said she wasn't drunk, and i believed her, so some chick walked her over, and she was drunk as hell. she was saying and doing all kinds of stupid things, she started hitting on my roommate and wanted to make a porno, it was really irritating.

so then i asked her while she was drunk if she took sips out of other guys' drinks while she was there, and she said "yea a lot" i was very disappointed and i tried to leave the room but she wouldn't let go of me and promised that she wouldn't do it again. she told me that she wanted me to go and that she wished i didn't ditch her and all.

um, what the ****? i feel like she isn't taking this relationship as seriously as me... so maybe i shouldn't be.

should i be angry? how would you feel? what would you do?

I don't like her, 'wing. I don't like her at all.

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Originally Posted by lilwing [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

what would you do?

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I would have made that porno

You obviously don't feel comfortable with what she's doing. Have you actually talked to her about it? Judging from the scenario you explained, there was a general lack of communication, so maybe the underlying issue is just that.

She may not have meant that she didn't want you to go to the party, she may not even have been aware that you weren't invited. Are you generally disinclined to go to parties? She may have been trying not to make you feel pressured to go.

It also depends on how long you've been together and what kind of relationship you have. If you have good, solid foundations, trust each other and know each other well, and allow for certain things to happen, her behaviour migt not necessarily be stepping out of line

Now, you may not have such a thing with this girl or with these other guys, and she shouldn't be quite so careless before talking to you or finding out what your attitude to this is. So that's probably the first thing you should do, have a good, long, honest talk with her. But listen to her opinion as well and see if you can come to some agreements.

we are exclusive.

anyone have like a 'list' of things one shouldn't do when he/she has a significant other?

Bah, fúck her dude.

She's in college to party, she's not ready to go steady yet, ditch that bitch.

EDIT: No, you're not exclusive.

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Originally Posted by Frasbee [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Bah, fúck her dude.

She's in college to party, she's not ready to go steady yet, ditch that bitch.

EDIT: No, you're not exclusive.

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she's not that 'fling' type. she's here to party but she wants to be exclusive with me.

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Originally Posted by lilwing [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

she's not that 'fling' type. she's here to party but she wants to be exclusive with me.

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Bullshit.

You're just her model boyfriend so she can tell everybody she has one.

Even if what you say is true and I'm wrong.

She's already acting immature and selfish, and it's obviously not working out. Expect the behavior to continue. You can only guilt her so much before she feels suffocated and dumps you.

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Originally Posted by Frasbee [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Bullshit.

You're just her model boyfriend so she can tell everybody she has one.

Even if what you say is true and I'm wrong.

She's already acting immature and selfish, and it's obviously not working out. Expect the behavior to continue. You can only guilt her so much before she feels suffocated and dumps you.

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... or is it me that is being immature and selfish?

my insecurities are starting to unfurl, she knows about my past relationships and she doesn't want to hurt me as in my past relationships.

in any case, if she did it again, i would not hesitate ending it. there are so many nice girls here that it wouldn't make sense to deal with it. i am just going to assume that it was a learning experience.

i am not going to take this relationship as seriously as i was before unless i see what i need to see.

she had her best friend from high school add me. i talked with her a little this evening and she said that my girlfriend is usually completely reserved and that she'll talk to her about it.... hopefully it's for the best.

dump her.
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Mate it doesn't sound like she's the sort of chick you're after. She sounds like a chick looking for a couple of loose f-cks. Not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you, for a lot of guys those are the kind of girls that make college worthwhile.

I agree with DoesntMatter, you should have made the porno.

i dunno dudes, there are just so many things that contradict it.

last night she took care of me because i felt sick.

she probably got you sick from one of those guys whose drinks she was drinking.

cooties.

You *ditched* her while on a date because she took a drink from someone else's cup?

I don't blame you for not liking the flirting, but I can't believe you ditched her.

he was probably on the verge of a more disruptive behavior.

I think he ditched her because she didn't invite him to the gangbang.

Lilwing, just remember this one thing: Sex is all that matters.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You *ditched* her while on a date because she took a drink from someone else's cup?

I don't blame you for not liking the flirting, but I can't believe you ditched her.

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technically i didn't really *ditch* her according to the official ditching rules.

it was more like she hinted to me that she didn't want me to tag along, and i got up and left at the third quarter... she did not stop me or anything, i told her i was going to go in a calm manner and everything.

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Originally Posted by lilwing [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

we are exclusive.

anyone have like a 'list' of things one shouldn't do when he/she has a significant other?

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There isn't such a list that exists. You have to understand that regardless of close you two are, she isn't your property. She is also a individual that needs her space and time alone. From what I've read is that you two lack a form of communication, mainly you. Which is very important w/in a relationship. There is also the trust issue that you have, but if you never fully trust someone for whom you love, then nothing good will come out of it. You guys just need to sit down together and discuss what you want and don't want out of a relationship. There's no point in holding feelings back when you feel strongly for someone.

I understand what she did bugs you, but at the same time as I said, she's a individual not a product or something that doesn't have feelings. I'm sure you value you her a lot, therefore you just have to give into that trust.

I wish the best for you though.

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Originally Posted by Maybelline [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I understand what she did bugs you, but at the same time as I said, she's a individual not a product or something that doesn't have feelings.

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Oh shut the fúck up, you don't know what you're talking about.

she probably just wanted to show you that she was desired and perhaps make you jealous. just to see what you'd do.

but i would tell her that it was rude and now you have their cooties.

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Originally Posted by Frasbee [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Oh shut the fúck up, you don't know what you're talking about.

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LOL

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Originally Posted by misombra [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

she probably just wanted to show you that she was desired and perhaps make you jealous. just to see what you'd do.

but i would tell her that it was rude and now you have their cooties.

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i am over it now... if she does that again i will break up with her.

hahaha, she won't have any time this weekend to do anything, she has a fückload of homework.