what are the signs to find out that a guy is being with you/ having relationship just because he wants physical conctacts with you?
what are the signs to find out that a guy is being with you/ having relationship just because he wants physical conctacts with you?
Start telling him about something of interest to you only- like some class you're taking or something. If he keeps trying to push the conversation back to "When can I see you?", he's just in it for the physical.
There are no ways to "find out".. just things to "look out" for..Quote:
Originally Posted by dangira [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
- What is he interested in talking about and asking you about?
This one is the best give-away.. Sure, he claims and even acts interested in you.. and no doubt he is.. but why? What have you done or said exactly that has given him reason to be so interested in you? Give that some thought..
Does he ask you about YOU? About what you're interested in.. does he get lost in you? Have you done anything around him or said anything around him about yourself and felt him getting more interested? If you answered no, then there's a problem :sad2:
It's called a player-trap, a seducer-pot-hole.. I warn my girl-friends about it all the time.. Guys come, put you on this pedestle, give you all this attention and validation, and before you know it, you could swear they're in love with you, because you're this special/unique bundle of awsomeness.. but that's because you failed to ask a very important question.. "why?" Why is he feeling this way for me?
What exactly is he attracted to.. there's nothing wrong with being attracted to your looks.. but there is if that's the ONLY thing he's attracted to.. So when you're not able to justify his feeling for you.. when you're not able to see a legitimate reason why he's attracted to you for YOU.. then you reasonably fail to conclude that he's attracted to any aspect of your character or personality.. and in doing so, you can be reasonably certain that he's attracted to you for the sole purpose of physical contact..
Mistake: DON'T ASK.. if you ask.. Why are you attracted to me? What aspect of my personality do you like? (or any question you THINK is going to be SLICK and indirect).. He's just going to throw BS your way if he has to..
The best way to just pick up on it, is during the process.. if he's showing interest in who you are as a person, then duh.. he's interested in MORE than just your looks.. Think about it! "I didn't have to ask this guy why he's interested in me.. he took the initiative on his own to want to find out more about ME, for who I am as an individual.. and not everything caught his interest, but there were moments where he found out things about me and got to know me, where he was clearly more interested" That's the test.. right there.. why?
Warning: (Somewhat sexually explicit)
- Pu55y-Trance: It's sad, I like to think of it like some kinks evolution still has to work on, but there are so many guys i've met that just fall into pu55y trance.. all they can think about when they see a girl is about getting into her pants.. NOTHING else matters.. and besides the way they act and the look on their face.. the best give-away is their conversation.. They just talk about crap.. they talk about themselves.. they let the girl talk about herself, but never really care to ask any deep questions, and really explore her for HER.. it's just surface junk.. because why? Because that's all they care about.. in fact, they don't even care about surface junk.. they just want sex.. they're in pu55y trance.. and when they snap out of it.. all of a sudden, they have no idea why they're still talking to that girl.. so they stop calling, because she's not that special..
So, just listen, and pay attention to the level of conversation.. it's ok to talk about fluff and small-talk.. that's normal.. but if the conversation NEVER goes into anything deep.. if he NEVER shows any interest in YOU for YOU, who you are.. then he's just in pu55y trance.. which is not to say that it's always a bad thing for you.. :D but don't expect it to develop into a LTR..
Listen to GrkScorp, for God's sake. I wish he had been around two years ago when I was getting played- never would have happened.
Deep like what? Lets face it. Women and most men are simply ****ing boring. They rather talk about their retarded pets and how much and what they eat. What am I supposed to do? "Hey? I was wondering? Do you believe we have free will or just follow cause and effect chain?" .."My dogs name is wolfie, he eats stuff, he takes long naps, wolfie likes long walks and" .." SHUT THE **** UP BITCH! NO ONE GIVES A **** ABOUT WOLFIE!". I don't just try and get in girls pants....but people are so uninteresting and freaking boring these days that it is unbelievable.Quote:
Originally Posted by GrkScorp [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
What if you just find a girl beautiful and you want to get to know her better? That is not fair to be instantly stereotyped like that. Sometimes there is no opportunity to approach and you may really like this person. So you just do it for no other reason other than to simply get a first conversation going. Sucks to be instantly thought of as "the guy who wants to be in my pants!" . I wouldn't say shit like this scorp, I will be only feeding their paranoia.Quote:
Originally Posted by GrkScorp [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Evolution makes no mistakes and has no kinks to work out. The mistake is human made cultures and norms. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to f*ck.Quote:
Originally Posted by GrkScorp [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
^^^ OV doesn't really dig you. He just wants to get into your pants.
What the hell would I want to do in Scorp's pants? Pull your panties down giga, I'm going in.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Don't get lost in the Batcave, now.
Yes, that's true..Quote:
Originally Posted by Only-virgins [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
But give it some thought.. think back to a girl in your life that you were really interested in.. take your time before you read on to REALLY go back to that moment.. who was she? what was her name? what was she wearing? what did her voice sound like? how much touching was going on between the two of you? what perfume was she wearing? where were the two of you sitting? And as you think about all that..., back to that moment.. i'm sure you guys were not just sitting there looking at eachother's face.. lips and eyes.. i'm sure there was something you were talking about.. while you think back to what exactly that was.. don't try and focus on remembering the exact conversation.. that's not really what's important.. what's important was what was going through your mind at that moment.. that you were talking to her..
Obviously.. I know most guys think.. "I hope she likes me".. that's a given.. but besides that.. what motives did you have during the conversation? And from those feelings of interest in her.. just try and feel that urge to want to get to know something MORE about her.. to get to know her on a DEEPER and more INTIMATE level.. now.. I know you can remember a couple of things you might have asked or mentioned in the conversation.. that's not really that important.. what's important is that those things are just a bi-product and manifestation of your thoughts, your motives, and your intentions.. and if those bi-products are missing, aren't there.. that only means that those thoughts, motives and intentions aren't there..
From that point on.. obviously.. when a guy feels that strong sense of interest and connection for someone.. he wants to express his feelings, his love and affection to her.. and the most natural and primative urge to do that.. is through sex.. that's sort of the whole point.. I agree.. there's a reason mother nature designed things so perfectly.. But in some sequence..
The sequence is not:
Looks hot --> Converse --> Have sex
That's the sequence for primates (minus conversing), but not for humans.. our offspring are fragile and require BOTH parents.. so a strong pair bond is important!
The sequence is therefore:
Looks attractive enough to be the mother of my children --> Converse --> build comfort and connection (pair bond) --> revisit attraction & build more comfort (pair bond) --> teasing and seduction --> sex (pair bond)
That's what seperates humans from the less civilized primates.. And I agree.. there's nothing wrong with having sex.. it's natural.. but why? For the purpose of producing kids.. and if for that purpose.. then also important to make note of is the pair bond! Because those kids require both parents to raise.. So while some women don't mind a pure-pu55y-trance encounter with a guy.. others are looking for something more.. and the best way to see and "look out for" if the guy is feeling something more develop is for those bi-products of his thought process.. they're in the conversation.. you can't miss them..
+1 on this vent.Quote:
Originally Posted by Only-virgins [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
The way to meet interesting ppl, OV, is to do interesting things and be interesting yourself. Travel to cool places, take up interesting hobbies, do stuff that you find interesting.
BTW, if you think scientists/academics/professionals are more interesting than the norm you're in for a shock. Try it for yourself. Go out with a group of these ppl for lunch & try to bring up a topic that has nothing to do with work. Boooring.
Its in your non-work activities that you'll meet the interesting ones.
Most guys will be in relationship because they want physical contact (Most women too by the way). This is where all realtionships lead to. If you want a reltionship without physical contact, you may need to rethink your view on relationships and whether you want to be in one. No relationship is complete without it.Quote:
Originally Posted by dangira [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Is your question more along the lines of "how to find out if he's only interested in sex and nothing else?"
My roommates have 2 dogs, and one night they had a few friends over who brought their dogs, and all they talked about was their dogs.
"They like this!"
"They like that!"
"Aw, they're sniffing eachother!"
"My dog f*cks me in the ass." "Yours too! Isn't it awesome??" "Aww they're licking eachother's balls, look at them go!"
"See Spot run. Run Spot! Run! Anthony is gonna slit your throat and drown the other dogs in your blood!"
Did you know, Fras, that small dogs go by the alias "kick-me dogs"?
:evil:
The new dog they got...she chewed up my Teva sandals...the first they were still salvageable, the second time, she chewed through the straps. I even had them off the floor after the first time. She also chewed through the laces on a pair of my boots.Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I flipped out on her after the 1st time, to the point she was backed in a corner peeing all over herself.
Now, when I get in the "aggressive" stance, she'll literally urinate on the spot.
Ohhh, that's sad.
About your shoes, I mean. ;)
bullshit... i used to listen all girls ramble and ramble because i wanted to sleep with them. i'm such a sweet guy when i want to be.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
but ultimately, this is every guys' goal. to get into the panties.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
raverboy
If you want to know if a guy really likes you or if he just wants to sleep with you, don't have sex with him. If he hangs around anyway, he obviously likes you.
i always hang around longer than a month, but does that count?Quote:
Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
raverboy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Illusional [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
For you, the rules would change. I would know you liked me if the liquor was gone and you still hung around.
haha it's a lucky thing for you then because with me, the liquor never runs dry. i got enough liquor to burn through all 3 of my livers, yes you heard right. it's the reason why i can be such an alcoholic and get away with it.Quote:
Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
raverboy
Haha.. lol :DQuote:
Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I've heard so many girls give this advice to other girls.. and this is all I have to say as a guy..
Ladies.. if you're not aroused to the point where you can't hold off the urge to have sex with him.. then do you really want to lock yourself in with someone like that? Then, fine, let's say he doesn't get you that turned-on.. if he's not socially intuitive enough to pick up on what you're doing, do you really want to deal with that lack of his social intuition later on when he's lacking the understanding and consideration for your emotions and feelings? Then, fine.. let's say all of that doesn't really matter to you.. let's pretend you're ok with that for now.. here's a little secret..
Guys who will stick around "hang around", are like little dogs waiting for you to give them a bone.. if a guy hangs around if you don't have sex with him even though you want to, it doesn't mean he loves you, it just means he's desperate..
Personally, i'm very punishing.. but if a guy is sitting around for beyond the 3rd or 4th date, and he's not giving you sex.. then, he's either slow.. or desperate, and will wait till kingdom come for anything he can get.. congrats, you've just proved to yourself that you're a last resort fcuk.. that you're the only woman willing to ever have sex with this guy, and he's hanging around forever until you do..
You have to understand.. for guys, sex is a means of expressing affection.. and it works both ways.. So while YES, you may be dealing with some desperate/loser guy who just wants to "get laid".. you can also be dealing with some quality guy.. the way to determine that is not by forcing yourself to hold out..
The way to determine that is during the conversation.. that's what the conversation is there for.. it's a surge of information.. an orgy of data.. that you're going to take and process.. and collect valuable information about the other person to make a judgement call of if this person qualifies as a girlfriend or not.. Now, if you (as a girl) feel that he isn't doing that in the conversation.. or that he is, but he's not really impressed by anything about YOU (as a person, excluding your looks).. then he's just looking for sex.. In which case, LJBF him (you're really sweet, and really nice, but..., let's just be friends).. and then keep him around, or just stop talking to him..
... or he is not an impatient child, but rather knows the value of delayed gratification.Quote:
Originally Posted by GrkScorp [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Or better yet, is just enjoying the company. Can't a guy just like to be around a girl as if she was a friend?Quote:
Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Just had to let it out :). I don't know about the work thing. Some people are interesting and some aren't. It is an individual thing. Everyone is different. A lot of people also are interesting but never show it and keep it to themself. I enjoy the fact that everyone is so different and like the post above to vash, I can enjoy conversations with people just for the sake of conversation...but hey, like I said, some people are seriously boring.Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Here's a little checklist you can go over to find out:Quote:
Originally Posted by dangira [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
1) Does he have a penis?
2) Does it work?
If your answers for (1) and (2) are YES and YES (respectively) than you can almost be assured that, indeed, it is just because he "wants physical conctacts with you?" (sic)
Yeah.. absolutely.. that's what friends are for..Quote:
Originally Posted by Only-virgins [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
But seriously.. to each his own time-table.. but if the guy can feel that she wants it.. but is trying hard to resist giving in to what she wants to do.. then that little girl needs to be dropped home where she can play with her vibrator and fingers all night long.. and after she's dropped off.. you can give one of your "friends" a call, who's mature enough to be comfortable with her female or bisexual sexuality.. and is beyond the littly childish girly phase in her life of looking at "holding out" as some kind of virtue..
If the guy is still waiting around, for when a little girl is going to think to herself "he's waited all this time, he must really like me for me.. or, ok, now we've waited X-months, we're both ready now".. he:
- Doesn't have enough girl "friends"
- Doesn't have enough bisexual female "friends"
- Doesn't have enough lesbian "friends" (who will still have sex with guys btw)
- Can't find someone completely new, who he's interested in and be at this pre-sex point within the same time-frame
- Is not man enough to teach her a lesson and drop her off home all alone, until she grows up
- Is too desperate to risk losing perhaps the only chance he'll ever have at having sex
So, in effect.. congrats.. a girl who's done this, has just proven to herself that she's either a last resort fcuk (the only girl that this guy ever has a chance of having sex with), or that this guy is simply not that attracted to her yet (in which case, she's really not holding out, he's just not as motivated to have sex yet)
And what she HASN'T proved.. is ANYTHING about the level of interest he has in her for HER as a person..
Which is why.. you should (1) stop looking for weak excuses.. (2) put all that energy and focus into trying to be more attentive and perceptive towards what's said and asked during a conversation and how he reacts to what you say/do!
It can be very subtle.. For instance, one of the things i'm attracted to is assertiveness in a woman.. So after a girl takes the initiative to tell someone to move out of the way, or calls over a waiter, etc.. My eyes open up slightly, my eyebrows raise up slightly, I smile more, my voice inflection goes up.. all because she's now more attractive.. I like her more, because I like that quality in a person.. (but notice how this isn't really part of the conversation, just part of our interaction.. she happened to do something around me.. I liked it, I responded positively.. and it's something she can pick up on if she's perceptive enough)
My personal weakness is creativity.. I personally, absolutely melt around genuinely creative women who have a passion for what they do.. And when that either comes up during the conversation.. I dig to no end to fully explore that side of them.. and it's completely obvious.. she has to be really deft to not catch onto it.. Or I could walk into their home and they could be showing me their work.. (art, poetry, music, etc) and i'll look dazed, in my own world, like i'm under some spell.. she really has to be blind not to pick up on that..
So, there are definitely things to look out for.. but more than looking out for things.. just run a quick question through to yourself.. "what have I said or done that has made this guy more attracted to me?" ("I have no gag-reflex" doesn't count).. If you're not able to at least think of 1-2 things.. then you're probably just dealing with some loser who's only looking for sex.. In which case, if that's all you're looking for, be fully aware that he feels the same way.. but if that's not all you're looking for.. then there's no reason to bother taking things any further.. you can keep talking to try and perhaps see what he likes.. and if you can show him perhaps a part of you that he hasn't seen yet.. an aspect of your personality and character that hasn't come through yet.. but if you think you've shown all your true colors, and he's still not the least bit more impressed.. then he's not looking for a relationship.. sorry..
I suppose if you don't have a problem with promiscuity, poor self-eseem (which is tied to promiscuity) and increased risk of STDs, then screwing every guy who takes you on 3 dates is acceptable.
BTW - I didn't recommend any specific length of time, either.
It looks to me like the healthier relationships of the people on this forum are the ones where people DID exercise some patience and waited. (Frasbee and Tiay.) I don't consider either of them to be playing girly and childish games. Rather, it looks to me like they are both genuinely valued by their partners.
yes. this was my real question!
:bored:Quote:
Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Ok.. seriously.. I love all the claims without the logical flow.. "If you hold out, he'll take you more seriously and respect you more as a person, he'll like you for you.. if you don't, you're basically a slut.. so let me throw some words out there for you.. slut, promiscuity, STDs, easy, cheap, wh0re.. etc.." but seriously.. "why?"
Where is the logic, or at least "why?" do you say it's the case that it entails "promiscuity & poor self-esteem"? As you try really hard to think about a reason, and i'm not doubting you'll come up with many.. recall a woman's weapon against other women.. "slut"
That's right.. it's like a laser guided missle to her ego.. calling an other woman a "slut" either directly or indirectly.. trying hard to throw moral judgement on everything she does.. "You kissed him on the same night? you're such a wh-re! You had sex with him already! How much do you charge?".. we get it.. all these little wise-cracks that women make to other women, just to put the breaks on their sex life..
Now, i'm not claiming that some women aren't slutty.. yes they are.. but what slutty means.. is that she has very low or zero standards about the guy she's going to have sex with, and needs male validation constantly (usually sexual validation or attention) to keep her ego in place.. That's all fine and dandy.. but that's not the issue here..
The issue in this case.. is when girl meets guy.. guy likes girl, and girl likes guy.. and within a certain time-frame, which just happens to by let's say 3 dates.. there's so much chemistry between the two of them.. and so much connection.. that sex is the natural thing to do.. it just feels right for BOTH of them..
And now this girl thinks to herself.. "Well, Vash said on LF that if I do this.. blah blah.. i'm basically a slut, so even though it feels right, and we both have that connection and chemistry together, i'm going to hold off.. and let's not think about what exactly that means about the guy and me, the more he waits as I hold off, no, let's just focus on what Vash said and let myself feel like i'm not being a slut".. :surprised
The shocking reality is.. that it's usually the notties of a group, or jealous friends, or women who don't really have an enjoyable sex life or have issues with men in general since childhood because they were not as attractive as other girls.. that go on and on to other women about being a "slut" if you don't "hold out", and casting moral judgement whenever they see the chance.. Because it bothers them to see these girls enjoying themselves with a great guy they found and feel that chemistry and connection with..
And what you end up with.. is a world of sexually frustrated girls, who are afraid to explore their sexuality, because there's a wave of miserable & jealous women in every corner casting judgement on everything they'll do.. And when they start to see that, for themselves.. now, that's when they'll start to be able to be completely natural with the person it just feels right being natural with..
So, moral of the story.. don't let bogus morals imposed by other jealous women hold you back from doing what you feel is right with that guy you like who you feel that strong chemistry, attraction, and connection with.. And, don't wait until things get THAT serious to see if he's not really into you because of YOU.. You can see that through the conversation and interaction with him, holding out does not give you that kind of information.. the only information it "does" give you, logically, is information you don't want to know..
Bottom line, OP, is to know what you want.
If you want to have sex with this guy, then do so. If you aren't sure, then don't.
You don't owe this man anything. He has no good reason to expect you to have sex with him. Sex isn't a proof of love and it's not a test of commitment in a relationship. It's a very personal choice to share yourself with another person and it should never be taken lightly.
If this guy is making you feel uncomfortable about the issue listen to your gut feelings and talk to him about it.
If you two are together because you're totally into each other, letting him know how you feel should only bring you closer.
Many men don't realise the emotional component of sex is needed for most women before the physical act. If he isn't willing to listen, is he the right person to be with?
Don't waste your life chasing after men who only want you for sex and aren't interested in any other aspect of who you are. Set boundaries.
Grk - I didn't read all your verbal diarrhea (maybe misombra will come and offer cliff notes), but I will address the fact that you seem to think my post assumed the "slut" ( word I didn't even use) should be applied only to females. I don't.
LOL..Quote:
Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
pretending to misunderstand the post.. case and point..
Vash, I know that's not what you thought I thought about your posts.. but it was a creative attempt on your part to try and derail the topic..
I think all that's needed to be said, has been said.. from here on, the rest is just jibber-jabber..
Every human action is driven by sexual feelings. Life is based on sex and therefore, in the end, it all comes down to that... So, basically this topic is quite irrelevant... More proper question would be if the guy is interested in being a father.
Wait... men date women for reasons other than having sex with them? What the hell for ???
Usually very easy to spot. Tell him that you are looking for friendship and nothing more and see what his respose will be. If he gets upset, then you know the answer to your question.
If you are going out with him he only wants you for sex
Err?Quote:
Originally Posted by alexanderberson [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
If he gets upset, it's because he was interested in her, and she just basically told him "i'm looking for friendship and nothing more".. which is understood to mean "i'm not interested in you, let's just be friends".. So naturally, he would be a little put off, and as a guy, would stop right then and there since you're not interested in him and don't feel the same way..
This has nothing to do with seprating (interested in sex ONLY) from (interested in me aswell).. The only thing it will do, is leave you single, and send off the message to those guys leaving that "i'm not interested in you, let's just be friends"
Now, i'm very curious to see what other marvels this blog contains..
I fail to see how your bit of "genius" negates what alexander said.
A guy who is not interested in being friends because he just wants sex will move on... just as (I pointed out earlier earlier) a guy who only wants sex won't be patient in waiting for it from a girl who wants a meaningful relationship.
All you are doing, Grk is arguing for the sake of arguing because you don't like the idea of sex not being readily available to you.
whoa... there's a lot of advertisement in your signature buddy.Quote:
Originally Posted by alexanderberson [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
raverboy
A guy who is interested in a meaningful relationship with the girl will be put off by this "friends only" as well. He may interpret that the girl is not interested to have a meaningful relationship with him because she doesn't see him in that way. He might go and look for meaningful relationship somewhere else since this girl is only interested to be friends and nothing else.Quote:
Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
That's true, but that is not what the original poster asked, mish.