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Hi,
Ive just started seeing an 18 year old girl, Im 30..
We have a lot of common ground and we have been having a really nice time getting to know each other, sure there are small things in which the age gap shows but nothing serious.
My question is, before this gets serious, does age gap relationships work as long as Im not a father figure?
Most of the time, this kind of gap won't work. Not because it's 12 years, but because she's in a whole new phase of life. She'll be into parties, clubs, etc... the kinds of things older men start to lose interest in. Her priorities won't be focused yet.
May I ask why you chose her over someone closer to your age?
I feel like this has been coming up a lot lately.
I met her in a bar and didnt think she was that young to be honest!
Sure we are both at different stages in our life and we do realise this, but we have a lot in common and we enjoy each others company.. If I wished to extend this into a proper relationship, one thing I would encourage is for her not to grow up. Sure she is very mature, even more mature than many women than my own age, but people shouldnt be forced into growing older than they are.
If you both decide to make this into a more serious relationship, you might not be ready for her. The college experience changes women.
And I will never date someone I met in a bar. I don't like drunks, and I'm asking for trouble meeting someone somewhere where they like to drink.
Shes already at college. And I know what you mean about meeting people in bars lol.. This was actually a mutual friend's function at a bar.
She's only 18. She hasn't been able to full change due to the college experience yet. Give her some time. I would honestly recommend finding someone that has already experienced life and doesn't have the need to experience so many things.
If you can handle the responsibility and the fact that she's likely to outgrow you, go ahead.
I agree with Giga. Maybe you can shape that girl's personality according to your liking, but that won't last long after she gets into college. Are you sure this will have future? If your answer is yes, then go ahead; if not, don't lose your time.
It is you who have the answer only.
I know a teacher who married a gal w/that kind of age gap. They waited until she graduated to make it 'official'. He divorced his wife (w/kids) to do it. So it can work, depending on your definition of 'work', I suppose.
Personally, tho I always found the guy to be a bit of a perv. The sort always making psuedo-sexual comments to his students. And he was definitely getting off on being the 'daddy figure' in that relationship.
Given that the fellow had daughters w/his first wife, I figured it was probably a good idea he & his wife split & those kids got away from him.
Heard enough?
I agree with Giga. You are at the tail end of your personal growth curve, and she is just beginning. She is going to outgrow you when she is finished growing up in 7-10 years.
i encourage you to love her more and more... she will never stop loving you man.. you seem to her like an idol i am sure... forget about this silly story of a teacher up there.. what about meeting someone in a bar? In the UK , that is the cafe where people meet... come on drop these old ideas guys..
^^^Old ideas? At 18, I don't care how 'mature' they think they are, she's barely stepping into adulthood. She has a LOT of growth to do. I would NOT encourage her to 'idolize' him, that's dangerous behaviour, and could seriously skew her perception of what behaviours are appropriate in relationships.
I'm 28 years old, and I can tell you now that if ANY of my male friends brought home an 18 year old, we would take it as a huge joke. If he was serious about it, I would think he is suffering one of the following maladies:
1. Feeling like he wants to be 18 again because he can't handle the fact he's 30 and a big boy now.
2. Desperation
3. He's a pig and has a weakness for little GIRLS (that's right, I said it. She's not a woman yet, honey).
If you really think you are compatible, I think you are either living in a fantasy world, or you are the world's most immature 30 year old. Sorry to be harsh, but since I'm your age I can tell you how it would be perceived. Your buddies might encourage it, but that's only because you're potentially tapping some 18 year old ass, and they likely don't expect it to become serious.
I've never really understood why so many young girls go for guys so much older than them. What does she see in you?
And remember Dan Savage's "campsite rule". if you're involved intimately with someone much younger than yourself, you are expected to leave them better than you found them, like a campsite.
Are you good for her?
they see fatherhood, kindness, wiseness..and love. what else does a lady look for in a relationship DM?
Damn idk. But fatherhood? That's disgusting. That's like me looking for motherhood in a relationship. Don't make me puke my guts out please!Quote:
Originally Posted by clearskies [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Some people who have parents who are doing nothing or who ahve awful parents who run away need this feeling... plz dont ask me about how it hurts...
I don't want to see any type of 'fatherly' behaviour towards me from a bf. Towards children yes, but not towards me. I'm not a child.
I'd still have sex with girls 10 years older than me though. Cause a lot of them are hot
Quote:
Originally Posted by clearskies [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
You.
Give.
Horrible.
Advice.
before i used to think of older guys...but they r always married unfortunately.....
You like wrinkly men.Quote:
Originally Posted by clearskies [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Don't forget bad grammar. I'm writing this from an iPod and I can write better. I normally don't mind, but I felt like pointing it out here.Quote:
Originally Posted by Frasbee [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
This gap is huge! I went out with an 18 y/o when I was 23 and it was rough because she was still into all the trendy stuff I was growing out of. There are still age ranges from 18 and on. I believe some of the biggest changes of interest happen between 18 and 22. Just in those 4 years, I changed a lot, even when I hit 25, I was still changing.
In the coming years after 30, you're going to be settling down more and more while she simply won't be in the mindset to do that just yet. And you may end up clashing because of it.
You can have your fun for now, I suppose, but don't look too far in the future or get your hopes up. And I would think at 30 years of age, you'd know this stuff ... I'd have a hard time believing it if you said that you're the same person you were at 18, or 21, or 25.
One of my 40 y/o colleagues just married a 23 year old former student. Totally different upbringing. Her parents didn't even attend the wedding.
Personally, I think he' s nuts.
I couldn't attend but asked him to save a piece of bubblegum flavored wedding cake. He laughed but I think he got my point. Good thing I didn't ask if this song was being played at the wedding reception (it would have been too cutting of a comment!):
[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXpkMJ0V77E[/url]
people are different guys... older ones may think like children sometimes.. and vice versa
you are clearly stupid clearskies.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CAM [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Lol Cam, your song choice was hilarious.
Btw, that's just gross. He's actually old enough to be her father.
And when I thought my crush was too young for me @.@