Uncertainty!

Hello everyone! I'll try my best to make the long story short...

Basically I'm in the very usual confusing situation that everyone pretty much has when they start dating someone...and I would like the guys' opinions on my guy of interest!

I met him through a community for international people in my area...he showed quite an interest in me the first two times we met on our group meetups...I texted him one friday and invited him out to join me and a friend of mine for a drink...we ended up to bed that night...after two days he was off for a business trip for 2 weeks and he'd promised to call me when he's back. He called me indeed when he was allready at the airport waiting for the plane back. Met again the very next day at a group gathering, and ended again back to his place...I told him I would give him a call to meet again next weekend. Didn't really had the chance to call him cause he called me first in the week to arrange for our date and he suggested to go out to dinner. He offered to pay for my dinner, had a great time and ended up to his place again! Then after two days he was off again but for vacation for two weeks...he has promised to call me when he's back...

Now it all may seem nice and happy but there are some stuff that I don't like and some that I like.
What I don't like:
- The fact that during this long absences of him when he's travelling he doesn't contact me at all. And everyone knows that people that don't see each other soon they forget about each other.
- Every time we end up at his place, the very next day he's always booked up a sporty thing to do with his friends from work.

What I like:
- That he indeed has done like he's said and contacted me every time he's promised (we'll see if he contacts me again when he's coming back from vacation...)
- The fact that during our sex sessions what he shows me is that his first priority is to satisfy me and that if for whatever reason he doesn't get 100% to the end then he doesn't care. I want to give him the same pleasure as he does to me but it doesn't seem that he's as much interested in that as in whether I am feeling nice and happy.
- The fact that he wanted to take me out for a dinner
- This is a little too detailed but still it may mean something: After the first time it happened between us, we met at a group gathering. No one from the group realised anything had happened between us cause we (at least I personally) didn't feel confortable to start kissing and hugging with him straight away in front of the surprise of the others. But by the end of the night when the drinks where leaving and coming we couldn't help it and started making out without caring about the group. When we met for dinner the next week, I asked him if he'd heard anything from anyone from the group after that wild night and he replied: " no, but I was expecting lots of sms where they would ask me why we didn't tell them about us"...My first thought was what should we have told them? That we ended up to bed? But I think that this is not how he saw the thing by that time?

Guys, put me out of my misery and confusion! Do you think there are good prospects that this can get serious? What do you think about the good and about the bad signs of what I've described? Should I give him a call while he's back at his home land? I've never really had the chance to contact him myself first...

My confusion lies between two states:
- If I never contact him myself, then he might think that I'm not that interested and after the distance that is created due to the vacations things will just fade away...I may give him a call and show him that I'm still thinking about him coming back and meet him again!
- If I contact him then I risk of him losing interest in me as the rules are saying "Don't call him!"

Help?:detective

First, I just want to say that making out in front of other people is a bit tacky. It's a bit disrespectful to the other people at the table. Hugs, short kisses... all fine... but tongue kissing each other is just tacky.

Secondly, how often do you two hang out WITHOUT having sex? Is it possible that he just enjoys your company knowing that it will end in the sack? Does he want a relationship? Do you want a relationship?

Why would you hang out with a chick if it wasn't going to lead to the sack...?

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Originally Posted by Gribble [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Why would you hang out with a chick if it wasn't going to lead to the sack...?

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That's why my last questions were aimed at asking about whether they wanted relationships.

Sorry if I'm different, but I'm not ****ing every girl I date. I'd rather not find the person I want to be with and have my tally at 30. I surely wouldn't date a girl with that many partners.

I agree with Cain. It also shows that u have more then just the physical in common and can carry a conversation. The beginning should be about getting to know each other (not physically). Unless you're l ike 14 at a make out party it's way tacky to make out public.

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Originally Posted by someonelse [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I agree with Cain. It also shows that u have more then just the physical in common and can carry a conversation. The beginning should be about getting to know each other (not physically). Unless you're l ike 14 at a make out party it's way tacky to make out public.

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I was in a relationship with my girlfriend for nine months before we had sex. We had known each other for almost a year and a half.

I would have a hard time staying interested in a girl that I could get in bed within the first month. If I could do it, how many others could have done it? If she's had many sexual partners (At 21 or 22, I'd say that 7 is many), I'd lose interest. My girlfriend has had two partners... I'm her second. That is what I was looking for.

That's basically why I was seeking clarification from the OP.

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Originally Posted by Melinda01 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

What I don't like:
- The fact that during this long absences of him when he's travelling he doesn't contact me at all. And everyone knows that people that don't see each other soon they forget about each other.
- Every time we end up at his place, the very next day he's always booked up a sporty thing to do with his friends from work.

My confusion lies between two states:
- If I never contact him myself, then he might think that I'm not that interested and after the distance that is created due to the vacations things will just fade away...I may give him a call and show him that I'm still thinking about him coming back and meet him again!
- If I contact him then I risk of him losing interest in me as the rules are saying "Don't call him!"

Help?:detective

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It looks like things are going well. Nothing to worry about. Don't worry too much about him not contacting you during the trip. People DON't forget about each other if they don't see each other for a couple of weeks or months. If it was years then thats another story. And the fact that he booked a sporty event with his friends just means he has his own life. No need to worry, its a good sign. And if you miss him, then contact him once in awhile (make sure you don't over do it). Let things flow. There's nothing to worry about.

You're a booty call.

You slept with him the first night you met up with him and you're thinking this could lead to something serious?

You're just a booty call.

you gave it up too fast. you have to keep your legs closed for a little while.

You did it backwards...seek relationship first then sex afterwards.

I disagree with just letting it flow into a relationship...you must let him know what you want and then let it flow. If you never tell him your desires, he may just continue to use you only as a sex partner.

Hi all! First of all, thanks for your replies! :-)

About the making out: Sorry but english is not my first language. By "making out" I meant hugs and kisses...nothing more! I wouldn't feel confortable for heavier stuff in front of the public! So...that's that..

I can understand why some of you people critisize the fact that I had sex with him that soon. What I can say is that first of all I didn't do that by the thought that I would start a relationship with him - it just happened and we both had a great time. But after seeing his nice and kind behaviour towards me then I'm starting thinking that I may could start something serious with him.

We didn't have the chance to meet many times yet in order to see whether he likes to meet me without ending to bed. but the thing is that everytime we meet I also look forward to the "bed" thing by the end.

I cannot understand why sex must be considered that bad. I don't view things like you people say..."booty call and stuff like that". So if he thinks about me like that and about every girl then he can go to hell as faras I know - I'm not depended on him and there are more people out there that don't have this crap of a mind and that they don't use girls sexually. But I have hopes for him...but time will show.

I have written quite a lot about his behaviour instead of just the fact that we had sex on the first night. And his behaviour is what interests me cause that's what it's all about. So I'd be greatful if you could people comment on this and not on the fact that I had sex that soon. Yes I had and I didn't do it with the thought of starting something serious. I liked it and I don't regret it. But after some times we met I start liking him for more. And was wondering if he shows signs of wanting the same thing.

Now I've got two replies from two different people here: One says to let this flow into the relationship. the other one sais to tell him exactly what I want. I don't know what is best to do. If I let it flow then I need to have patience and hope that this could lead to something. This is risky because he might think that I'm not interested for more and thus he may not see it in the way I see it. If I do let him know then I make it clear for him but then the risk is that I may become pushy and that I destroy the natural flow and magic of the whole thing...Things usually grow with time.

What's best to do??

Thanks in advance!

This is how I see relationships and communication. Yes. it if difficult to have that “talk” but really the talk doesn’t pressure him to do anything. It is used to determine if you guys expect the same things. Would you rather continue the relationship as is and hope or assume that he wants the same things? Do you know if he wants a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship or only a physical relationship? If you do not communicate your expectations early on, you two are going to have MUCH MORE conflict later. If he says no to a relationship, then good…you found out very soon that he was not what YOU WANT. You cannot convince him to have a serious, committed relationship with you and you cannot assume he will give it to you eventually. You are not giving him a commitment by telling him what you want in a relationship. On the contrary, if you two do not communicate your expectations early on, then you WILL scare him off because you could have different expectations about the relationship and he WILL feel pressured if you just go with the flow assuming he wants the same things.

Imagine dating a man and you two have a great time together…have casual sex, wine and dine, go dancing etc. In his mind, you are his woman and he behaves accordingly. You, on the other hand, have no desire for a committed relationship…you are just enjoying this short term relationship but you are not ready to commit to one man yet. He’s your “for now boyfriend” until someone better comes along. However, he tells you that he loves you and that he sees a long future with you. He tells all his friends and family that you are in a serious relationship, etc. etc. You, on the other hand, just wanted to go on few more dates with him and have a casual relationship. You have even developed an interest in another man that you feel is more compatible….someone you see as relationship material. Now, you feel horrible…you feel pressured, you feel negative and not positive about this man confessing his deepest feelings and making all those assumptions. You two argue. He gets emotional and you want to break it off right away. If you two had communicated your desires earlier then this scenario would have been minimized greatly. There is little benefit for you to just let it flow…you are going to disappoint yourself.

Do you want to keep dating him for years hoping he comes around? Meanwhile, he keeps telling you that he does not want a serious, committed relationship right now. That’s why I said that physical intimacy does not mean that you are in a relationship….going with the flow without communicating your needs will be a disaster. It will be difficult for him to see you as relationship material…you have to get that casual girl image out of his mind FAST if you want a long term, committed relationship with him. Find out if he is interested in a lover or possibly more than that. Simply tell him that you only want to continue the relationship if he doesn’t see other women, and only if he wants a relationship. See, saying that really won’t scare him away. In fact, if he feels the same then now he can feel more comfortable and confident that you two are in agreement.

If you do want to have an exclusive relationship with him then obviously you have to tell him that. But what I mean by going with the flow is that you have to handle it gracefully. Which means you would tell him you want an exclusive relationship but you are not giving off an impression that you are desperate or trying to force him to do anything. Have a peace of mind and don't worry too much about him not contacting you enough or desperately trying to go into relationship mood in an instant. Thats going with the flow. Relationships unlike dating require committment so choose wisely.

Guys love whores for sex but not for love. Now the question is, are you a whore? Ask yourself that... do you appear as a whore?

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Originally Posted by Melinda01 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Hi all! First of all, thanks for your replies! :-)

About the making out: Sorry but english is not my first language. By "making out" I meant hugs and kisses...nothing more! I wouldn't feel confortable for heavier stuff in front of the public! So...that's that..

I can understand why some of you people critisize the fact that I had sex with him that soon. What I can say is that first of all I didn't do that by the thought that I would start a relationship with him - it just happened and we both had a great time. But after seeing his nice and kind behaviour towards me then I'm starting thinking that I may could start something serious with him.

We didn't have the chance to meet many times yet in order to see whether he likes to meet me without ending to bed. but the thing is that everytime we meet I also look forward to the "bed" thing by the end.

I cannot understand why sex must be considered that bad. I don't view things like you people say..."booty call and stuff like that". So if he thinks about me like that and about every girl then he can go to hell as faras I know - I'm not depended on him and there are more people out there that don't have this crap of a mind and that they don't use girls sexually. But I have hopes for him...but time will show.

I have written quite a lot about his behaviour instead of just the fact that we had sex on the first night. And his behaviour is what interests me cause that's what it's all about. So I'd be greatful if you could people comment on this and not on the fact that I had sex that soon. Yes I had and I didn't do it with the thought of starting something serious. I liked it and I don't regret it. But after some times we met I start liking him for more. And was wondering if he shows signs of wanting the same thing.

Now I've got two replies from two different people here: One says to let this flow into the relationship. the other one sais to tell him exactly what I want. I don't know what is best to do. If I let it flow then I need to have patience and hope that this could lead to something. This is risky because he might think that I'm not interested for more and thus he may not see it in the way I see it. If I do let him know then I make it clear for him but then the risk is that I may become pushy and that I destroy the natural flow and magic of the whole thing...Things usually grow with time.

What's best to do??

Thanks in advance!

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I won't go on some long diatribe and repeat myself over and over so people here don't bitch and moan about how mean I am, so I'll just say this:

If you give it up so easily and don't make a guy work for it, you're going to attract the pigs. I know there are some exceptions, where some nice guys kept on when the girl gave it up so quick, but the good, respectable guys like a challenge. They don't want a girl that gives it up so easy. Sex isn't bad, but sluts are.

I'm sorry, but this doesn't sound at this point like it has much potential of morphing into a relationship. The fact that he calls you when he says he will, but not at all while he's away on business trips shows me that he's only putting in enough effort to keep you around, but nothing beyond that. I had a 'friend with benefits' who was a very nice guy....took me for dinner, was very pleasing in bed (and was very 'affectionate' in bed), and called when he said he would. The effort in between that was never there, though.....because he wanted nothing more than a casual friendship with sex involved. That's what your guy's behaviour says to me. If he was really interested, he wouldn't be making plans with friends the next day after you stay over....he'd want to be spending time with you. This behaviour says to me that he doesn't want you to think things are going anywhere further than sex and friendship.

If you want to be sure, the only thing to do would be to tell him that you are interested in a relationship with him and see how he reacts.

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Originally Posted by bluesummer [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If he was really interested, he wouldn't be making plans with friends the next day after you stay over....he'd want to be spending time with you.

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Am I the only one that doesn't like to spend 24/7 with my SO?

But what bluesummer said sounds quite possible too.

In my opinion, it really depends on the guy. If he's a person that likes his independence and space (like me) then making plans with his friends doesn't sound unreasonable. But on the other hand, he might just be doing this to you and not when he finds the girl he truely wants.

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Originally Posted by lastwish [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Am I the only one that doesn't like to spend 24/7 with my SO?

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Everyone needs SOME time apart. But, I've never been in a relationship where I wanted to spend most of my time with my girl until the one I'm in. I could spend all of my time with her and be fine.

@lesa: Thanks a lot for your reply! I can understand how you view this and I kinda agree. However, I don't think that anyone knows from teh beginning if they want something serious with a specific person. For example, I like him a lot but do I know that he'll be the one in the long run? No...cause I don't know him enough yet. And I really don't want to cause any hearts to break if I realise that he's not the right person. But yeah...I would certainly like to try but I think that it might be a good idea to take it easy.
One thing I cannot understand though is why do almost everyone advice me (and other women) to NOT contact the guy in these situations while on the other hand they advise to go and tell him what you really want from him. Isn't a try for a contact smoothier than telling him that you need to discuss about your future? To tryand keep some contact seems a smoothier way to show that you are interested in something more. Maybe not that clear but it's not that aggressive. Why not calling him for example? (I don't mean in my situation specifically but in general where people tend to give such advice that don't make sense if you put the together: Don't contact him, don't show him that you want him, but do tell him that you want him straight away to see his reaction...it sounds very risky to me...riskier than the phone call.

@lastwish: Thanks! I also think that to let it flow is the best...although the risk is that he doesn't understand what I want. I am just wondering whatthe benefits would be if I let him know straight away...trying to compare

@soulkiss & cain: I see that there is a high risk that I be called a whore and a slut because I had sex with him that soon. No I don't think that I appear as whore. It depends what you mean. But I am not a whore and I am not a slut. I don't do that often, and when I do it, it's cause I like it and want it. Why shouldn't you do something that you want and like? Because a pig will think that you are a whore and he will still want to **** you? Not interested in continuing seeing such a guy. Like you say Cain, there are some nice guys out there that don't think like that. And for me to have a serious relationship it will need to be one of them. It shouldn't matter if I sleep with the from the very beginning. Will it take a long time to find such a person? Maybe yes...but then everyone knows that the "one and only" is hard to find.

Yes the one and only may be difficult to find. When you tell a person that you only want to continue to date if things can become serious, you are not saying that you want him to be the one. You are saying that you only date for a chance that it may become serious. Saying this will weed out the men who are not serious. I have already stated the benefits of telling him your wants versus not telling him. You are not telling him that you want him...you are telling him that you only continue to date serious men. It's up to you but I know there is not much benefit for you to wait except for physical intimacy. I always state my preferences and then go with the flow. This may be difficult for you because you have never done so before? or fear rejections? If you are rejected then good...better now than later.

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Originally Posted by Melinda01 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

owever, I don't think that anyone knows from teh beginning if they want something serious with a specific person. For example, I like him a lot but do I know that he'll be the one in the long run?

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You are in the mindset that may be different from his already. You are continuing to date him hoping that things will become serious. IMO, it is a horrible way to start off. You are not saying that you have immediately decide to commit to him...you will decide that later after getting to know him...now, you are merely making sure that you two are on the same page.

With the way things are going, I predict your goals to be very unsuccessful.

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Originally Posted by lesa [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

With the way things are going, I predict your goals to be very unsuccessful.

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Where do you base this predictions? Which are the signs that are key to predict if my goals are succeful or not?

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Originally Posted by lastwish [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Am I the only one that doesn't like to spend 24/7 with my SO?

But what bluesummer said sounds quite possible too.

In my opinion, it really depends on the guy. If he's a person that likes his independence and space (like me) then making plans with his friends doesn't sound unreasonable. But on the other hand, he might just be doing this to you and not when he finds the girl he truely wants.

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It's not about spending 24/7 w/your SO....I know I don't. But any guy I've been with that was actually interested in me would wake up the next morning and be so enamored from the night before, they'd be like "So, do you want to hang out today?" They wouldn't be making an exit strategy....that's what this guy sounds like he's doing.

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Originally Posted by bluesummer [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It's not about spending 24/7 w/your SO....I know I don't. But any guy I've been with that was actually interested in me would wake up the next morning and be so enamored from the night before, they'd be like "So, do you want to hang out today?" They wouldn't be making an exit strategy....that's what this guy sounds like he's doing.

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Yes I can understand what you are saying. But he is the one that has initiated contact with me first all the times. I haven't had the chance yet to show him that I'm in for something more. I have showed him that I am busy but that I like his company. He seems to be a person that is not impulsive at all. He is "measuring" the situation everytime we are together cause we've met only three times as a "couple" with long absences in between due to travellings. He may as well wait for me to suggest something this time. You say it may be a strategy...it might be! But you sound pretty sure that it's a strategy thing...but it is very mean from him if it is a strategy...

The thing with the sporty events he has everytime the next day has been a standard since we first met at the group. And it's his way to keep fit cause he doesn't have any time during the weel...so the first two times that I stayed over to his place, I also had arranged things to do the next day so it didn't bother me. But the last time I hadn't anything planned. Neither did he and we were asking one another what our plans were for the day, both replying "nothing" but noone was saying anything more. And then we were asking one another again...with the same responses and silences after that. But because I didn't know what he wanted and I didn't want him to feel pressured I was reminding him about the sporty thing that isn't arranged yet...and so after a couple of times I asked him whether there'll be something or not he called a friend and the friend confirmed...and that was it. And then I got sad...

Now I'm feeling a little stupid sitting here and describing the situation with every little detail cause it seems like I'm trying to find a way to show that this was not a strategy by him. But I really think that these details that make you think that he might actually were thinking about the same thing but didn't really want to seem pushy and needy are kind of important to know. Cause there's a difference when I say for example: "I had lunch" which will make you think that I was hungry and "I had lunch but there was a very bad waitress that ruined my mood and I lost my apetite but still ate the food". You get a much better view of the situation...

Although it is something that he does and based on how it felt last time I say that this is one thing I don't like about him...

I don't know but I find it very strange here that there are so many people that have so different opinion from me about how to handle these situations. It seems that many people here believe that the guy that is interested should go after the girl and show her that he is really really taken by her charm. I personally don't think that this is the right thing to do for a guy...not at the very beginning at least! Why someone would be that passionate about someone else so soon that they can't even hold themselves and show to the other person how they feel? He might not be taken serious and he might lose the game. Then we have different opinions about the girls. Why should the girl say straight away that they want a serious relationship? In my opinion this is a big no-no! At least at the beginning...it scares the guys off!

But still I'm very confused on what I should do cause on one hand I have my opinion and I know how I feel about doing things and I know that I don't quite agree with the advice given here. And that I wouldn't feel confortable at all to say to him that I want something serious at of this in that early stage. And on the other hand it's almost everyone here that agrees with one another but not with me. And maybe I'm the wrong one and should try to do something that is completely different of what I've been used to and what feels good to do but somehow it's been turned down by almost everyone else. Very confused!:(

I'm not saying to tell him straight away that you want a serious relationship....that probably WOULD scare him away. All you need to do is figure out from him in some way if he's interested in you beyond something casual. Or, you could just keep going on the way you are and maybe he will eventually show signs he's interested. If he isn't, he's going to keep getting non-committal sex, and you are going to be hurt and confused wondering why he isn't responding in the way you want him to. So I guess it's up to you to figure out what you want.

WE can only give you advice based on what you tell us about the situation. We tell you how it looks based on what you've said and our relationship experiences.

Yes, there are SOME nice guys that might not have a problem with a girl that has slept with more guys than years she has been on this earth, but there aren't many. The good guys didn't go around sleeping with every woman around and they don't expect their woman to do it anyways.

Guys are direct. If he wanted a relationship, he'd start showing it. He hasn't shown it at all. Who cares if he has initiated contact each time? He's done it because he wants to f*ck you. He'll sit through an opera if he knows he's going to get in your pants later. That's why having sex on the first date is stupid. You can't differentiate between the guys that just want you as a booty call and the guys that want a serious relationship.

Have some respect for yourself and don't be so easy. Try going on a few dates without it ending in bed and see what he does.

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Originally Posted by Cain [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Guys are direct. If he wanted a relationship, he'd start showing it. He hasn't shown it at all.

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Maybe he isn't sure if he wants a serious relationship with her yet. I think Melinda knows that their relationship isn't stable yet so she's afraid that demanding for a serious relationship at this early stage might scare him off.

Melinda, if you really don't think its an appropriate time to demand him for a serious relationship then don't do it. But mentioning the subject won't hurt either. Maybe you can ask him if he sees you two together in a serious relationship or if its a possibility in the future. If he's horrified or if he doesn't give you a concrete answer, he might have committment issues or he really does just see you as a casual partner. You don't have to be aggressive about it, but staying quiet won't do you good either.

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Originally Posted by Melinda01 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The thing with the sporty events he has everytime the next day has been a standard since we first met at the group. And it's his way to keep fit cause he doesn't have any time during the weel...so the first two times that I stayed over to his place, I also had arranged things to do the next day so it didn't bother me. But the last time I hadn't anything planned. Neither did he and we were asking one another what our plans were for the day, both replying "nothing" but noone was saying anything more. And then we were asking one another again...with the same responses and silences after that. But because I didn't know what he wanted and I didn't want him to feel pressured I was reminding him about the sporty thing that isn't arranged yet...and so after a couple of times I asked him whether there'll be something or not he called a friend and the friend confirmed...and that was it. And then I got sad...

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Here is why effectively communicating your wants is important…you will both be in a clueless relationship until someone out of frustration, possibly, tell the other what they want. Yes he may breakup with you if you both do not have the same goals but waiting longer will not make him change his mind unless your goal is to do some type of manipulation to get him to share your point of view. You will get the same result at this time too but with a lot of frustrations, disappointment, and emotions invested.

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I don't know but I find it very strange here that there are so many people that have so different opinion from me about how to handle these situations. It seems that many people here believe that the guy that is interested should go after the girl and show her that he is really really taken by her charm. I personally don't think that this is the right thing to do for a guy...not at the very beginning at least! Why someone would be that passionate about someone else so soon that they can't even hold themselves and show to the other person how they feel? He might not be taken serious and he might lose the game. Then we have different opinions about the girls. Why should the girl say straight away that they want a serious relationship? In my opinion this is a big no-no! At least at the beginning...it scares the guys off!

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Do you feel that stating the kind of relationship you like to have and asking him the same is scaring a guy away? What is your plan? Do you hope that he has the same desires as you without ever asking him or force a serious relationship that he may not want?

I may want a man for purely a physical relationship and he may want me as a girlfriend. Now we have a conflict and I will most likely breakup with him. He should have told me sooner, because I would still probably have ended our relationship earlier had I known he wanted something else. I have wasted his time and created major disappointment.

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But still I'm very confused on what I should do cause on one hand I have my opinion and I know how I feel about doing things and I know that I don't quite agree with the advice given here. And that I wouldn't feel confortable at all to say to him that I want something serious at of this in that early stage. And on the other hand it's almost everyone here that agrees with one another but not with me. And maybe I'm the wrong one and should try to do something that is completely different of what I've been used to and what feels good to do but somehow it's been turned down by almost everyone else. Very confused!

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If you feel good to do what you have always been doing then that is okay. I have a feeling that you do not feel very good about it because you have posted for opinions. I prefer communication and it has made my life much easier when it comes to relationships. I want the guy to understand what I want but he is under no obligations at all to give it to me. Right now you may be considered a physical relationship only…so someone has to do something to have it possibly progress (if he feels the same) to what you have wanted all along……….

Lastwish stated it much better than I ever could. This is what I meant:

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Originally Posted by lastwish [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

But mentioning the subject won't hurt either. Maybe you can ask him if he sees you two together in a serious relationship or if its a possibility in the future. If he's horrified or if he doesn't give you a concrete answer, he might have committment issues or he really does just see you as a casual partner. You don't have to be aggressive about it, but staying quiet won't do you good either.

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There is no demanding him, pressuring him, manipulating him, coercing him or anyone whatsoever, Melinda. My posts do seem like making demands but I do not intend for it to appear that way. I would run far away and (possibly get law enforcements if he continues) if some man comes up to me demanding or expecting me to be in any certain type of relationship with him.

Also, you cannot make what you have with this man right now into a relationship. It is wrong to assume a relationship or ease him into a relationship, there has to be some type of communication on it.

I mean ask him what does he think about a serious relationship and you say to him what you desire in relationships in general. He makes his decisions and you make yours.