Female insecurities

Before my current partner, I had never experienced an orgasm during sex or even oral sex. My current partner of over two years is great; however, I feel like I take to long....during oral sex lastnight I felt close, then I lost it and started worrying about how long I was taking and got so frustrated that he sensed it, stopped and I burst into tears. He asks me why I can't just lie back and enjoy it and that it doesn't matter - so how can I stop worrying about this?? I've also felt my libido is kinda low lately - what causes this and are there any solutions? Help please.

I'm not very sure, but thinking about this decidedly doesn't help. Relax and enjoy, tell him what you like and what you don't. Lost in lust or not, sex is above all, communication.

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Originally Posted by Lovebubble [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Help please.

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So, first thing is first.. You have had an orgasm before with your current partner.. That's good.. very good..., and you want to have orgasms like those you did with him perhaps more consistently.. As you keep reading, try and think of how your body feels when that happens..

Before you have those orgasms during oral sex or regular sex.. I think you really have to ask yourself what you're looking for.. You don't know where you're going, until you know exactly where you want to be!.. I'm sure there were not just a couple of times, but a lot of times, too many to remember really.. of times you had an orgasm with him.. Don't try to remember all of them.. just some.. any of the ones you want.. the ones you liked for some reason or an other.. and before you think back to what it felt like during that orgasm.. take a moment, as much time as you need.. to try and remember those moments.. It's hard to forget.. i'm sure lol.. but as you think back to that time.. notice what was going on.. where were you? what where you wearing? what was he wearing? what did his voice sound like? was it quiet or was there some other stuff going on in the backround? don't just focus on these things..., i'm sure you felt a certain way when you came close to him.. when he came close to you.. and you could smell him.. something about the way people smell.. and his touch.. againt you.. you don't have to remember it perfectly.. but as you felt that, all those things.. at that moment.. even while you're remembering all that.. a sense of intoxication came about.. people feel these things differently.. how do you feel when you're aroused? really turned on.. you almost start to feel a mild sensation in your head.. as if you're relaxed and dizzy at the same time.. a sense of losing control.. but while your head is busy losing control.. your body is in full control.. I don't know if you've noticed how aware of your breathing you are.. but it's no longer automatic.. as you remember what it's like.. you notice that these feelings and sensations move around constantly inside of you.. that sensation of feeling dizzy and relaxed starts to grow.. your breathing starts to get fuller, much longer.. breaths.. deeper.. and you can almost hear your heart pumping.. you can feel the pounding.. getting harder.. stronger.. you can feel all that.. and it's constantly moving.. going up.. and down.. starting from your head.. your chest.. your heart.. and working its way down..., below you.. starting to spread all over.. complete arousal.. complete loss of control.. there's no thinking.. there's only feeling.. and so much to feel.. and it all feels so good.. until that long feel-good moment where you have that orgam just comes over and over again..., With him, i'm sure you've felt very lucky.. many times.. But what most people don't understand is not how wonderful it feels to just lose control.. but when exactly that happens.. but you know that now.. you know exactly when you're no longer thinking and when you've just lost control, and your body is just sitting back, fully aware of how it feels, and just in a mode where all it's doing is accepting pleasure.. just accepting.. you know what that feels like, now..

So, next time you have sex with him.. Just try this simple little thing.. it's very simple.. Try and notice exactly those sensations inside your body.. that are signaling to you that it's going into accepting-pleasure-mode.. It can take some time and practice.. not many people notice it instantly when exactly they're losing control.. maybe it takes you as much as nearly an hour.. or maybe around 15-25 minutes before you feel that orgasm again.. but that's not what's important.. what's important is that you feel that moment in your body when it's losing control.. those sensations that are telling you to just sit back and let your body be fully aware of all those feel-good sensations it's about to keep accepting.. Try and notice that sensation in your head.. or hear or feal your heart pumping.. or your body warming up.. maybe you only notice how differently your breathing.. or maybe you can feel everything all at once.. I don't know why this works.. but when you're able to really feel that point in your body; you'll start to notice how much easier it is to really enjoy the orgams you're about to have...

Give it a try and let us know how it goes,

Best,

GrkScorp

Ignore all that thinking. ^ A woman's ability to orgasm has no relation to male orgasm and the more you think about it, the less certain it is you will have one.

The only thing you should be thinking about is your pleasure. Not your boyfriend's sore neck, not previous experiences, not your jiggly butt... NOTHING but your pleasure. I will send you a PM for more advice.

BTW - are you on birth control pills or some other hormone therapy? Because they mess with your sex drive.

I don't know WTFBBQ I should add to this but I will add an interesting fact. I get an orgasm in my left foot and I rub it during an orgasm cause it feels good :D

OV, wtf? How did this happen? What did you do to find out that your foot can orgasm??

for the OP, don't think about how long you're taking, that you're not getting anywhere, or that your bf's tongue has gone stiff. Just close your eyes and focus on the sensation. If there is a lack of sensation, IMAGINE yourself orgasming. You're mind's a very powerful thing here ...

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

the more you think about it, the less certain it is you will have one

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Oh Vash.. the irony.. lol

You might want to take notice on the pattern i'm using here.. and if you really wish for this woman to have an orgasm.. you can keep that realization to yourself.. re-read the post as many times as you need before you begin to understand it..

vibrator anyone??

raverboy

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Originally Posted by miSSleepy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

OV, wtf? How did this happen? What did you do to find out that your foot can orgasm??

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It started with a small tingle in the arc area of my left foot. I concentrated a couple times on it. Now I get a full blown orgasm in my left foot. Now my entire left foot does it. I definitely now think that you can train any part of the body to orgasm. I just don't know exactly how :D

Missleepy - have OV tell you about his musical penis.

(Damn, that was a funny thread.)

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Originally Posted by GrkScorp [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Oh Vash.. the irony.. lol

You might want to take notice on the pattern i'm using here.. and if you really wish for this woman to have an orgasm.. you can keep that realization to yourself.. re-read the post as many times as you need before you begin to understand it..

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GS just shut the hell up for once. You don't know more than Vash, who (for the OP) is a NURSE & a woman.

LoveBubble: I would PM Vash & get her expert advice on this & just ignore what Vash told you to. Good luck hun, hope you get it all worked out.

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Originally Posted by GrkScorp [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Oh Vash.. the irony.. lol

You might want to take notice on the pattern i'm using here.. and if you really wish for this woman to have an orgasm.. you can keep that realization to yourself.. re-read the post as many times as you need before you begin to understand it..

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Scorp, I think Vash might be the authority on this one, mate.

Some women have no problems getting there during sex while others do. I am one of the unlucky ones. I have only been able to orgasm with one guy I was with in the past and with time and patience, it could happen multiple times.
It was fustrating getting into a new relationship because I really wanted to with my current bf. I dated a few other guys and just nothing happened. See, last time my bf and I got together... and he did oral on me.....nothing happened. I mean sure it felt good...as well as the sex etc. But that was it. He felt bad that I couldn't get there. But I told him not to worry.

Anyways,last time, I decided to kinda get myself in the mood ahead of time. That definately plays a part. Notice how you can kiss your man for a few minutes and he's ready to go? Well, for us women, it takes a bit more.
So, I thought about what I wanted to do to him. I also thought about how much I wanted for him to make me come and even verablized it to him. I thought about this all during dinner with him....and on the way back to his place. So, when we got there and started kissing etc, naturally it didn't take long for him to want to start having sex. I thought about the last time I was able to orgasm during sex.....and noticed the pattern of it being with me in control and on top. So, I took control....and was on top. Even pleasuring myself during helped big time....and before you know it......I was having an orgasm. My man was amazed and told me he was very turned on that I took control and was able to get myself there. I noticed that the key to it (for me) was relaxing...and getting myself psyched up for it. Seriously, the mind can either make or break your orgasm.

Also, communicating what you like is essential....or even a little dirty talk. Whatever it takes....helps. If you can't verbalize it.....show him. Guys are pretty visual....so I'm sure he won't mind. ;)

I still envy those women who can have so many..... without much effort. I saw on Oprah not long ago that a woman was complaining how she could have over 10 orgasms in one sitting and was worried about it. She said she would be so exhausted and wondered if something was wrong with her. Hell...if only I had that problem..... :P I'm sure most women feel the same.

So,

I should mention that any irritation you may have with your partner will often affect your ability to orgasm. If you aren't getting along outside the bedroom, you most likely won't be able to get along inside the bedroom, either.

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

GS just shut the hell up for once. You don't know more than Vash, who (for the OP) is a NURSE & a woman.

LoveBubble: I would PM Vash & get her expert advice on this & just ignore what Vash told you to. Good luck hun, hope you get it all worked out.

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Haha - are you sure this is what you meant to say, indi?

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Haha - are you sure this is what you meant to say, indi?

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Sorry Vash. I was imprecise (and trying to be a *little* polite) ;)

Bubble: I meant explicitly that you should ignore everything that GS has posted, as Vash told you to. He simply doesn't know what he is talking about & he's a compulsive know-it-all who is attention seeking (we get all kinds here). In contrast, Vash does know what she's about & will give you solid advice, please listen to her.

Good luck.

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Sorry Vash. I was imprecise (and trying to be a *little* polite) ;)

Bubble: I meant explicitly that you should ignore everything that GS has posted, as Vash told you to. He simply doesn't know what he is talking about & he's a compulsive know-it-all who is attention seeking (we get all kinds here). In contrast, Vash does know what she's about & will give you solid advice, please listen to her.

Good luck.

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I'm not going to throw back that "know-it-all complex" comment, but Indi.. I think we're beyond that now..

So what you're saying is, that what I was suggesting is somehow different from what Vash was suggesting.. for the OP to not think about her orgasms..

Explain, what exactly is "wrong" with what was suggested..

I simply found it ironic that Vash raised the point.. lol.. and she mentioned ignoring the orgasm, the idea of it, the thought of it.. and focus on something else, or just nothing.. Well.. what do you know.. lol.. re-read my post.. lol.. the similarity is quite shocking..

I wasn't telling the woman what to do in terms of exposing her clitoris, or on how to relax her muscles.. I'm not a woman, thank you both for pointing that out.. you're very perceptive to the little blue symbol.. and I don't have a vagina.. but I do have RE.. and I do know what it's like to go through sex.. day after day.. not knowing how long it will take you to orgasm.. not knowing IF you'll even reach orgasm.. but you want to reach it.. and ideally, as fast as possible.. and how the more you think about it.. the less likely it is that you reach it..

When you know what that's like.. naturally, you try and fix it.. you go see some specialist.. you read up on it.. you go on some forum and ask questions.. you do whatever you have to.. to fix it.. until if finally hits you..., that the issue is to a large degree, in your head.. not to imply that it's imaginary or not real.. it's very real.. you're very aware of how real it is.. and that's exactly the problem.. your focus on it.. your conscious focus on it.. and the little post I made eariler helped with just that.. shifting that focus out of the way.. and replacing it with something else.. something totally unrelated to focus on.. not worrying about how long or "if".. just enjoying the pleasure.. knowing that your body is in that enjoying-pleasure mode.. and knowing when it's happening.. feeling when it's building up.. and when it's ready to unwind..

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Originally Posted by GrkScorp [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I simply found it ironic that Vash raised the point.. lol.. and she mentioned ignoring the orgasm, the idea of it, the thought of it.. and focus on something else, or just nothing.. ..

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That wasn't exactly what I said.

Grk, I'm not going to derail the OPs thread to psychoanalzye you. You should be getting a sense by now that I am not the only one who thinks you may have a problem.

FWIW, I think there are several ppl here who would be genuinely happy to help you. If you seriously want to understand what is happening, I would suggest you start a thread asking specifically for help. You say you are interested in growth, so grow. Or carry on pretending you are enlightened & just suck it up when you get called for posting crap, the internet is pretty self-regulating that way. Up to you.

Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms may include:

Believing that you're better than others
Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
Exaggerating your achievements or talents
Expecting constant praise and admiration
Believing that you're special
Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings
Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
Taking advantage of others
Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
Being jealous of others
Believing that others are jealous of you
Trouble keeping healthy relationships
Setting unrealistic goals
Being easily hurt and rejected
Having a fragile self-esteem
Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional
Believing that you are more entitled to your employer's money than they are

Although some features of narcissistic personality disorder may seem like having confidence or strong self-esteem, it's not the same. Narcissistic personality disorder crosses the border of healthy confidence and self-esteem into thinking so highly of yourself that you put yourself on a pedestal. In contrast, people who have healthy confidence and self-esteem don't value themselves more than they value others.

When you have narcissistic personality disorder, you may come across as conceited, boastful or pretentious. You often monopolize conversations. You may belittle or look down on people you perceive as inferior. You may have a sense of entitlement. And when you don't receive the special treatment to which you feel entitled, you may become very impatient or angry. You may also seek out others you think have the same special talents, power and qualities — people you see as equals. You may insist on having "the best" of everything — the best car, athletic club, medical care or social circles, for instance.

But underneath all this grandiosity often lies a very fragile self-esteem. You have trouble handling anything that may be perceived as criticism. You may have a sense of secret shame and humiliation. And in order to make yourself feel better, you may react with rage or contempt and efforts to belittle the other person to make yourself appear better.

OK, so I added the last symptom myself. :D

I don't think Scorp has NPD

He's too polite and understanding for that. I've been around real NPD cases, trust me he's very far away from them.

You've just stooped to a new low.. and one that doesn't suit you

Just so you know, both of you.. that was a genuine apology.. take some time to think about that.. how you just both responded to a genuine apology..

Vash is excused.. because I know she's just getting your back Indi.. and up until now.. you were excused.. because I seriously thought from your recent posts that someone made you feel like they didn't take you seriously.. and besides me telling you quite explicitly that I do.. despite a genuine apology.. and despite me choosing to not bring up your failure to answer "why do you think you make me feel insecure exactly?" and other such claims of yours.. I said to myself.. "let it go, it's not Indi".. you continue to go at it.. on.. and on.. and on.. and on..

And I don't know if you've noticed yet.. how it looks like from a third person's point of view.. to make such an effort to try and insult someone who's trying to be civil.. but I know it's not you.. and I can only hope you'll realize that too..

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Originally Posted by Mishanya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't think Scorp has NPD

He's too polite and understanding for that. I've been around real NPD cases, trust me he's very far away from them.

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You sure about that?

BTW - I've been working on a psychiatric ward.

:D :D :D

Anyway, you need not meet every single symptom to be diagnosed. You only need 5. But I'm just playing.

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Originally Posted by Mishanya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I don't think Scorp has NPD. I've been around real NPD cases, trust me he's very far away from them.

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I agree, its not that extreme. But in a way, it will be more problematic b/c NPD *really* don't care what ppl think. There's some protection in that mindset, sick as it is. The problem here is that there's a risk of alienating ppl that will make the behaviour worse.

Mish, you are wise. Point is made so I will leave be.

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Originally Posted by GrkScorp [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You've just stooped to a new low.. and one that doesn't suit you

Just so you know, both of you.. that was a genuine apology.. take some time to think about that.. how you just both responded to a genuine apology..

Vash is excused.. because I know she's just getting your back Indi.. and up until now.. you were excused.. because I seriously thought from your recent posts that someone made you feel like they didn't take you seriously.. and besides me telling you quite explicitly that I do.. despite a genuine apology.. and despite me choosing to not bring up your failure to answer "why do you think you make me feel insecure exactly?" and other such claims of yours.. I said to myself.. "let it go, it's not Indi".. you continue to go at it.. on.. and on.. and on.. and on..

And I don't know if you've noticed yet.. how it looks like from a third person's point of view.. to make such an effort to try and insult someone who's trying to be civil.. but I know it's not you.. and I can only hope you'll realize that too..

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What is it, exactly, that makes you think people need to (or should) be excused by you? And which part of this very patronising post is supposed to make your 'apology' seem genuine?

Hey guys,
Thanks for all your comments. I do think too much...I know that - and yes, that does not help women get there. I've taken your advice Vash - and it's all good so far. Girls and guys are different...but thanks for your opinion GS - I think there is some useful stuff in there too. I need to put the past behind me and stop taking it out on him. So that's my goal!