Thanks again everyone!
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Thanks again everyone!
I think the best thing to do is to try to figure out what someone who was "manning up" woud do in your situation, and proceed accordingly. I have a hard time imagining why anyone would tolerate this kind of contact between their girlfriend and an ex.
Give her what he doesn't. She's still on the fence. Give her a reason to come down on your side. Stop identifying him as a competitor and for God's sake, don't tell her it's cool if she still has feelings for him. Kiss of death, man. Don't do that to yourself.
Ignore the guy. He's in the past and if you play your cards right, that's where he'll stay. She practically drew you a map to her heart by telling you to take charge, so do it. Give her lots of attention and give her every reason to forget that guy.
I didn't/don't want to be an asshole and tell her not to talk to her ex because I think it'll just make her want to even more.Quote:
Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Yeah, I'm still trying the way to make her come down to my side. Is there a way to bring him up in a way to tell her to lay off with the communication with him, without upsetting her? And yeah, I give her lots of attention...should I play hard to get also? By like, not answering her call(s)/texts for a day?Quote:
Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
:surprised
Yeah.. there's the issue right there.. BINGO!Quote:
Originally Posted by Prerequisite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
What she's telling you is.. that she doesn't want a "nice, polite, well-mannered, wussy, push-over, follower, submissive, gentleman".. She wants a "man"
And the role of a man, it to take the lead and take control of the situation.. because she, as the woman, doesn't want to think, she just wants to be in for the ride.. and if you can't provide a fun ride.. she is NOT going to take over the driver's seat.. that's not fun, that's not her role in the relationship..
What WILL she do? Go find those qualities in someone else.. wait.. she already has! :awe:
I'll tell you this much, in relation to you, and in contrast, your competitor, is perceived to be more of a man in relative terms than YOU.. To aid in this fact, is the frustration she feels towards your failure to take control and the lead.. and the mystery and lure of going with this guy..
That's all ok.. it's not the end of the world.. and i'll tell you why.. because you can snap out of it!
That's right! You can snap out of what you THINK she wants.. what you THINK is attractive and desireable.. what you've been lead to THINK by movies and American culture.. you can snap out of it now
Here are some myths which are not true about what is appealing:
- Polite & well-mannered
- Bad-boy attitude
- Being a gentleman
- Being a push-over
- Being emotionally weak & submissive
- Waiting for her to make all the choices and take action first (initiate)
- Handing her the role of the leader, and giving her all control
NOT ATTRACTIVE!
Now, this may come as a shocker, but here's what is attractive:
- Strong character
- Powerful vibe
- Focused mind
- A man in control who will take the lead, and carry her along
- A man who has his way with the rest of the world
- A man who is strong, but sensitive only to "her"
- A man who is aggressive & powerful, but understanding at the same time
- A man who is not timid or discrete about his sexuality
Yeah, I know.. not quite like the movies.. not the message American culture sends at all! but;
THIS IS WHAT IS ATTRACTIVE!
Great.. I bet you make your parents and grandparents really happy by being a nice boy and a gentleman.. but that is just steps away from being a woman.. not even.. a little girl to be more exact..
But from now on.. you know what is attractive, and what isn't.. So, as you start to realize these attractive inner qualities of yours, you'll notice how less inhibited you feel to just let them come out now.. and that's because you know now that these qualities are attractive, and that those old qualities are not.. and as you can feel these new qualities come out from within.. as you notice your inner man come out.. you'll start to realize that you actually have the upper hand in this battle over your competitor..
This is EXACTLY what your gf wants.. a strong and powerful man who will take control and lead her.. and that's exactly what you are now.. you're that man.. and you're with her.. she's yours.. end of story.. This other guy, is just some ugly chick.. he's not competition.. he's nobody..
So, talk to her, and from now on, forget the past, just be your new self now..
Best,
GrkScorp
You don't need to tell her to stay away from him. You need to make her want to.
This is pretty much it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
My girlfriend had an ex that still hung around quite a bit when I first met her. Seemed like she was on the fence.
They don't talk anymore. He still calls/texts her, etc, but she's made that decision.
Make her want it. Then she will.
Damn, thanks for the loads of information ladies and gents. I definitely have a new sense of what I'm to do in the relationship now. Next time we're out, I won't mention the ex, I'll just focus on things between the two of us.
Just out of curiosity, what are some examples of making her want it?
That's the hard part. It probably varies, depending on her needs.
I see, I see. I'm going to invite her over to my house tomorrow, since we're on break. Probably just chill and watch television and talk...my way of not having to actually take her out, but make her come to me. I have another question, prom is about 2 months away, and I've yet to ask anyone yet. Since me and her are together now, shouldn't she go to prom with me? Provided that I ask her, which I more than likely will.
Honestly? :surprised the cock :smug:Quote:
Originally Posted by Prerequisite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Seriously.. now,
There are three things that get switches flipped:
- Attraction
- Comfort
- Value
Let's just say, that I already know what one works better for this girl.. (Attraction).. she wants a man, and she's made that quite clear.. she wants someone to lead her, and take control.. and if she can feel that the other guy is doing a better and more natural job of that.. then he's going to have his way with her..
- Attraction: is just projecting every raw quality of a man.. a beast, an animal, a hunter, a warrior, an assertive, aggressive, secure, powerful, strong, focused, unaffected male.. one who is in complete control.. and is the leader of any situation.. be it with his friends, his family, in his work, in life, and especially with "her"
- Comfort: is just allowing for a sense of trust, safety, and security.. A guy who is sensitive, understanding, considerate, thoughtful, protective, supportive, and motivating.. Also, a deep sense of connection and fluid communication.. This allows for "chemistry", and makes emotional stimulation.. but all of this, is not general, but with "her" (note: this accounts for the 1/100 women who are deeply attracted to gay men)
- Value: you either have it or you don't.. (JAPs, LIGs, & Guidettes are all about value).. Looks, style, wealth, status, networking & connections, social power, humor, being fun, and being interesting.. that's it.. this is what value is.. and what's attractive is the idea that all this value you have to offer will be enjoyed by "her"
That's it.. these are catch-all categories.. and every so-often someone pops up and says "wait! what about ____?".. just look at each again.. they're mutually exclusive, and all-inclusive.. if you can think of it.. it belongs in one of those three..
I'll tell you right now.. you would do really well with girls what are biased and geared towards (Comfort).. but you would NOT do well for girls like her, who are biased and geared towards (Attraction).. that's ok though, that just means she's either young, mentally immature, or both.. (This is why the "bad-boy phase" eventually passes).. but that's no excuse!
You know that this is you.. this part of you is inside.. you're just suppressing it.. you're inhibitions are not allowing you to express the real man that lies within you.. Social inhibitions of what you think is "proper, polite, nice, gentle, etc".. of what you think you should be like.. but you're over this mentality now.. You're already free.. uninhibited.. You already know that it's ok to let the real man come out from inside of you now.. And as you do that.. you'll notice how much more attracted to you she will become.. and that's because she's the type of girl who has made it clear, that she's biased towards (Attraction).. she's revealed her preferences.. and if she can't look towards you to satisfy them, she'll look somewhere else..
Be a man, and believe me.. she'll want "it".. whatever "it" happens to be..
Best,
GrkScorp
Look.. if the two of you are together, and you ask her to the prom.. it's kind of very socially awkward for her to say anything but "yes"Quote:
Originally Posted by Prerequisite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
But you know what.. she still wants to hear it.. trust me.. so asking her, in and of itself, will go a long way.. She wants her man to make such a symbolic gesture.. (yes, I know it means nothing logically.. but forget about logic.. in her world.. it means a lot.. and that's all that matters).. So when she comes over.. Tell her.. (it's not a question, you know she's going to accept.. she may offer some resistance just for fun, but she'll ultimately accept)
"Hey.. (touch her, hug her, be in some form of kino.. better yet, let her be in your arms as you're about to say the rest) I know it's a little far away from now.. and I know there's no reason to ask.. but I want to ask you anyway.. (kiss on the forehead & look her in the eyes).. will you be my date for the prom? (smile)"
After she says "yes", don't leave it there.. follow up with:
"Do you know what you want to wear yet? You should start looking for something, so you can tell me what to look for so we look good together for pictures.. We should go looking one of these days.."
Best,
GrkScorp
If you two are still together, then of course she should go with you. However, 2 months can be a long time in the life of a teenager. I wouldn't ask her for probably another 4 or 5 weeks.Quote:
Originally Posted by Prerequisite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
She already revealed that onto you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Prerequisite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Show the initiative, take control, show that you have what it takes to lead the charge for the two of you. But at the same time be understanding of what's important to her. Take her to places she wants to go to, use your intuition to work it out.
Don't be intimidated by her ex, don't let this competition lower your inner value. Competition is fun it should motivate you to compete, motivate you to win. But, if after some time she is still hung up on him, this could be something more than just innocent misplaced feelings. If you begin to see a pattern of her coming back to him, you may need to seat her down for a little one on one.
She already indicated she wants Prerequisite to take some initiative in planning activities. While it's important to do things you think she will enjoy, I suggest you not resort to primarily doing the things SHE wants to do... that will put the burden of all the planning back on her shoulders.
This is the dynamic you want to AVOID:
you: what do you want to do today?
her: I don't know. What do YOU want to do?
you: I don't know. I just want to be with you.
Also, keep yourself busy. Nothing is worse than a guy who consistently has nothing to do.
When you invite her over to watch movies and chill, have the movies already picked out. If she totally hates the movie you've picked, have an alternate.
Make food without asking her what she wants to eat. "Hey babe, I'm making nachos. Want some?" is much better than "Are you hungry? Do you want to eat something? What do you want? What are you in the mood for?"
Be a provider. If you expect her to make all the decisions, you're being submissive. Girls hate this. It's annoying and it makes hair grow on our chests.
Absolutely..Quote:
Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
That's the problem with questions, you're placing the burden of choice on her..
Think of it like driving a car from NY to Canada.. There's a lot to see on the way, and it's a nice, relaxing, comfortable, and very enjoyable ride.. for the person who's not driving.. It sucks to be driving.. nobody wants to drive.. everyone wants to be the passenger, to enjoy the turns, the be able to close your eyes when the car is moving and know you're going to be fine, that you can just sit back and enjoy yourself, that you can feel free to daze around and get lost at the view on the way there.. taken on a ride in the car of a very skilled, careful, safe, driver who knows where they are going..
Everyone wants to be the passenger.. Minimal work, mostly rewards.. But find me a guy who finds it uncomfortable.. and i'll find you a woman who finds it 20 times more uncomfortable to be in the driver's seat.. What if something goes wrong? What if the place she picked out was boring or bad or not fun, etc? Now it's her fault.. She doesn't want that.. She wants a situation where you pick out a place, take control, lead.. and when the whole night is great.. she can find a way to give you both credit.. "See, I told you that would be a nice place, isn't it so nice when you listen to me?" (that's obviously the flip-side of not taking control, they never feel like they can take credit for anything.. because with risk of something bad, comes credit for something good.. and so they will always look for ways to take credit for something good.. but that's an other story)
What's important is that you give her that.. that you let her enjoy the ride, by being on the passenger's seat.. and by you being on the driver's seat..
Bad Examples:
- (Exactly what Vash said) "What do you want to do today?"
- Do you want to go out later?
- What are you doing this weekend?
- (Basically, anything that's a question; if you're a woman, you feel this strange feeling, and it's very awkward, but a characteristic about it is that you feel the urge to resist, you feel less motivated to accept, and if you do accept, it's now a weak encounter will all chemistry dead from the start)
- Do you want to have sex? (Exactly)
Good Examples:
- Hey, let me know what time you're free today, (I want us to go/I want to take you) to ___
- What are you doing right now? Come meet me later at _____
- (Come up next to her, touching her and looking her in the yes) Did I ever tell you.. how it turns me on so much.., every time.. I see you in those boy-shorts..? No? Well.. I guess I don't tell you enough then.., a lot actually.. so much.., not the boy-shorts, so much as just you.., but you know what turns me on more? (don't say it.. just start to pull down the boy-shorts)
These aren't lines for you to memorize.. just concepts and speech patterns.. In the bad examples.. as a guy, you lack assertiveness.. you're basically asking for permission.. and that's unattractive.. In the good examples.. you're assertive, strong, powerful, in control, and taking the lead.. "sweeping her off her feet" if you will.. Making it easy for her to just give in to the urge to surrender completely to that masculine energy of yours, that overwhelming force.. (all women find this sexy, but girls like her who are biased towards "attraction" find this especially arousing on a much deeper level).. so just let this part of you come out..
Also, keeping busy: (Tips)
- When you're on the phone with her.. every 5-8 minutes, do what girls in high school do.. say "hold up, I have an other call/someone else is on the other line".. (no, you don't actually have an other call).. Yes, you're going to make her wait on hold, for 1-2 minutes while you think of what you and the other person were talking about all this time, who called and all those other questions that she's going to ask when you take her off hold.. When she asks.. don't spill information.. just say as little as possible.. (Her: who was it?) "Oh.. nobody.. just my friend ____/just someone from work/doctor's office/billing dept. from Girls Gone Wild/etc".. (Her: what did they want?) "Are we going to talk about "this" now? Nothing, they just wanted ____, if it was important i'd tell you that i'd have to call you back.. but it was only like 1-2 minutes.. it wasn't anything important.. anyway..".. you're resisting (this is misdirection).. if she keeps digging, that's ok.. because in those 1-2 minutes, you've stacked enough details to satisfy her thirst for information.. you just don't want to give all of it unless she asks.. but try to keep her in the dark as much as possible.. you don't need to really give her all the details.. learn to resist.. let her think "I wonder who he was talking to.. why won't he tell me?" rather than.. "he never talks to anyone.. he never does anything.. i'm his entire world".. exactly..
- When she calls you.. "I just got out of the shower, I just walked in, I just finished cooking, I just finished eating, I just started cooking can I call you back?, I'm just walking out right now, I'm about to walk in the elevator/subway can I call you back?, I was just about to take a shower can I call you back?, I was just reading this book on ____ what are you doing?, etc" (In reality.. you're never really doing NOTHING.. you may by THINKING of nothing, but you're never really DOING nothing.. so just take a quick second and think about what exactly you're doing.. and communicate that)
- When you're talking on the phone.. never let the conversation drag on until kingdom come.. learn to be the one to take control and end the conversation.. YES.. be the one to end the conversation.. don't let it drag on and be boring.. don't! Just pick a point.. and say.. "Hey, I have to go, yeah.. sorry.. I have to do ____.. blah blah.. bye/goodnight".. If she says something similar first.. recover via.. "Yeah, I have to go too actually.. I have this ____ to do.. blah blah.. bye"
Best,
GrkScorp
GrkScorp has really stepped it up lately.
The basics of this dynamic is when you lead you encourage compliance. A ship can only have one captain. The one who picks the role of the leader automatically puts the other into the submissive role. It's almost expected. So don't be uncomfortable in this role. This is actually what you want.Quote:
Originally Posted by GrkScorp [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I am blessed to have come upon this forum. Thank you all for your advice and guidance, it has truly helped me in my situation, and will guide me in the future. I have began taking control of our relationship and it has been working out perfectly :smug:
:cool:
I agree. This chain of posts has made me realize so much. I was reading it and just thinking about all the things that i've done wrong in my life, like an idiot, because I was raised to think that I should be nice and polite. All this pressure of being a gentleman because your parents tell you that's how you should be, women tell you that's how you should be, but that's like saying guys are attracted to ladies. This makes so much sense. I wish I would have known about this site when I was younger. Better late than never I suppose.
I think you'd better be REALLY careful with this line of thinking. It verges on (or indeed, steps over the line of) being controlling, and it will certainly alienate. A smart person will know when to lead, and when to let the other person lead.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mishanya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
And yeah, women DO appreciate gentlemen. Especially when they grow up.
That's certainly true. A good leader will know when to let another person take lead in the appropriate situation. My post is about reading cues, what's assumed when the woman asks for the guy to take more control. It assumes the man takes charge while the woman submits. Thys dynamic is automatic.Quote:
Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Few womenQuote:
Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Very few
It's ussually so far down the list that it becomes and ending statement
"Did I tell you about him? He's so and so and so and so and so, and so and so and so and so oh and also gentlemen" :D
I feel that being a gentleman doesn't get you anywhere as a guy. I know, i'm a pretty nice guy. I hold doors, I pay, I'm formal, I'm polite, I'm nice, if something drops i'll rush to pick it up, I'll always call back, I'll do everything that a gentleman does. That's just who I am. But i'm also single, that's part of who I am aswell. And I can't say that me being a gentleman has at least done me the favor of attracting only quality girls into my life, because it hasn't. It hasn't really attracted any girls into my life. I've heard everyone say they like a gentleman, and then i've seen their boyfriends or husbands and don't take that person seriously anymore. Very misleading. They say they want one thing, and then go for something completely different. I guess they just say it so they can feel good about themselves, like they have morals and some noble character, only to hide what they really want. Or maybe they really do like a gentleman, but wouldn't really like to date a gentleman but just keep him around instead. That's the story of my life pretty much.
I think you both are confusing being a gentleman with being a pushover.
And I really don't like the way the word "submit" is being used, as if you are conquering something. You aren't describing a partnership at all, Mish. (And all this time I thought you prided yoursef on being more "evolved" than the average guy.) Rather, it sounds like you are describing a parental relationship. the problem with parental relationships is that the "child" usually grows up and moves out.
Not at allQuote:
Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
It's just from my experience not a dominant quality that women look for in someone they want to mate with.
But sure, perhaps we have different interprettations of the word
That's what guys do, they conquer. They dominate. Their mission is to go out into the world and spread their seed. Women's job is to find the most dominant, worthy and genetically compatible male to keep. This is why guys approach and inititate and girls choose to accept or reject. First - leading, second - submitting. Notice, different roles, different goals in life. This is the way it is from the human evolutionary perspective. If you don't like it don't blame me, blame the evolution.Quote:
Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
There's no reason why this shouldn't lead to a good partnership. Provided one person leads and the other submits. Most partnerships I know that worked out best is with one dominant and one submissive partner. You put two dominants together, they clash and tear each other apart. You put two submissives and they become complacent and stagnate together.
You should always trust that which you think of all this time ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
You sound like a freakin' caveman. :P
For some reason that works best with women :DQuote:
Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Don't ask me why, I'm as confused as you are as to why this perception is so effective. I just know that it works.
Maybe because all these gentlemany acts are just illusionary social constructs which hide what really motivates people beneath the surface.
^ daddy complex ^
You'll see, when your little girl grows up.
If I ever have one, I'll make sure to arm her with all the right tools she'll need to seperate all the scum from the worthy one. She'll know all the patterns, she'll be able to see through all the intents and she'll know what leads where :)Quote:
Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I like a man who can be a man. Noone likes a wimp.
However, I also like a man who knows when to step aside & let me be the dominant one and can do it without feeling his balls have been removed. Particularly when I am the expert. Especially when, if he doesn't, he then actually stands of good chance of having them handed to him. Its a sign of intellect, IMO, not weakness. Efficient use of available resources. I don't have this problem in relationships, but have had it happen in business. But I think many women think this way in LTRs as well.
I agree that being too 'caveman' can lapse into 'control freak' territory, which will cause problems w/headstrong partners. 'Caveman' may be cool to 'get the girl' but it gets boring after a while & becomes equated with 'insecure'. Yes, that right. For many women, 'male insecurity' equals 'inability to sometimes submit to his woman's better judgment'. Otherwise known as the time-honoured "yes, dear".
Ultimately, you want a true partnership where each has understood areas of strength & weakness where one defers to the other b/c its agreed upon that one person is stronger in that area. But its not a 'master-servant' type relationship, its simply the same reason you don't visit your doctor to get your taxes done. Doesn't make you respect your accountant any less b/c they can't do surgery.
I read these posts for exactly the same reason for my son. How to separate the wheat from the chaff. I hope he uses his 'power' wisely. :lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Mishanya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
And this is what I meant when I said a good leader will know when to let others lead. A dominant man is not the one who simply takes control over everything and points his finger. He is the man who knows the best outcome for himself and those around him in every situation. If situation requires skills he doesn't have then he will submit that situation to the person who does have those skills. There's a lot more under description of dominance than just sheer conquering brutality. It's knowledge, understanding, problem solving, solution seeking, harmonizing, empathy, initiative, taking charge when neccessary, intuition into what's appropriate, leadesrhsip skills. Those are the sings of true dominance. This is what I understand under description of "alpha male"Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
That's true. And I didn't mean it in the way that one is the master and the other is servant. But that one has a better capacity to lead and have initiative into which way to go than the other, while the other has better capacity to follow. It becomes a lot more complicated when two dominant partners try to fit through negotiation into one of these roles, because it's always a win / loose situation for one or the other, when in a good partnership it should always be win / win.Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
FYI, this is also the definition of a control freak^. Its not the person who *knows*, its the person who is open to the best outcome for himself & others.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mishanya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Yes, but you left out 'seeking consensus', which is what makes the difference b/t confident & controlling. Harmonizing? That would fit if thats how you meant it.Quote:
It's knowledge, understanding, problem solving, solution seeking, harmonizing, empathy, initiative, taking charge when neccessary, intuition into what's appropriate, leadesrhsip skills.
There are pros & cons to dual dominant partnerships. Again, it depends on how comfortable one is (or isn't) with a strong partner. Its not always win/lose. Only if one or both decide to see it that way. Perspective.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mishanya [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Personally, I can't imagine being in a relationship where I don't have confidence in my partner being able to 'have my back'. And I know a lot of men who feel the same way. Usually, these men had strong mother role models. Not every guy wants a doll to look after. Some I know find it outright uncomfortable.
I think you are differentiating between "knowing" and "achieving". Yes, should always be open to achieving the right outcome for self and others. Knowing the best outcome means seeing beyond the immediate situation, which direction the situation should be taken for the posibility of this best outcome to be achievable. That's also dominance.Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Yup that would fitQuote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
If both partners are dominant then not being dominant is a direct loss. This comes down to negotiation, compromise, I do this, but next time you do that, is me doing this equal to you doing that? It's win / loose and always a tiring negotiation. Fundamentaly these relationships are a lot more prone to failure than the standard dominant / submissive roles where both partners are happy with their roles in the relationship and don't have to constantly bicker of who takes charge of what.Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
And looking for a doll to look after is entirely not anyone's goal. For example, my last fling earned a lot more than me, she looked after herself, she was an independent strong woman who was totally submissive and looking for a strong lead. Being submissive is within personality it doesn't dictate social status, habits, personal characteristic or place in life.Quote:
Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
So just wanted to add. In the end a lot (if not most) of women want to submit. After all, it's the girls who submit to guys advances in the end and not the other way around. They just want to be dominated skillfully. They want to see skill, attraction, initiative, leadership, social cohesiveness, drive. After all, not so long ago all of these were part of the human survival mechanism. It's guys job to demonstrate all of this and if done right then everything else is history :)
My apologies for throwing this conversation off, but I have a few more questions.
Will it take time for her to open up with me/way of getting her to open up with me? I initiate the conversations and she answers/responds to questions, but it seems like she is holding something back to some extent. Or like she is scared of something...I loosened the mood up by keeping her laughing and holding (with some periods with kissing) her the whole time she was over last night while we watched television. In the past (in my insecurity phase), I told her "You know that if there is anything you need to tell me, you can right?" and she said "Yeah...I know". I know she has been with a number of guys in the past, but those relationships didn't last long to my knowledge.
Not that this really matters, I only cared to an extent but, she answered her phone while she was over, and I guess the person asked what she was doing, and she said "Nothing, just watching tv". Do people usually say something to the extent of, "Nothing, just watching tv with blah blah blah"? Again, it didn't bother me, was just curious (and a question out of boredom).
Oh, and I have a good piece of news, I did your method GrkScorp, of asking about prom and she said yes :smug:
Try not to ask many questions, they are not a good way to hold a conversation. They end up coming off as intrusive. Talk about stuff, like you would with a friend. Stories are always a good way to build comfort (something interesting preferably).Quote:
Originally Posted by Prerequisite [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
If you find conversations are reaching a complete dead end, up and leave before they hit the wall. "Sorry, I forgot to do something, bye."
Mish, no offense, but you sound like a nightmare for a female with an IQ above 100. Way too controlling.... it reminds me of your car radio incident.
Prerequisite, she just sounds nervous and insecure. Give it some time for trust to develop and her comfort level to increase.