Please help as fast as you can.

Im in so much pain right now, my very desire to live has diminished to nothing. I am completley lost and In a bind with my future and the love of my life.

It all started four weeks ago when we decided to take a break. We had promised not to date other people, and that this was just a break to find ourselves. 5 Days ago she confessed to me that she had kissed another guy and that she really likes him and it is what she needs right now.

We are planning on attending the same college in August, and she plans on leaving him, the college is 1500 miles away from him. She says that she just feels young (Turned 18 on the 9th of this month) and that she just likes him but she loves me. She wont give me any straight promises about our future, but she tells me that she see us married someday. Last night we spent the night together and hugged and kissed, as a kind of goodbye untill college. She cried her eyes out and told me that she still loves me but she has to do this. She says she is just confused and lost, (she has gotten kicked out of her house within the last week and refuses to answer phone calls from her favorite aunt in the world and her best friends, she is staying at the other guys house she has only known for five days, she says he can sometimes be mean) I cried, and I hurt and I am lost, I want more than anything to be there for her like I always have (2.5 years) but she wont let me every effort I made to restore the relationship somehow has ended in failure, she has made up her mind that this is what she wants for the rest of the summer and she feels like it will get it out of her system. I want to move with my brothers in colorado, but I have a very good paying job where I live and If I do end up attending the school we have planned on attending for 2 years I need the money. This is a small valley of just 3000 people where I live and it is very hard stay in such a small place with her, each day I drive to work at 530 in the morning I drive past her car at another guys apartment.

I have no direction in my life anymore, everything I knew has come crashing down and it seems so pointless to live. Please somebody give me advice, what is going on here, if we do get back together in college like she says (she said she imagines dropping her luggage and running to me once she shes me again) is this type of thing just going to happen again? Will this help our relationship, or am i just tredding water. Should I get out while I can so I dont end up 1500 miles away from friends and family with a girl who just leaves me again once we get there?

Please god, someone help me. please

Yes, and I truly do love her, every time I drink milk I think about how its her favorite, I like the annoying little things she does, I love how she has a little snore and gets so embarassed about it. I love how we have never hid anything from each other and have always been honest. I love when she teases me gets me to chase her and runs away.

I dont want the memories of us laying in the lawn watching the clouds to turn into something that haunts me. She was the love of my life, both of us agree the last 2 years of our lives have been the best we have ever had, I dont want the two best years of my life to turn into nightmares, and haunt me for years to come... God i love everything about her, I dont want to lose her I would damn near anything to stop this... #@$@

First of all - don't be saying things like 'it seems so pointless to live' when discussing the end of a relationship. I know you love her, but she's just a person, and you have so much more to live for than some other person.

Secondly, how can you let yourself be treated like this? She wants the summer to fool around with some other guy, and then expects you to go running back into her arms when she's done having her fun? Screw that! That is total disrespect from where I stand. Do you realize how pathetic (i'm sorry) and whipped this makes you look? Stop it right now! You need to drop this girl!

I think once she's gotten a taste of 'freedom' she'll be hard pressed to let it go. She's 18 and going to college....I can't think of a single person that wants to start a new life at college chained to a realtionship, can you? I don't think you should be throwing away your life for this girl, because the signs are already showing that this isn't going to work out for the two of you. I suggest you take the path that is best for your future, and not what you think will best accomodate her and this so-called 'relationship'.

Everyone feels this way about the loss of their first love. I dated the same guy from 17 to 22. I thought I was going to marry this guy! Leaving him felt like throwing away five years of my life! Guess what? I know you don't believe it know, but you do meet other people, and you WILL love other people, even more than her! You may never forget her, but feelings do fade over time. Trust me. That ex of mine....we've been broken up for six years, and I don't really miss him at all.

I'm sorry, but if she loved you, she wouldn't be taking a break so that she can spend the summer with another guy as a fling. You may love her and want to spend your life with her, but it doesn't look like she feels the same way. Her words might say one thing but her actions say another.

no, but this girl shes everything we have gotten closer.... god what if this separation makes her realize what she had? isnt there a chance of that, that she will realize what she had and try to get it back and keep it.

In this situation, it sounds like one of two things is going to happen:

A) She is going to come back to you at the end of this summer when she gets through with her boy toy.
B) She is going to go back to college, realize how much fun the single life is and want to keep having fun.

Honestly, because of how she is handling this situation now, I'm inclined to believe that she'll choose option B. She didn't need to have fun with another guy to know what she had. She knows what she had as evidenced by her talks with you, but she doesn't care. She would rather have fun this summer with another guy. That should tell you how much she loves you.

There are far too many women in this world for you to be so into a girl that's treating you this way.

Theres no chance? No small chance that will realize that she made a mistake, that if she doesnt act quickly shell loose me? That she will get her fuel of fun for the last time not a single damn chance this will ever work out? I mean im not expecting a textbook novel romance with music, I know there would be rough times, but she is under a shit load of stress and ....

Sure, there's a chance that she'll end up with you after the summer is over. But my question to you is why would you let her? She is giving you up so she can have fun over the summer and there's no telling if she'll do it again. She's 18 and she's into fun it seems... and college is the best place to do it if you're single. You're going to be the kind of guy that she can walk all over because you're not stepping up and being a man.

This college has given me a 40,000 scholarship for graphic design. It will kill me to go there and see her with other guys, but do I try to anyway? I am not very good at making friends, I have had the same friends since kindergarten living in such a small town and never had to make new ones. 1500 miles away from everyone I know seemed so much easier when I had a lover who was going to do it with me. Im not sure of what I can do, Its a small school to, 1500 students... so i would see her daily

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Originally Posted by theguy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

This college has given me a 40,000 scholarship for graphic design. It will kill me to go there and see her with other guys, but do I try to anyway? I am not very good at making friends, I have had the same friends since kindergarten living in such a small town and never had to make new ones. 1500 miles away from everyone I know seemed so much easier when I had a lover who was going to do it with me. Im not sure of what I can do, Its a small school to, 1500 students... so i would see her daily

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The decision on whether to stay or go is up to you. You're going to have to be the one to make it, but if I were you, I wouldn't go back with her. If she was just taking a break alone, then I would tell you to still go for it. But she's using this break as a way to sleep with another guy without feeling the guilt from cheating. Do you really want to go through another year with her for her to leave you again because she enjoyed the single life too much?

she could come back. stranger things have happened.

or is that me having an uncharecteristic lapse into optomism.

but in all seriousness, do not be so passive. the threat of loosing you should be indicative of how much she really loves you and if said threat shakes her to the bones then maybe, just maybe, she will stop acting like a bitch who can flipently harm some one who loves her with precious little reguard for their felings. because lets face it, if she was actuely thinking like a respectable person then this would not be happening in the first place.

and do not spew all that 'shes only 18 and is young....' dross. we were all 18 once. and i would like to think that few of us (you know who you are) would have done something as pointlessly cruel as this.

oh and for pitys sake do not get me started on the excuse that she is under a lot of stres as an excuse crap. it holds less water than a bloody sive.

Let's break down what happened, so you understand it a little more;

You decided to take a break. This obviously means something isn't working in the relationship. Whatever it was, it was so much that you needed to spend weeks away from each other to figure things out.

After promising to remain faithful and exclusive to you, she goes against her word, and admits to kissing another guy. She has just told you that you will never be able to rely on another promise she makes again. She just proved to you that she is not faithful, not worthy of your trust, and therefore, you can't trust her when she admits to kissing another guy. Maybe it didn't happen and she is saying that to manipulate you... maybe it was more than kissing; maybe she went as far as sex. Maybe it's a guy that she's been seeing behind your back for a while. Whatever it was, she has gone against her own word, to do something she *knew* was going to hurt you.

You're going to the same college next fall (btw, I hope you're not going there just for her) and she can't make any commitments or promises to you about a future relationship.... which even if she did, now you would not be able to rely on them. When you get to college, it will be very difficult for you to trust her, based on what happened just recently. Of course, she loves you and sees you possibly getting married someday (now I wouldn't take that so seriously, since she did what she did) and the way she has mentioned this, kind of hints that she'd like to keep you as plan B, or kind of like that catch net to be there when she's sick of fooling around and being a dumb, immature girl. Please keep in mind, the 'future' is now a very hypothetical thing for you. It is very unpredictable. It's about 5 times more unpredictable if you're going to continue to trust this girl..

And she got kicked out of the house. I can tell you out of experience, that it is very difficult for a parent to throw his/her own children out on the curb. It had to be the last straw for her; meaning she doesn't get along well with her family. This is an indication that she wouldn't make a good wife anyway. Yes, there's always that chance that her parents are horrible, but I am doubting it, from what you share. If the odds weren't in her favor, she'd be making phonecalls on the double to all of her loved ones.

By the way, if you see her car at another guy's house at 5:30 in the morning, chances are she slept there, and probably is sleeping with the guy. That's complete bullshit. After 2.5 years of commitment, that is just despicable. This girl has proven to you that she is not worth being with, that she's not worth feeling hurt over, and definitely not worth considering a long term relationship with.

We all eventually go through a point like this in our lives. You know, it takes a lot of experience (in a handful of failed relationships) to build up to the character it takes to marry someone. Most of us have been in a failing relationship. It happens to the best of us. We know what it feels like. You need to suck it up and move on, because you're not being fair to yourself. You've got a world full of opportunities ahead of you, and you're letting a stupid, immature girl get to your head (no offense, but that's the way she is)

In college, you're going to meet all kinds of people, hopefully all kinds of women. Date them all, and don't take it personal. Figure out what you truly want out of relationships, so that in the future, when you do settle down with a woman, you know that you're truly happy with her, and you're not lying to yourself like you are now, in order to keep a measly 2 and a half year relationship together.

In my humble opinion, you should call her up, ask her to come over to have a 'talk'. When she gets to your house, sit her down, and explain to her all of this. Make sure to tell her that based on what's happened, you've come to the conclusion that she needs to live the single life, go have fun, sleep with other guys, get drunk, taken advantage of and all that. And that you need to search for a woman that is loyal, trustworthy, and worth having a relationship with. Don't let her try and explain herself, or try and justify anything. When she tries, but her out, and ask her how you should go about handling the apartment; i.e. should she leave, should you leave, or whatever. Honestly, you should go live with your brothers, like you want. You'll probably find a job out there, and even if it's not a high paying job, you'll still be saving, and you have brothers to back you up. You need people around you right now that actually care about you. Maybe you can tell them what happened after you've handled this mess?

Best to you man.

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Originally Posted by theguy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

This college has given me a 40,000 scholarship for graphic design. It will kill me to go there and see her with other guys, but do I try to anyway? I am not very good at making friends, I have had the same friends since kindergarten living in such a small town and never had to make new ones. 1500 miles away from everyone I know seemed so much easier when I had a lover who was going to do it with me. Im not sure of what I can do, Its a small school to, 1500 students... so i would see her daily

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If you want the scholarship, don't give it up just because you don't want to see this girl at school. It's going to be alot easier to get over her than it is to get another scholarship.

Theguy, these feelings for her will eventually fade once you've dealt with this and moved on.

Oh, for ****'s sake.

Okay, if I were God, I would slap you, hard. How DARE you diminish the gift you've been given, your precious own life, because some girl is playing you? What the ****?

Have you no sense of self-worth?

You're thinking of giving up a $40,000 scholarship because you might run into your ex on campus?

You have got to be shitting me. Dude, if you don't take this opportunity, in five years, you'll hate yourself.

I can't do it, Ive been with alot of girls in the past, dates all sorts. I know this isnt her, something is wrong she wouldnt do this to me. She wouldnt.... something isnt right i cant give her up, what in the hell is wrong with me

Why on earth do you want that? Is she the best you can do? Are you willing to sacrifice your future for a person who wants to sex what she likes but marry what she loves?

She probably will turn out unfaithful throughout your relationship if you decide to go back to her. She is young and exploring and has to get it out of system hopefully, eventually.

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Originally Posted by Gigabitch [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Oh, for ****'s sake.

Okay, if I were God, I would slap you, hard. How DARE you diminish the gift you've been given, your precious own life, because some girl is playing you? What the ****?

Have you no sense of self-worth?

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Thank you Giga.

TheGuy, you are a fool to throw away that scholarship.

If she loved you, truly, she would be encouraging you to go to that school. Hell, if I were her, I would break up with you & tell you I hated you if that's what it took to get you to go.

Think she wants to be with a loser, longterm? Ever think that, with you improving yourself, and that scholarship will HELP, that this will make you even more attractive to her?

Stop being her bitch. Start using your head & stop thinking with your penis. Remember there's only enough blood for one.

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Originally Posted by theguy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I can't do it, Ive been with alot of girls in the past, dates all sorts. I know this isnt her, something is wrong she wouldnt do this to me. She wouldnt.... something isnt right i cant give her up, what in the hell is wrong with me

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In a nutshell, you are afraid to lose her. Christ, one day we will all be ****ing DEAD, get that? You, her, me, everyone on this forum & everyone you care about. One day, all gone.

So, this is small potatoes in comparison. People come & go in your life all the time. If you are meant to be, then let it happen (don't force it, like you are desperately trying to). But meantime, you have a responsibility to YOURSELF to be the best you can & make the most of your opportunities.

Take the damn scholarship. You are throwing away something you WILL regret later.

Okay, is what I have done is wrong?

I have told her over the last three to reconsider in person multiple times, she sent me a text at midnight last night that said "Goodnight. I love you!" This morning she called me and asked what I was going to do because as I mentioned I was considering moving. I told her that I decided Running from my problems was not the answer and that I was going to stick with what I started and continue my job because its my responsibility, and that in a month I would see where things are at. But then I told, that this is the last time I would ask her this, I asked her to "save us" because she is the only one who can at this point. I told she didnt have to promise me she would think about things, but to do so. I promised her that I would never mention this again, I would never ask her to reconsider, to rethink, or attempt to persuay her in anyway, but I knew that If she wants to save what we have it has to happen now before things get to far. Was that wrong of me, should I have let it die days ago, or was it okay for me to make it apparent that this would be the very last time I advised her to rethink things

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

In a nutshell, you are afraid to lose her. Christ, one day we will all be ****ing DEAD, get that? You, her, me, everyone on this forum & everyone you care about. One day, all gone.

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:emot61: Life seems so dreadful when put in those words. :emot101:

But I live by that philosophy and am a much happier person strangely. I don't plan on doing any major stunts but I do see the brighter side of life more.

You are heartbroken guy and right now you need to use your brain and not your emotions.

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Originally Posted by theguy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Okay, is what I have done is wrong?

I have told her over the last three to reconsider in person multiple times, she sent me a text at midnight last night that said "Goodnight. I love you!" This morning she called me and asked what I was going to do because as I mentioned I was considering moving. I told her that I decided Running from my problems was not the answer and that I was going to stick with what I started and continue my job because its my responsibility, and that in a month I would see where things are at. But then I told, that this is the last time I would ask her this, I asked her to "save us" because she is the only one who can at this point. I told she didnt have to promise me she would think about things, but to do so. I promised her that I would never mention this again, I would never ask her to reconsider, to rethink, or attempt to persuay her in anyway, but I knew that If she wants to save what we have it has to happen now before things get to far. Was that wrong of me, should I have let it die days ago, or was it okay for me to make it apparent that this would be the very last time I advised her to rethink things

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That's fine if you need that for your own closure.

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Originally Posted by lesa [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

:emot61: Life seems so dreadful when put in those words. :emot101:

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Lesa, this pissed me off. Few things do, but this did. You're being a half-empty girl today. I view it as, Life is a Gift, so make the most of it.

I mean, really, if you aren't living, then what's the alternative, hmmm?

OP, get off your ass & do what you know is best. Stop being afraid. Everything will work out exactly as it should if you would just keep things in perspective.

Or, put another way: if you take the scholarship, there is still a chance you will get the girl. BUT, if you don't take it, it is gone forever, along with what opportunities it would have generated (LOTS!).

Either way, the girl will still be there. If she can't find it in herself to appreciate your self-improvement, then she's not frankly worth it anyway.

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Originally Posted by theguy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

But then I told, that this is the last time I would ask her this, I asked her to "save us" because she is the only one who can at this point.

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Dude, you are way into drahma.

You just want HER to fix your relationship problem. What do you really expect from her? This?

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she said she imagines dropping her luggage and running to me once she shes me again

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Honey, lots of ppl get this way about their First Love. Its a rite of passage. Just relax & go with the flow. Focus on your job, go to school (you won't need to interact with her that much even if you don't get back together). And, since noone has mentioned this yet, there are TONS of awesome girls at college. With your prospects & scholarship, I have the feeling that SHE will be the one with the worries once you get to see what else is out there.

It will be well. Don't worry & don't act so desperate as regards this ONE gal. Talk to your friends & family, they will tell you the same thing.

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I view it as, Life is a Gift, so make the most of it.

I mean, really, if you aren't living, then what's the alternative, hmmm?

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I agree and view life and living great as a gift. It is hard for guy to see that because he is heartbroken. If he can view it as the same then he can get passed this little hurdle in life and become a better man rather then letting life go and become severely depressed.

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Originally Posted by IndiReloaded [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Dude, you are way into drahma.

You just want HER to fix your relationship problem. What do you really expect from her? This?

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No, not at all do I expect this. I have exausted every effort I have of trying to help her through this tough time in her life, showing her I love, being there for her, telling her I want her, explaining to her what could happen asking her to rethink things. I have done everything called her supported her, shes a lost girl I saw something terrifying in her eyes a few nights ago, something i have never seen in the entire time ive been with her. She was terrified, lost scared and empty. She has nobody, she has left her friends her family over the last week and I tried to be there for her. Im tired now I was jsut trying to see if it was pathetic as it feels that I finally told her that I would never ask her again to rethink things between us, that this was it I was done after this.

Im jsut worried that although it all seemed right for me to do, that the repition might have gotten to her, or if I stick to my guns and do as planned and in correspondence with alot of the advice on this forum that with that closure, in weeks or months she will realize what she has done, and whether or not I take her back. Does this make sense at all?

I know I sound like the biggest looser on this forum, someone who probably looks like he got hit by a train and is tearing himself to pieces over just some girl,, however i am quite normal to be honest. I could show you a picture.and its not that it was my first love it was that I care about her I truly do, somewhere inside of her is a completley different girl, she has never been like this, it all hapened in three weeks and it just doesnt make sense. She was a family girl, bbq's babysitting doing laundry going to church, then crash....

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Originally Posted by theguy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

No, not at all do I expect this. I have exausted every effort I have of trying to help her through this tough time in her life, showing her I love, being there for her, telling her I want her, explaining to her what could happen asking her to rethink things. I have done everything called her supported her, shes a lost girl I saw something terrifying in her eyes a few nights ago, something i have never seen in the entire time ive been with her. She was terrified, lost scared and empty. She has nobody, she has left her friends her family over the last week and I tried to be there for her. Im tired now I was jsut trying to see if it was pathetic as it feels that I finally told her that I would never ask her again to rethink things between us, that this was it I was done after this.

Im jsut worried that although it all seemed right for me to do, that the repition might have gotten to her, or if I stick to my guns and do as planned and in correspondence with alot of the advice on this forum that with that closure, in weeks or months she will realize what she has done, and whether or not I take her back. Does this make sense at all?

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Please stick to your guns. You may have urges to contact her but I would just pretend if you have to by writing to yourself but never sending it to her. She doesn't need to hear how this is affecting you.

She does sound like drama though. Drama is when she, you, or both torture each other's feelings and have high tolerance for bs.

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Originally Posted by theguy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I know I sound like the biggest looser on this forum, someone who probably looks like he got hit by a train and is tearing himself to pieces over just some girl,, however i am quite normal to be honest. I could show you a picture.and its not that it was my first love it was that I care about her I truly do, somewhere inside of her is a completley different girl, she has never been like this, it all hapened in three weeks and it just doesnt make sense. She was a family girl, bbq's babysitting doing laundry going to church, then crash....

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She may be going through that young woman syndrome where she must feel what it is like to be with another man before making a committment. Or the young whore syndrome where the girl finally 'becomes a woman' and no longer have to follow the parent's rules and sex any and every man of her fantasy. I have seen it happen to many immature college freshmen.

People change dude. Maybe she is going through some transitional period in her life. That is for HER to deal with. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with her, and you can't 'save' her, you just need to let her go through it. Her path through life may be changing, and it may intertwine with your path again, and it may not. Just know that you have your own path you're meant to run on.

Let me tell you, one of the most unattractive thing to women is guys that throw away their goals and ambitions for them. Really. I'm sure it's likewise for men. Do you think this girl will respect you for throwing away an amazing opportunity for your education? Guess what, she'll likely shun you and go find some guy who WAS smart enough to take his educational abilities and future goals firmly in grasp and run with them.

Like I said before, my opinion on this matter would be completely different if she wasn't sleeping with some other man. If she just needed a break to find herself, I'd be a lot more supportive of you going back to her after the summer is over. But you have to think that her definition of finding herself is SLEEPING with ANOTHER MAN. Are you really okay with that? Do you really see nothing wrong with that? I will repeat what I've said... if she really loved you, she would NOT be sleeping with another man right now.

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Originally Posted by theguy [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

somewhere inside of her is a completley different girl....

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No, Theguy, somewhere inside of her is his dick. You're being too forgiving because you don't want to lose this girl, but you need to understand that you've already lost her. You're holding on to a fantasy at this point.

The time will come when you see her on campus and say to yourself, "Man, what was I thinking?" Then you'll turn to your girlfriend (who will be wonderful, by the way) and say, "I almost missed meeting you because I didn't want to be anywhere near that girl over there. yeah, the one who doesn't compare to you at all. boy am I glad I listened to those people on LF!"